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Leyla

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Filed: Other Country: Israel
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They are like this because they are afraid that if they allow too many allowances, they will start to change the religion. This is an understandable fear. However, I do believe in the need for more people to become educated in the religion, especially women, so that they know their rights and don't allow men to take those rights away from them.

The religion doesn't change, but the applications, interpretations and emphasis do change and vary. We agree solidly about the need for more education among our co-religionists, especially among women, for the femine voice is sorely missing and much needed.

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Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Netherlands
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No imams argued whether or not hijab was a fard.

Hijab is fard because hijab is an element of modesty, but hijab in Islamic law is not merely a style of dress. The style of dress and what is required has changed over time and was and is debated among scholars. BTW, imams are not always scholars or even educated, but many of those who do have modern degrees in law are allowed to issue valid rulings.

I meant the 4 imams (Hanafi, Shafii, Hanbali, and Maliki).

Yeah, I have seen some imams that are real doozies here in Texas... (and I have no idea how doozies is really spelled LOL)

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Im not provoking Leyla, but I know there are muslim women that do not agree on wearing hijab... She shouldnt be forced into it just bcz her husband thinks its going to make him look good or whatever other reason he may have. I told her straight up that her faith is just that- her faith. I come from a Jewish background of my biological mothers side, but I am a Christian. My husband grew up Muslim and been Christian since before I met him. Covering the hair is a personal matter for me- its a culture sensitive issue as well. and its not my husbands decision. I give answers to GOD for my own doings no matter what. She should too. I see too many muslim AND christian women fighting each other like cats on who is more modestly dressed by how covered they are. I rather one be more modest in their heart and live and act right in life than worry about how much of their 5'6" skin is covered...

I do agree with you that people should not fight eachother on who is more religious. I dont think thats what was happening on this thread.

Moreover, the point of the OP was about her marriage not about the religion. It turned into that when differences of opinion arose. (as usual)

I have said all that i can to advise the OP. Im sorry your thread turned into this

Lisa

p.s-

I have 6 feet of skin to cover....wow.. good thing i dont have to cover all of it LOL

"you fondle my trigger then you blame my gun"

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If you were lucky and got an approval and reunion with your loved one rather quickly; Please refrain from telling people who waited 6+ months just to get out of a service center to "chill out" or to "stop whining" It's insensitive,and unecessary. Once you walk a mile in their shoes you will understand and be heard.

Thanks!

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Filed: Other Country: Israel
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No imams argued whether or not hijab was a fard.

Hijab is fard because hijab is an element of modesty, but hijab in Islamic law is not merely a style of dress. The style of dress and what is required has changed over time and was and is debated among scholars. BTW, imams are not always scholars or even educated, but many of those who do have modern degrees in law are allowed to issue valid rulings.

I meant the 4 imams (Hanafi, Shafii, Hanbali, and Maliki).

Yeah, I have seen some imams that are real doozies here in Texas... (and I have no idea how doozies is really spelled LOL)

You spelled it just right. There are doozies all over :lol:

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
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I'm sorry Leyla that you post got hijacked in a million different directions...but I guess that's to be expected from us Muslims...you know, we hijack everything LOOOOOL

islamicjihad.jpg

* ~ * Charles * ~ *
 

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

 

USE THE REPORT BUTTON INSTEAD OF MESSAGING A MODERATOR!

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Jordan
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I realize that not all muslims follow the religion... im sure you know i meant the majority.

What other religion can you say that 8/9 (ok maybe 7, if you factor in the US muslims)out of 10 follow exactly what is in their texts?

I didnt say they were perfect. Im not saying one religion is better than the other.. I respect everyones belief systems, Thats their choice and right and if they want to worship the doorknob, or 18 different entities..i dont care as long as they dont harm me or my family.

My point was that, the difference of picking and choosing is hard for most muslims to swallow

and terrorism was never mentioned here, but you have incorporated it somehow.....i find that interesting.

