employed vs unemployed

[Cassie 8]

Morally, I just don't believe in trophy wives (or husbands) but I understand that some people out there don't care that their SO's don't work or have careers and that they make enough for 2 people to live on. I consider homemaking an occupation because you're taking care of the children and that's a choice between you and your spouse. Anyways, I'm just ranting and I just wanted to get a feeling for how many Canadians become contributing members to the US workforce.

What is a trophy wife or husband to you? Is this simply a spouse that does not work?

Can you not be a homemaker if you don't have small children at home?

I've considered myself as a homemaker when I was home and not working. Keeping the household running is a job IMHO, kids included or not!

[MsZ 6]

I answered for my husband -- he's working in Canada and his job will transfer to the US when he moves here. Working/working. I work. We both have responsibilities so we needed two salaries. (Mortgages, kids, etc.) We considered the K-1 and K-3 routes but decided neither were a good fit -- we needed two salaries and couldn't wait for advance parole for travel back and forth.

That's why the person who wants to ditch their debt irritated me. When you have responsibilities, you have to cover them. You don't ditch and run because you want to be together sooner. Most of us who went the CR1/IR1 route would have prefered to be together sooner and go K-1, but could never see shirking our responsibilities to do it.

[Cassie 8]

I answered for my husband -- he's working in Canada and his job will transfer to the US when he moves here. Working/working. I work. We both have responsibilities so we needed two salaries. (Mortgages, kids, etc.) We considered the K-1 and K-3 routes but decided neither were a good fit -- we needed two salaries and couldn't wait for advance parole for travel back and forth.

That's why the person who wants to ditch their debt irritated me. When you have responsibilities, you have to cover them. You don't ditch and run because you want to be together sooner. Most of us who went the CR1/IR1 route would have prefered to be together sooner and go K-1, but could never see shirking our responsibilities to do it.

I was with you until the last sentence. Please don't paint all K-1ers with the same brush.

[MrsCat 6]

I started replying to this thread 3-4x yesterday, and just couldn't without it sounding to snarky. So here goes:

When I left Canada, I left behind a very good job. But at the same time, I was leaving with plenty in a savings account and hubby makes more than enough for the both of us at this point. While I'm looking for work, its nice to not have to settle for a mediocre job just because I have to.

I could probably get a job tomorrow at Wal-Mart if that is something I was interested in doing, just to fill the day and be productive. That's not really something I'm interested in doing. I'm certainly not expecting a job that I had back home in quality of work, much less in pay. However, I am expecting to find employment that gets me excited to get up in the morning and go to work. That's enough for me. Until I find that, I am going to keep looking.

As for your specific questions:

I'm just curious for those people not employed or working what do you do to keep your day busy and are you unemployed by circumstance (i.e. cannot work b/c you are in the US awaiting visas) or by choice.

I keep my day busy by going to the beach, doing laundry, posting on VJ , body boarding, surfing, looking for work, walking the dog, trying to meet my neighbors, cut the grass, go shopping at the farmers market, and preparing dinner. This is for two people mind you, because we don't have kids. I guess that makes me a trophy wife, since its my husband upkeeping me.

I am just wondering how some people can afford the time to just up and leave Canada to live with SOs in the US and not have a job, career or something other than his/her significant other as a purpose in life.

We can afford to because we can. Its that simple. Our vehicles are paid for. Our rent is a comfortable range. We live within our means and always have. We had more than a year to prepare for this move, so we can afford to have someone not working. The same would be true if we decide to purchase a home shortly. Like trailmix said, neither one of us believe that you should scrape out a living by two salaries. Was two salaries a lot more fun? Of course, but we're not paying for plane tickets to see each other every 2 months either to Alaska or Hawaii.

I think its important to maintain a balance in life, and having a life solely encompassed by your spouse/fiancee is certainly not healthy. I don't think anyone here's life is all about their spouse. As Carla nicely pointed out, she stays home only on paper and tax forms. She's out in the community and doing amazing things. A person who stays home worth is not determined merely by kids and spouses. There are other things in life outside of family and work. For me, this has been the hardest part of the move. Meeting new people, finding new friends and trying to make a life that somewhat resembles life as it was back home where I was independent. That's part of being an immigrant. Fortunately language isn't a barrier.

And I'm curious as to what happens to a lot of these people after they get visas because they don't strike me as the type of people to be very proactive about pursuing some sort of career afterward.

All that I can say to this is wow. I've been reading VJ for nearly a year and never had this thought about anyone here. I can't answer what happens to these people, because I don't know who these people are. Presumably they go on to live a comfortable life in whatever capacity they choose. And I'm not sure why that is a concern of anyone outside of their marriage if they pursue some sort of career or not.

Edited November 20, 2008 by MrsCat

[MsZ 6]

I wasn't painting all K-1-ers with the same brush. If a K-1 would have worked for us we would have done it. But it would have meant shirking responsibilities. I should imagine that most people made the CR1/IR1 decision in part, because of the need to work and travel. If we didn't need to do those things, our options would have been greater.

Logically, it does not apply that if someone chooses a CR1/IR1 because of responsibilities that all K-1s are choosing them because of a lack of responsibility.

You misread.

