Help - I am so upset :(

[unforgettable fire 2]

I can understand the human mind might be irrational at times but he should get his kit together, man up and take a hold of himself. If he is showing this kind of behavior now you guys are going through hard times, how will things become when you two are finally married? Have you considered this?

I don't think this is a fair assessment. None of us can fully appreciate what our SO's go through outside the borders of the US while they are waiting and waiting and waiting. I didn't understand this before, but now I totally understand why Guineans will keep the entire visa process a secret from everybody, including their immediate families. People love to cluck cluck cluck to place doubt in the minds of others and I think that is happening to Onur, too. He's feeling the eyes of everybody around him, watching him, waiting... sooo... you're going to the US, eh? When exactly is that gonna happen?

Not only that, nobody is perfect. We all have our unpleasant personality traits which are amplified by stressful and discouraging situations. I wouldn't be too hard on him Julia. I've personally been through this exact type of scenario and I think nothing less of my fiance. He is a wonderful human being and in spite of the occasional hissy fit under stress he is perfect for me. Think of it this way, if Onur is showing this type of behavior now, it will give you an early opportunity to figure out how to move through these times while making your love stronger, not tearing it apart by fighting among yourselves. Let him feel what he needs to feel and when the storm has passed talk about it to figure out how to move through it together. You'll have your stormy times too and will probably appreciate the same kind of compassion.

I feel your pain, sister, it'll be over when the time is right.

Was not trying to be hard on him but trying to be realistic. I completely understand that we all go through a lot of emotions throughout the process, especially those who have to wait long periods, however losing it and freaking out won't help any situation. Trust me I'm normally the one who freaks out and my SO is the one who keeps a leveled head but I have learned from experience that making your SO stressed out when they have no power to accelerate the process is not the way forward. I am very sure they will resolve the matter successfully and soon enough they will be able to be with each other.

I wish them both the best, and I do agree he should read some of the post in here to make things more bearable. I know it helped me and a lot of us throughout the whole immigration process.

GOOD LUCK!

Edited November 15, 2008 by unforgettable fire

[Whatznext 2]

since you were never on AP you cannot possibly understand the frustrations of not knowing how long this is going to take and what is going on not to mention looking forward to the interview date and then having AP slap you blindsided.

[maggieNomar 0]

I can understand the human mind might be irrational at times but he should get his kit together, man up and take a hold of himself. If he is showing this kind of behavior now you guys are going through hard times, how will things become when you two are finally married? Have you considered this?

I don't think this is a fair assessment. None of us can fully appreciate what our SO's go through outside the borders of the US while they are waiting and waiting and waiting. I didn't understand this before, but now I totally understand why Guineans will keep the entire visa process a secret from everybody, including their immediate families. People love to cluck cluck cluck to place doubt in the minds of others and I think that is happening to Onur, too. He's feeling the eyes of everybody around him, watching him, waiting... sooo... you're going to the US, eh? When exactly is that gonna happen?

Not only that, nobody is perfect. We all have our unpleasant personality traits which are amplified by stressful and discouraging situations. I wouldn't be too hard on him Julia. I've personally been through this exact type of scenario and I think nothing less of my fiance. He is a wonderful human being and in spite of the occasional hissy fit under stress he is perfect for me. Think of it this way, if Onur is showing this type of behavior now, it will give you an early opportunity to figure out how to move through these times while making your love stronger, not tearing it apart by fighting among yourselves. Let him feel what he needs to feel and when the storm has passed talk about it to figure out how to move through it together. You'll have your stormy times too and will probably appreciate the same kind of compassion.

I feel your pain, sister, it'll be over when the time is right.

So very true. My husband told a few people when he was applying for the visa and they turned into nay sayers. 'You'll never get out of here.' He then stopped talking about it until the day before he was leaving for Casablanca to fly HOME to me...then he was waving it in their face.

AS to the OP: It's normail for some to get impatient, especially if they watch friends get their visa and they keep waiting. You will go through cycles in your relationship but you will be ok. Glad mom helped to cheer you up.

[WonTanNara 0]

since you were never on AP you cannot possibly understand the frustrations of not knowing how long this is going to take and what is going on not to mention looking forward to the interview date and then having AP slap you blindsided.

It SUCKS doesn't it? OMG I never had any idea that this could happen. All I knew was you either got the visa or you didn't. Neither one of us was prepared and it was a harsh slap in the face. Up one side and then the other. SEVEN MONTHS LATER.........

I agree with you, anybody who has not been through this could possibly begin to understand just how difficult it is.

