True Love or "Abuse" Fraud? (Long Story)

[ziia 9]

What he did was cruel and inhumane? That makes me laugh, he did nothing but try his best for her. Him bringing in his mother was not the cause of this pyscho losing her marbles upstairs, as far as I can see his mother helped them out and didn't interfere. Seems to me she wasn't getting her way and threw a few tantrums on the floor like a spoiled brat. I wouldn't be giving her any status, she doesn't deserve it.

Cruel and inhumane is bringing someone into a foreign country, copletly making them dependent on you. It is the citizen's RESPONSABILITY to help the immigrant, he choose to marry and bring to this country, adjust to the new culture and not only that, but give them the freedom he seems to enjoy so much(drving anywhere, looking for work etc). What exactly he did best for her? He "talked" her into a corner? He gave her food and 2 kids to rase and a mother to watch over her. That is what you call the "best"? Taliking is not always the solution, ya know? Doing is a part of it too. What exactly was he doing for her? Although he sais she choose the house to live in, she was soon to be treated as the guest in their home, as an "intruder" who should be "checked upon" and recorded by "mom" to prove her son that his wife was the wrong do-er. Look, his mom was the guest in their house, ya know? The fact that his wife wanted his mom to come live with them untill she gets a place for herself, should tell you more what kind of soul this girl had. She had good intentions for her and her husband's familly.

How would you like to go to another country and have somebody watching your every move and "reporting" you in at the end of the day? what you said, what u did, wether you made the bed by 12 pm or waited untill 3pm?(just an example). This girl was "locked up" in the house. All she had to do was clen the house, feed the kids and care for mom and wait for her turn in line. Wow, he talked to her...big deal. Talked to her about what? How she sould have patience another year untill she can drive? Untill she can have a job? Untill she can have some friends? Untill she can do something for herself independant of him?

I don't realy care what this guy does or sais. I think the TITLE of his post sais more than anything that his intentions were to wait to make sure he's not getting a bad wife who'll take advantage of him. That is not how you do when you get someone to live here. You owe them the freedom they used to have in their country and yes, if you take a wife or husband from overseas, you take a chance, you risk. And so the immigrant risks too. In this case the immigrant did all she could to prove a good wife. Did he do his part and prove he is a decent human beeing? I don't thik so. Keeping someone under your power for 10 monts is NUTS. And you are nuts for even sugesting it's the poor girls fault that she lost her marbels.

[himher 634]

@"creepy", that's just what my wife said

Justified or not by elequent words - repeatedly calling or using friends, acquaintences, or family to call / contact someone in a shelter who feels threatened and has asked to be left alone is the legal definition of stalking. How someone HERE would interpret it is far less important than how, say, someone working at a shelter would take those actions. Sorry I made the OP defensive with these comments. Often when we get defensive about something, usually the thing we feel defensive about triggers something in our conscience and a common defensive mechanism is then to go to justification mode. Speaking in general terms only....often in the heat of circumstance and especially if we have a problem empathising with other people we are unable to realize how an outside party would interpret our actions. The purpose of the comment was to caution the OP only to stop and consider those actions and possible consequences.

Ok, explain at what point I did that? I'm not being defensive at my actions. If I "defended" anything at all, it was only the truth of what actually happened. You just have a way of reading additional things into each situation. First of all, I did not know she was in a shelter when I first went to look for her and find out if she was alright--all I knew was that two strangers neither of us had ever met picked her up. I did not actually establish the "shelter fact" until a week after she left.

In addition, once I knew she was OK, and had an idea of where she was, my attorney is the one who advised me to possibly have my pastor call the shelter to see if she is willing to discuss anything with him. Shelters will generally communicate through a pastor figure--according to both police and my attorney. It is easy for you to come off with patronizing by explaining potentially faulty defensive tactics, conscience, and justification clauses as an outsider looking in, while not going through the problems yourself. Inexperienced advisors tend to just condescendingly point fingers because of biased opinions, but I think you're better than that, so I won't assume you're borderlining such methodoligy--although you already feel both God and the law should punish me. You made your point clear earlier when you stated that, "You don't care." Bottom line is that I am here to find help for myself, my wife, and save my marriage. Do you honestly know other men who would go to that extent in a similar situation? Thankfully, many people have gone above and beyond helping us, and if my wife gives me another chance, then I'll be able to post a happy ending to this thread for everyone.

