What about the other way around?

[Jell-O 0]

Well... I am the one who made the move and came over here. And for a little while there things were good, but they quickly declined.

We have a child together and I have an older child.

Now things at home are ugly. I am constantly being emotionally put down, my husband is very controlling and constantly says I am a B*tch that only uses and abuses people, that I am never satisfied and happy about anything.

Whenever I receive a gift from his family, I pay the price for it, because accepting it means I am using them. I am never allowed to express any opinions about no-one but he feels fine dragging my family through the dirt.

He complains that I do not dress nice for him, but when I do dress nice then accuses me of having an affair. We never go no where because he hates being around people and that means I am not allowed any socializing and friends.

When I mention I want a divorce because we shouldn't live like this all misearable, he then says I give up too easy and should stop complaining, but threatens to give me war if I try anything.

He now no longer works either and is not trying very hard to find something and when I complain he says that he brought me here and I sat on my a*s for 6 months before working for the bills so its his turn now.

I wasn't allowed to work! When i got my EAD it took me like 10 days to get/start a job and I now made manager!

I want to know my rights when it comes to our child. He tells me I already have a child so I should take that one and he keeps ours, according to him that is a fair trade?!?!?!

It is my child too, I am with the child at night, feed, change, bathe him, do everything!

What are my options? I did not come here to go through this, I wanted happiness, not drinking and verbal abuse and being told I am worthless....

And I want to see my family... in 3 years I have not been back, because there is always an excuse why we cant return....

[Mononoke28 135]

Well, it's obvious that you want out of the situation so your best option is to file for divorce and claim at least joint custody of the child.

You didn't mention anything about your current legal status but if you still have to Remove Conditions, you can as long as you can prove that you enter the marriage in good faith.

Good luck with everything.

Diana

[Jell-O 0]

thanks for you reply, Diana. And it's not that it's obvious I want out, it's that I am tired of the blame being passed around. I don't want my children growing up thinking that Mom & Dad yelling at eachother all day is that way a marriage is supposed to be. I don't want to feel like I am dying inside. What example is that for my kids?

As for my status, I am a couple of months away from citizenship. As for the good faith, I enter this marriage in good faith, very much so. If not, trust me, I wouldn't be having this internal battle.

As for custody, I would very much like us to work it out, but he's an all or nothing kind of person. We either stay together and I get to keep her or he'll take her from me and will do all in his power to have me thrown out.

Edited November 13, 2008 by Jell-O

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Contact a divorce attorney and find out custody options.

[desert_fox 32]

Courts do not divide the children equally. They award custody based upon the best interests of the child. He does not dictate who gets custody.

Children of tender years are usually given to the mother unless there aqre legal reasons to do otherwise.

See a family lawyer.

[morocco4ever 63]

Do you have any witnesses to his verbal and emotional abuse? This man should in no way have custody of your child.

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

What he's telling you about custody is to get you to calm down & be quiet. He's wrong. You can mutually decide on the custody situation, and if not, then the courts will. When divorcing, find an attorney that specializes in custody issues to make sure you get custody of your child with him. Gather whatever proof you can of any emotional abuse. If you have people that heard it, get them to write affidavits stating so. Leave a recorder going if you fight, what he says will show his character. If you do intend to divorce, start gathering evidence now, not when you already file as this may be tougher than.

Take yourself & the kids out of the abusive home. No kids should grow up in this kind of environment. They'll thank you one day for what you did for them. Better a single mom, then a mom & dad screaming and yelling each day.

[pushbrk 13,073]

What he's telling you about custody is to get you to calm down & be quiet. He's wrong. You can mutually decide on the custody situation, and if not, then the courts will. When divorcing, find an attorney that specializes in custody issues to make sure you get custody of your child with him. Gather whatever proof you can of any emotional abuse. If you have people that heard it, get them to write affidavits stating so. Leave a recorder going if you fight, what he says will show his character. If you do intend to divorce, start gathering evidence now, not when you already file as this may be tougher than.

Take yourself & the kids out of the abusive home. No kids should grow up in this kind of environment. They'll thank you one day for what you did for them. Better a single mom, then a mom & dad screaming and yelling each day.