Actually, most Muslims don't know what's in their texts due to the high rate of illiteracy in the Muslim world and a heavy dependance on unquestioning consulting imams as to their practice.

ya, ya.. you know what i mean! lol

"you fondle my trigger then you blame my gun"

Timeline: 13 month long journey from filing to visa in hand

If you were lucky and got an approval and reunion with your loved one rather quickly; Please refrain from telling people who waited 6+ months just to get out of a service center to "chill out" or to "stop whining" It's insensitive,and unecessary. Once you walk a mile in their shoes you will understand and be heard.

Thanks!

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I'm sorry Leyla that you post got hijacked in a million different directions...but I guess that's to be expected from us Muslims...you know, we hijack everything LOOOOOL

islamicjihad.jpg

:rofl: Glad to see someone was paying attention :lol:

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Morocco
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I'm done.

Sorry about this Leyla....but we are a fiesty bunch. I hope the best for you and your husband.

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

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you should not HAVE to wear a head scarf. If he loves you, then he will not be upset over that. Its your choice to wear it, your an american woman, and not restricted to wearing one.

and narina77....as she has said already, allah is not going to condem her bc shes not wearing a head scarf, allah could care less. you were insulting and attacking her, all she was asking for was advice.

to the OP, i hope things work out, but remember, like you sd, you are who you are, and you shouldnt be forced to do anything like wearing a cover over your head just to make your husband look good. If he loves you he will let it go and understand how you feel.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Egypt
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One thing that you have to remember about all of this, is that with your husband this isn't just about Islam, this is about culture. His culture. For so many MENA men and women, too, they cannot and would never even think about separating their religion from their culture, it is ingrained - it is their life. When your husband met you, you were a devout hijabi wearing muslima. That is how you presented yourself to him, that was who he fell in love with. Now that he's here in America with you, his worst fear has come true. He's now in your culture, and the devout muslima wife he married but months ago has taken off her hijab and is now questioning the Qur'an and the Hadiths. I'm sure he's freaking the hell out - in his world, in his culture, I'm sure not too many women sit there and question the Qur'an and the Hadiths. You didn't just marry a Moroccan man, you married his family, his culture, and his religion, too.

He needs to be tolerant of you, but you also need to be tolerant of him - by you taking off your hijab in the USA he probably feels like he lost control, not of you but of other men. Other men can check you out, and he sees you as exposed. His whole world just turned around...give him a moment to digest all of this.

I just wanted to quote this so that it doesn't get lost in the muck. This is exactly what I was thinking, but didn't have the thoughts to put into words.

One small caveat, it is about religion too, not just his culture. There is a saying of the beloved Prophet (saws) in Bukhari and Muslim that says "A man marries a woman for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion. So marry the one who is best in the religion and prosper".

If someone choses to marry someone based on their religious practices, and after marriage, those religious practices are perceived to weaken, that throws a monkey wrench in the whole thing.

~*~*~*~

[musings]

On a related note, this further illustrates something I've been mulling over for quite some time. Converts marry too quickly. You say shahada and as the aunties come up to hug you, they're sizing you up as potential wives for their sons and nephews. The community pushes us into marriage before we've fully formed an islamic identity. Then, as we learn more about the religion, we may change in our practices or deviate from what our spouses thought we were, and this causes problems.

Exhibit A, myself. I married in egypt 2 years after I converted, but even that was too quick in retrospect. Since I've gotten married, I've begun studying "traditional" islam and fallen in love with the science of tasawwuf (aka sufism). At the same time, I learned more about my husband's practice of the religion and realized that all the blah blah blah about this is Islam, not christianity, we don't have denominations is a gloss on the truth. Being a sufi loving shafi'i married to a ibn hazm loving neo-zahari is as tough as a staunch traditionalist catholic married to born again non-denomer. Alhamdulilah, as long as we both continue to practice the religion diligently, we're fine, but we do have weekly debates over various subjects upon which we disagree. And it would be really really nice to be able to take a tariq (join a sufi order) together, but that's just not going to happen.

If I had to do it all over again, I'd probably still marry my husband, but waited a few more years until I had learned more about the religion and was able to enter into the marriage with both eyes open.

Another common occurance is that the woman marries a muslim and as she learns more about the religion, she realizes he's not as practicing as she thought. She wants to do x, y and z to make a more islamic household., and he's like, um yeah, I'd rather go hang out at the club with the boyz. Or he doesn't want to give up the non-zabiha supermarket meat. Or he doesn't want to help her learn to read Qur'an or whatever.

