Serious Doubts

[Aymsgirl 0]

This is something I've also been thinking and it's come up in a few responses. This is not meant to offend anyone. If anything it should educate you.

Does anyone (especially converts to Islam) feel like sometimes Muslims push you away from Islam? Do you ever feel as if they push too much on you at once and expect you to be this pious person you are not ready to be? Do you feel as if they look down their nose at you because before you were Muslim you dated men, you drank, you showed your chest?

Because I feel that way. Sometimes I feel as if Muslims are making me not want to practice Islam. My faith in God (or Allah or whatever you call Him) has never changed and it will never change. My heart will always be looking for ways to get closer to Him (or that Ultimate Truth). I believe in a MERCIFUL God, a FORGIVING God, an ALL KNOWING God. I don't believe in a God that will throw me in hell for not wearing a scarf, or for second guessing my own religion. HE KNOWS what is inside my heart. You do not. He knows I'm confused and just looking for the truth. You do not. He knows I'm not doing these things to spite Him. He knows I'm just searching.

So please, to allmy Muslimas out there watch how you give advice to other Muslims (especially converts). This is still a NEW WAY OF LIFE for us (converts). We lived 22, 27, 30, 45 years WITHOUT Islam. That's a hard habit to break.

I'm sorry... I needed to get that off my chest.

I understand what you are saying. I sometimes get a strange feeling at the Mosque at times when people see me with my husband. You can tell right away he was the born Muslim. I remember at Ramadan, this woman said oh this is your first Ramadan? I said yes excitedly, she said tell me how long have you been married? When she said that, I felt her intentions weren't to make conversation but to make me almost second guess myself. Maybe I am wrong but I like you know what is in my heart. I think its normal for people of any religion to second guess themselves. I did as a Christian and that is how now I became a Muslim. My husband told me he went through a phase of second guessing himself as a Muslim. So, I think it's normal. If anything hopefully this will bring you out to be a better Muslim. So keep searching and do what is best for you. It's God's will to help you learn to hold your marriage together. Just keep communication open between you and your husband and don't let things bottle up between the two of you. God bless!

[SaadBell 0]

Wow that is so sad, I am sorry for all you are going through. It seems to me that is the bad part of religion, and all religions seem to have rules that really don't make much sense. I believe in really loving your fellow man, not stealing, like the big corporations, and never should you be violent. This is why I don't like organized religion, too many people acting in God's place. If we could just be more understanding to each other, and not do things because we are afraid of some kind of after life punishment than the world would be so much better off. You and your husband could use someone outside your situation, where they can listen to both sides, and than try for some kind of compromise. Is there a elder person your husband respects, if so try to have a session with him and you and your husband, and if possible have him have a private talk with your husband, and clear this up. I hope this all works out for you, just really try to find someone your husband will listen to and see what an outsider to your situation will say, sometimes people listen to outsiders more than their close family members.

[Leyla 0]

Thank you to all of you and your advice. The Hijab journey is not easy, the Islam journey is not easy and the RELIGION journey is not easy. I just find myself caught in the middle of all of this and I'm not sure what to do.

[sara..... 371]

i think the main thing that ur husband needs to understand is that if u wear hijab for him and not because u make the choice to do it for Allah............its meaningless.......its just something that has been forced upon u that u dont want and Islam is not about forcing anything its about choice.........the other thing is sure he has to try to teach u but it is not his place to force u and he can not with hold his love or any other part of marriage to make u comply........his job is only to help u thats it........its like when a muslim man marries a non muslim women it is his job to ask her to accept islam but he can not force her he can not make her feel bad because she makes the choice not to..........sometimes our muslim brothers forget some of what is required and forbidden of them........

[sara..... 371]

Thank you to all of you and your advice. The Hijab journey is not easy, the Islam journey is not easy and the RELIGION journey is not easy. I just find myself caught in the middle of all of this and I'm not sure what to do.

i dont know if this will help u or not but i myself wear hijab....i have a sister that made the choice to wear only the shawl to cover her private parts.......her clothing dont fit tight either so she is dressing appropriate.........she at some point in her life may make the choice to wear hijab.........and sure we ask her to wear it but we dont make her feel bad because she has made the choice not to

and ur right the journey of Islam is not easy if ur not born into it.......and that is one of the very reasons why i have so much respect for people that have accepted Islam out of choice.......i can not even imagine how hard it is for those of u that have made the choice to change ur way of life......the way u live.....eat......wash and the millions of other things that are different than the way that u used to live ur life on a day to day bases.......it has to at times seems so over whelming........i give u full respect and admiration to be able to even begin this process and find the strength it takes to convert.........

