Help - I am so upset :(

[JULIAFERNO 0]

My fiance is becoming incredibly impatient and told me today that if his AP isn't complete in 45 days he is going to cancel the visa application and that I can move to Turkey when I am done with my graduate program in May. WHAT? I am so upset...sitting here crying. He is being so irrational right now and seems to have his mind made up.

On top of that I have to take the Praxis tomorrow morning and I'm an emotional wreck right now.

[KandD 1]

Julia Im so sorry. Have him come on VJ to see that you guys are not the only ones waiting to get out of AP. I know this must be hard especially if there is negative influence. Try to talk to him and let him know there are others waiting too.

[Whatznext 2]

I read that they hope to have all AP cases from 2008 completed by febuary 2009 hopefully yours might be done in 45 days just think positive. In the meantime just let him know you understand his frustrations and be your normal kind loving and understanding you know he is just venting tomorrow he will be OK. I feel like that myself at times I am a planner and my whole life is upset down right now everything is out of my control my husband handles it better than I do. Just be strong and dont stress and take care of yourself time will take care of everything I think we have the worst behind us. Good Luck tomorrow I hope you feel better and get a good nights sleep

[KandD 1]

I read that they hope to have all AP cases from 2008 completed by febuary 2009 hopefully yours might be done in 45 days just think positive. In the meantime just let him know you understand his frustrations and be your normal kind loving and understanding you know he is just venting tomorrow he will be OK. I feel like that myself at times I am a planner and my whole life is upset down right now everything is out of my control my husband handles it better than I do. Just be strong and dont stress and take care of yourself time will take care of everything I think we have the worst behind us. Good Luck tomorrow I hope you feel better and get a good nights sleep

all AP cases from 2008 completed by febuary 2009

Where did you read that at?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Aww. Im sorry that you are upset.

I dont have any advise, just support

Lisa

[JULIAFERNO 0]

Thanks ladies for your support.

I called my Mom and she said the same thing...he is just frustrated/venting/stressed out...you get stressed out sometimes too, let him be stressed, try to be understanding and compassionate...it will all work out.

I think that is also his way of feeling like he is taking control of the process when we really have no control or say so right now. He has calmed down and hopefully regained some sanity.

FSUMomme where did you get that info about 2008 visa being processed by Feb. 2009? That would be fabulous. I can deal with that.

Edited November 15, 2008 by JULIAFERNO

[Whatznext 2]

security checks

this breaks it down

FBI

[Whatznext 2]

I know I read some where febuary of 2009 98 percent of cases 2008 and older should be completed but I think this states april at any rate I found this information interesting and it does say that cases 1 year old should be done by November 2008 and that appears to be true for Tammy

[hyd617 1]

I know I read some where febuary of 2009 98 percent of cases 2008 and older should be completed but I think this states april at any rate I found this information interesting and it does say that cases 1 year old should be done by November 2008 and that appears to be true for Tammy

julia im sure he wil be ok tom.. this is a stressful time for both people.. talk about diff things.. instead of AP AP AP all the time.. thats the only thing that comes to my mind too but i try to take it off my mind.. its hard.. only we here can understand... just listen to him and have positive answrs...

i read about that also how all cases pendin more than 6 months should be completed by feb 09. this is great news. feb is nottt that far away.. pretty soon all of us will be reachin or have reached the 6 month mark.. time will pass since holidays are coming...

so just plan for things we should do with our spouses after we come together as a couple.

lets thinks positive. there are times when i get so down and just think this AP will never end, and something will go wrong. but alwyas try to cheer up myself..

hang in there everyone..time will change everything for the better...

[WonTanNara 0]

We've been through this too, Julia. My fiance has been stuck outside his home country for seven months waiting for his visa. Guinea is really unstable now so he doesn't want to risk going back (they closed the borders in 2006 because of violent protests and they are heading down that path again). There's nothing for him in Senegal and he feels so helpless. He's told me "If I don't have my visa in blah blah blah then I'm going to blah blah blah" but then the next day he's fine. I've also said the same thing, "If he doesn't have his visa in blah blah blah then I'm selling all my ####### and moving to Africa!"

