Help - I am so upset :(

[Nita&Assaad 0]

Well when I called the DOS I was Curious and asked why does my husband have to go through AP if he had already gone through secruity checks for 3 months during USCIS level and one at NVC, and the person that answer me told me that sometimes the Petitioner goes to Background checks as well as a final check... With all the checks that my husband and I had gone through I wasn't surprised of that statement and didn't think nothing of it. But then I read something to that effect here on VJ a while back... But I was just saying my Opinion, if you dont agree that's fine! I was just said it and was trying to make Julia feel better... Sorry

Nita

But you know what I heard that sometimes that AP can be because of the Petitioner as well.....

Ehhh Nita...

Based on everything that's been posted about Julia's case, I'm confident her fiance is undergoing security checks in Washington now (same as mine).

You should elaborate on this "because of the petitioner as well" thing.... I'm very curious to know what you've heard because from what I know, I would not agree with that statement.

[WonTanNara 0]

Well when I called the DOS I was Curious and asked why does my husband have to go through AP if he had already gone through secruity checks for 3 months during USCIS level and one at NVC, and the person that answer me told me that sometimes the Petitioner goes to Background checks as well as a final check... With all the checks that my husband and I had gone through I wasn't surprised of that statement and didn't think nothing of it. But then I read something to that effect here on VJ a while back... But I was just saying my Opinion, if you dont agree that's fine! I was just said it and was trying to make Julia feel better... Sorry

Nita

I know you were I just wouldn't want her or anybody else (self included) to freak out. This is a lot to go through, and what you said made my heart jump a little, feeling like oh jeez now I am causing this horrible delay? What did she hear?? I think the jokers that answer the phone at DOS don't know diddly. And yes, we can disagree and still be friends. You are our official cheerleader!

I'm just feeling really punchy lately. AP sucks. No way around it. 2008 has been the longest year of my life.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

Ok NP I still have love for everyone here waiting AP.... I am praying everyday that this nightmare finishes fast for everyone!!!

Hugs

Nita

Well when I called the DOS I was Curious and asked why does my husband have to go through AP if he had already gone through secruity checks for 3 months during USCIS level and one at NVC, and the person that answer me told me that sometimes the Petitioner goes to Background checks as well as a final check... With all the checks that my husband and I had gone through I wasn't surprised of that statement and didn't think nothing of it. But then I read something to that effect here on VJ a while back... But I was just saying my Opinion, if you dont agree that's fine! I was just said it and was trying to make Julia feel better... Sorry

Nita

I know you were I just wouldn't want her or anybody else (self included) to freak out. This is a lot to go through, and what you said made my heart jump a little, feeling like oh jeez now I am causing this horrible delay? What did she hear?? I think the jokers that answer the phone at DOS don't know diddly. And yes, we can disagree and still be friends. You are our official cheerleader!

I'm just feeling really punchy lately. AP sucks. No way around it. 2008 has been the longest year of my life.

[miamiwife 0]

I don't think the security checks have anything to do with the petitioner. Besides, Julia and I were both told that our beneficiary's name had been sent to Washington, not the other way around. What we can not figure out is what triggers this. Is it name only? Hey Onur and Julia--if Muhammet's visa does not come by December 1st, I am also going to Turkey for Winter Break--maybe we can all meet? We can have a party at the embassy;)

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I know you were I just wouldn't want her or anybody else (self included) to freak out. This is a lot to go through, and what you said made my heart jump a little, feeling like oh jeez now I am causing this horrible delay? What did she hear?? I think the jokers that answer the phone at DOS don't know diddly. And yes, we can disagree and still be friends. You are our official cheerleader!

I'm just feeling really punchy lately. AP sucks. No way around it. 2008 has been the longest year of my life.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that 2009 will be the best year of our lives...or at least the first of many!

[WonTanNara 0]

I know you were I just wouldn't want her or anybody else (self included) to freak out. This is a lot to go through, and what you said made my heart jump a little, feeling like oh jeez now I am causing this horrible delay? What did she hear?? I think the jokers that answer the phone at DOS don't know diddly. And yes, we can disagree and still be friends. You are our official cheerleader!