There is a chance that if you send mail to her or even a Thanksgiving card, she'll freak out and move to a different shelter. Be careful. There is no reason for you to know where she is, according to her wishes. You have even crossed that far into her private world. Just be wise and let time do its job.

I was giving that some thought, actually, but what I would likely do is send it generically to all of the shelters, and only mention in the cover letter that I know she's in a shelter, but no idea which one, and I want her to have her Thanksgiving Card from me and the children. I would likely just ask them to forward it to her, wherever she might be. My wife is not scared of me, and I highly doubt she would freak out like that. Our pain has been emotional and psychological--not physical. She knows I would never harm her like that. Also, I got the idea from one of the lady officers at our local precinct.

Either way, I'm still a little hesitant about it.

You should be hesitant about it. Regardless of your bogus "I'm sending this to all the shelters" cover letter, you look like a creepy stalker, and you sure sound like a control freak. When someone is so desperately trying to GET AWAy, they don't want your creepy letters or cards. Your mother doesn't sound much better. She needs to stay out of the whole situation. I would recommend to spend LESS time on web forums, and more time working on your OWN problems. Leave the woman alone!!!! People who are not good communicators (like your wife) cannot be bullied into communicating. It has the opposite effect. And your hopes that she is "fully recovered" by Thanksgiving, oy...........trademark CONTROLLING behaviour.

[nycgirl 13]

And one more thing........ALL KINDS of people look at these forums. You never know, someone could even direct your wife here for advice. Ever think about how much MORE creepy you're going to look, if she ever finds out that you've told her whole story to the world??

[DanielParul 50]

Can I just make a tiny, little blurb here?

If your wife is suffering from PTSD then she obviously needs help. We can all agree on that. But this whole thing where she couldn't work, left her depressed, etc. I mean..every one on this board, for the most part, has gone through the same process. It can be quite tough, yes, but you have got to grow a thick skin and just wait it out.

I think what you have to understand is many of us waited YEARS to be with our significant others and dated for years. So when we finally got to be together, we didn't care in what form or if it was ideal or not. I don't think you can say the same in your case.

I'm a scholar who was not able to work for 10 months! was it hard? Yes! Did I get through it though without running away from my husband? Yes.

Again, obviously there are a lot of underlying issues in your situation. But I knew exactly what I was in for and so there were no surprises. It was definitely difficult, as it is for almost every one, but it wasn't something I was arguing and pulling hair over every week. I just want to make a statement that I don't see that as an excuse to leave, and the underlying issues of her lost pregnancy really may take the cake.

Also, living with family is also something MANY Of us do. If you are fortunate enough to have enough money to get married and start off in a house, that is great. But I know at my age I did not have enough money, so I have been living with my inlaws for the past year. (Thank god we bought a house and move in soon) Again, this is small stuff you have to learn how to sweat off. It is not the best situation but it is not enough to end a relationship over if two people are truly in it for the long haul.

A lot to do with expectations too. Who knows what hers were when she came here. Maybe she thought life will be a bed of roses and everything will be just perfect. Husband will spend all his time with her, kids will be happy with the change and will not mind changing school and their entire lifestyle to fit another person in, the MIL will move out, finances will work out.

I had a very good job as a Training manager before I came here and am not working now partially because the EAD took time and partially because I got pregnant (totally unplanned). Did I run away because my husband left me all alone, stuck in the house, 3 days before I even found out that I was pregnant and will not be back till the baby is a few months old, he left me before I had EAD, Greencard or even a driving license. No, because we both are in this together.

