Never thought I would post here!

[*JG* 2]

I will just keep this short and sweet!

I was used for a green card. I am thouroughly convinced of this. We have argued numerous times and it all boils down to this:

1) I am not a normal woman because I want a husband who loves me, appreciates me, makes love to me, spends time with me etc...

2) I asked if I should find someone else to be those things for me and the answer was to do whatever I want...

3) Today when I mentioned I am no longer comfortable living here I was told to get the f*** out, he doesn't care about me...

So, I am done. When he couldn't work, I supported him. He got a job and car and credit cards, I became nothing.

Remindes me of Pam and her duped posts.

What the hell do I do now and how?

I have been in the same boat as you and guess what I call my self a VOF, victim of fraud. I would just try to notify USCIS, and try to move on, but guess what, your ex-will renew the card in 2 years and show good fAITH. THE IMMIFRATION SYSTE SUCKS. but relaz it aint the end of world,consult attorney, most likely file for divorce and move on.

I have been there.

Good Luck

VOF

No kidding brother was she Muslimah. wow

wow sorry lady, but when he show you jamaica and all the dances and religion and voodoo #######, then bring him to states, they gonna hang out with the homies, esp if young and uneducated

make better choice in husband life companion

Careful here, Skippy. You are going to bring a world of hate on yourself from a lot of ladies from the Yardie threads.

[*JG* 2]

Its not racist, goes back to know the age , culture and yada bs...dont get caught up in fantasy world...jeez take a look ...Jomo girl doing well . Im sure she researched and found suitable Jamacan mate.. Soo buzz off b4 assuming my intentions girly!!

I sort of know what you are saying here.....not so much research as getting to know my SO well. But, that still doesn't insure any positive future outcome. It's a whole lot of luck as well.

NYC is just up in arms because we hear so many unkind and unwarrented words about Jamaican men that absolutely aren't true. There are good and bad, men, and Jamaican men, everywhere.

[*JG* 2]

I really think that someone should start a "RED FLAG" thread. Not long personal stories, just lists of things to watch out for. Can be from personal experience, or something that you've heard. It could help SO many people avoid a similar situation. I'm not talking about Jamaican Men, it could be red flags from all over the world. I am sure the red flags have similarity regardless of region.

The only problem I have with this, NYC, is that I had clear cut red flags. Then, I talked to someone on here, in a very successful and long term relationship with a Jamaican, and she disproved all of them. I was not correct at all. Well, at least in their case. Honestly, if I saw some of the things she saw, I would've run for the hills. But, in his case, he actually had reasons for the things he did and said and I would've missed out on a wonderful man if I were her in that relationship.

I try to be more careful with my red flags now.

I will just keep this short and sweet!

I was used for a green card. I am thouroughly convinced of this. We have argued numerous times and it all boils down to this:

1) I am not a normal woman because I want a husband who loves me, appreciates me, makes love to me, spends time with me etc...

2) I asked if I should find someone else to be those things for me and the answer was to do whatever I want...

3) Today when I mentioned I am no longer comfortable living here I was told to get the f*** out, he doesn't care about me...

So, I am done. When he couldn't work, I supported him. He got a job and car and credit cards, I became nothing.

Remindes me of Pam and her duped posts.

What the hell do I do now and how?

I am sorry to hear this.

However, I for one, never saw your marriage as 'real'.

Had not a shadow of a doubt he was only after his green card.

Was just a question of when and not if.

I am sure if you look back, there will be million other red flags you chose to ignore.

I remember saying something along the lines of you being careful to you a year or so ago and being jumped on like public enemy number one.

Your husband while to my knowledge never asked you for money directly, had a lot of things happen so you could send him money, ie his 'toothache'. Red flag number one.

He married another woman abroad (in my opinion) for the same reason. Ask yourself how comes he manages to make a habit of getting with foreign women. Red flag number two.

I would advise everyone to watch the red flags.

Her marriage was very real even if his intentions were not.

Andre talked to Marlon....never got that wierd vibe at all.

[jawi876 2]

Thanks Jomo for stating that you didn't research and "lesson plan out" your relationship. It takes a lot of hard work...and is still a work in progress as all relationships are. When I see statements that blaringingly ignorant, I try not to get riled up by it. I don't even think it was really racist...just someone posting things they think they know as truths...and trying to one up the next person. Sad.

Did you sneak and get a degree on finding the right Jamaican man Jomo? I would love to read your thesis girl!

[*JG* 2]

Its not racist, goes back to know the age , culture and yada bs...dont get caught up in fantasy world...jeez take a look ...Jomo girl doing well . Im sure she researched and found suitable Jamacan mate.. Soo buzz off b4 assuming my intentions girly!!