I'm just feeling really punchy lately. AP sucks. No way around it. 2008 has been the longest year of my life.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that 2009 will be the best year of our lives...or at least the first of many!

Yeeeeah me too!

[JULIAFERNO 0]

Well he is doing it again...telling me that he is canceling the visa after 6 months of AP (so in another 2 months). And I am home sick with the flu today...and crying my eyes out.

I can't handle this anymore...this is breaking me and breaking us and I don't think we can make it with those ultimatums...

I can't keep going on like this.

Edited November 21, 2008 by JULIAFERNO

[Whatznext 2]

I am so sorry he is pulling your chains again just tell him mean what you say and do what you say he is almost there why start crying now we are all feeling the stress you are doing everything in your power for him he should realize that and comfort you. You are much nicer that me after many threats I would stop the visa myself. I am much older than you and the way I see it is he going to bail everytime the going gets tough you have made a promise to him and you are doing your best he should except that he his keeping you torn up what kind of love is this he is suppose to support you where is the man tell him to stop whinning. I am sorry I know you love him but enough is enough we are all tired of waiting at least he is closer than he was. I hope you feel better

[Nita&Assaad 0]

I am sorry Julia you are going through this, he shouldn't be taking it out on you or your relationship, it not your fault. It's how this broken system works It's not right!!! I pray he relaxes soon!! My hubby went through a Hard time too when we were waiting to be approved! But this is really when you see how strong your love is for each other and Pray. What is met to be, will be!

I pray that GOD gives him & you the strength to continue!!! Hope you feel better

Big Hugs

Nita

Well he is doing it again...telling me that he is canceling the visa after 6 months of AP (so in another 2 months). And I am home sick with the flu today...and crying my eyes out.

I can't handle this anymore...this is breaking me and breaking us and I don't think we can make it with those ultimatums...

I can't keep going on like this.

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I am so sorry he is pulling your chains again just tell him mean what you say and do what you say he is almost there why start crying now we are all feeling the stress you are doing everything in your power for him he should realize that and comfort you. You are much nicer that me after many threats I would stop the visa myself. I am much older than you and the way I see it is he going to bail everytime the going gets tough you have made a promise to him and you are doing your best he should except that he his keeping you torn up what kind of love is this he is suppose to support you where is the man tell him to stop whinning. I am sorry I know you love him but enough is enough we are all tired of waiting at least he is closer than he was. I hope you feel better

Thanks FSUmome...I am starting to feel like we are at the end of our rope. I know this is hard, it is unbearable at times, but being impulsive and canceling the visa after 6 months of AP is ridiculous, in my opinion. Plus he is being downright mean to me about the whole situation.

He doesn't realize that he is f-ing his/our future more by canceling the visa than by waiting it out. I don't know what is going to happen. There was a time when I felt our love was strong enough to endure this, but we are at our wits end. We argue about it all the time and we simply don't agree on how to handle the situation. He keeps saying "Don't you see? They don't want to give me this visa." He just doesn't get it, no matter how much I try to explain. I am starting to ask myself how much more of this I am going to make myself endure...

It kills me that he is planning on ending all of our hard work and patience in a mere 2 months if he doesn't have his visa...which is a big possibility. He seems to have his mind made up. I guess I should be planning for the worst.

Edited November 21, 2008 by JULIAFERNO

[Whatznext 2]

My husband tried giving me that same tune everything is because he is from Iraq I said that might be true stay and cry about it are be happy because you are that much closer to being at the end of this journey and get ready for our life together anyway we decided not to mention the visa and just plan on being together in a year if it happens sooner we will both be happy but we were living our life around the AP and the visa and everyday was getting longer and I was getting depressed now I am trying to stay busy with other things good luck with love it will all work out

[WonTanNara 0]

Well he is doing it again...telling me that he is canceling the visa after 6 months of AP (so in another 2 months). And I am home sick with the flu today...and crying my eyes out.

I can't handle this anymore...this is breaking me and breaking us and I don't think we can make it with those ultimatums...

I can't keep going on like this.

