Serious Doubts

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Gosh, so its becoming a bigger deal than necessary. What does he say to you once you told him you will not be wearing it anymore? Did you explain your reasons for taking it off?

I explained everything. He seems to be coming around with the hijab thing but the way he talks makes it sound like eventually he will "Teach" me that it's the right thing to do. He expects me to put it on eventually.

Well, as everyone has said, its of course, your choice. I can understand his feelings if you were wearing it when you met him. That might have been one of his "requirements" in his head for a wife.

But, he loves YOU, he fell in love with YOU.

I hope he accepts it and gets over this "teaching" idea.

You have made the desicion and there's no changing your mind.

He will have to make the desicion as to how important it is that his wife wears hijab. It sounds like he has accepted it, but doesnt like it. Maybe thats enough ?

Lisa

[ya hayat alby ♥ 0]

Asalamu 3alaikum

Well, did you both never talk about this before you were getting married?

I'm not of the same opinion as you (that hijab is not fard), but it seems like something important to talk about, especially since he seems to think you wearing hijab is extremely important to him. If he is really insisting on it and you are also having your own way of thinking, then maybe he is not the man for you.

I was going to say, think about it and see if its worth it... if you will lose the man you love because you don't want to wear hijab. And I know that is what you were thinking since you said you will lose your hubby because you aren't willing to compromise. But this thinking would be wrong since you should wear hijab alone and not for your hubby. It would be pointless that way. This situation is a big deal though and isn't something to be compromised on...

I know how it is to struggle with hijab... make sure you think on this decision a lot before you actually take the step. I had a hard time when I first started wearing hijab with family issues, etc etc but I really regretted taking mine off for the short period I did...

insha'Allah things will be easier on you!

Edited November 16, 2008 by ya hayat alby ♥

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Perhaps he could wear it for a while... see how that goes

[Leyla 0]

Asalamu 3alaikum

Well, did you both never talk about this before you were getting married?

I'm not of the same opinion as you (that hijab is not fard), but it seems like something important to talk about, especially since he seems to think you wearing hijab is extremely important to him. If he is really insisting on it and you are also having your own way of thinking, then maybe he is not the man for you.

I was going to say, think about it and see if its worth it... if you will lose the man you love because you don't want to wear hijab. And I know that is what you were thinking since you said you will lose your hubby because you aren't willing to compromise. But this thinking would be wrong since you should wear hijab alone and not for your hubby. It would be pointless that way. This situation is a big deal though and isn't something to be compromised on...

I know how it is to struggle with hijab... insha'Allah things will be easier on you!

I sort of understand what you're saying but if you wear the scarf because a man wants you to that is the whole "oppressed" thing everyone thinks when they look at the scarf. I don't want to be that woman.

[ya hayat alby ♥ 0]

That's what I'm saying... you shouldn't wear it for him, you should wear it for Allah (swt) only.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Asalamu 3alaikum

Well, did you both never talk about this before you were getting married?

I'm not of the same opinion as you (that hijab is not fard), but it seems like something important to talk about, especially since he seems to think you wearing hijab is extremely important to him. If he is really insisting on it and you are also having your own way of thinking, then maybe he is not the man for you.

I was going to say, think about it and see if its worth it... if you will lose the man you love because you don't want to wear hijab. And I know that is what you were thinking since you said you will lose your hubby because you aren't willing to compromise. But this thinking would be wrong since you should wear hijab alone and not for your hubby. It would be pointless that way. This situation is a big deal though and isn't something to be compromised on...

I know how it is to struggle with hijab... make sure you think on this decision a lot before you actually take the step. I had a hard time when I first started wearing hijab with family issues, etc etc but I really regretted taking mine off for the short period I did...

insha'Allah things will be easier on you!

You know? I was thinking about it.. and it would be the equivilent of me saying... habibi? Im gonna go back to wearing short skirts ok? I think he would cry and/or stroke. There are some things that should be a comprimise. However, if both parties feel equally strong about the point then her putting it back on isnt a compromise; it's her putting her feelings asdie to please her husband.

So, maybe comprimise isnt the right term. But, I agree with what you said about letting something liek this end a marriage. That would be a shame for sure.

Maybe you guys can find a compromise... maybe wearing it to work and for interviews is not an option for you, but elsewhere you can wear it for your husband's peace of mind. ??

Lisa

[Leyla 0]

That's what I'm saying... you shouldn't wear it for him, you should wear it for Allah (swt) only.

I just don't see where God tells me to wear the scarf. The Qur'an doesn't mention the hijab. The Sunnah and Hadith say it. I just think that if it was THAT important God would have mentioned it in the Qur'an and it would not have been a secret message. The Qur'an does say lower your gaze, guard your modesty and draw your veil over your chest. But it doesn't say to cover your hair. Maybe this is selfish but I'm not doing it for my husband, I'm not doing it for God (because I don't think He told me to). I'm making this decision for me.

Asalamu 3alaikum

Well, did you both never talk about this before you were getting married?

I'm not of the same opinion as you (that hijab is not fard), but it seems like something important to talk about, especially since he seems to think you wearing hijab is extremely important to him. If he is really insisting on it and you are also having your own way of thinking, then maybe he is not the man for you.

I was going to say, think about it and see if its worth it... if you will lose the man you love because you don't want to wear hijab. And I know that is what you were thinking since you said you will lose your hubby because you aren't willing to compromise. But this thinking would be wrong since you should wear hijab alone and not for your hubby. It would be pointless that way. This situation is a big deal though and isn't something to be compromised on...

I know how it is to struggle with hijab... make sure you think on this decision a lot before you actually take the step. I had a hard time when I first started wearing hijab with family issues, etc etc but I really regretted taking mine off for the short period I did...

insha'Allah things will be easier on you!

