He's driving me crazy

[star_dragon 0]

I think everyone's pretty much got it covered here...have patience.

You can't imagine what it's like for him. I've been here in Saudi for a year, and I'm pretty well adjusted now (still won't call places on the phone, though) but when I first got here I drove my husband crazy. I was devastated when he went back to work and back to life and I was chillin' in the house with my mother in law who speaks no English:) Good times, I tell ya. Thankfully I found a job after 2 weeks and it helped some.

Just try to put yourself in his position. There is alot of new stuff going on for him. Long hair on dudes and making out in parking lots might be old news to some of us, but to a person who has never heard of such a thing...it can be pretty traumatic.

Good luck to all of you who have adjusting husbands.

YUP...One of my best friend's boyfriends has long long hair and my hubby just don't get it....

[Muh and me 18]

My hubby thinks every man that talks a little funny or walks a little funny is gay! Thats all i hear, he's gay, he's gay! WHO CARES!!!!

[venusfire503 54]

:D

My husband doesn't ask any questions... he just does things...

like taking the sofa apart, just to see how it's put together???

I laughed so hard when I read this... so, I'm not the only one who has experienced things like that? My husband's saying is "either I'll fix it, or break it for good"!!

Oh, he asks questions, too - not as many now. It's more the timing, though (like when I'm trying to study, watch TV, sleep....

[ksa2usa 0]

I think everyone's pretty much got it covered here...have patience.

You can't imagine what it's like for him. I've been here in Saudi for a year, and I'm pretty well adjusted now (still won't call places on the phone, though) but when I first got here I drove my husband crazy. I was devastated when he went back to work and back to life and I was chillin' in the house with my mother in law who speaks no English:) Good times, I tell ya. Thankfully I found a job after 2 weeks and it helped some.

Just try to put yourself in his position. There is alot of new stuff going on for him. Long hair on dudes and making out in parking lots might be old news to some of us, but to a person who has never heard of such a thing...it can be pretty traumatic.

Good luck to all of you who have adjusting husbands.

YUP...One of my best friend's boyfriends has long long hair and my hubby just don't get it....

just you wait...my hubby was already in the USA for 3 years when I met him...and he had long hair!!! like pony tail long. so maybe you're husband will not only come to terms with long man-hair, he might just try it out for himself lol!!!

[venusfire503 54]

I was chillin' in the house with my mother in law who speaks no English I love my MIL and the rest of my new family sooooooo much but in all honesty, after about 3 days of nothing but arabic and having to ask what EVERYTHING meant if I wanted to be included in a conversation... I was about to lose my mind! I would have jumped at the chance to just have a chat with ANYBODY in English. I can't imagine not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel and knowing that THIS was IT until I could get a job, make a living, provide for my family, AND be able to afford plane tickets home! It almost made reading the English dictionary look appealing

That makes sense. I do remember how much I relied on habibi for EVERYTHING when I was visiting him in Morocco. I didn't go anywhere without him, and couldn't do anything, really. While waiting outside for him during his visa interview, it was a challenge just to buy water and find a bathroom!

It makes sense now why, when we went to visit his family together after he got here, he did things like 'abandon' me in the kitchen when I wanted to cook with his family (in the past, he would hang out and translate). I don't think he was trying to be mean - more that he was following my lead about "pushing out of the nest". It must have been a relief for him in a way not to be the 'lost' one for a little while!

That trip definitely motivated me even more than before - I'm now learning the language at a much more serious pace (and he's more willing to teach me).

[prince+angel 3]

Mine isnt here yet but i do recall driving him crazy in his country asking all kinds of questions myself. It a huge adjustment for both of you. In time, it will get better.

Absolutely - I still badger my husband with questions about his country, culture, religion, family etc ... and I could swear I hear him rolling his eyes from across the ocean when I do.

OP - everyones given great advice, hope its eased your mind some & given you another perspective (& there is nothing wrong with a timeout if needed!)

[Aymsgirl 0]

One of the things we all can never recommend enough is PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE is soooooooooooooooooooooo much needed when our SO's first arrive. It is reeeeeeeeally trying on us because we already have plans, have things to do, jobs to do, lives to schedule, and then here they come and depend on us for every minute detail. It's HARD not only for them but for us, equally as much.