Hey JG, how much research did you do on Andre??? Did you find him through a private investigator?? heheheh

If I knew Miss Sus then, I would've put her on the case.

I think the poster meant getting to know him. And, yes, I did as much as possible. I'm not easy either, NYC, as you know.....I grilled and tested his patience beyond anything anyone should probably have to bear. He's a good man and I knew he was a good man all along....but, in the end, it's by blessings, grace, and luck that we are in a successful relationship. Nothing more.

I think that what sus is saying is that: yes, you were probably right. I'm sure Sarah now knows this. But now is not the time for "I told you so's"

I support anyone that is trying to protect Women from getting hurt. This Visa Journey is tricky and emotional stuff. Continue to look out for others, but no need to tell someone that their marriage (in your eyes) was never real. Unneccesary.

You hit the nail on the head, NYCGirl -

JAEng, most of my post was directed to the post that I quoted - But I feel the same as NYCGirl - continue to point out the red flags - but it isn't helpful to sit back and watch them happen then say I knew it all along - I wasn't targeting specifically what you said - I wasn't on the board when that happened, I don't know if you commented back then or not.

Its not racist, goes back to know the age , culture and yada bs...dont get caught up in fantasy world...jeez take a look ...Jomo girl doing well . Im sure she researched and found suitable Jamacan mate.. Soo buzz off b4 assuming my intentions girly!!

Hey JG, how much research did you do on Andre??? Did you find him through a private investigator?? heheheh

NYCgirl, you need to read the thread = Don't you know we have the Yardie detective agency now? JG is a founding member

Hee hee.....I'm the internet investigator and Queen of paper. Sus is the one doing the legwork and she's a whole lot scarier then me....she gets the gun and badge!

[jawi876 2]

Her marriage was very real even if his intentions were not.

Andre talked to Marlon....never got that wierd vibe at all.

J come on now. I know that you know that neither Andre or JaEnglish...me or you can tell if the relationship was real, or if he had evil intentions. I'm sure Sarah saw her own caution signs throughout her relationship, and she made her decisions to challenge them, or let them take a back seat. She mentioned that she ignored countless red flags earlier in this post.

Every poster that comes on and posts this topic felt they had a very real marriage or they wouldn't have been in it in the first place. I don't want to say I told you so...all I'm saying is that Sarah admitted that hindsight is 20/20. I know I have had some "DOH" moments in relationships that went entirely wrong or lasted entirely longer than they ever should have. LOL

[*JG* 2]

I really don't see the point of a "red flags" post, namely each relationship is different as the two people involved in that relationship. Also, if we posted a list longer than all the yardie threads listed out from end to end, there would be women that refuse to believe they have those red flags (Oh...that's not us...yeah he did that...but that doesn't mean....) It is really pointless in the end because when you are smack dab in the middle of new love...you are just not trying to hear the naysayers or warnings of doom. Think about it.

Not that JaEnglish needs any defending...I was there when she advised FutureMrs to slow down and get to know him better, she pointed out "red flags" that maybe should be considered and weighed out before she proceeded headfirst and blinded by "love". The exchange wasn't the best one in the history of VJ.

I also think that when these LDR marriages/relationships do not work, we are quick to jump on the bandwagon of "I was duped...I was used for a greencard." Why couldn't it be that you both moved too quickly, realized that you didn't know each other and your paths were not destined to continue down the same highway. If you married someone from the same country/state just as quickly would that be a "greencard marriage" or "I was duped" post too? I'm not saying one way or the other about Sarah's marriage...I'm just wondering aloud.

I'm still of the mindset that time is not your enemy in these relationships...it will only help. No one involved in a LDR or any relationship for that matter has a 100% guarantee or foolproof way to know if their relationship will be one that defies the odds.

Absolutely, Jawi. My only issue was blatently stating what JAE did here. Not cool at this point in time. But, I do get her point and I do remember some of it.

If it's blatent duping or usage for a green card (or abuse), I am horrified. But, like you said it could be two people who just didn't mesh. My thing there is I would rather love....really love someone....and lose....then to never have loved them at all. Take what you can from any relationship, learn to use the good points to enrich your life, and when you move on, learn to lose the hatred and the bad parts. You can't go back and change a thing.

[*JG* 2]

Thanks Jomo for stating that you didn't research and "lesson plan out" your relationship. It takes a lot of hard work...and is still a work in progress as all relationships are. When I see statements that blaringingly ignorant, I try not to get riled up by it. I don't even think it was really racist...just someone posting things they think they know as truths...and trying to one up the next person. Sad.

Did you sneak and get a degree on finding the right Jamaican man Jomo? I would love to read your thesis girl!

RIGHT is the key word there, Jawi. Definately not perfect in any sense of the word. Neither am I, though. Hell, if I could write a thesis on finding the right Jamaican man, I could make a fortune. I'd never survive the research on that. One is more then enough for me!!!!