[Whatznext 2]

you are so right the sad part is even with all of the post I read I never read about AP and didnt know it even existed and like you I was completely shocked I too thought he would just get the visa since all the paper work was in order LOL what an eye opener there should be a forum topic "BEWARE : PRE-VISA ISSUES" I did see the administrative process topic but I thought mmmmmmmmmm this dosent apply to me and I never read any of the post ........little did I know

[ferno 0]

Hi everyone. I am Ferno or Onur i dont know how can i introduce myself. I am julia's fiance. I am sick and borred sitting at home allday and doing nothing waiting and waiting all i can do that.. I can not find work i can not apply for any job i can not go anywhere . and yes AP really sucks.. i mean i was wondering i didnt go army yet . I have a army problem i delayed it 2 years.. but after 2 years i will be almost 27 and when i will go army and back from there i will be almost 30 and after 30 years you can not find a job in here. i mean julia and i are waiting since 4 month for this ap thing and the embassy says it takes 4 -6 months . so 45 days later we will allready left 6 months.. in this 6 months if nothing change so what will happen i just onder. i mean julia and i are get marry soon yes.. this is right but where we will get marry this is not important somehwre in the wolrd but being together with julia more important for me turkiye or usa not important this is my idea. i just love julia soo much and she know how much i love her . and ofcourse sometimes this is making me stressfull doing nothing and sitting at home and waiting everyday adding me more stress this is right but i am just depressed about this AP.. i dunno how people can deal with it . i just wanna know and i can really understand i am just simple person if they couldnt still check my security info how they are finding dangerous people?.. this is easy to find me or something about me.. why they are being soo slow that is weird. i was thinking turkiye must be more slow country in this world but usa more slow than turkiye.. anyays.. everything going well right now with julia. sometimes we are having problems yes this is normal but we are not keep fighting or staying on this problems.. want to say from here Julia i love you soo much and you know how much i love you .. you are ith me all the time.. and yes your name on my shoulder.. still on there

[Whatznext 2]

yes we feel your pain and have the same feelings we all want our AP to end LOL my husband is from Iraq I think we will be in AP for ever even though he has been out of Iraq for a few years he is condemned for being a Muslim and an Arab and having a Iraqi passport so we just have to deal with it and it is hard. Keep yourself busy and soon they have to give you the Visa the government has some time lines they have to follow the case has to show activity hopefully our cases have most of the wait time behind us keep the faith and Know Julia loves you and she is also tired of waiting but just think at the end of the rainbow is the pot of gold

[JULIAFERNO 0]

Hi everyone. I am Ferno or Onur i dont know how can i introduce myself. I am julia's fiance. I am sick and borred sitting at home allday and doing nothing waiting and waiting all i can do that.. I can not find work i can not apply for any job i can not go anywhere . and yes AP really sucks.. i mean i was wondering i didnt go army yet . I have a army problem i delayed it 2 years.. but after 2 years i will be almost 27 and when i will go army and back from there i will be almost 30 and after 30 years you can not find a job in here. i mean julia and i are waiting since 4 month for this ap thing and the embassy says it takes 4 -6 months . so 45 days later we will allready left 6 months.. in this 6 months if nothing change so what will happen i just onder. i mean julia and i are get marry soon yes.. this is right but where we will get marry this is not important somehwre in the wolrd but being together with julia more important for me turkiye or usa not important this is my idea. i just love julia soo much and she know how much i love her . and ofcourse sometimes this is making me stressfull doing nothing and sitting at home and waiting everyday adding me more stress this is right but i am just depressed about this AP.. i dunno how people can deal with it . i just wanna know and i can really understand i am just simple person if they couldnt still check my security info how they are finding dangerous people?.. this is easy to find me or something about me.. why they are being soo slow that is weird. i was thinking turkiye must be more slow country in this world but usa more slow than turkiye.. anyays.. everything going well right now with julia. sometimes we are having problems yes this is normal but we are not keep fighting or staying on this problems.. want to say from here Julia i love you soo much and you know how much i love you .. you are ith me all the time.. and yes your name on my shoulder.. still on there

I am glad you joined askim There are great people here on VJ and we are all helping each other, every day.

[tammy2688 1]

It is disturbing to see people who have not endured AP to come and put in their 2 cents, honestly frustrations during AP have NOTHING to do with one's true personality. It kills people, this AP #######, and destroys the mind. Julia, this is completely understandable - Belinda (Iran, AP over one year, finally got visa couple of months ago) her fiance also made similar comments about not wanting to wait. My husband, at 9 months, was in a verybad position and said that I should just go to Bangladesh because he was feeling bad about being treated like a criminal when he never had a completely clean record. This kind of behavior is so normal that it should not raise any new questions for you as to his personality, etc. He is in pain, just like everyone who has had to and is enduring AP. It is the hardest at around 6 months, but only numbness and tears after that. It does end, Julia, and only YOU can convince him of it. I had to do it every other day - explain again and again, cry and laugh and remind him and myself this will be over because a real relationship will get a visa. Let him know that he WILL get this visa and there is no reason that he will not. You are is only true love, of coarse he will let out his frustrations on you...I remember my husband saying he doesn't even want to hear about the visa at one point. We all go through this - I assure you, you two will be laughing about this as soon as AP is cleared and tell him to stop paying attention to ####### and negative people and you do the same.

