Mahr - What Determines Worth?

[Muh and me 18]

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

me too!

Can u share some of that leyla?

[notime4haterz 0]

I think so as well.

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

WOOHA. Speak for yourself as a marketable commodity. I chose my spouse through educational levels and personal beliefs, NOT looks or checkbook. Your priorities and values about others and about your worth are obviously very different. I thought Islam taught modesty.

Education levels are also marketable. A doctor tells people he's a doctor to get respect and it surely increases his chances to find a wife or girlfriend. That is reality. He doesn't hide his profession to seem humble.

Just to clarify, I have 7 years of college education behind me and will hold a doctorate come May 2009. Somehow, I don't think men really cared about my degree or any other girls when they were being introduced to potential wives. The first thing people ask is "Is she beautiful"... I wish it weren't that way, but it is. At least with most people that I've dealt with. Especially when we don't date...marriages are usually arranged or semi-arranged. Dating, if it's even considered, is with a group and chaperoned.

[Muh and me 18]

I think so as well.

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

WOOHA. Speak for yourself as a marketable commodity. I chose my spouse through educational levels and personal beliefs, NOT looks or checkbook. Your priorities and values about others and about your worth are obviously very different. I thought Islam taught modesty.

Education levels are also marketable. A doctor tells people he's a doctor to get respect and it surely increases his chances to find a wife or girlfriend. That is reality. He doesn't hide his profession to seem humble.

Just to clarify, I have 7 years of college education behind me and will hold a doctorate come May 2009. Somehow, I don't think men really cared about my degree or any other girls when they were being introduced to potential wives. The first thing people ask is "Is she beautiful"... I wish it weren't that way, but it is. At least with most people that I've dealt with. Especially when we don't date...marriages are usually arranged or semi-arranged. Dating, if it's even considered, is with a group and chaperoned.

Sorry to say, but most men i know think beauty is only skin deep!

[notime4haterz 0]

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

What is average?

Not beautiful, but not deformed or terribly ugly. Comes from a family that is not very well known, but at the same time doesn't hold any scandal or bad reputation. Most of the girls whose weddings I've attended get that much money and a ring, some bracelets or necklaces, and a pair or earrings. That's my people. I have heard of Arabs having to hire security guards because the girl got so much gold and money. It depends on the family and their background.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Education levels are also marketable. A doctor tells people he's a doctor to get respect and it surely increases his chances to find a wife or girlfriend. That is reality. He doesn't hide his profession to seem humble.

Just to clarify, I have 7 years of college education behind me and will hold a doctorate come May 2009. Somehow, I don't think men really cared about my degree or any other girls when they were being introduced to potential wives. The first thing people ask is "Is she beautiful"... I wish it weren't that way, but it is. At least with most people that I've dealt with. Especially when we don't date...marriages are usually arranged or semi-arranged. Dating, if it's even considered, is with a group and chaperoned.

It svcks to be you then.

The day my husband cared more about my looks than my education/intellect or my sense of human kindness and compassion (which absolutely are way over your league), it would be the day I would let him go his own way.

To each its values

[notime4haterz 0]

I think so as well.

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

WOOHA. Speak for yourself as a marketable commodity. I chose my spouse through educational levels and personal beliefs, NOT looks or checkbook. Your priorities and values about others and about your worth are obviously very different. I thought Islam taught modesty.

Education levels are also marketable. A doctor tells people he's a doctor to get respect and it surely increases his chances to find a wife or girlfriend. That is reality. He doesn't hide his profession to seem humble.

Just to clarify, I have 7 years of college education behind me and will hold a doctorate come May 2009. Somehow, I don't think men really cared about my degree or any other girls when they were being introduced to potential wives. The first thing people ask is "Is she beautiful"... I wish it weren't that way, but it is. At least with most people that I've dealt with. Especially when we don't date...marriages are usually arranged or semi-arranged. Dating, if it's even considered, is with a group and chaperoned.

Sorry to say, but most men i know think beauty is only skin deep!

Well when your mother or sister is looking for the girl for you to marry...and they are the ones going to the girl's house and meeting her only a few times, there's really very little to tell the groom other than, "She's nice, she's pretty, and she was hospitable." I mean that's how it goes. My husband met me on Monday in person and on Saturday was our wedding. We chatted online and talked on the phone every day before we married, and that is considered liberal. I know people who were not even allowed to talk to their spouses until after they were married. You're dealing with a different society than in the USA.

[Zee Bee 61]

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

What is average?

Not beautiful, but not deformed or terribly ugly. Comes from a family that is not very well known, but at the same time doesn't hold any scandal or bad reputation. Most of the girls whose weddings I've attended get that much money and a ring, some bracelets or necklaces, and a pair or earrings. That's my people. I have heard of Arabs having to hire security guards because the girl got so much gold and money. It depends on the family and their background.

Thankfully I don't come from a culture that deems your fitness of being a wife by how you look and your status in society.

I thought a wedding was to celebrate your happiness with your friends and family and not a contest as to who got the most gold or money.

This is not an attack on you. I just don't understand the mentality (well maybe I do....at least from a Saudi perspective).

Unfortunately this is what happens in a lot of MENA countries.

[notime4haterz 0]

Education levels are also marketable. A doctor tells people he's a doctor to get respect and it surely increases his chances to find a wife or girlfriend. That is reality. He doesn't hide his profession to seem humble.