Ahhhh Julia I'm so sorry. <hugs> One thing you need to keep at the front of your mind; you cannot control him or how he feels or what he does. You can only control yourself and how you feel and what you do. I've been around the block enough times to know that if you beg and plead and cry to a man it does absolutely no good whatsoever. Jeez if they do that to us it doesn't help us, either. I've said this to you before.... trust me; just give him some space and let him feel what he needs to feel. I agree with others that this behaviour is unproductive, but pressuring him in return will not help the situation. Take a step back and give him some space. The absolute best thing you can do right now, is simply tell him "Ok, if that's really how you feel then you do what you need to do. I will be ok no matter what." And you will! Take care of yourself in the meantime. If he really decides to give up after all this, then pi$$ on him! you deserve better than that.

Somehow, I don't think it will come to that...

Hang in there.

[wendya 0]

I am so sorry he is pulling your chains again just tell him mean what you say and do what you say he is almost there why start crying now we are all feeling the stress you are doing everything in your power for him he should realize that and comfort you. You are much nicer that me after many threats I would stop the visa myself. I am much older than you and the way I see it is he going to bail everytime the going gets tough you have made a promise to him and you are doing your best he should except that he his keeping you torn up what kind of love is this he is suppose to support you where is the man tell him to stop whinning. I am sorry I know you love him but enough is enough we are all tired of waiting at least he is closer than he was. I hope you feel better

Thanks FSUmome...I am starting to feel like we are at the end of our rope. I know this is hard, it is unbearable at times, but being impulsive and canceling the visa after 6 months of AP is ridiculous, in my opinion. Plus he is being downright mean to me about the whole situation.

He doesn't realize that he is f-ing his/our future more by canceling the visa than by waiting it out. I don't know what is going to happen. There was a time when I felt our love was strong enough to endure this, but we are at our wits end. We argue about it all the time and we simply don't agree on how to handle the situation. He keeps saying "Don't you see? They don't want to give me this visa." He just doesn't get it, no matter how much I try to explain. I am starting to ask myself how much more of this I am going to make myself endure...

It kills me that he is planning on ending all of our hard work and patience in a mere 2 months if he doesn't have his visa...which is a big possibility. He seems to have his mind made up. I guess I should be planning for the worst.

For Julia and Onur - Please don't cancel that visa application!!! You are right Julia, it will cause more problems. I don't know if you mentioned were Onur was from in Turkey, but if he needs to talk to Yilmaz (Yilmaz is from Gebze), just let me know and I will give you his number. I truly believe that he will get his visa when all is said and done. Please remind him that we have been waiting 15 months since we filed our waiver and we still have the possibility of a "no" answer because of Yilmaz's overstay. Yilmaz has seen other people he knows get visas and here he is still waiting. Yilmaz is currently out of work and had to sell his car. I was going in December and now I can't. I have not seen Yilmaz for 1 year!! Please, please hang in there!!!

I hope you did well on your test and I hope you have a wonderful trip to Turkey in December. I wish I was going and could meet up with you and miamiwife. Maybe when we all have our loves here, we can meet somewhere in the U.S. I feel like I already know so many of you and would love to meet face to face

Edited November 22, 2008 by wendya

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I am so sorry he is pulling your chains again just tell him mean what you say and do what you say he is almost there why start crying now we are all feeling the stress you are doing everything in your power for him he should realize that and comfort you. You are much nicer that me after many threats I would stop the visa myself. I am much older than you and the way I see it is he going to bail everytime the going gets tough you have made a promise to him and you are doing your best he should except that he his keeping you torn up what kind of love is this he is suppose to support you where is the man tell him to stop whinning. I am sorry I know you love him but enough is enough we are all tired of waiting at least he is closer than he was. I hope you feel better

Thanks FSUmome...I am starting to feel like we are at the end of our rope. I know this is hard, it is unbearable at times, but being impulsive and canceling the visa after 6 months of AP is ridiculous, in my opinion. Plus he is being downright mean to me about the whole situation.