We have to be patient because they really have no idea what this country is all about and when they get here it is a large reality slap in the face. They soon realize life in America isn't the gold paved streets that they think it was. They now have to learn to communicate with not only you but all of America. They realize how much they DON'T have perfect English and talking on the phone is very intimidating at first. Every detail of American life is intimidating to them and we are the only people they can turn to is us.

When we petition for anyone from a foreign country to come live in the USA with us, we have to remember that they have left everything that they know as normal, and come to a whole country that they barely can communicate in.

It is very important to encourage them to do things on their own but also to be understanding of their fears of doing new things in unfamiliar territory, in a language that they peck through with a bit of difficulty. Everything from using the bathroom to using a can opener can be totally unknown to them and trust me..it tries the patience like crazy.

There were days that I wondered what the heck I'd gotten myself in to because I just couldn't take any more questions. It even got to the point that we were arguing over small things. Sorry if I'm rambling but there are just soooooo many things I want to say and I can't get them all typed in fast enough. I guess I'm just saying that what is going on is very very normal and the best thing you can do is talk to ppl who understand what ur going through (we in vj are a great bunch who understand this situation) and try your best to have the patience of Job.

If you need anything or just want to vent or talk, please do not hesitate to PM me any time. Don't feel alone though. It will all slowly even out as he learns the ways and begins getting more comfortable.

amal

I agree very much with Amal. My husband has been here for 7 months and still asks questions every day. For a long time he would have me do everything until I gave him a list and said here, you call this person and ask this and this person and ask that. Then he started getting up the nerve to answer the phone himself. He still gets nervous at times and asks so many questions that every now and then I want to break down and scream HUSHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I don't thought because I know I could very well be in his situation sooner or later. Take care and best wishes Belinda!

[Ahmed N Tina 2]

I would give anything to be in your shoes right now....

Amen! Me too.

[AlHayatZween 2]

:D

My husband doesn't ask any questions... he just does things...

like taking the sofa apart, just to see how it's put together???

I laughed so hard when I read this... so, I'm not the only one who has experienced things like that? My husband's saying is "either I'll fix it, or break it for good"!!

Oh, he asks questions, too - not as many now. It's more the timing, though (like when I'm trying to study, watch TV, sleep....

in hindsight, it was pretty funny...

but to address the OP's concerns, yes, it is an adjustment.

my Habib is here 4 months now, thank God. it hasn't been easy, but for me i find myself more exhausted than anything else.

i just don't have the energy to get annoyed or frustrated... even if he takes the whole house apart!

every day he figures more and more stuff out. he knows how to deal with people in his own way now, better than i do sometimes!

it gets better... at least he is here! which is no small feat!

good luck!

hz

[nunyab 0]

hehehehe thinks for the thread i'll get started on my list of "resources" and "answers" for mine when he gets here insha'allah.

[sussemadel 16]

My hubby thinks every man that talks a little funny or walks a little funny is gay! Thats all i hear, he's gay, he's gay! WHO CARES!!!!

TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! My husband and I were watching "The Kite Runner", and he asked me if 2 men that were best friends were gay, just because they were laughing together. Don't know how he got that idea

[ksa2usa 0]

One of the things we all can never recommend enough is PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE is soooooooooooooooooooooo much needed when our SO's first arrive. It is reeeeeeeeally trying on us because we already have plans, have things to do, jobs to do, lives to schedule, and then here they come and depend on us for every minute detail. It's HARD not only for them but for us, equally as much.

We have to be patient because they really have no idea what this country is all about and when they get here it is a large reality slap in the face. They soon realize life in America isn't the gold paved streets that they think it was. They now have to learn to communicate with not only you but all of America. They realize how much they DON'T have perfect English and talking on the phone is very intimidating at first. Every detail of American life is intimidating to them and we are the only people they can turn to is us.

When we petition for anyone from a foreign country to come live in the USA with us, we have to remember that they have left everything that they know as normal, and come to a whole country that they barely can communicate in.