Just to clarify, I have 7 years of college education behind me and will hold a doctorate come May 2009. Somehow, I don't think men really cared about my degree or any other girls when they were being introduced to potential wives. The first thing people ask is "Is she beautiful"... I wish it weren't that way, but it is. At least with most people that I've dealt with. Especially when we don't date...marriages are usually arranged or semi-arranged. Dating, if it's even considered, is with a group and chaperoned.

It svcks to be you then.

The day my husband cared more about my looks than my education/intellect or my sense of human kindness and compassion (which absolutely are way over your league), it would be the day I would let him go his own way.

To each its values

Not at all...I am incredibly happy. I have not one complaint about my husband. He loves me and does everything for me. He just took me on vacation last month to Turkey, Egypt, and Greece, for God's sake! What's to complain about?Why should I feel bad that he thinks I'm beautiful? Why should I be ashamed that it was a big reason he chose to marry me? I cook, clean, take care of him when I visit him. I'm not just someone that says, "I'm pretty, now worship me." I do alot for him when we're together and he does alot for me. We have a normal relationship. We understand each other and know what to expect from each other. But I can assure you that he totally does not care if I hold a degree or if I'm educated or not. He only cares that I'm always honest with him and that I don't disrespect him. Two things I'm happy to oblige him in.

[Minya's wife 25]

I think so as well.

I think some mena male perspective could be very interesting and add a lot of useful insight to this thread. Good call Madame Cleo (hehe that user id makes me giggle )

Well, we've had the view of what the MENA women think about Mahr, but as it's the man that pays it, surely it's more about how the man views the 'worth' of the women than the other way around?

It's upto the man how much he wants to give. The bride's family can, however, reject someone if they aren't willing to pay enough. For example, a very wealthy family with a beautiful daughter in Saudi Arabia, can reject a man if he comes up with only $10,000. In her case, they might demand $500,000. It's not unheard of.

In my culture, anything above the minimum $500 is considered a positive thing. Most average girls will get between $1000 and $2000. Again, that's my people. In rich countries like the Gulf states, it's very easy for even an average girl to get $20,000. It's a market. Just like in the US, women normally want a man with money vs a man without. Men usually want a beautiful woman and not an ugly one. Do people settle for less? Sure they do.

WOOHA. Speak for yourself as a marketable commodity. I chose my spouse through educational levels and personal beliefs, NOT looks or checkbook. Your priorities and values about others and about your worth are obviously very different. I thought Islam taught modesty.

Education levels are also marketable. A doctor tells people he's a doctor to get respect and it surely increases his chances to find a wife or girlfriend. That is reality. He doesn't hide his profession to seem humble.

Just to clarify, I have 7 years of college education behind me and will hold a doctorate come May 2009. Somehow, I don't think men really cared about my degree or any other girls when they were being introduced to potential wives. The first thing people ask is "Is she beautiful"... I wish it weren't that way, but it is. At least with most people that I've dealt with. Especially when we don't date...marriages are usually arranged or semi-arranged. Dating, if it's even considered, is with a group and chaperoned.

Sorry to say, but most men i know think beauty is only skin deep!

Well when your mother or sister is looking for the girl for you to marry...and they are the ones going to the girl's house and meeting her only a few times, there's really very little to tell the groom other than, "She's nice, she's pretty, and she was hospitable." I mean that's how it goes. My husband met me on Monday in person and on Saturday was our wedding. We chatted online and talked on the phone every day before we married, and that is considered liberal. I know people who were not even allowed to talk to their spouses until after they were married. You're dealing with a different society than in the USA.

Why? Can't the mother or the sister judge the prospective bride on her intellect as well?

[notime4haterz 0]

Thankfully I don't come from a culture that deems your fitness of being a wife by how you look and your status in society.

I thought a wedding was to celebrate your happiness with your friends and family and not a contest as to who got the most gold or money.

This is not an attack on you. I just don't understand the mentality (well maybe I do....at least from a Saudi perspective).

Unfortunately this is what happens in a lot of MENA countries.

I know it sounds terrible, but it's true. It's something very normal in MENA countries as well as my own culture. It's a fact. But it's not all about looks. There have been some very ugly girls that married doctors and lawyers...because their family was well known, had a good reputation, or were powerful in the community. Looks is not the only thing, just a big thing.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

WOW. Really. WOW.

[notime4haterz 0]

Why? Can't the mother or the sister judge the prospective bride on her intellect as well?

Again, you're dealing with a different society. Mothers could care less if their daughters in law are educated/intellegent or not. They are more interested in what kind of wife she'll make. Is she nice? gentle? honest? does she cook? clean? Does she pray? cover her hair? Does she look healthy? (in other words, have the ability to bear children) ?

Don't forget, it's the man's responsibility to take care of the wife and all expsenses 100% So if she's got a good job and good education, means nothing to them, because even if a woman makes a lot of money, it's still the man's job to pay. Financial responsibility falls 100% on the man in the Islamic religion. If a woman has a good job and makes lots of money, it's hers to keep, unless she feels like helping out.

[Minya's wife 25]

WOW. Really. WOW.

Yeah, right there with you.....

[Chica Yeyé 41]

And here I am thinking we live in the United States of America. What an idiot...

WOW. Really. WOW.

Yeah, right there with you.....

[notime4haterz 0]

I'm not talking about the United States...I'm talking about a different culture. Yeah, we live here. I was born here, but I don't give up my culture. This mentality still exists...it explains why Muslim women in some countries have to fight and risk their lives just to get an education. Good example is in Afghanistan, where women were not even allowed to get an education. This is not a religious thing, but a cultural thing.

Just recently in the middle east have women started becoming educated and getting very good jobs. It started only one generation ago, if that.

Edited November 18, 2008 by narina77