He's driving me crazy

[notime4haterz 0]

My fiance arrived October 3 and we married Oct 6. He does not in any way understand how crazy he is driving me.

His bags were lost, a week later they found one but still not the other so we filed a claim with United. I told him after I talked to them that it would be 60 days before they sent the check. Today, only a month later, can you check on the computer to see if they have found my bag (yes dear let me stop what I am doing to do that for you). No they have not found ur bag. When will they send the check? How much will the check be? I don't know why don't u call them. No, u call my english is not good.

When will i get my work permit? I told you it takes about 3 months. Can you call them and ask them when they will send it.

Which state has the cheapest cars?

Can we move to Houston Texas and buy a house there? ( we currently live in Kentucky)

Why do gas prices change so much? why in one area are they one price and another area another price?

I swear he is killing me with his questions. I have my own things going on, working full time plus some, not being able to pay the bills, fighting for custody of my 13 year old daughter, and a whole slew of other things and he just expects me to stop whenever he asks and look on the internet or make phone calls for him.

I got so angry a few days ago I gave him the phone number and said you call them and ask them why but of course he did not.

Am I the only one being driven nuts?

After having an ex husband who made every excuse in the book not to work...I would say you should consider yourself lucky. The man wants to work and get started with his life. Most men do not take well to sitting at home with nothing to do. Your working alot is only putting more pressure on him to get started. I'm sure he's feeling terrible, and immasculated by having to stay at home...especially if he's a MENA man. As for looking things up, show him how to do it, make him write down the directions and then he can do it himself...it will also occupy some of his time so he doesn't use it to drive you crazy.

[RAKASA 0]

After having an ex husband who made every excuse in the book not to work...I would say you should consider yourself lucky. The man wants to work and get started with his life. Most men do not take well to sitting at home with nothing to do. Your working alot is only putting more pressure on him to get started. I'm sure he's feeling terrible, and immasculated by having to stay at home...especially if he's a MENA man. As for looking things up, show him how to do it, make him write down the directions and then he can do it himself...it will also occupy some of his time so he doesn't use it to drive you crazy.

Narina, were you married to my ex-husband too?

[Imua 0]

:D

Aww... it will get better, Belinda.

in the beginning i sent mine out on a lot of errands, to the mosque, to English class...

But just consider that him asking questions might be a blessing!

My husband doesn't ask any questions... he just does things...

like taking the sofa apart, just to see how it's put together???

I am so happy I live in an area with 5 Hindu temples and several Indian grocery stores all within a short walking distance....

That is crazy about the sofa, I would probably

[notime4haterz 0]

:D

My husband doesn't ask any questions... he just does things...

like taking the sofa apart, just to see how it's put together???

[sereia 0]

Asking questions is normal. He's new here and his culture is very different! I wouldn't get upset over all that! But as far as calling the airline for him and all that... I FIRMLY believe (having been there already) you should strongly encourage him to learn to do those things on his own. My husband also lost his bags when he arrived and was badgering me to call them and email them everyday. He never once did it himself. Always too nervous, too shy, his English this, something that. I gave in because I didn't want to argue but its NOT going to help them if you keep doing everything for them! In the end you might end up doing everything and being his mama instead of his wife.

He needs to practice his English and learn how to deal with life here. Good luck encouraging him!

[Nothing1234 2]

Asking questions is normal. He's new here and his culture is very different! I wouldn't get upset over all that! But as far as calling the airline for him and all that... I FIRMLY believe (having been there already) you should strongly encourage him to learn to do those things on his own. My husband also lost his bags when he arrived and was badgering me to call them and email them everyday. He never once did it himself. Always too nervous, too shy, his English this, something that. I gave in because I didn't want to argue but its NOT going to help them if you keep doing everything for them! In the end you might end up doing everything and being his mama instead of his wife.

He needs to practice his English and learn how to deal with life here. Good luck encouraging him!

[Nita&Assaad 0]

I think Patiences is needed... If he never been here before in the US he has no clue.... Why would you get angry with questions from him??

Good Luck with working on that patience, but if you have a daughter you should have it already .... No

My fiance arrived October 3 and we married Oct 6. He does not in any way understand how crazy he is driving me.

His bags were lost, a week later they found one but still not the other so we filed a claim with United. I told him after I talked to them that it would be 60 days before they sent the check. Today, only a month later, can you check on the computer to see if they have found my bag (yes dear let me stop what I am doing to do that for you). No they have not found ur bag. When will they send the check? How much will the check be? I don't know why don't u call them. No, u call my english is not good.

When will i get my work permit? I told you it takes about 3 months. Can you call them and ask them when they will send it.

Which state has the cheapest cars?

Can we move to Houston Texas and buy a house there? ( we currently live in Kentucky)

Why do gas prices change so much? why in one area are they one price and another area another price?

I swear he is killing me with his questions. I have my own things going on, working full time plus some, not being able to pay the bills, fighting for custody of my 13 year old daughter, and a whole slew of other things and he just expects me to stop whenever he asks and look on the internet or make phone calls for him.

I got so angry a few days ago I gave him the phone number and said you call them and ask them why but of course he did not.

Am I the only one being driven nuts?