So, for lack of a conclusion, yeah, converts and marriage. It's tough.

[/musings]

10/14/05 - married AbuS in the US lovehusband.gif

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Sometime in 2008 - Received 10 year GC. Almost done with USCIS for life inshaAllah! Huzzah!

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Egypt
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I haven't read through the whole thread since I basically can predict how it turned out BUT my 2 cents on the matter, whether or not you wear hijab, is to realize that it is the husband that will answer to God about his wife in the end. Don't have time to look that one up but it's written somewhere, maybe Rahma can help out. Just putting things in perspective on why sometimes a muslim husband may seem eager for you to do something that he thinks is required.

Again...not getting into the hijab debate but I agree with whoever said that it's dangerous for some to say this is not fard or that is not fard. Then again visa journey isn't exactly the best place to get your info re: islam. I learned THAT one the hard way! :rofl::rofl:

I'm sorry Leyla that you post got hijacked in a million different directions...but I guess that's to be expected from us Muslims...you know, we hijack everything LOOOOOL

islamicjihad.jpg

that's really offensive, charles.

"Only from your heart can you touch the sky" - Rumi

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You just proved my point Leyla.

I'm a Muslim and I don't wear hijab. I acknowledge that I am disobeying Allah by not wearing the hijab. I'm acknowledging that I am not a good Muslimah because I don't wear the hijab.

Really simple.

But I don't go around telling people that it's not manditory and that because it's not in the Quran then it's not fard. I don't tell people to reject taking rulings from Hadith because they come from a man and not God. I don't change what has been the Islamic ruling for over 1400 years. I don't change the religion. I acknowledge that I am wrong to do what I do. Period.

I'm not judging you. You may very well go to heaven before me and a million other women wearing hijab. I'm just asking you that if you choose to be a part of this religion, then state your feelings, but don't say something is law or not.

If you choose to remain a Muslimah and choose to continue studying Islam and learning about it...one day, when you become more and more educated in Islam, you will look back on this topic. You will remember me. And you will know and understand exactly why I posted the things I did.

...............Cow.

fixx0red

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"Only from your heart can you touch the sky" - Rumi

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Egypt
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One thing that you have to remember about all of this, is that with your husband this isn't just about Islam, this is about culture. His culture. For so many MENA men and women, too, they cannot and would never even think about separating their religion from their culture, it is ingrained - it is their life. When your husband met you, you were a devout hijabi wearing muslima. That is how you presented yourself to him, that was who he fell in love with. Now that he's here in America with you, his worst fear has come true. He's now in your culture, and the devout muslima wife he married but months ago has taken off her hijab and is now questioning the Qur'an and the Hadiths. I'm sure he's freaking the hell out - in his world, in his culture, I'm sure not too many women sit there and question the Qur'an and the Hadiths. You didn't just marry a Moroccan man, you married his family, his culture, and his religion, too.

He needs to be tolerant of you, but you also need to be tolerant of him - by you taking off your hijab in the USA he probably feels like he lost control, not of you but of other men. Other men can check you out, and he sees you as exposed. His whole world just turned around...give him a moment to digest all of this.

Exactly. My husband grew up in Cairo and his whole life he was taught that a woman's beauty is meant for her husband and ONLY her husband. This is something, as a boy, that he dreamt of...that some day a woman, his wife, will only show her beauty to him because he is special, he is her husband. Also he grew up being taught that he is responsible for those he is in charge of, including his wife. That means he 100% believes that when he dies he has to answer to God for how he taught his wife about Islam.

He meets you, you are wearing hijab and he feels confident that you are who he wants as a wife. His dream comes true and he feels soooo special when you take that hijab and abaya off because this is all for him and he is honored to no end.

Now it's not just for him, since you take it off. To him you are now not leaving anything special for your husband, you're instead sharing your beauty with the whole world. That aside, he now has to answer to God for what you have done, since he believes it's haram. That's some pretty heavy stuff to think about.

"Only from your heart can you touch the sky" - Rumi

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