[sereia 0]

I really wish you the best in this tough time. I believe your faith (no matter WHAT religion) is in fact YOUR faith and not for your husband to tell you what to do. What a difficult position you are in. Its so easy for us to say what we think you should do, but only you know what you're willing to compromise with and what you are not. If you truly don't want to wear it I think he should respect that. But its not as easy as that sounds.....

*hug*

[notime4haterz 0]

Im curious as to what made you make the desicion to take it off? When you met him, were you wearing hijab, or did you start after the relationship started?

Im just asking to get some perspective on your situation.

Im sorry you guys are having a rough time.

Lisa

I was wearing it when I met him but he knows I have been through some times where I questioned the hijab. I had it on and I took it off multiple times. I thought it was what I wanted but my research and heart have found that it is not a requirement. Plus, I wasn't able to get a good job with the scarf, my family was moving farther and farther away from me. My life was not going well with it on.

Whatever you feel, you cannot say it's not required. It is required in the Islamic religion. If you don't feel comfortable wearing it, that is your perogative and you have the right in the US to do as you wish. But that is what it is, your wish.

I'm guessing it's not about reputation that your husband is taking it so hard...but the fact that he loves you and doesn't want your beauty exposed to others. That's not a really bad thing, if you think about it.

Did you have this discussion before you married? If you gave him the impression you were gonna wear hijab for keeps, then you need to think about the promise you made him. If you told him that you were not comfortable in it and made it clear that wearing it wasn't a guarantee then you need to remind him that you made it clear to begin with.

As for your family moving further away from you because you put a piece of cloth on your hair, that is ridiculous! They need to love you unconditionally, whether you wear hijab or not...otherwise they are not worth keeping near to you.

You have alot to think about. I do wish you the best of luck with your decisions. I only suggest that you take your time before you make a hasty decision to end your marriage.

[Leyla 0]

Im curious as to what made you make the desicion to take it off? When you met him, were you wearing hijab, or did you start after the relationship started?

Im just asking to get some perspective on your situation.

Im sorry you guys are having a rough time.

Lisa

I was wearing it when I met him but he knows I have been through some times where I questioned the hijab. I had it on and I took it off multiple times. I thought it was what I wanted but my research and heart have found that it is not a requirement. Plus, I wasn't able to get a good job with the scarf, my family was moving farther and farther away from me. My life was not going well with it on.

Whatever you feel, you cannot say it's not required. It is required in the Islamic religion. If you don't feel comfortable wearing it, that is your perogative and you have the right in the US to do as you wish. But that is what it is, your wish.

I'm guessing it's not about reputation that your husband is taking it so hard...but the fact that he loves you and doesn't want your beauty exposed to others. That's not a really bad thing, if you think about it.

Did you have this discussion before you married? If you gave him the impression you were gonna wear hijab for keeps, then you need to think about the promise you made him. If you told him that you were not comfortable in it and made it clear that wearing it wasn't a guarantee then you need to remind him that you made it clear to begin with.

As for your family moving further away from you because you put a piece of cloth on your hair, that is ridiculous! They need to love you unconditionally, whether you wear hijab or not...otherwise they are not worth keeping near to you.

You have alot to think about. I do wish you the best of luck with your decisions. I only suggest that you take your time before you make a hasty decision to end your marriage.

I'm sorry but I don't believe God will throw me in hell for not wearing the hijab.

[notime4haterz 0]

I'm sorry but I don't believe God will throw me in hell for not wearing the hijab.

No one ever implied that.

Islam has always taught us that only God knows who will go to heaven and hell... and we are always warned not to judge others because there will be people that you see, who you think they are the most strict and abiding Muslims, but they will be destined for hell, and there are people that you will see and think they are the worst kind of people and do nothing good, and they will be destined for heaven.

Look at me...I don't wear hijab, that is obvious...but I can't say "it's not required" because that's changing the religion. We are not scholars to interpret Quran. And Quran is not just what you read. You have to be learned, and know the reason for the revelation, when the revelation came, and what it pertained to at the time it came down. Hadith is also important. It explains things in the Quran that we could never understand, and makes rulings for us. You cannot dismiss Hadith and claim to be a Muslim. By all means, you can be a spiritual person and have strong faith in God...but to be a Muslim means that you accept the Quran and the Hadith.