In a marriage, there are things that need to be taken care of whether one likes it or not. I agree that her AOS should have been taken care of but if they did not have the money and she was offered options to help him out and just chose not to, it can't totally be his fault. It has to work both ways. Sometimes one person needs to understand and compromise, sometimes the other does and sometimes if one cannot see or understand then its the other's job to make him see - she probably didn't and cut off all communication.

To the OP, I still hope she is safe and getting some good time to recover and that you both get another chance to work this out.

[DanielParul 50]

And one more thing........ALL KINDS of people look at these forums. You never know, someone could even direct your wife here for advice. Ever think about how much MORE creepy you're going to look, if she ever finds out that you've told her whole story to the world??

It would probably look like a husband who is desperately looking for advice to fix his marriage.

She went to the shelter for help. He came here for help.

[himher 634]

I'm placing bets that your husband FILED for you right? Rather than expecting you to put your life in limbo and leave you out of status for nearly a year until everything else was taken care of.

Can I just make a tiny, little blurb here?

If your wife is suffering from PTSD then she obviously needs help. We can all agree on that. But this whole thing where she couldn't work, left her depressed, etc. I mean..every one on this board, for the most part, has gone through the same process. It can be quite tough, yes, but you have got to grow a thick skin and just wait it out.

I think what you have to understand is many of us waited YEARS to be with our significant others and dated for years. So when we finally got to be together, we didn't care in what form or if it was ideal or not. I don't think you can say the same in your case.

I'm a scholar who was not able to work for 10 months! was it hard? Yes! Did I get through it though without running away from my husband? Yes.

Again, obviously there are a lot of underlying issues in your situation. But I knew exactly what I was in for and so there were no surprises. It was definitely difficult, as it is for almost every one, but it wasn't something I was arguing and pulling hair over every week. I just want to make a statement that I don't see that as an excuse to leave, and the underlying issues of her lost pregnancy really may take the cake.

Also, living with family is also something MANY Of us do. If you are fortunate enough to have enough money to get married and start off in a house, that is great. But I know at my age I did not have enough money, so I have been living with my inlaws for the past year. (Thank god we bought a house and move in soon) Again, this is small stuff you have to learn how to sweat off. It is not the best situation but it is not enough to end a relationship over if two people are truly in it for the long haul.

A lot to do with expectations too. Who knows what hers were when she came here. Maybe she thought life will be a bed of roses and everything will be just perfect. Husband will spend all his time with her, kids will be happy with the change and will not mind changing school and their entire lifestyle to fit another person in, the MIL will move out, finances will work out.

I had a very good job as a Training manager before I came here and am not working now partially because the EAD took time and partially because I got pregnant (totally unplanned). Did I run away because my husband left me all alone, stuck in the house, 3 days before I even found out that I was pregnant and will not be back till the baby is a few months old, he left me before I had EAD, Greencard or even a driving license. No, because we both are in this together.

In a marriage, there are things that need to be taken care of whether one likes it or not. I agree that her AOS should have been taken care of but if they did not have the money and she was offered options to help him out and just chose not to, it can't totally be his fault. It has to work both ways. Sometimes one person needs to understand and compromise, sometimes the other does and sometimes if one cannot see or understand then its the other's job to make him see - she probably didn't and cut off all communication.

To the OP, I still hope she is safe and getting some good time to recover and that you both get another chance to work this out.

[baxxy 0]

Cruel and inhumane is bringing someone into a foreign country, copletly making them dependent on you. It is the citizen's RESPONSABILITY to help the immigrant, he choose to marry and bring to this country, adjust to the new culture and not only that, but give them the freedom he seems to enjoy so much(drving anywhere, looking for work etc). What exactly he did best for her? He "talked" her into a corner? He gave her food and 2 kids to rase and a mother to watch over her. That is what you call the "best"? Taliking is not always the solution, ya know? Doing is a part of it too. What exactly was he doing for her? Although he sais she choose the house to live in, she was soon to be treated as the guest in their home, as an "intruder" who should be "checked upon" and recorded by "mom" to prove her son that his wife was the wrong do-er. Look, his mom was the guest in their house, ya know? The fact that his wife wanted his mom to come live with them untill she gets a place for herself, should tell you more what kind of soul this girl had. She had good intentions for her and her husband's familly.

