Adjustment to the United States

[MSNELLY 0]

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

[*JG* 2]

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

In theory I say the same thing. But, having been there, I know it's one of the hardest things you would ever have to do. What you lose in the process is always more then you anticipated.

[Shemmy 4]

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

Right, I wouldn't be able to look my daughter in the face. And she will look at me like I'm crazy. Kids know, especially at that age. You have to be role models for your children.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Devil's Advocat..... Every Story has two sides.... Maybe the problem is not Craig, maybe Luvtrav is contributing to the problem as much as Craig. Jomo not only should Craig man-up, Luvtrav needs to grow-up and take some responsibility for her actions too.

Malita, I agreed when I read the last post from Luvtrav, I was floored, I didn't even think it neded a response. It seems she has issues of her own and they need to be resolved. Family, childhood and relationship issues, until she resolves these she can not have a happy meaningful relationship.

Luvtrav, I am not dissing you, I am only stating, until you find ways to resolve all of your other issues, you can be there for someone else.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

I have been there as well. With my ex he would not leave either. I did put up with it to an extent because I didn't have anywhere else to go. The lease was in my name and I wasn't going to move out and let him stay there so he could not pay the rent. I would have to end up paying it anyways. But as soon as that lease was up I was out!

exactly....there has to be some kind of ending point..when this happens I will do this..i'm not gonna sit around and maybe hope that things will change..nope, nope

Well I will be honest I did sit there for awhile hoping that he would change. I didn't want to say to myself down the road if I would have been more patient or given it more time could things have been different. I was feeling guilting regarding the divorce and my daughter. I didn't want her to grow up having her parents divorced. But I did a lot of soul searching and realized it wasn't going to change and that it is time to move on. He wasn't there for me and he wasn't being a father to our daughter either. Then I finally realized the BEST thing I could do for her was to get a divorce. This did not happen overnight and it took me a long time after we even separated to take the ring off. I guess I went through it in stages.

DILLON that's me, it took me 5 years, but I found my way out (some women NEVER do). I realized myself WORTH and I also had those feelings of guilt and my son being able to see his dad everyday, but I had to fix me first, then fix the situation and that's what I did. I choose to let go and move on, bettah must come in any form.

And why does it have to take so long for us to see our self worth! I think my saying was just that Tre...anything is better than this and that is when I started coming up with a plan to get out.

Exactly Dillon;

Don't think the decison that I made didn't hurt me too in the process, but I knew that I would get over it and move on.

[MSNELLY 0]

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

Right, I wouldn't be able to look my daughter in the face. And she will look at me like I'm crazy. Kids know, especially at that age. You have to be role models for your children.

Thats all i am saying i would hate to look n my daughter faces and when they are teenager trust they see and hear everything. ME being who i am he would of been out of my house and thats REAL TALK.

[Marlita 0]

Devil's Advocat..... Every Story has two sides.... Maybe the problem is not Craig, maybe Luvtrav is contributing to the problem as much as Craig. Jomo not only should Craig man-up, Luvtrav needs to grow-up and take some responsibility for her actions too.

Malita, I agreed when I read the last post from Luvtrav, I was floored, I didn't even think it neded a response. It seems she has issues of her own and they need to be resolved. Family, childhood and relationship issues, until she resolves these she can not have a happy meaningful relationship.

Luvtrav, I am not dissing you, I am only stating, until you find ways to resolve all of your other issues, you can be there for someone else.

Yes, you are stating what I feel. Luv, maybe you need to go to your own personal conseling and try to work out your own personal issues that may be causing you to stay in something like this. The more you write, the more it seems as if Craig AND you need personal counseling.

And JG, I understand it is hard, but once it gets to be THAT hard to leave, you are almost 100% sure of needing to access some things in yourself. If you have not inherintly kicked into "survival" mode, something is wrong with how you process danger. Thats why women stay and get beat and not just up and leave, they are not processing danger correctly (for whatever reason) and that means THEY have some issues, not only the one they claim is abusing.

[JaHoney 3]

I think when your in that type of situation, once you get tired and i mean good and TIRED, then you will do something about it. I was in a verbally and physically abusive relationship for years and i mean 10 long ones. Because it was my sons father i tried everything in me to make it work, and then one day i realized i was damn tired and hadnt been happy in a long time and from that point forward there was no looking back. I realize that it is a difficult place to be in, especially all the extra that comes just in the immigration process, but no man, i dont care where he comes from is worth my happiness.just my 2 cents.