[Jenn! 918]

You cannot dismiss Hadith and claim to be a Muslim. By all means, you can be a spiritual person and have strong faith in God...but to be a Muslim means that you accept the Quran and the Hadith.

That's an opinion, not a fact.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You cannot dismiss Hadith and claim to be a Muslim. By all means, you can be a spiritual person and have strong faith in God...but to be a Muslim means that you accept the Quran and the Hadith.

That's an opinion, not a fact.

Actually, that's not totally wrong. Sunni Muslims are Sunnah acceptors, that is what the term Sunni means. However, the total of ahadith and those which are specifically accepted as the practice of the Prophet, his Sunnah, are not the same. That is often misunderstood. Also, there is the allowance of the ability to discern whether a hadith is in step with the Quran, and if not, it can be rejected. Even the venerated early imams taught this as practice.

Edited November 16, 2008 by Virtual wife

[notime4haterz 0]

You cannot dismiss Hadith and claim to be a Muslim. By all means, you can be a spiritual person and have strong faith in God...but to be a Muslim means that you accept the Quran and the Hadith.

That's an opinion, not a fact.

No my dear, that is a fact. You don't have to take my word on any of these things. Ask a Muslim scholar.

Actually, for Leyla, the best thing is probably to get some advice from a Muslim scholar.

[Leyla 0]

You cannot dismiss Hadith and claim to be a Muslim. By all means, you can be a spiritual person and have strong faith in God...but to be a Muslim means that you accept the Quran and the Hadith.

That's an opinion, not a fact.

No my dear, that is a fact. You don't have to take my word on any of these things. Ask a Muslim scholar.

Actually, for Leyla, the best thing is probably to get some advice from a Muslim scholar.

I feel fine about not wearing the scarf. I know what I believe to be true and that is what I will do. Khalas. Safi. I am not going to ask a Muslim Scholar, or a shiekh, or anyone else. Because the evidence shows ME I don't have to. And I TRULY believe I will not be thrown in hell for this either. My God is Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem, Al-Aadl, Al-Ghafoor, Al-Wadood. A muslim Scholar or a shiekh would guilt me into wearing it. Then I'm just like those women that are forced to wear it. I'm not saying women SHOULDN'T war the scarf. It's a choice.

Hadith is hard for me to follow because it's not the WORD OF GOD. It's the words of other people saying they saw someone else doing something. MEN make mistakes. PEOPLE make mistakes. I trust in GOD, not the transmitted word of man.

[Jenn! 918]

You cannot dismiss Hadith and claim to be a Muslim. By all means, you can be a spiritual person and have strong faith in God...but to be a Muslim means that you accept the Quran and the Hadith.

That's an opinion, not a fact.

No my dear, that is a fact. You don't have to take my word on any of these things. Ask a Muslim scholar.

Actually, for Leyla, the best thing is probably to get some advice from a Muslim scholar.

"My dear"?

Personally, I don't really care what anyone has to say about it. And I'm guessing we have different opinions about what constitutes a fact.

[merijan 0]

You cannot dismiss Hadith and claim to be a Muslim. By all means, you can be a spiritual person and have strong faith in God...but to be a Muslim means that you accept the Quran and the Hadith.

That's an opinion, not a fact.

No my dear, that is a fact. You don't have to take my word on any of these things. Ask a Muslim scholar.

Actually, for Leyla, the best thing is probably to get some advice from a Muslim scholar.

I agree with all that you have said. And I sent her a video from a Muslim Shcolar who is a convert, who never new Quran before he became Muslim, but he studied it and he explains it well.

Even when I took hijab off for awhile, I could never tell someone you dont have to wear it.

By the way I met my hubby online in Islamic site. He saw first pics of me in Hijab. But I told him that I had taken it off, and when we met for first time etc. I did not wear it. Even I did not wear it agian untill after he came here. He told me he cant force me to wear it , it has to be my decision. However he is much happier now that I am wearing it as we both feel its importance. Yet if I took it off he would not be happy but he would not leave me for it. However if a man is very strong in his deen and religion and feels its importance how can you put him down for that?