Adjustment to the United States

[Yaads 0]

The thing about this is the adjustment really takes years and years.

True

[Yaads 0]

Do they ever truly adjust?

I like to use the word "adapt". Things are constantly changing in your lives so how can anyone ever truly adjust/adapt? It is more a state of "rolling with the punches"...dealing well with the hand you were dealt. Some people react well to new things and some don't...that really is what it fundamentally comes down to. How well someone reacts, deals, and adapts to the changes.

Edited January 15, 2009 by Yaads

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I think I agree Yaads..adapt is really what is it...

[Marlita 0]

Yeah, I think adaptation is it, but thats true of any realationship, not just those that started off like most of ours. Marriage is about adaptation.....for years and years. I dont think THAT, ever truly goes away, but adjusting to the move here does.

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

I agree with Marlita...i am too adapting to the changes of being a married woman as well as my husband but I can say my husband has adjusted to living in New York...he complains as much as i do about the cold weather...i probably complain a little more than he does...he goes out...goes food shopping...blah blah...he does everything basically the same from when he was home except farming and swimming in the river...he wasn't driving when he was in JA so he doesn't mind walking but I drive so we drive everywhere when i'm with him...not into the long walking thing...he really likes it here and he just can't wait to get a job so he can have his own money but that will soon come in due time...i'm very optimistic...sometimes....but i believe things will all fall in its place....

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Yeah, I think adaptation is it, but thats true of any realationship, not just those that started off like most of ours. Marriage is about adaptation.....for years and years. I dont think THAT, ever truly goes away, but adjusting to the move here does.

exactly..there is no book on "how to make marriage work" that actually fits every individual

[Yaads 0]

Yeah, I think adaptation is it, but thats true of any realationship, not just those that started off like most of ours. Marriage is about adaptation.....for years and years. I dont think THAT, ever truly goes away, but adjusting to the move here does.

True, I agree. Regardless of any immigration/foreign stuff life is always changing and you are always having to adapt to that. Now that I think about it the lines of adjustment/adaptation blur easy when people talk about them. When you are an immigrant you adjust to the way you drive here, the food, the rules/laws, the weather the this and that but you adapt in a relationship no matter how you came into the relationship. Adjustment to living in the states is something that can pass and just become your "normal" but adapting to marriage and being in a committed lifelong relationship...that, like Lita said, is ongoing. People are constantly growing, maturing and changing so you will forever be adapting to those changes.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

and some of us EXPECTS our SO to KNOW all that happens during a marriage..

[Shemmy 4]

Bump again.

[^KK^ 3]

Sorry I posted in the main Yardie thread.....

I've noticed we always talk about the adjustment of the SO but never really discussed the adjustment of the US citizen. Since "we" are sharing experiences, I'll share mine. I actually had no issues with my husband while he was in Jamaica. He barely went out and we made a clear understanding that we would not use indecent language to each other (totally his idea). 7 years strong. He came up and there hasn't been an adjustment problems on his behalf. The adjustments issues are more of my own. Here I was, young, educate, independent, homeowner, own car, career goals outlined, which leads to me having a selfish attitude. Let me make it clear...not selfish in a MONEY sense. We have no issues with control money. He loves every bit of me..and all of my traits. I was so use to it being just me and not having to worry or think about anyone else. I would do little things like lock the door and forget he is outside. It's been the little things that I would do, like leave my towel from the shower on the bed in the morning. I just had to get use to living with someone in the same room sharing the same bed. One selfless act was me giving up my side of the bed. I now was in the position where I had to put my foot down at work and make sure I get home at a decent hour at least half the week. I stop going home from work and working. I had to re-assess what I wanted in my career and fit my family life in it.

I'm very happy right now. I'm as in love as I was 7 years ago. I read all of the stories on here and I'm in disbelief or sadness because I'm an optimist and always want thing to work for the good. But I'm really posting this to see how many of us has looked at OUR adjustment?

[PortlandAngel 0]

Well the whole adjustment thing for us has been going both ways. So much has happen in the past two months since he has been here. We were living in NYC when he first got here and I was talking to him about moving before he got here so when I lost my job I thought it was the perfect opportunity to move so we moved down south. Which is much more quitter than NY and we both like it better.

So far things are ok, the one thing that I thought would be easier was him talking the GED, I thought he would be able to look over the book and take the test and be able to start some college courses. No, not so. So now he is taking the GED prep class for the semester. He was able to get his drivers license and we decided to invest in a navigation system for xmas which was the best purchase we have made. He is able to get around without any issues. He is also taking some of the free classes the library offers in using Microsoft and the internet.