[UmmSqueakster 54]

In 3 years, we've never made it through a movie without my husband pausing it and asking for clarification on a word, phrase or situation. That's the nature of the beast when you marry someone who's first language isn't english and they move to a country with a different culture.

Some people are able to drop into an unfamiliar situation and need no help. Others aren't. I know if I ever moved to Egypt, I'd need a whole heck of a lot of help settling in.

I do think it will help if he gets out of the house for some hours each week through a volunteer position or an ESL or computer class. Oo, is he good with numbers? Maybe a tax course at H&R Block? Then he'll have someone else to bug some of the time

[LuckyDucky 0]

Am I the only one being driven nuts?

My wife is relies on me a lot. I went from having quite a bit of free time to almost zero free time unless I deprive myself of sleep to do a few things that I need to get done.

I just remind myself that her previous culture is extremely different than where she is now. She didn't know what a "mortgage" was or "interest". Even something as mundane as brining a drink to class. It's not allowed in her home country and when I suggested she take a bottle of water, she thought I was crazy.

So, as others have already said, just remember that he's pretty much an "infant" when it comes to social norms and living in the US. I remember when I visited my wife in Vietnam, I was totally lost and heavily reliant on her for everything.

As for moving to Houston, he might not have known what that really entails, but I'm just speculating. For example, my wife has asked me to take a vacation to 3 cities in entirely different directions. She also wanted to take a "weekend drive" to Niagra Falls (We live in California). Once I showed her where they were on a map, she understood. She just has never appreciated how large this country is.

Best of luck!

[Nutty 2]

Good one!

Yes, Belinda, you and I are in the same boat as far as their reluctance to "initiate calls and inquiries."

I think our spouses don't realize how much we work. They only see us leave in the morning and come back in the evening. The in-between time they must think we are sitting on our fanny's, primping our hair.

We are not alone. I think it is only I have been more vocal than others with airing my frustrations.

Gently push the baby bird out of the nest.

Also, sometimes IT IS BENEFICIAL to be proactive on your husbands account. I asked my husband to find out whether his company is working on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well, he has yet to ask. So I emailed his boss to find out what the policy is. Good thing I did, his boss said holiday requests are based on who submits their request first. Since I emailed about it, we are #1 on the list for having a holiday day off.

[Nutty 2]

My fiance arrived October 3 and we married Oct 6. He does not in any way understand how crazy he is driving me.

His bags were lost, a week later they found one but still not the other so we filed a claim with United. I told him after I talked to them that it would be 60 days before they sent the check. Today, only a month later, can you check on the computer to see if they have found my bag (yes dear let me stop what I am doing to do that for you). No they have not found ur bag. When will they send the check? How much will the check be? I don't know why don't u call them. No, u call my english is not good.

When will i get my work permit? I told you it takes about 3 months. Can you call them and ask them when they will send it.

Which state has the cheapest cars?

Can we move to Houston Texas and buy a house there? ( we currently live in Kentucky)

Why do gas prices change so much? why in one area are they one price and another area another price?

I swear he is killing me with his questions. I have my own things going on, working full time plus some, not being able to pay the bills, fighting for custody of my 13 year old daughter, and a whole slew of other things and he just expects me to stop whenever he asks and look on the internet or make phone calls for him.

I got so angry a few days ago I gave him the phone number and said you call them and ask them why but of course he did not.

Am I the only one being driven nuts?

If he is not working, now is the time for him to start working on his resume and study for his driver's license. That is soooooo important! It will help having a universal resume ready once his EAD comes through and also a driver's license. As for the driver's license, it is better to have them take driving lessons with a professional instructor (spouses teaching is just too stressful for both).

As for the gas question:

Gas prices: YOUR ANSWER, "well dear, in Iran the gas price is controlled by the government. Here in USA the gas price changes because of market demand and the different companies selling the gas."

[♥JP♥ 5]

This is part of the adjustment...for everyone in some way or another. Its going to take a while but it will change slowly. I don't agree with what others have posted here. It's all about baby steps. I wouldn't appreciate if I moved to another country and my luggage got lost and my spouse tells me to deal with it on my own.

Right now these guys are depending on the only person they have here, you. As hard as it is and believe I know....you have to find patience and compassion. This isn't easy for them. What seems like second nature and commen sense to us is not for them. It would be the same if shoe was on the other foot. There are also soooo many things for them to absorb that its going to take time, so it doesn't really matter if you already told them 20 times because they might need to hear it 21 times before it sticks.

I know this is hard but it does get easier....I promise. Whatever you do, dont make him feel bad for asking questions.

[sereia 0]

Well I wouldn't suggest the minute he steps off the airline to make him do everything on his own. I suggested that she encourage him to do things on his own. She could teach him how to dial, who to ask for, what to say, etc. I'm sure she's already called countless times (as I did) but after a while you wonder why some aren't interested in learning how to do it on their own? Its just easier to have your spouse do it but what will ever happen if their wife wasn't at home and they needed to call somewhere?

I think there's a fine line between doing everything for your spouse and taking baby steps to their independence.

[Hanna&Mohamed 0]

It will get better I can remember those days ! It seems like United always loses bags ! They found mine a week later .

[KandD 1]

Mine isnt here yet but i do recall driving him crazy in his country asking all kinds of questions myself. It a huge adjustment for both of you. In time, it will get better.