[MSNELLY 0]

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

In theory I say the same thing. But, having been there, I know it's one of the hardest things you would ever have to do. What you lose in the process is always more then you anticipated.

Ok jomo now what happen when her son step to Craig after he see his mom crying and hurting, cause you know its going to happpen soon most boys i know are very protective of there mom. so i say all this to say its time for craig to leave before this happen.

[jawi876 2]

Why does this whole thread sound like dejavu? JG you keep typing that it is not that easy and you won't know until you have gone through it. I have been through it...watched my mother go through it...and it is JUST that EASY! You get out...get help...and stay out. PERIOD. Stop sacrificing your well being and happiness hoping that a sorry A&& man is going to change. Please. If he can't love me the way I love myself...I am quick to say NEXT. Life is way too short for this pointless drama.

Kelly is going to stay put in her situation because I think she subconsciously enjoys the highs and lows and constant drama. There are documented cases of domestic abuse in which the woman will tell people that she knows her man loves her when he will put her in her place/hit her. Some people actually thrive in miserable conditions. We had this same conversation with her back in 2007...and years before with other posters or VJ vets. Her situation is just that...her situation. It is by no means a ruler to govern another Jamaican/American relationship no matter how many other people she talks to about going through the same things. I can say beyond a shadow of doubt that my relationship will not be a repeat of her situation. I won't allow it. One of us will die trying to get out.

H@ll she can't even say that she is still hanging in there because of love. Yeah...he loves her...but she doesn't love him anymore. Classic sign of denial and mental abuse. He would have never treated her like a rag doll or a floor mat if he EVER loved her. He is hanging around because he still has a need on his agenda that has not been met. He can pretend only so long which is why they keep going through the emotional roller coaster of when it's good it is OOOOHHH so good...when it's bad...BC it's bad.

Craig is selfish and childish...Kelly has her own issues stemming from childhood just like Marlita said. However, I don't care what they (Kelly& Craig) say...that man NEVER loved her. If he did he would have never disrespected her or abused her in the first place...less known continuously. Abusers will do ANYTHING to maintain control. Flowers...gifts...showers of affection are all in the arsenal to maintain...regain... and keep CONTROL.

I appreciate her posting her story...but my gosh she should be tired of telling the same merry-go-round story by now. When is the end...when the kill each other? I'm sure someone will take what I said and call me a b*tch or a bandwagoner...whatever. To thine own self be true.

[luvtravlin 0]

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

In theory I say the same thing. But, having been there, I know it's one of the hardest things you would ever have to do. What you lose in the process is always more then you anticipated.

Ok jomo now what happen when her son step to Craig after he see his mom crying and hurting, cause you know its going to happpen soon most boys i know are very protective of there mom. so i say all this to say its time for craig to leave before this happen.

Wow, is all I gotta say with everything you guys have been saying. You guys act like Craig is beating me to death and yelling and calling and screaming names at me..........and I really don't remember saying that he did (or does all that)??!!

First of all I will NEVER tolerate (as stated before) that I would have a man in my house abusing me. Physically or emotionally. Craig came at me ONCE and ONLY ONCE and I dealt with it and "I" had him court ordered to go to anger management and domestic violence counseling for a year and he was also OUT of the house for almost 10 months last year. We (me, Craig and Austin) had a family meeting after I saw the counseling was working and did alot of good, my son wanted Craig to come back in the house, not me.....STUPID me, caved in and I regret my decision because "I" wasn't ready. Craig learned from his counseling and doesn't come at me like that ever.

Craig NEVER calls me names. He tells me almost every flippin day how beautiful I am, how wonderful and nice I am. You guys just do NOT seem to get and da&n if I ever post on here again about what's been happening with me, but my feelings have changed. We have been together 4 yrs....and "I" fell out of love because there's no trust, can't seem to get that back....and just dealing with everything. I put my heart and soul into this relationship and now that Craig is....it's too late for me! I'm NOT the only one that goes through this ....it does suck, but that's life.

We do have arguments, but who doesn't, my son NEVER sees our "big" (they are NOT physical) arguments because I know that it will affect my son and in the future. I KNOW THAT and am FULLY aware of it. If Craig tries to get his point across "loudly" than I tell him either not now or ...calm it down and we can talk like adults.

I do care about him and about his well being, because I fell in love with a GOOD GUY!!! HE HAS CHANGED since being here, he says that to me all the time. HE needs to deal with what HE is going through and I've given him the resources to do so.