I did have to introduce him to Google real quick cause he was always curious about the craziest things, what's the longest trailer truck we have, which state have the highest toll, what is the longest road, what's the most snow we have gotten

The biggest issue we have is me helping him with his homework; I become very impatient when he doesn't remember something or not able to figure something out quickly enough. So I constantly have to check myself on that, and he checks me on it too...

We take turns cooking, I cook today he cook tomorrow, and we clean the house together. For the most part we try to work as a team.

He has never had an actual job interview so we are working on his interviewing skills.

Edited February 6, 2009 by PortlandAngel

[Shemmy 4]

Sorry I posted in the main Yardie thread.....

I've noticed we always talk about the adjustment of the SO but never really discussed the adjustment of the US citizen. Since "we" are sharing experiences, I'll share mine. I actually had no issues with my husband while he was in Jamaica. He barely went out and we made a clear understanding that we would not use indecent language to each other (totally his idea). 7 years strong. He came up and there hasn't been an adjustment problems on his behalf. The adjustments issues are more of my own. Here I was, young, educate, independent, homeowner, own car, career goals outlined, which leads to me having a selfish attitude. Let me make it clear...not selfish in a MONEY sense. We have no issues with control money. He loves every bit of me..and all of my traits. I was so use to it being just me and not having to worry or think about anyone else. I would do little things like lock the door and forget he is outside. It's been the little things that I would do, like leave my towel from the shower on the bed in the morning. I just had to get use to living with someone in the same room sharing the same bed. One selfless act was me giving up my side of the bed. I now was in the position where I had to put my foot down at work and make sure I get home at a decent hour at least half the week. I stop going home from work and working. I had to re-assess what I wanted in my career and fit my family life in it.

I'm very happy right now. I'm as in love as I was 7 years ago. I read all of the stories on here and I'm in disbelief or sadness because I'm an optimist and always want thing to work for the good. But I'm really posting this to see how many of us has looked at OUR adjustment?

KK - this has been a HUGE adjustment for me. I'm an only child who lived who my own since 16.....super spoiled and stuck in my ways...I try to work on it everyday . Damien's adjustment to the States and has been easier than me adjusting to marriage life. Or sometimes I worried about him so much..I lost myself. Finding balance is the key.

We've been together for almost 6 years and happily married for 4...we fight hard but love harder. The issues we have today we didn't have last year or the year before...we're learning more and more everyday.

[Mrs. Smith 0]

I completly agree in how we should discuss the adjusments for ourselves....I myself am a go getter, I don't waste not ime, I know what I want and I go get it....No time for exuses...............I worked hard for everything I have accomplished in my life, and no one helped me along the way, self taught , ya know.... I knew when I decided to marry my husband of his background and the stepping stones he was going to have to overcome when he got here, but not realzing that a man is going to be a man and figure it out for his own..... I expected to much from him, and he was not ready to take my advice, he just had to learn it his way......I am sure a percentage of u understand where I am going with this...I have felt every kind of emotion that ranged from on cloud 9 to oh my god what else could possible happen?

[Shemmy 4]

Well the whole adjustment thing for us has been going both ways. So much has happen in the past two months since he has been here. We were living in NYC when he first got here and I was talking to him about moving before he got here so when I lost my job I thought it was the perfect opportunity to move so we moved down south. Which is much more quitter than NY and we both like it better.

So far things are ok, the one thing that I thought would be easier was him talking the GED, I thought he would be able to look over the book and take the test and be able to start some college courses. No, not so. So now he is taking the GED prep class for the semester. He was able to get his drivers license and we decided to invest in a navigation system for xmas which was the best purchase we have made. He is able to get around without any issues. He is also taking some of the free classes the library offers in using Microsoft and the internet.

I did have to introduce him to Google real quick cause he was always curious about the craziest things, what's the longest trailer truck we have, which state have the highest toll, what is the longest road, what's the most snow we have gotten

The biggest issue we have is me helping him with his homework; I become very impatient when he doesn't remember something or not able to figure something out quickly enough. So I constantly have to check myself on that, and he checks me on it too...

We take turns cooking, I cook today he cook tomorrow, and we clean the house together. For the most part we try to work as a team.

He has never had an actual job interview so we are working on his interviewing skills.

Portland - PATIENCE...you need alot in the beginning.

I remember losing patience many times with showing Damien how to apply for jobs, how to pay bills, explaining checking accounts, debit and credits cards, etc. He learned quickly but I got frustrated with all the questions. I had to check myself.

Teaching him how to drive was a huge issue for us. Although he went to driving school...my nerves were (and still are) wrecked.

[Mrs. Smith 0]

So ladies, let 's start sharing how OUR adjustment has played apart in the relationship....................