That's hypocritical.

You know? I was thinking about it.. and it would be the equivilent of me saying... habibi? Im gonna go back to wearing short skirts ok? I think he would cry and/or stroke. There are some things that should be a comprimise. However, if both parties feel equally strong about the point then her putting it back on isnt a compromise; it's her putting her feelings asdie to please her husband.

So, maybe comprimise isnt the right term. But, I agree with what you said about letting something liek this end a marriage. That would be a shame for sure.

Maybe you guys can find a compromise... maybe wearing it to work and for interviews is not an option for you, but elsewhere you can wear it for your husband's peace of mind. ??

Lisa

[Y's_habibitk 2]

That's what I'm saying... you shouldn't wear it for him, you should wear it for Allah (swt) only.

I just don't see where God tells me to wear the scarf. The Qur'an doesn't mention the hijab. The Sunnah and Hadith say it. I just think that if it was THAT important God would have mentioned it in the Qur'an and it would not have been a secret message. The Qur'an does say lower your gaze, guard your modesty and draw your veil over your chest. But it doesn't say to cover your hair. Maybe this is selfish but I'm not doing it for my husband, I'm not doing it for God (because I don't think He told me to). I'm making this decision for me.

Asalamu 3alaikum

Well, did you both never talk about this before you were getting married?

I'm not of the same opinion as you (that hijab is not fard), but it seems like something important to talk about, especially since he seems to think you wearing hijab is extremely important to him. If he is really insisting on it and you are also having your own way of thinking, then maybe he is not the man for you.

I was going to say, think about it and see if its worth it... if you will lose the man you love because you don't want to wear hijab. And I know that is what you were thinking since you said you will lose your hubby because you aren't willing to compromise. But this thinking would be wrong since you should wear hijab alone and not for your hubby. It would be pointless that way. This situation is a big deal though and isn't something to be compromised on...

I know how it is to struggle with hijab... make sure you think on this decision a lot before you actually take the step. I had a hard time when I first started wearing hijab with family issues, etc etc but I really regretted taking mine off for the short period I did...

insha'Allah things will be easier on you!

That's hypocritical.

You know? I was thinking about it.. and it would be the equivilent of me saying... habibi? Im gonna go back to wearing short skirts ok? I think he would cry and/or stroke. There are some things that should be a comprimise. However, if both parties feel equally strong about the point then her putting it back on isnt a compromise; it's her putting her feelings asdie to please her husband.

So, maybe comprimise isnt the right term. But, I agree with what you said about letting something liek this end a marriage. That would be a shame for sure.

Maybe you guys can find a compromise... maybe wearing it to work and for interviews is not an option for you, but elsewhere you can wear it for your husband's peace of mind. ??

Lisa

Well, I wish you the best in this struggle with your husband.

Lisa

[*JG* 2]

I am not of any middle eastern faith, so I could be way off base here. And, if I am, I apoligize. But, is there someone of your faith....some Holy man or something....who could guide you guys through this? A mediator of sorts?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I am not of any middle eastern faith, so I could be way off base here. And, if I am, I apoligize. But, is there someone of your faith....some Holy man or something....who could guide you guys through this? A mediator of sorts?

she's always so logical

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Well, I think I have heard what Leyla too has said about wearing hijab is not in the Quran. I havent read the whole quran yet, so dont hold me to knowing that point for sure. I think its based on the Sunnah and Hadiths and anyones opinion of modesty. I would think that Imams would tend to say wear it, but the question would be for me, is it in the Quran? Also, that everyone in this world has their own version of what is or isnt modest. There is no set standard in life. Its a personal decision IMO.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I remeber reading something, somewhere..(dont ask me to quote) in the quran about the women used to wear the head covering and tuck it behind their ears..then they started to "draw it over there chest" I am TOTALLY paraphrasing here obviously.

But, what I got out of that is that they used to just wear it like we see so many depictions of biblical women, did. Then they started tucking it in front too.. like hijab

Im sure someone will come along shortly to quote for us

Lisa

[brnidokiegurl 0]

You have to do and be for yourself and what you believe in and hopefully your partner will have the same thoughts, this is part of a marriage, kinda hard if both go down different roads in different directions. I would think you both knew these things from day one but i also know sometimes things change within a person, sometimes the other can adjust sometimes its something they wont accept. Hope there is a middle of the road for you all.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I have been Muslim all my life, but I don't wear the khimar except when necessary. It is not a part of my everyday dress. The Quran contains not one word about hijab as a means of dress, nor make it a pillar of faith. Islam does command modesty, but it does so for men and for women. Over time, khimar has become a symbol of Islamic piety, but symbols are far less important in Islam than are acts. If your husband is willing to threaten the stability of your marriage, and make you doubt your committment to Allah over a piece of cloth, then he is putting emphasis on the wrong parts of faith.

Every Muslim has their own path to Allah, but for women it has often become more complicated to be Muslim because to many, we are the embodiment of tradition and honor in the family which must be protected. Living up to the expectations of others makes it more difficult to grow into practice in a way that creates the kind of confidence and comfort that faith brings. Despite the Quran's advice that no Muslim bears the burden of another unless they are responsible for misleading them, some Muslims believe that the husband is the head of the household, and so, will be judged for the beliefs and behavior of his wife and children. If your husband's belief is that he must maintain control over your practice in order to save face and please Allah, then there will be more problems than just those centering on what you wear on your head.

I certainly hope that you can come to an understanding together that your beliefs and practice and his will not always be in sync, but that you both intend to please Allah as best you can.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Glad you posted VW. This was along the lines of what I was thinking too. No one has pin-pointed to me at any point that a woman must wear the head covering from the Quran. I think you stated the point well. Thanks for the post!