How would you like to go to another country and have somebody watching your every move and "reporting" you in at the end of the day? what you said, what u did, wether you made the bed by 12 pm or waited untill 3pm?(just an example). This girl was "locked up" in the house. All she had to do was clen the house, feed the kids and care for mom and wait for her turn in line. Wow, he talked to her...big deal. Talked to her about what? How she sould have patience another year untill she can drive? Untill she can have a job? Untill she can have some friends? Untill she can do something for herself independant of him?

I don't realy care what this guy does or sais. I think the TITLE of his post sais more than anything that his intentions were to wait to make sure he's not getting a bad wife who'll take advantage of him. That is not how you do when you get someone to live here. You owe them the freedom they used to have in their country and yes, if you take a wife or husband from overseas, you take a chance, you risk. And so the immigrant risks too. In this case the immigrant did all she could to prove a good wife. Did he do his part and prove he is a decent human beeing? I don't thik so. Keeping someone under your power for 10 monts is NUTS. And you are nuts for even sugesting it's the poor girls fault that she lost her marbels.

She knew what she was in for, and she accepted it. Then she changes her mind? Too bad for her. She couldn't handle it and couldn't stand things not going her way, so she throws tantrums on the floor? He provided a home for her and tried to provide more luxuries but an injury got in the way, where was her support for him then? Instead of being patient and working it out, she went psycho, him and his kids better off without her! There's enough nut jobs in the world without bringing one into your home and introducing them to your family.

[Old Dominion 26]

Obviously, people here are choosing up sides and that's not what this forum is all about. You are who you are, and your wife is who she is. You have acted according to your nature, and so has she.

If you are willing to be as open about your own habits and instincts with a therapist as you have been here in this forum, and not be so concerned with who was right and who was wrong, then the process will be helpful. But if you set specific goals and create a therapeutic setting into which she might fit, you are not getting good advice. I refer to the idea that she might return to you at a particular time, and that she would enter into marriage counseling with your therapist.

Rather than disclosing to her that you have tracked her down (the same as stalking her) why not just tell her sister that you and your kids would love to hear from her in some way at Thanksgiving, and drop it there for now. If there is love in the marriage, the sound of her voice should be like magic to your ears. As to the future, all you need to say is that you hope she'll call again and that the door to your family home is wide open for her, if and when she wants to come talk about what's next. Promise to do more listening than talking, understanding rather than reacting.

[Steph0814 1]

WOW! So many haters jeez chill out folks. ! The anger I see from grown adults against someone they dont know is just amazing.

Back to Topic: I'm sorry to hear this story, both for you and for her! Obviously there were misunderstandings on both sides , I hope and wish that whatever is meant to happen will happen and both of you and your kids will find peace and happiness!

BTW:

Himher; I paid for and had to file for my own AOS as my husband is in Real Estate and unfortunatly did not have the resources to file. Not everyone can afford to file right away, it does happen you know that it has to wait a bit for savings and whatnot and at his defense he clearly pointed out his financial hardship to her.

[Ms.Nana 0]

Ok... i was going to tell my long story too but then i changed my mind.. so i will just say that reading your story brang tears to my eyes like some of the people that read it....

i will just say my points..

I love my husband and believe in being with him no matter what...

He has 2 kids girl 14 and boy 11...they live with her mother..

He told me when he had months dating that he didn't want to have any more kids and as i didn't decided if i really wanted to.. he did the vasectomy..

