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Serious Doubts

By Leyla in Middle East and North Africa

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Leyla Community Regular

Leyla   0

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Morocco
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So I've been thinking a lot lately.

I love my hubby to death and I know he loves me but I think there may be some significant differences in religious opinions and life goals. I'm just not sure what to do.

I recently took off my headscarf (after talking to my hubby) and it caused some pretty bad arguments and panic attacks (a little passing out) and crying. I don't know how I will be able to compromise with him. I am scared that this could lead to an eventual end to our marriage. It would crush my heart if it happened but at the same time I cannot sacrifice who I am for the rest of my life.

I don't know what to do. I feel depressed, desperate and confused. It's so hard to love someone so much and worry that your marriage will end because you couldn't compromise.

I don't know what to do. :( I've worked so hard for this relationship and now it might end.

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~PalmTreeGurl~ Experienced

~PalmTreeGurl~   154

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Egypt
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He had a fit that you took off your headscarf?

IMHO, your faith is just that... Your Faith. You wouldnt be the first or last muslima to not wear a headscarf. He should respect YOUR decision. Im sure you continue to dress modest and thats whats more important IMHO.

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Leyla Community Regular

Leyla   0

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Morocco
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I think it's a reputation thing. He thinks I am changing. He thinks that I am different. I'm just worried that I'm not religious enough for him. He deserves the best and if that is what he wants, I am not the girl for him. I just want him to be happy and I don't know if he would be happy with my level of religiousness.

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~PalmTreeGurl~ Experienced

~PalmTreeGurl~   154

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Egypt
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I think it's a reputation thing. He thinks I am changing. He thinks that I am different. I'm just worried that I'm not religious enough for him. He deserves the best and if that is what he wants, I am not the girl for him. I just want him to be happy and I don't know if he would be happy with my level of religiousness.

Sorry dear, but YOUR faith is just that...

You shouldnt be "religious" for him. You should be who you are and have your own faith. And further more, regardless of if you cover your hair or not, that is not what makes one more modest in their heart.

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Y's_habibitk Mentor

Y's_habibitk   2

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Jordan
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Im curious as to what made you make the desicion to take it off? When you met him, were you wearing hijab, or did you start after the relationship started?

Im just asking to get some perspective on your situation. :)

Im sorry you guys are having a rough time.

Lisa

"you fondle my trigger then you blame my gun"

Timeline: 13 month long journey from filing to visa in hand

If you were lucky and got an approval and reunion with your loved one rather quickly; Please refrain from telling people who waited 6+ months just to get out of a service center to "chill out" or to "stop whining" It's insensitive,and unecessary. Once you walk a mile in their shoes you will understand and be heard.

Thanks!

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Leyla Community Regular

Leyla   0

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Morocco
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I think it's a reputation thing. He thinks I am changing. He thinks that I am different. I'm just worried that I'm not religious enough for him. He deserves the best and if that is what he wants, I am not the girl for him. I just want him to be happy and I don't know if he would be happy with my level of religiousness.

Sorry dear, but YOUR faith is just that...

You shouldnt be "religious" for him. You should be who you are and have your own faith. And further more, regardless of if you cover your hair or not, that is not what makes one more modest in their heart.

It just scares me to death to know that I possibly made a HUGE decision that ended up being a HUGE mistake. We have our Wedding reception coming up in two weeks, my parents spent SO MUCH MONEY ON IT. I made such a huge deal about all of this and now it turns out I might be wrong. I am so afraid. I feel like a little kid! The worst part is... I love him so much. My heart is hurting just thinking about all of this :(

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Leyla Community Regular

Leyla   0

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Morocco
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Im curious as to what made you make the desicion to take it off? When you met him, were you wearing hijab, or did you start after the relationship started?

Im just asking to get some perspective on your situation. :)

Im sorry you guys are having a rough time.

Lisa

I was wearing it when I met him but he knows I have been through some times where I questioned the hijab. I had it on and I took it off multiple times. I thought it was what I wanted but my research and heart have found that it is not a requirement. Plus, I wasn't able to get a good job with the scarf, my family was moving farther and farther away from me. My life was not going well with it on.

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~PalmTreeGurl~ Experienced

~PalmTreeGurl~   154

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Egypt
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Gosh, so its becoming a bigger deal than necessary. What does he say to you once you told him you will not be wearing it anymore? Did you explain your reasons for taking it off?

