Arranged Marriage....still alive and well.

[sara..... 371]

so do you learn to love the one you have instead of choosing someone to love?

no thats not really it we make the choice of someone that we feel we are attracted to in my case i had narrowed it down to three people i felt more connected to him than any of the others and really we have nothing to compare it to because neither of us have been with anyone else in any way at all........and truthfully im not so sure that there is love before marraige i believe u can be in lust but love i think has to be worked

so do you not believe in true love? you just pick someone you're attracted to and then work at loving them?

isnt attraction the beginning of any relationship and then grows to love? doesnt all relationships require that u work at the love u have for each other?

Edited November 19, 2008 by estadia

[Carlawarla 1]

I met my wife for two weeks, and then married her. We hardly know each other.

But, she's the one who is very positive. Despite her adversity with loosing her parents at 5 years old, working as a slave, going to school upto the third grade level she never have any thoughts about ruining other people's lives. Cambodia is a very poor country. It's must've been very difficult to survive let alone loosing her parents at a very young age. I think of her when she's very young, around 6 or 8 years old, she worked in farms for long hours planting rice. They usually spend about 10 hours/day working in the high tropic temps with about 3 breaks a day. And, getting paid $1/day.

Her life must've been very difficult. The first time I saw her, her nails were damaged severely from overworked physical labor at a restaurant. She was a very good cook there. Everyone wants her to cook. Sometimes she wouldn't sleep for two days, and worked in the kitchen two straight days.

I could only imagine her difficulties. Despite all of these events, she hadn't manage to ruin anybody lives and she remains a very positive person with the respect for others. This is why I fell for her.

What an amazing woman.

[Ban Hammer 13,659]

i was going to try an arranged marriage once but it didn't work out. jessica alba kept blocking my calls and getting restraining orders against me.

[chri'stina 190]

I used to think arranged marriages were so strange until meeting Sujeet and learning about his family, and the arranged marriages, and knowing him while a marriage was arranged for one of his sisters, and she wanted it that way. I thought, how can they love each other or be happy? They got to know each other before getting married, and they are happy lovebirds and best friends still 5 years later. It worked out really well for them. It might not be the same for everyone, but the couples often fall in love. I understand it better now.

IMO arranged marriages are wrong, you should marry someone you love, not bc they were "chosen" for you.

I think they are wrong if it's forced, not if it's chosen.

I think it is good in that it gives people who are shy and maybe not super attractive a chance at marriage - it places importance on shared values, family and character rather than superficial qualities and who is the best 'player'. Maybe that's idealizing it, I know even in traditional societies some women(and maybe men) are considered 'unmarriageable' because of disabilities or physical qualities and may even attempt suicide because of it. Still maybe it gives people a chance who would otherwise have difficulty finding a spouse.

I agree with you on that,LOL. Well, we joke about it because I have a sister, who is actually very beautiful, but there are no "eligible" guys in her life. Sure there are single guys, but not any she'd really be interested in. It's also hard when you are devout in a faith, and the guys around you don't care. I want to arrange her. Also two more of my friends. It's like, come on!! Guys don't know what they are missing out on.

[Danno 1,228]

Some interesting perspectives offered here.

[Amby 490]

so do you learn to love the one you have instead of choosing someone to love?

no thats not really it we make the choice of someone that we feel we are attracted to in my case i had narrowed it down to three people i felt more connected to him than any of the others and really we have nothing to compare it to because neither of us have been with anyone else in any way at all........and truthfully im not so sure that there is love before marraige i believe u can be in lust but love i think has to be worked

so do you not believe in true love? you just pick someone you're attracted to and then work at loving them?

isnt attraction the beginning of any relationship and then grows to love? doesnt all relationships require that u work at the love u have for each other?

I've never had to "work" at falling in love with someone. That's the part I didn't understand. btw I'm not being critical, I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from.

[chri'stina 190]

I met my wife for two weeks, and then married her. We hardly know each other.