I didn't see it as racist either. I don't think it was meant that way at all.

[*JG* 2]

Her marriage was very real even if his intentions were not.

Andre talked to Marlon....never got that wierd vibe at all.

J come on now. I know that you know that neither Andre or JaEnglish...me or you can tell if the relationship was real, or if he had evil intentions. I'm sure Sarah saw her own caution signs throughout her relationship, and she made her decisions to challenge them, or let them take a back seat. She mentioned that she ignored countless red flags earlier in this post.

Every poster that comes on and posts this topic felt they had a very real marriage or they wouldn't have been in it in the first place. I don't want to say I told you so...all I'm saying is that Sarah admitted that hindsight is 20/20. I know I have had some "DOH" moments in relationships that went entirely wrong or lasted entirely longer than they ever should have. LOL

I was very close to Sarah. I remember before and during. Even if it was a very short time, he was everything she wanted in her husband. And, she was very happy. That marriage was very real to her. That is what I am saying.

[jawi876 2]

I really don't see the point of a "red flags" post, namely each relationship is different as the two people involved in that relationship. Also, if we posted a list longer than all the yardie threads listed out from end to end, there would be women that refuse to believe they have those red flags (Oh...that's not us...yeah he did that...but that doesn't mean....) It is really pointless in the end because when you are smack dab in the middle of new love...you are just not trying to hear the naysayers or warnings of doom. Think about it.

Not that JaEnglish needs any defending...I was there when she advised FutureMrs to slow down and get to know him better, she pointed out "red flags" that maybe should be considered and weighed out before she proceeded headfirst and blinded by "love". The exchange wasn't the best one in the history of VJ.

I also think that when these LDR marriages/relationships do not work, we are quick to jump on the bandwagon of "I was duped...I was used for a greencard." Why couldn't it be that you both moved too quickly, realized that you didn't know each other and your paths were not destined to continue down the same highway. If you married someone from the same country/state just as quickly would that be a "greencard marriage" or "I was duped" post too? I'm not saying one way or the other about Sarah's marriage...I'm just wondering aloud.

I'm still of the mindset that time is not your enemy in these relationships...it will only help. No one involved in a LDR or any relationship for that matter has a 100% guarantee or foolproof way to know if their relationship will be one that defies the odds.

Absolutely, Jawi. My only issue was blatently stating what JAE did here. Not cool at this point in time. But, I do get her point and I do remember some of it.

If it's blatent duping or usage for a green card (or abuse), I am horrified. But, like you said it could be two people who just didn't mesh. My thing there is I would rather love....really love someone....and lose....then to never have loved them at all. Take what you can from any relationship, learn to use the good points to enrich your life, and when you move on, learn to lose the hatred and the bad parts. You can't go back and change a thing.

Agreed! However, we don't always "post" fair LOL. When you go at it with someone and your point is proven correct in the end...it is pretty hard to swallow the "HA I told you so."...even with our close loved ones.

[sus 70]

Absolutely, Jawi. My only issue was blatently stating what JAE did here. Not cool at this point in time. But, I do get her point and I do remember some of it.

If it's blatent duping or usage for a green card (or abuse), I am horrified. But, like you said it could be two people who just didn't mesh. My thing there is I would rather love....really love someone....and lose....then to never have loved them at all. Take what you can from any relationship, learn to use the good points to enrich your life, and when you move on, learn to lose the hatred and the bad parts. You can't go back and change a thing.

Exactly my point, JG - You know I am the first one to speak out about it, but I will never point the finger at someone and say I told you so after the fact - it isn't helpful, in fact, it's downright hurtful - But I will still stand by my belief and say that the only two people who truly know what is going on in the relationship are the two involved - we all have our own individual flags - whether they apply to someone else is up to them. People don't post every detail of their life == so you could hear one small part of it and make an assumption - that assumption could be different if you heard it all or witnessed it first hand.

No one here is judge and jury - we are supposed to be a support system for one another.

[nycgirl 13]

Wow, active thread.

I agree that many here are quick to holler "I was duped" (and this next statement is in no way directed at SArah), but what if the relationship just didn't pan out like he expected? We all act a certain way in the beginning of a relationship, and that behaviour sets expectations for the future. Things inevitably change, especially if we rush into a marriage. The "honeymoon is over" as they say.

I think that SOMETIMES nonUSCs rush into relationships and marriage due to the desire to have a better life. Most are not purposely trying to dupe the USC. They DO want to be in love, and get to the US too. I'll bet you anything that Marlon wishes that SArah would have turned out to be the love of his life. As she wishes he would be the love of her life. But it would have been impossible to know that with the limited time together. If he rushed into things because perhaps his judgement was clouded, it doesn't make him the worst person in the world.