We are now married and did a Prenup where i renounced to my rights as a wife so i won't get anything if we get divorce and everything we get is the separate property of each one byt tittle.... i guess he loves me but it is hard for him knowing that i'm in my 20's he is 40 and i havent had kids and i can change my mind about everything.. even that is not what i want and I really love him...So i'm a pretty fair person and i understood him and never ever want his money even he is not rich... So even with all this i decided to do everything come here with him and marry him.... We did it at the last time...and waited to live together for weeks to see if i was really comfortable and happy here and sure to marry and stay with him...

It was not easy...we had some argues at the beggining... like normal couples....you can expect that and we knew we were going to have them... the right thing is to learn how to deal with them and never let them become something really bad that can damage the relationship.. so we did and here i am, so happy to be with him, happy to have learnt to manage a lot of situations,, to have learnt a lot from each other that nowadays we rarely have an argue... we know the way each other is and respect and make anything to solve any problem...

But i have to say that my step-kids are not the way i was hoping... and you are so lucky to have those good kids... the thing is that the girl one day came to home while my husband wasn't and brang friends and they smoke drugs... so i told him and he obviously told her even i asked him not to because I knew this would be bad for our relationship but he did and yes.. i don't talk with her but i guess she hates me now..

and the boy is a good kid but have never felt confidence with me.. we have played and talk but he became distant with what happened with his sister.. then i heard she told him lies about me and I don't really know what he thinks about me... he comes every weekend and we spend time but distant..

i have felt sometimes jealous about them.. when my husband gives them attention.... i don't know why for sure..i would say maybe becuase i didn't have a good father or because they haven't been as lovely as i expected... i really really wanted to be like a second mom.... knowing that i won't have kids, i really wished things were like yours... i wish i could make them breakfast and take them out, buy them things, and have the best of the relationships... i know they are not mine and i guess the don't act like yours becuse they do have a mom near them...but i just wanted to be someone good for them too and that they looked at me as someone they love... anyways.. things haven't been that way... and here we are everything is good and i really hope that with the time they change... maybe it is not enough time..

So i just wanted to say that if you really are the person we can read... you seem to be a really nice man and your wife should be the one lucky too.. i don't really know or can say what is wrong with her... maybe it is not a fraud and it is something due to all what happened,, it is not easy to leave a country that is for sure and we womans become really sensitive and need lots of attention... i know i do...but i have learnt to be stronger and I love my husband so I can't say i have been depressed..... maybe just sad for one or 2 days..

I hope that everything Goes the way you wish and you can bring back your relationship, if she really loves you and wants to be back, maybe it is a depression and she needs time, maybe not, maybe she really loved you but with all what happened things changed and we can't take back what we already did like if you didn't understand her since the beggining,but i don't think anyone here can tell,,, just her....ANd maybe and the best thing i hope is that she will come back to you and things will be better...

But don't worry man.... whatever may happen...I'm sure you will find out a way out and a way to be happy again....I hope you do...

the only thing has no solution in this world is death... An life is so short and precious that it has no point to be sad a depressed wasting years weeks day or hours...

My best wishes for you....Let's think positive and that you will sort all out!

Wow, you are a very wonderful wife. You have made some ultimate sacrifices and really love your husband. I feel terrible about the situation with your step-children. Your husband will have to show you a lot of extra support in front of them, and hopefully in time they will understand to respect you for who you are. My children are extremely attached to me, so it's easy for them to love someone I love. They would do it just to make "daddy" happy, and a lot can be attributed to that because they are still young. If they are older, it could be a different scenario--I pray not, though.

I don't think she's doing fraud at all, but I wanted others to analyze the same situation just to give me some reassurance--I still must protect my family just in case. I'm hurting right now, so may not see things as clearly as some others can, and so far, the advice has been incredible and much appreciated.

I hope your situation has a happy ending as well, and thank you for the advice and support.

Thank's for replying to all of us.. i wanted to support you and wish you the best! but at the same time i wanted to talk about something kind of similar to what woman feel and take that out(my feelings) and share it with people too... So I'm still here hoping the best for all of us.... I appreciate it!