He doesn't realize that he is f-ing his/our future more by canceling the visa than by waiting it out. I don't know what is going to happen. There was a time when I felt our love was strong enough to endure this, but we are at our wits end. We argue about it all the time and we simply don't agree on how to handle the situation. He keeps saying "Don't you see? They don't want to give me this visa." He just doesn't get it, no matter how much I try to explain. I am starting to ask myself how much more of this I am going to make myself endure...

It kills me that he is planning on ending all of our hard work and patience in a mere 2 months if he doesn't have his visa...which is a big possibility. He seems to have his mind made up. I guess I should be planning for the worst.

For Julia and Onur - Please don't cancel that visa application!!! You are right Julia, it will cause more problems. I don't know if you mentioned were Onur was from in Turkey, but if he needs to talk to Yilmaz (Yilmaz is from Gebze), just let me know and I will give you his number. I truly believe that he will get his visa when all is said and done. Please remind him that we have been waiting 15 months since we filed our waiver and we still have the possibility of a "no" answer because of Yilmaz's overstay. Yilmaz has seen other people he knows get visas and here he is still waiting. Yilmaz is currently out of work and had to sell his car. I was going in December and now I can't. I have not seen Yilmaz for 1 year!! Please, please hang in there!!!

I hope you did well on your test and I hope you have a wonderful trip to Turkey in December. I wish I was going and could meet up with you and miamiwife. Maybe when we all have our loves here, we can meet somewhere in the U.S. I feel like I already know so many of you and would love to meet face to face

Thank you Wendy! :Hugs:

I think it would be a great idea for us all to have some sort of meet-up once all of our SOs are in the states. That would be so much fun!

[wendya 0]

I am so sorry he is pulling your chains again just tell him mean what you say and do what you say he is almost there why start crying now we are all feeling the stress you are doing everything in your power for him he should realize that and comfort you. You are much nicer that me after many threats I would stop the visa myself. I am much older than you and the way I see it is he going to bail everytime the going gets tough you have made a promise to him and you are doing your best he should except that he his keeping you torn up what kind of love is this he is suppose to support you where is the man tell him to stop whinning. I am sorry I know you love him but enough is enough we are all tired of waiting at least he is closer than he was. I hope you feel better

Thanks FSUmome...I am starting to feel like we are at the end of our rope. I know this is hard, it is unbearable at times, but being impulsive and canceling the visa after 6 months of AP is ridiculous, in my opinion. Plus he is being downright mean to me about the whole situation.

He doesn't realize that he is f-ing his/our future more by canceling the visa than by waiting it out. I don't know what is going to happen. There was a time when I felt our love was strong enough to endure this, but we are at our wits end. We argue about it all the time and we simply don't agree on how to handle the situation. He keeps saying "Don't you see? They don't want to give me this visa." He just doesn't get it, no matter how much I try to explain. I am starting to ask myself how much more of this I am going to make myself endure...

It kills me that he is planning on ending all of our hard work and patience in a mere 2 months if he doesn't have his visa...which is a big possibility. He seems to have his mind made up. I guess I should be planning for the worst.

For Julia and Onur - Please don't cancel that visa application!!! You are right Julia, it will cause more problems. I don't know if you mentioned were Onur was from in Turkey, but if he needs to talk to Yilmaz (Yilmaz is from Gebze), just let me know and I will give you his number. I truly believe that he will get his visa when all is said and done. Please remind him that we have been waiting 15 months since we filed our waiver and we still have the possibility of a "no" answer because of Yilmaz's overstay. Yilmaz has seen other people he knows get visas and here he is still waiting. Yilmaz is currently out of work and had to sell his car. I was going in December and now I can't. I have not seen Yilmaz for 1 year!! Please, please hang in there!!!

I hope you did well on your test and I hope you have a wonderful trip to Turkey in December. I wish I was going and could meet up with you and miamiwife. Maybe when we all have our loves here, we can meet somewhere in the U.S. I feel like I already know so many of you and would love to meet face to face

Thank you Wendy! :Hugs:

I think it would be a great idea for us all to have some sort of meet-up once all of our SOs are in the states. That would be so much fun!

Looking forward to it!! We will party!!