It's a rollercoaster ride, isn't it! Focus on your upcoming trip. Try to find the silver lining... this wait, as difficult as it's been, has really brought us SO much closer together and I know we'll never take each other for granted. Nothing good is ever easy. Hang in there!

[miamiwife 0]

Julia--Take your PRAXIS--concentrate on that right now. Seriously--you should have Onur call Muhammet (I sent you the number)--they are in the same situation, from the same country, and going through the same anxiety. Plus, Muhammet has been waiting even longer, so Onur might feel like his situation isn't so bad. You know, like we always think our situation sucks, then we see people like Tammy who just became reunited with her husband after waiting 13 months in AP and it makes us more humble and feel encouraged.

Sibel

[unforgettable fire 2]

While becoming impatient, angsty and upset not to mention angry is a common reaction while dealing with immigrations, his tantrum are not helping the current situation.

He should be understanding and supportive instead of freaking out and threaten you with canceling the whole process. Doesn't he understand that these things take time? Not to mention that YOU have no control of it all and he is upsetting YOU by making those threats.

I can understand the human mind might be irrational at times but he should get his kit together, man up and take a hold of himself. If he is showing this kind of behavior now you guys are going through hard times, how will things become when you two are finally married? Have you consider this?

If I was you I would explain the situation to him and tell him how much all this is affecting you. He is not the only one waiting, there are plenty of cases in here to put as example.

Good luck with it all though!

[unforgettable fire 2]

While becoming impatient, angsty and upset not to mention angry is a common reaction while dealing with immigrations, his tantrums are not helping the current situation.

He should be understanding and supportive instead of freaking out and threaten you with canceling the whole process. Doesn't he understand that these things take time? Not to mention that YOU have no control of it all and he is upsetting YOU by making those threats.

I can understand the human mind might be irrational at times but he should get his kit together, man up and take a hold of himself. If he is showing this kind of behavior now you guys are going through hard times, how will things become when you two are finally married? Have you considered this?

If I was you I would explain the situation to him and tell him how much all this is affecting you. He is not the only one waiting, there are plenty of cases in here to put as example. His behavior is unacceptable, you have no control of things but he is the one making you upset and stressed out. If it was up to you, he would already have his visa in hand. Can't he see that?

Good luck with it all though! I wish you all the best in your journey

Edited November 15, 2008 by unforgettable fire

[Beautiful_years 0]

Julia Im so sorry. Have him come on VJ to see that you guys are not the only ones waiting to get out of AP. I know this must be hard especially if there is negative influence. Try to talk to him and let him know there are others waiting too.

I agree with you, introduce him to vj, he can vent his frustration here, we are here to listen, offer advice if any and support.

It does suck to wait so long but be patient, things will work out in the end

[WonTanNara 0]

I can understand the human mind might be irrational at times but he should get his kit together, man up and take a hold of himself. If he is showing this kind of behavior now you guys are going through hard times, how will things become when you two are finally married? Have you considered this?

I don't think this is a fair assessment. None of us can fully appreciate what our SO's go through outside the borders of the US while they are waiting and waiting and waiting. I didn't understand this before, but now I totally understand why Guineans will keep the entire visa process a secret from everybody, including their immediate families. People love to cluck cluck cluck to place doubt in the minds of others and I think that is happening to Onur, too. He's feeling the eyes of everybody around him, watching him, waiting... sooo... you're going to the US, eh? When exactly is that gonna happen?

Not only that, nobody is perfect. We all have our unpleasant personality traits which are amplified by stressful and discouraging situations. I wouldn't be too hard on him Julia. I've personally been through this exact type of scenario and I think nothing less of my fiance. He is a wonderful human being and in spite of the occasional hissy fit under stress he is perfect for me. Think of it this way, if Onur is showing this type of behavior now, it will give you an early opportunity to figure out how to move through these times while making your love stronger, not tearing it apart by fighting among yourselves. Let him feel what he needs to feel and when the storm has passed talk about it to figure out how to move through it together. You'll have your stormy times too and will probably appreciate the same kind of compassion.

I feel your pain, sister, it'll be over when the time is right.