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bhajishah Proficient

bhajishah   4

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Pakistan
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Yah Hijab is not required. ??? and its entirely up to the woman if she wants to wear, In my neighborhood would call more attention to self then the intended purpose in otherplaces..

august 2004 I-129 filed (neb)

DEC 2004 Approved

interview: SEOUL

MArch 21st , 2005AR for special security clearance,washington

May 18th tranfer case from Seoul to Islammabad

June 21st security clearance done

June 28th online at the embassy in Islamabad

waiting for paper transfer and the good word

OCTOBER 14TH 2005 Interview Number 2: ISLAMABAD, PK

AR number 2 sent to DOS per Islamabad (2 cable request)

Nov 22 okd updated financial and etc proof accepted / embassy waiting for security cables

dec 20th one cable back waiting on 2nd

Jan 17th.. good word recieved. SECURITY CHECKS ALL CLEAR!!! DOS says embassy to contact him within two weeks!!!!!!

FEBRUARY 10th, 2006 VISA RECIEVED!!! They called him In via phone, stamped his passort and sent him on his way!!!

FEB 28th WELCOME HOME>>>POE CHICAGO did not even look at xray, few questions. one hour wait at Poe

march 10th marriage (nikkah at the islamic center)

aug 2006 AOS interview, cond 2 yr GC arrived september

June 2008 applied for removal of conditions on permant residency aka awaiting for 10 yr greencard

Dec 2008 10yr green card approved, no interview.

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Leyla Community Regular

Leyla   0

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Morocco
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Gosh, so its becoming a bigger deal than necessary. What does he say to you once you told him you will not be wearing it anymore? Did you explain your reasons for taking it off?

I explained everything. He seems to be coming around with the hijab thing but the way he talks makes it sound like eventually he will "Teach" me that it's the right thing to do. He expects me to put it on eventually.

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bhajishah Proficient

bhajishah   4

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Pakistan
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YOu are who you are.. so if he dont love you for that well then.. what the problem after marriage..he should have known these things before.. how people going to understand and like Islam if it cont to be "scary" when in all actuality its not

august 2004 I-129 filed (neb)

DEC 2004 Approved

interview: SEOUL

MArch 21st , 2005AR for special security clearance,washington

May 18th tranfer case from Seoul to Islammabad

June 21st security clearance done

June 28th online at the embassy in Islamabad

waiting for paper transfer and the good word

OCTOBER 14TH 2005 Interview Number 2: ISLAMABAD, PK

AR number 2 sent to DOS per Islamabad (2 cable request)

Nov 22 okd updated financial and etc proof accepted / embassy waiting for security cables

dec 20th one cable back waiting on 2nd

Jan 17th.. good word recieved. SECURITY CHECKS ALL CLEAR!!! DOS says embassy to contact him within two weeks!!!!!!

FEBRUARY 10th, 2006 VISA RECIEVED!!! They called him In via phone, stamped his passort and sent him on his way!!!

FEB 28th WELCOME HOME>>>POE CHICAGO did not even look at xray, few questions. one hour wait at Poe

march 10th marriage (nikkah at the islamic center)

aug 2006 AOS interview, cond 2 yr GC arrived september

June 2008 applied for removal of conditions on permant residency aka awaiting for 10 yr greencard

Dec 2008 10yr green card approved, no interview.

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~PalmTreeGurl~ Experienced

~PalmTreeGurl~   154

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Egypt
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Posted (edited)

Hmm not sure, but maybe its his culture?? Bcz my husband is Christian from Egypt and I do not always cover my hair. Sometimes I do. But Im sure the more modest I was, the more excited he would be. I know my husband would not object to me covering all the time, but he always realizes that my faith can not be changed by his demands.

Edited by TamaraLovesAdam
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Leyla Community Regular

Leyla   0

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Morocco
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Hmm not sure, but maybe its his culture?? Bcz my husband is Christian from Egypt and I do not cover my hair always. Sometimes I do. But Im sure the more modest I was, the more excited he would be. I know my husband would not object to me covering all the time, but he always realizes that my faith can not be changed by his demands.

My hope is to make this marriage work. I think that he's already "warming up" to the scarf idea. I think that maybe if I live my life hijabless and show him I can still be a "good Muslim." I just need someone to talk to. I talk to my parents about all of this too much and I don't seem to have any other friends that will listen. I'm hoping this is just a big bump in the road.

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