If immigrants rush into marriage and it doesn't work out, the USC was automatically duped. I guess my question is......why did the USC rush into marriage as well? That's why I'm interested to hear the progression of the relationship and subsequent deterioration. Is he really the greatest con man of all time, or were they both just caught up?

[jawi876 2]

Absolutely, Jawi. My only issue was blatently stating what JAE did here. Not cool at this point in time. But, I do get her point and I do remember some of it.

If it's blatent duping or usage for a green card (or abuse), I am horrified. But, like you said it could be two people who just didn't mesh. My thing there is I would rather love....really love someone....and lose....then to never have loved them at all. Take what you can from any relationship, learn to use the good points to enrich your life, and when you move on, learn to lose the hatred and the bad parts. You can't go back and change a thing.

Exactly my point, JG - You know I am the first one to speak out about it, but I will never point the finger at someone and say I told you so after the fact - it isn't helpful, in fact, it's downright hurtful - But I will still stand by my belief and say that the only two people who truly know what is going on in the relationship are the two involved - we all have our own individual flags - whether they apply to someone else is up to them. People don't post every detail of their life == so you could hear one small part of it and make an assumption - that assumption could be different if you heard it all or witnessed it first hand.

No one here is judge and jury - we are supposed to be a support system for one another.

I agree with you and Jomo. I didn't think it was the most sensitive, caring type of response. But, I have seen us all attack when someone is at their weakest. I have seen people have "arguments"...then wait day/weeks/months/years for someone to post about an unfortunate event and people use it to tell them how they knew all along or somethingthat would further belittle the person to prove their point. All I was saying is that if it is a fact of normal human interactions, why should it be different in internet/bb interactions?

[jawi876 2]

Wow, active thread.

I agree that many here are quick to holler "I was duped" (and this next statement is in no way directed at SArah), but what if the relationship just didn't pan out like he expected? We all act a certain way in the beginning of a relationship, and that behaviour sets expectations for the future. Things inevitably change, especially if we rush into a marriage. The "honeymoon is over" as they say.

I think that SOMETIMES nonUSCs rush into relationships and marriage due to the desire to have a better life. Most are not purposely trying to dupe the USC. They DO want to be in love, and get to the US too. I'll bet you anything that Marlon wishes that SArah would have turned out to be the love of his life. As she wishes he would be the love of her life. But it would have been impossible to know that with the limited time together. If he rushed into things because perhaps his judgement was clouded, it doesn't make him the worst person in the world.

If immigrants rush into marriage and it doesn't work out, the USC was automatically duped. I guess my question is......why did the USC rush into marriage as well? That's why I'm interested to hear the progression of the relationship and subsequent deterioration. Is he really the greatest con man of all time, or were they both just caught up?

This is EXACTLY the thought process I was attempting to invoke. Maybe, we should have started a separate thread so it did not look like we were ripping on Sarah and Marlon...because that was certainly not my intentions. There is always two sides to a relationship/argument/breakup. If we fail to post the full sequence of events, the full magnitude of the arguments, we will always paint the scenario to have us (the person telling the story) appear the "victim". We want our friends and other loved ones to rally around us and feel our pain.

In the heat of an agrument, I know that I can be brutual. I am slowly learning how to fight fair. (Hush Kimmy and Jamie...it's a work in progress LOL). If what Sarah felt from Marlon was real...if what Jomo and Andre got from their interactions felt real, maybe he didn't set out to use or dupe her. Maybe the regular hardships of life/marriage/discovering more of this person you made a committment to was too much. Maybe, he loved her as much as he could and vice versa. None of us will ever really know. When the hurt subsides, maybe Sarah will be able to smile fondly at some of their memories, cry and heal from the others...and she may discover that it really wasn't a greencard marriage afterall. Maybe, she already knows beyond a shadow of doubt that was exactly his intentions from the start. Red flags to us didn't have to be red flags, speed bumps, caution signs or blinking lights for her. She made a decision to love flaws and all, and will hopefully learn and grow from the experience.

Best of luck Sarah and may true happiness find you and surround you for the rest of your days.

[sus 70]

I agree with you Jawi - And I agree with you about learning to fight fair - it's always much easier to point to the I told you so than it is to step back and bite your tongue. I know that I am guilty of it at times as well - It's a hard lesson to learn, but one that I think is important.

Relationships sometimes end - No matter what the intention was when the people entered into it, or how fast or slow they went - I have friends that were married 17 years and ended up in divorce - I have other friends that married after 6 weeks of meeting in person and they are still going strong. No one can truly predict what will happen - But I would rather take the chance on love than not -

Walk with your eyes open, but also your heart.