[Flames9_RN 358]

I admit I haven't done much since being here, but thats my choice. Everyone has their own priorities and agenda. My slack life wil soon come to an abrupt end in May and it is back to the rat race,lol

[MrsCat 6]

I admit I haven't done much since being here, but thats my choice. Everyone has their own priorities and agenda. My slack life wil soon come to an abrupt end in May and it is back to the rat race,lol

and work you will as a nurse. yikes. I need a vacation just thinking about it.

[thetreble 19]

All that I can say to this is wow. I've been reading VJ for nearly a year and never had this thought about anyone here. I can't answer what happens to these people, because I don't know who these people are. Presumably they go on to live a comfortable life in whatever capacity they choose. And I'm not sure why that is a concern of anyone outside of their marriage if they pursue some sort of career or not.

I agree with everything you said, Mrs. Cat, although I think I know what he meant by this last one. It does seem there are some people on VJ who got their wife off a website, and they never met until she came to the US and they were married in a few days. And the sole purpose of their marriage is really for her to become a home maker. (again, nothing wrong with that in my opinion.) I don't think most people are in that situation though.

[MrsCat 6]

All that I can say to this is wow. I've been reading VJ for nearly a year and never had this thought about anyone here. I can't answer what happens to these people, because I don't know who these people are. Presumably they go on to live a comfortable life in whatever capacity they choose. And I'm not sure why that is a concern of anyone outside of their marriage if they pursue some sort of career or not.

I agree with everything you said, Mrs. Cat, although I think I know what he meant by this last one. It does seem there are some people on VJ who got their wife off a website, and they never met until she came to the US and they were married in a few days. And the sole purpose of their marriage is really for her to become a home maker. (again, nothing wrong with that in my opinion.) I don't think most people are in that situation though.

ah - gotcha. That makes more sense. I was thinking locally as in the Canadian forum. I was about to ask for a PM with the name to verify.

[Krikit 1,164]

I couldn't answer the poll because I don't quite fit into the neat little categories that have been set up. Funny how life doesn't quite come in black and white like that.

[thetreble 19]

I couldn't answer the poll because I don't quite fit into the neat little categories that have been set up. Funny how life doesn't quite come in black and white like that.

You are too right, too smart my dear krikit.

[Emancipation 2]

*Sigh I wish I could stay home and just do things on a volunteer basis, but alas.. bad choices in my 20's prevent me.. must work to pay off debt at this point, and to help hubby out with his responsibilities..

but did work VERY hard to be able to move here a couple of years ago.. and to take care of my responsibilities.

[Tankgurl38 0]

I am curious how MsZ figures that anyone applying for a K1/K3 Visa is shirking responsibilities? I have a full time job and own a condo here in Calgary. In order for me to move to Seattle to be with my Fiance I will have to make sure my condo is sold so I can pay off all my loans I currently have and there is no way I can move to Seattle without doing that. Because I have a car loan, I am sure the bank won't let me import it down into the States until that is paid off.

So I am sure most K1/K3 applicants like myself, make sure they have all their loose ends closed before they leave to head down to the States.

It would be wonderful if I could just walk away and shirk my responsibilities and leave my debt for someone else to deal with. Unfortunately that is not real life.

I think your statement is totally off regarding the K1/K3 Visa applicants.

[trailmix 77]

I am curious how MsZ figures that anyone applying for a K1/K3 Visa is shirking responsibilities? I have a full time job and own a condo here in Calgary. In order for me to move to Seattle to be with my Fiance I will have to make sure my condo is sold so I can pay off all my loans I currently have and there is no way I can move to Seattle without doing that. Because I have a car loan, I am sure the bank won't let me import it down into the States until that is paid off.

So I am sure most K1/K3 applicants like myself, make sure they have all their loose ends closed before they leave to head down to the States.

It would be wonderful if I could just walk away and shirk my responsibilities and leave my debt for someone else to deal with. Unfortunately that is not real life.

I think your statement is totally off regarding the K1/K3 Visa applicants.

I don't want to speak for MsZ - but I didn't read her comment as dissing all K1/K3 applicants at all? Maybe it's because we did the IR1

I believe she was speaking with regard to the person in the thread in the Canada forum who wanted to abandon their debt to whiz down to the U.S..

Anyway, that is the way I read it.

[Cassie 8]

That's why the person who wants to ditch their debt irritated me. When you have responsibilities, you have to cover them. You don't ditch and run because you want to be together sooner. Most of us who went the CR1/IR1 route would have prefered to be together sooner and go K-1, but could never see shirking our responsibilities to do it.

No I didn't see the above as a complete diss of all K-1/K-3s, but I feel an inference is there that the people that want to be together quicker and choosing the route that would make that happen are obviously looking for ways to get out of their financial responsibilities. I just wanted to make the point that not all K-1ers act/ed like the debt-ditcher. I could never see dumping my debts and running off to the US, I knew that we planned to come back to live in Canada someday and I wanted to still have some semblance of good credit when I came back! So we made a plan and set up online payments, and in the next year my credit card and my student loans will finally be paid off. At the same time, we wanted to be together quicker, so we went the K-1 route and made sure we took care of all loose ends.

I don't know, the original premise of this thread must be still making me cranky.