Mahr - What Determines Worth?

[morocco4ever 63]

So there's your answer, Platy. It is supposed to be determined by her "social status." Not sure how that would work with MENA husbands and American wives though...

So what is this social status based on and who is the judge of her social status?

As for the Snow White theory, maybe years ago when the poor worked in the sun while the rich stayed inside. But now it is merely a persons personal preference. My husband loves my white skin and (once) blonde hair. Why? Is that because it represents my wealth? In turn he has brown skin. Do I prefer the poor? Not hardly. My husband has always been intruiged with blonde hair. Something you don't see as often in Morocco. I have always preferred dark men. Not sure why, I just do. So I just view that theory as outdated. Besides, I see tons of incredibly beautiful women of color. I "pale" in comparison (pun intended).

[tom&tata 2]

It should be given according to the social status of the bride.

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So there's your answer, Platy. It is supposed to be determined by her "social status." Not sure how that would work with MENA husbands and American wives though...

oh you just know there's gonna be some interesting conversations today in mena homes.

Which all of this just goes back to Platy's original question about someone's skin or hair color. Her worth was normally deemed as greater because she didn't have to work in the sun, or her fair skin and blonde or lighter colored hair were deemed as making her more desirable. Just think, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all." Freaking SNOW WHITE!!!! You think she was a prize because she was holed up in some shack with 7 dwarfs - nope, it's cause her skin was as pure as snow.

Now discuss.

This was actually kinda where I was going with this topic. I know that in Indian culture, lighter-skinned people are typically of the upper caste. I was wondering if it also applied to more Muslim countries.

In Indonesia, lighter-skinned people were more likely to come from people from "upper caste". If you work manual labor or taking public transport/walk everywhere under tropical sun - you will have deep tan. Hence the lighter skin equal higher class comes from as you were more likely not to do manual labor or you will be getting around in a car.

I personally suspect it also had something to do with the mindset of the older people - especially the ones who lived under European colonialism. That subconciouss "preference" is passed down to younger generation. I could be dead wrong about it - I am not expert in social science.

I find it interesting - because there was a point when I was in highschool/college that almost all face product has whitening in it.

[Peikko 1,575]

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

[notime4haterz 0]

You're referring to my telling people about my dowry and bride price. It is our culture to display all the gold as well as any cash, money, checks, etc in front of all the people at the wedding. It is not kept secret. It is on display for everyone to see and to talk about. It makes the man's family as well as the bride's family proud.

I'm glad some people here, besides me, pointed out that being fair skinned, and having social status, etc does indeed produce a higher dowry. At least now you can't accuse me of making it up, or just bragging. Now several others here have proved my point and I thank them for it.

[Tunisia216 2]

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

[morocco4ever 63]

You're referring to my telling people about my dowry and bride price. It is our culture to display all the gold as well as any cash, money, checks, etc in front of all the people at the wedding.

What culture are your origins Narina?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I think so as well.

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

[Nothing1234 2]

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

I just think it's tacky and cheap. Bragging in general is a poor personality trait.

[notime4haterz 0]

I think so as well.

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

[Peikko 1,575]

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

Hehehe, not the siggy, I am ####### at spelling. Yeah, I don't even believe in fortune telling either

Edited November 18, 2008 by Madame Cleo

[Leyla 0]

It should be given according to the social status of the bride.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there's your answer, Platy. It is supposed to be determined by her "social status." Not sure how that would work with MENA husbands and American wives though...

oh you just know there's gonna be some interesting conversations today in mena homes.

Which all of this just goes back to Platy's original question about someone's skin or hair color. Her worth was normally deemed as greater because she didn't have to work in the sun, or her fair skin and blonde or lighter colored hair were deemed as making her more desirable. Just think, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all." Freaking SNOW WHITE!!!! You think she was a prize because she was holed up in some shack with 7 dwarfs - nope, it's cause her skin was as pure as snow.

Now discuss.

now i'm thinking about that song by rammstein "sonne"

HIER KOMMT DIE SONNE!!!!

[notime4haterz 0]

You're referring to my telling people about my dowry and bride price. It is our culture to display all the gold as well as any cash, money, checks, etc in front of all the people at the wedding.

What culture are your origins Narina?

I am Circassian.

Most people don't know who Circassians are, unless you're a historian (or live in Jordan). Virtualwife probably knows.

[Leyla 0]

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

me too!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I think so as well.

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

WOOHA. Speak for yourself as a marketable commodity. I chose my spouse through educational levels and personal beliefs, NOT looks or checkbook. Your priorities and values about others and about your worth are obviously very different. I thought Islam taught modesty.

[Zee Bee 61]

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

What is average?