Sending you my love and prayers,

God will take care of you Julia, and your husband.

Tam

[Gemmie 142]

Being put in AP must be destroying... well done anyone who has been through it and good luck to everyone dealing with it.

Edited November 16, 2008 by Gemmie

[WonTanNara 0]

I am having a bad day today. I've pretty much spent the day in and out of bed, crying. I'm going to see my fiance in 4 weeks and all I can think about is OH MY GOD WHAT WILL I DO IF HAVE TO COME HOME BY MYSELF AGAIN? It's tearing me apart today and I should be focusing on the fact that I'm going to see him. We even had a fight today because I'm out of my head! We are ok now, but jeez louise this we need this to be over soon...

Tammy, you are so right about there being not much else but numbness and tears after six months. We are into our seventh month now and I feel like a zombie stumbling around (when I actually get my a$$ out of bed). I also agree with you about those that have not ever been on AP chiming in, they just don't get it.

Onur, welcome. My fiance is experiencing the same thing you are. He's stuck in Sengal waiting for the last seven months with no work and not much to keep him occupied. He too is a simple, decent person. He's an artist, a drummer with a love of music in his heart. I also know he loves me like you love Julia. He's no terrorist, yet my government is taking their sweet old time with this. It's ridiculous.

I've had crying fits where I've told him I'm selling my house, my car, and everything I own so I can go to Africa and be with him. Julia I'm sure you've had similar thoughts. But, as difficult as this immigration process is, it will be over and the opportunities that are available in this country I think outweigh the difficulties we face with immigration right now. Focus on that for now. Four months, seven months, thirteen months.... it's all just a little bleep in time when you consider how many years we have to live our lives together.

Let's stick together, ride the waves, give each other support, and just let yourself feel what you need to feel without beating yourself up.

Insh-Allah we will all be reunited soon...

[ferno 0]

Hi everyone thnx for supports. I mean the fact i would really want to understand what is the different living in the sate or in turkiye. yes would be easy for julia living in there with her life style i can understand that and really i agree about that.. but same time i am not a terorist or i have no criminal records. i asked my sister she chekeced my records she couldnt find anything and same time i asked who is a cheif police he cheked and said i have no cirmal record or i am not in criminal list.. this is like huge lie and they are ruining peoples life. this is not their bussines they are ruining and same time menaging other peoples life. also i live in not too big city around 300.000 people living in this city and most of people in here can know me can know my family .. bcuz in here everybody known in eachother. this can not be hrd to find someone in this city and hard to waiting . i hate introduce myself but same time i want to say yes i live in muslim country but sorry friends i am not mean but not like extream country. lots of christian or jevish or i dunno like this people living in here. and not all christian or muslim or jevish people terorist . probably i dunno which one i am in that list .. i am not a muslim but yes my id card says i am muslim . i am not a christian or jevish .. i just love people who are they and how are they.. and yes maybe i dont look like a office worker or teacher( must to say i studied turkish language teaching ) i mean i dont look like office worker. maybe i think consulate worker dosent like my type he asked me some weird question why i got shaved why i got my hair cuts bla bla. but this is weird. i mean better way not puttin people in AP.. saying yes this is your visa or no you dont get visa. just easy.. until interview date couldnt they checked who i was where i studied bla bla.. sorry but i some topics and sometimes rules making me sick.. i dunno what was i gona say i forgot .. yes i just wanna get marr with julia nobody can change my mind. and what is the differences living your love forever and city or country not important or living with your love or waiting for living with your love and living only the united states? if i will get marry with julia why we must to wait for this rules ruining our healts ?i told julia all the time. country or countries not important for me.. important is living with my love.

[ferno 0]

and also would like to add a sence. when i see people who got their interview after me and they got their visas , i feel like stupid..

Edited November 16, 2008 by ferno

[ferno 0]

While becoming impatient, angsty and upset not to mention angry is a common reaction while dealing with immigrations, his tantrum are not helping the current situation.

He should be understanding and supportive instead of freaking out and threaten you with canceling the whole process. Doesn't he understand that these things take time? Not to mention that YOU have no control of it all and he is upsetting YOU by making those threats.

I can understand the human mind might be irrational at times but he should get his kit together, man up and take a hold of himself. If he is showing this kind of behavior now you guys are going through hard times, how will things become when you two are finally married? Have you consider this?

If I was you I would explain the situation to him and tell him how much all this is affecting you. He is not the only one waiting, there are plenty of cases in here to put as example.

Good luck with it all though!

would like to ask you have you been in AP?

[Whatznext 2]

yes I am also in AP here is the link to the tracker you will see you are not alone but this is by far not everyone in AP only the ones that asked to be added to the tracker

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=pGc...tiqGw&hl=en