See an attorney about any divorce.

We can't advise you on the immigration issues without knowing your current status. Depending on where you stand with immigration now, it could make a huge difference in your options.

[Gumbolette 58]

Well... I am the one who made the move and came over here. And for a little while there things were good, but they quickly declined.

We have a child together and I have an older child.

Now things at home are ugly. I am constantly being emotionally put down, my husband is very controlling and constantly says I am a B*tch that only uses and abuses people, that I am never satisfied and happy about anything.

Whenever I receive a gift from his family, I pay the price for it, because accepting it means I am using them. I am never allowed to express any opinions about no-one but he feels fine dragging my family through the dirt.

He complains that I do not dress nice for him, but when I do dress nice then accuses me of having an affair. We never go no where because he hates being around people and that means I am not allowed any socializing and friends.

When I mention I want a divorce because we shouldn't live like this all misearable, he then says I give up too easy and should stop complaining, but threatens to give me war if I try anything.

He now no longer works either and is not trying very hard to find something and when I complain he says that he brought me here and I sat on my a*s for 6 months before working for the bills so its his turn now.

I wasn't allowed to work! When i got my EAD it took me like 10 days to get/start a job and I now made manager!

I want to know my rights when it comes to our child. He tells me I already have a child so I should take that one and he keeps ours, according to him that is a fair trade?!?!?!

It is my child too, I am with the child at night, feed, change, bathe him, do everything!

What are my options? I did not come here to go through this, I wanted happiness, not drinking and verbal abuse and being told I am worthless....

And I want to see my family... in 3 years I have not been back, because there is always an excuse why we cant return....

I'm sorry Jell-O that this happened to you.

Man like this should be burn alive!!!! #######?? He brought you in America, left your family wherever you came from

and now this is what he is treating you. Geez, Dear... go to someone who can truly give you better advice on what to you about the situation you are in. I hope things get better for you soon.

Edited November 15, 2008 by my_panacea = Greg

[Y's_habibitk 2]

thanks for you reply, Diana. And it's not that it's obvious I want out, it's that I am tired of the blame being passed around. I don't want my children growing up thinking that Mom & Dad yelling at eachother all day is that way a marriage is supposed to be. I don't want to feel like I am dying inside. What example is that for my kids?As for my status, I am a couple of months away from citizenship. As for the good faith, I enter this marriage in good faith, very much so. If not, trust me, I wouldn't be having this internal battle.

As for custody, I would very much like us to work it out, but he's an all or nothing kind of person. We either stay together and I get to keep her or he'll take her from me and will do all in his power to have me thrown out.

I totally respect this statement and I wish you good luck. I dont have any experience to offer, Im sorry.

Lisa

[Cham 3]

Plain and simple this man is an abuser and YOU do not deserve that!!! I was married to one for 10 years. So happy I am divorced from him. Take the advice of others on here and do what they suggest.

BIG HUGS AND PRAYERS!

meri

[JayJay 4]

Sounds just like what happened to me! Oh - the similarities are so uncanny.

Do what I did: leave him. With someone abusive like that, the best thing to do is to split when he isn't around - take what you can - bring a friend to help, too - especially if you're worried about him making a fuss or becoming violent or abusive while you're on the way out.

Stay where he can't find you - VERY important. From there, find out your divorce options, get an attorney (if you can't afford one there are charitable organizations out there who can provide one for you) or represent yourself if you're worried about him getting an attorney (would his family help him if he couldn't afford it?). File for divorce and honestly, I'd say sole physical custody of both kids.

The most important thing is this: GET OUT of there. The longer you stay, the worse it's gonna get...trust me on that one! I stuck around for a little too long and almost got killed several times... And - take both kids. Don't think twice about it. Too many women (and men too sometimes) think about this too long because they are committed (which is fine - you're married and I understand - I was the same) and end up getting at the very least, very very screwed over - and at worst, killed.

Be careful - if you need to talk or have questions about immigration stuff, please, PM me. I'm fine now, it's been about 18 months and I ahve a wonderful man in my life who treats me like a queen - as every woman deserves

Hugs to you (F) XX

[bhajishah 4]

Many are the control freaks who seek marriage..........