Thankx!

Edited November 25, 2008 by Ms.Nana

[DanielParul 50]

I'm placing bets that your husband FILED for you right? Rather than expecting you to put your life in limbo and leave you out of status for nearly a year until everything else was taken care of.

Yes he did, Thank You. There are so many things he did without me telling him and so many after me telling him coz he was as clueless as I was or rather he also knew only as much as I did. The things he was not able to take care of did not give me a reason to throw tantrums or leave. Just gave us a reason to work around it. If he was putting her life in limbo, he also told her about the finances and she had options where she could have helped them both. She decided not to coz it was too much effort to do something herself.

Sometimes it helps if people try and help themselves too, it makes it easier for the other person to figure out exactly how it should be done. She is after all an educated, smart girl who could have been a little more proactive.

It has to be both peoples responsibility here, not just the USC coz he got her here. She came here aware of things and if she wasn't then she could have just like so many of us read, research and learn. Thats what being educated is about.

[Valsu 1]

Nobody is perfect. People get married because they want a partner in life.

Unfortunately the partner they found is the same person they fell in love with.

Let see, a very nice wife who lost her baby which is not even to be figured as fetus.

Suddenly she ignore the kids, have fight/arguments with mom-in-law, left the husband

and blame him for all what she's gone throuhg. And now she's in the shelter. I cannot call that a Filipina way.

A shelter for women who have domestic problem. A place perfect specially for people who just came to US as immigrant.

A place you could use as one evidence that you have never been in good situation when you came in this land of opportunity.

Husband side, been waiting, wondering, where's the wife and what's her plans. Well, yes.

You probably seeking for some hearts to be on your side in this time of hardship.

And also save your ### from whatever your wife is planning to do.

Well, i cannot blame you for that. I'm sure you spend fortune while on your LDR and till she finally came here.

Let say about $10,000 to $15,000??? Not bad my husband spent more than that.

I cannot blame you for trying to seek for advice and try not to lose anything you have to a woman who

left you because she can't face or take responsiblity as a family woman.

Let say, she's been through this kind of problem. Let me ask. How was before the miscarriage.

It is very good attitude that by not being aware of what is your wife planning you have the

faith that she love you and will come back soon...

Wake up!!! If she really love you and would like to come back she probably done that in no time.

I'm not against anybody. Okay. I'm just being practical. We are not in a fantasy world. Although we could turn it to a fantasy but

both need to work for it. They said "it takes two to tango"

Well, maybe your wife isn't one of those who is really ready with a family life and responsibilities.

I may suggest you look back from her old life and what's her likes to do before she got married..

That the first step. Then try to talk to her when she comes back, because your family was really a big shock of a change fro her life.

You have to realize that you have kids to think and continue to care about. I fyou will bring home a woman to be thier mom but can't even make them breakfast, think again. You surely love your wife but will you risk the life and future of your children because of what you call "love"

I believe in love if shows "real care" towards the other and not only cncentrating for what she wants to get.

I will not apologize for what I have said here because i mean it.

The problem I had was being practical and logical about everything. I did not cater much to her emotional and psychological needs, and that is where I have changed my thought process and perspective.

If she returns, then that is something she will no longer lack from me. If she fails to return, then there's nothing I can do but let her move on with her life, and realize it wasn't meant to be.

The process cost me overall about $18,000, but I didn't see an issue seeing that once we were both bringing in incomes, we wouldn't have any financial instabilities. It is funny that people are assuming I didn't want to file her AOS/EAD, because with our financial situation, I've wanted her to start working since she got here. Things just kept getting in the way of our finances.

She was wonderful before the miscarriage. I never noticed an issue with her until after that event, and from there things went downhill all around. That is why I assume she's deeply suffering from it.

I'm still giving her time. I don't want her to rush anything, and not be truly prepared to come home.

