What's up my 'ole MENA buddies?

[allousa 1]

Whhhaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzz up my MENA peeps??????

Sorry that been MIA for awhile. Life has been sooo busy since Hicham has been home. Even though we've been married for what seems like a long time, it was an adjustment for us being together after about 4 years apart.

He was very lucky to find a job after only about 6 weeks here. I'm very proud of him for jumping right in hitting the pavement hard. The job has turned out to not have the potential he had hoped, so he's hitting the pavement on his off days.

To watch him fall in love with his son has been the most amazing thing. It was always my prayer that Hicham would come home before our son would have a memory of him not being there. I believe my prayer has been answered.

Some of you may remember the whole horrible incident when my inlaws came to visit. We still have not gotten any answers as to why my FIL was denied entry. We filed papers with Homeland Security but have not received an answer. My FIL was called to the Consulate and told he could reapply for another visa but they could not give him an answer as to why he was denied entry either. Hicham told me that it take incredible willpower for my FIL to NOT tell them to kiss his azz. We all feel so defeated about it still. With both of us working, there is no way that we will be able to spend more than a couple of weeks over there. The only way for his parents to spend some real time with our son was to come here and stay during the summer. At this point, they don't ever want to come back. : :

Henia, did you ever get the package that I sent you? I didn't do the insurance on it because it was so expensive. We wrote the stuff on it like you suggested and I crossed my fingers hoping that it would find it's way to you. Please PM me and tell me how your delivery went. I'm sure I've missed some threads about it and want to know how you are getting along.

I have missed keeping up with you all and hope that everyone is doing well.

Allousa

[AlHayatZween 2]

Hi Allousa!

Glad to see you popped back in... but so sorry to hear that DHS never resolved the deportation issue!

It is really terrible what happened...

Hang in there and all the best,

hz

[nunyab 0]

I am here but leaving for work... I am happy for you guys I was going to post a thread to start about "happy" stories of MENA men coming here and having fun... i am gettting a touch freaked about my countdown. OK time for work welcome back!!!!

[allousa 1]

It's been an adjustment and we sure have had some arguments. Since Hicham doesn't work as many hours as I do, he has been keeping our son one day a week so it's one day less that we have to pay for daycare. That has gone a long way to show him how hard it is to work, keep the house up and take care of kids. He's really started putting in just as much as I do and that has relieved SO much tension.

It was hard for us when he came back home and we've been together alot longer than some other MENA couples. I feel for the couples that have never lived together and then have to find their way when they finally start living together.

It takes alot of communication and compromise on BOTH parts.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Allousa,

Thank you so much for the update! I still hate to hear that you have no answers regarding your FIL. That story still scares me thinking of family coming to visit.

I hope that your husband finds a fitting job. We have been on the search for months to find it and my husband is just taking what he can get that is temporary for now. It's great that he is finally here for your son. You are blessed dear! I know the feeling of standing back and watching a father and son together and never feeling more grateful in my life. It was hard for my husband to understand that he is saving us on daycare when he wasn't out working every day. He felt like he wasn't contributing but indeed he was. I just need your secret on how to get him to keep up on the house when I'm not home? Tell me tell me! I have done everything but turned flips on him!!

Best wishes dear and thank you so much for checking in!!! You take care of yourself, your handsome little guy and hubby!!

Tasha

[amal 4]

ALLLLLLLLLLLOUSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA my gracious girl we've missed you around here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glad to know that adjustments have been working and things are getting better for u all. I am still mad about the FIL incident but I hope that eventually things will get straightened out.

amal

[allousa 1]

Thanks Tasha!

BTW, you have a BEAUTIFUL family as well!!!!!

I actually made a list of all of my responsibilities and those of Hicham as well. While he only had like two things on the list, mine was pretty long. I showed him the list and I told him that I didn't expect him in ANY way to do more than I...that I would never expect him to do more than I would. I told him that I understood how difficult it was for him to not be in the position to work and bring home enough money so that I could stay home. I know that is what he wants...but it's just not possible in our situation. I made sure to tell him that doesn't make me feel any less about him at all. I truly understand that it made him feel less of a man...and I'm not so sure this isn't representative of ALL men...not just MENA men.

I pointedly asked him...do you want me to be able to rest and relax like you do in the evening. He was like...of course I do. But when I showed him that it was impossible for me to do that because of all that I was responsible for...he said he understood that.

I make sure that I don't EXPECT him to do everything that I would do or do it in the way that I would. He has his own way about doing things to help and that's okay. I do make sure that I don't "nag" him about stuff. I make a list instead and we divide it up between us.

I do give him alot of appreciation and praise so that he knows how much it means. I've come to accept that he's not so vocal in showing his appreciation of the things that I do as I for him, but that's okay.

We are still finding our way, but this has helped us a great deal.

Don't know if this will help...but hope that it does.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Maybe I'll try this list! Seriously, I don't want to nag but my perspective is if you see it needs to be done do it don't wait on me. Yesterday I came home to powdered baby formula all over the counter tops and coffee grinds on the stove top. The table hadn't been washed off. It's little things that I need help on. I'll definately try this, thanks a bunch girl!

[allousa 1]

AMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How have you been???? Seems like there are so many new people here.

Tasha,

It is hard for me to bite my tongue sometimes. It seems like the more you nag, the worse they get. It really helped me to realize that it was Hicham's ego that took a hit and that he wasn't purposely making me work harder. Again, when I asked him if the list was fair, that's when it really hit home with him. I then gave HIM the option of how he would like to contribute. It's great though, that he is helping with your son.

PLEASE PM me if you ever need. I might not get back to VJ as often as I would like, but I do check my email every couple of days and can see when I get a message. Good Luck!!!!

[sereia 0]

Hi Allousa. Miss ya girl. (this is jen aka sereia)

Glad to see things are going smoothly now!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Hi Allousa! Thx for the update! I had been wondering how you've been since I have seen much facebook activity since you joined.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Allousa.....I missed you!

I'm gonna try the list too! I think I need a small white board to put in the kitchen now!

[Staashi 371]

Allousa! I was thinking about you the other day. Blessings to you and your family.

[HLM 1]

Hey Allousa! Glad to know things r going well with u n ur family u have an adorable son!!! Sorry about ur FIL; i agree with Tasha it scares me when i think of wanting my parents to visit.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

where you been allousa?