It is very important to encourage them to do things on their own but also to be understanding of their fears of doing new things in unfamiliar territory, in a language that they peck through with a bit of difficulty. Everything from using the bathroom to using a can opener can be totally unknown to them and trust me..it tries the patience like crazy.

There were days that I wondered what the heck I'd gotten myself in to because I just couldn't take any more questions. It even got to the point that we were arguing over small things. Sorry if I'm rambling but there are just soooooo many things I want to say and I can't get them all typed in fast enough. I guess I'm just saying that what is going on is very very normal and the best thing you can do is talk to ppl who understand what ur going through (we in vj are a great bunch who understand this situation) and try your best to have the patience of Job.

If you need anything or just want to vent or talk, please do not hesitate to PM me any time. Don't feel alone though. It will all slowly even out as he learns the ways and begins getting more comfortable.

amal

I agree very much with Amal. My husband has been here for 7 months and still asks questions every day. For a long time he would have me do everything until I gave him a list and said here, you call this person and ask this and this person and ask that. Then he started getting up the nerve to answer the phone himself. He still gets nervous at times and asks so many questions that every now and then I want to break down and scream HUSHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I don't thought because I know I could very well be in his situation sooner or later. Take care and best wishes Belinda!

seriously...I will NOT answer the house phone here...only my personal mobile. That sucker can be sitting right beside me, and ring a thousand times, and NO WAY will I ansewer it.

I definatley know how some of your adjusting husbands feel! I'm an adjustee too:)

[Chelle62 0]

When Keith came to stay with me for 9 months , He had a hard time at first. I would work all day and then get home and he wanted to go out instantly.. well I was tired LOL but would do it cause I knew how hard it must have been to sit in a home that he wasnt use to and in a different country where he didnt feel comfortable just going out for a walk so I did it.

Finally after lots of questions about what does that saying mean, that word mean etc and like I said wanting to go out all the time, I thought to myself I need to figure out a way for him to beable to do things for himself. Xmas was also coming and I was having a hard time figuring out a nice gift to give him, After some thought I came up with the perfect gift. I got him a GPS system. OMG best thing I ever did... He was able to get out of the house on his own , he would look up the address of a place that he wanted to go (online) and then put it into the gps, jump in the car and go LOL.. it was great

I know this isnt what your talking about but my point is this... Think of things for him to do , like others said maybe a class , computer class would be great cause then he could start doing things on his own, make him feel important because while Keith couldnt work , he felt less of a man. It was hard for him to watch me go to work while he stayed home. Its a man thing. When he ask you to call the airlines or anyplace , ask him to watch you do it so that he will learn how. As far as his English, let him know its ok cause half of the time its hard to understand the ones on the other line anyways so he might do fine with it ..

My advice is to be patient with him and with yourself.. give him a big warm hug, tell him you love him and let him know everything will be ok in time. Even men need to hear sometimes that its all going to be ok, they get scared and worried just like us women but sometimes they are to macho to admit it hehe.

To you... Everything will work out if the love is there, Patience is the key and positive thoughts sent out to the universe will bring positive results.

Right now he is out of his world and in yours.. so hold his hand and even if your tired of all his questions , answer them with a smile and then if you need to go get in the bath, put some candles around you , music in your ears and cry its ok, just remember he is probally feeling the same way inside for having to ask you so much.

Love to you and your husband

Chelle

[sweet_peach 0]

I think this has happened to all of us.

Just be patient and I hope things get better for you.

My only advise - make him get out there and do things. Make him a list for the grovery store (very detailed) and make him go shopping alone. Call United or even the pizza place and make him talk to them.

Like I said I hope things get better and they will just give it a little time.

[myheartwillgoon 0]

I would just drive him crazy right back , when he asks crazy questions that he knows you dont know. Ask him crazy questions right back.. like why is one minute in Egypt really mean 30 min or 1 hour? or how much is a bmw in Egypt? or where is the cheapest gas in Egypt? or How many Egyptians immigrated to the usa this year?or What cities do most Egyptians choose to live in here and Egypt? or how much does Egyptair pay for lost baggage?

Thank god my man is totally on his feet, he got his permit right away and my mom taught him to drive and he passed his test right away, now he is working 2 jobs and gives me shopping money.