[Valsu 1]

One helluva story, first off, this woman has brought you to near financial and emotional ruin and you're continuing to allow her to do so. She has upset your children and obviously they are emotional disturbed about it too. I can see how much you are in love with her, although i'm not sure I would call it love as much as dependency. I don't have kids but I thought parents are suppose to protect their children and you have allowed this woman to hurt them. I know you had no control of what she did initially, but your focus would be better served at this point concentrating on them and yourself instead of trying to locate this psychopathic woman. I'm not sure what to believe as far as what shes up to, but this was a long well thought out plan. She doesn't up and leave one day just like that without knowing where shes going. You seem to have done a lot for her in every way and all she has done is make you insane and has shown no gratitude towards you whatsoever.

Yes ok, she had a miscarriage, so what, I know lots of women who have had miscarriages and a few who have had several miscarriages, and yes they can get depressed, but they persevere and communicate with the ones they love, and don't throw "tampos" or whatever it is and ruin their families over it. That's a cop out right there. If I was you I wouldn't be trying to find her and bring her "home". I would be running in the direction furthest away from her, if you bring her back how do you know she won't do it again? I realize there are no guarantees when it comes to these things, but when your children are involved (and you say they've been through this once before her) they should take priority over her. She's lost right now, let her stay lost and try to bring some stability and sanity back to your life and that of your children's. If you bring her back and she does it again, (and the chances are she will) you have nobody to blame but yourself, and imagine what your kids will have to go through yet AGAIN. I'm not getting on your case here and I do feel for your situation, but your wife is obviously a nut job and I'm sorry you didn't see this before you brought her into your home. She doesn't deserve what you have done for her, if it was me, I'd be looking for her so I could send her back on the next plane back to where she came from. I realize this can happen to anyone and your not the first one where something like this has happened and you certainly won't be the last, but for the sake of your kids, try to move on and find someone who will appreciate you for you and all that you do, you deserve that much.

I understand a lot of what you're saying, and believe me, I've given it thought from every angle. With that said, I still feel everyone deserves a second chance--including myself in this situation. If she is serious about having a relationship with me, and I with her, and we both are willing to work on our marriage from a different direction than before, then there's a chance things will work out. We owe each other that opportunity, and right now things depend on her final choice.

As for my children, I'm spending plenty of quality time with them. I was already very close to them since I've raised them, and they know how much I love them. They are not being neglected at all during this period of trials. If anything, our time together has more than tripled since this event took place--especially since I've changed my work schedule.

If she comes back, and does it again after all of the changes I make for her, then I will know her heart's not in it--otherwise, we'll live very happy lives together. That's the purpose of second chances, and I hope that's the route she chooses.

Edited November 25, 2008 by Valsu

[Valsu 1]

What fraud, what abuse???????

Valsu wrote:

......"To my mother's defense, the conversation was recorded, so I actually got to hear it myself later."

That fact alone says everything!!!

While I agree with you in that I do not condone my mother's actions for recording her that "one" time, that does not change the fact that my wife repeatedly lied to me about the situation when I asked her about what really happened. We weren't running around playing private detective. My wife was accusing my mother for everything under the sun, and I constantly took my wife's side and was confronting my mother with everything. She made the recording in her own defense, because I'm sure she feared I was about to make her leave the house; and you probably would have done the same thing if you were in the same situation.

Also, the recording didn't bring much favor to my mother either. I scolded her about what she said and did with that nonetheless, but either way, she at least told the truth about what happened.

In addition, my wife never had the first argument or problem with my mother until she started speaking with that woman she met online from the "Filipino community" 8 weeks ago. It's almost ironic watching how things went desperately downhill when that woman came into her life--the same woman who picked her up and carried her away in the car. My wife and I had our problems, but there were certainly some "outside influences" causing interferences.

[Passing.star 0]

maybe that "Filipino lady" is hearing the other side of the story. maybe your wife told "HER SIDE OF the STORY" so she thought that your wife was abused by you.

I wish that your wife will finally talk to you and tell you what's really in her heart. If she really loves you, she won't let you suffer more.