But, she's the one who is very positive. Despite her adversity with loosing her parents at 5 years old, working as a slave, going to school upto the third grade level she never have any thoughts about ruining other people's lives. Cambodia is a very poor country. It's must've been very difficult to survive let alone loosing her parents at a very young age. I think of her when she's very young, around 6 or 8 years old, she worked in farms for long hours planting rice. They usually spend about 10 hours/day working in the high tropic temps with about 3 breaks a day. And, getting paid $1/day.

Her life must've been very difficult. The first time I saw her, her nails were damaged severely from overworked physical labor at a restaurant. She was a very good cook there. Everyone wants her to cook. Sometimes she wouldn't sleep for two days, and worked in the kitchen two straight days.

I could only imagine her difficulties. Despite all of these events, she hadn't manage to ruin anybody lives and she remains a very positive person with the respect for others. This is why I fell for her.

What an amazing woman.

I agree.

Thanks for sharing Niels Bohr!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I had a student in a Gender Studies class who had come to Canada from India in an arranged marriage. She made a lovely presentation and shut the other student up with her statistics and the like. She was a happy and quite progressive woman. Then again, it was not "forced" -- that is effed up.

[franklie 0]

so do you learn to love the one you have instead of choosing someone to love?

and if you can't be with the one you love,

honey, love the one you're with

Stephen Stills from Crosby, Stills & Nash

[rebeccajo 14]

I met my wife for two weeks, and then married her. We hardly know each other.

But, she's the one who is very positive. Despite her adversity with loosing her parents at 5 years old, working as a slave, going to school upto the third grade level she never have any thoughts about ruining other people's lives. Cambodia is a very poor country. It's must've been very difficult to survive let alone loosing her parents at a very young age. I think of her when she's very young, around 6 or 8 years old, she worked in farms for long hours planting rice. They usually spend about 10 hours/day working in the high tropic temps with about 3 breaks a day. And, getting paid $1/day.

Her life must've been very difficult. The first time I saw her, her nails were damaged severely from overworked physical labor at a restaurant. She was a very good cook there. Everyone wants her to cook. Sometimes she wouldn't sleep for two days, and worked in the kitchen two straight days.

I could only imagine her difficulties. Despite all of these events, she hadn't manage to ruin anybody lives and she remains a very positive person with the respect for others. This is why I fell for her.

What an amazing woman.

I agree.

Thanks for sharing Niels Bohr!

I agree also.

You done good, consolemaster.

[msu17 0]

I think that if an individual who is ready for marriage is mature enough to know what way works best for them then they should go with it. And in a chosen arranged marriage, is there that much difference between the local matchmaker? I think I'd be happy finding the right mate any way it happened. Though, I would NEVER let my mother be involved in that search. She has the worst taste in men for me. My father on the other hand is a great judge of character, so he I would trust

Neihls Bohr, that was a very touching story of your wife, she sounds amazing.

[Marilyn. 340]

I think that if an individual who is ready for marriage is mature enough to know what way works best for them then they should go with it. And in a chosen arranged marriage, is there that much difference between the local matchmaker? I think I'd be happy finding the right mate any way it happened. Though, I would NEVER let my mother be involved in that search. She has the worst taste in men for me. My father on the other hand is a great judge of character, so he I would trust

Neihls Bohr, that was a very touching story of your wife, she sounds amazing.

but didn't your mother pick your father?? ..lol

[DeadPoolX 9]

Contrary to what John Lenin said, love is not all you need.

John Lennon was the guy with the song. Lenin was some Russian dude.

I've known a few couples who had arranged marriages, they seems quite content with their lives for the most part. Except one guy I dated for a while before he told me he was off to Hong Kong to get married. He said he'd only met her once, and probably wouldn't mind if we continued our relationship after their wedding Never saw him again

Yes, I know that. I couldn't remember how to spell Lennon's last name and I've seen Vladimir Lenin's name in print far more often.

[almaty 19]

good post brother c'master...

[Saddle Bronc 124]

i was going to try an arranged marriage once but it didn't work out. jessica alba kept blocking my calls and getting restraining orders against me.

By that logic, any marriage can be termed as "arranged" (eh, one-or-both of the couple made "arrangements" so...)