"I" have been through counseling 22 yrs ago when "I" to was in an abusive relationship. That changed my life. Made me a very strong woman that I am today. I was even a counselors for 2 yrs after that. I'm a huge self help book reader and movie watcher ...."I" am not the one with the issues. I am VERY grounded and secure with whom I am. I don't put up with #######, I stand on my own 2 feet.

YES, I would LOVE to see him walk out the door, but since he has a "right" to live in my apartment, it's not as simple as you think. Craig can EASILY go back to Jamaica, New York, Philly, etc etc etc....but he flippin WON'T leave. Yep, I guess I could pay to change the locks ...and then have my neighbors all get involved if Craig were to stir some sh&t up...just not willing to go there. I could file for divorce, but ...I just don't have an extra $500-1000 right now.

Good luck to everyone.... you guys don't have to talk about me anymore. I have my friends that support me and you guys know who you are. I do thank those that have always stuck by my side through the good, bad and ugly !!!

I was just coming on here to disguss my (our) adjustment....and you all (as always) took it a totally different level.

Thanks to those that have PM'd me, I appreciate it....I'll keep in touch !

One love !

Kelly

[SupportOAFJF 0]

wow..i guess she set YOU ALL straight...how can u talk about this woman..she has no issues..and is not in for a ride..wow.... Edited February 11, 2009 by Hotlegz

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Is she for real?

[MSNELLY 0]

I will just leave it alone and pray she see the light one day

wow..i guess she set YOU ALL straight...how can u talk about this woman..she has no issues..and is not in for a ride..wow....

[Shemmy 4]

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

In theory I say the same thing. But, having been there, I know it's one of the hardest things you would ever have to do. What you lose in the process is always more then you anticipated.

Ok jomo now what happen when her son step to Craig after he see his mom crying and hurting, cause you know its going to happpen soon most boys i know are very protective of there mom. so i say all this to say its time for craig to leave before this happen.

Wow, is all I gotta say with everything you guys have been saying. You guys act like Craig is beating me to death and yelling and calling and screaming names at me..........and I really don't remember saying that he did (or does all that)??!!

First of all I will NEVER tolerate (as stated before) that I would have a man in my house abusing me. Physically or emotionally. Craig came at me ONCE and ONLY ONCE and I dealt with it and "I" had him court ordered to go to anger management and domestic violence counseling for a year and he was also OUT of the house for almost 10 months last year. We (me, Craig and Austin) had a family meeting after I saw the counseling was working and did alot of good, my son wanted Craig to come back in the house, not me.....STUPID me, caved in and I regret my decision because "I" wasn't ready. Craig learned from his counseling and doesn't come at me like that ever.

Craig NEVER calls me names. He tells me almost every flippin day how beautiful I am, how wonderful and nice I am. You guys just do NOT seem to get and da&n if I ever post on here again about what's been happening with me, but my feelings have changed. We have been together 4 yrs....and "I" fell out of love because there's no trust, can't seem to get that back....and just dealing with everything. I put my heart and soul into this relationship and now that Craig is....it's too late for me! I'm NOT the only one that goes through this ....it does suck, but that's life.

We do have arguments, but who doesn't, my son NEVER sees our "big" (they are NOT physical) arguments because I know that it will affect my son and in the future. I KNOW THAT and am FULLY aware of it. If Craig tries to get his point across "loudly" than I tell him either not now or ...calm it down and we can talk like adults.

I do care about him and about his well being, because I fell in love with a GOOD GUY!!! HE HAS CHANGED since being here, he says that to me all the time. HE needs to deal with what HE is going through and I've given him the resources to do so.

"I" have been through counseling 22 yrs ago when "I" to was in an abusive relationship. That changed my life. Made me a very strong woman that I am today. I was even a counselors for 2 yrs after that. I'm a huge self help book reader and movie watcher ...."I" am not the one with the issues. I am VERY grounded and secure with whom I am. I don't put up with #######, I stand on my own 2 feet.

YES, I would LOVE to see him walk out the door, but since he has a "right" to live in my apartment, it's not as simple as you think. Craig can EASILY go back to Jamaica, New York, Philly, etc etc etc....but he flippin WON'T leave. Yep, I guess I could pay to change the locks ...and then have my neighbors all get involved if Craig were to stir some sh&t up...just not willing to go there. I could file for divorce, but ...I just don't have an extra $500-1000 right now.

Good luck to everyone.... you guys don't have to talk about me anymore. I have my friends that support me and you guys know who you are. I do thank those that have always stuck by my side through the good, bad and ugly !!!

I was just coming on here to disguss my (our) adjustment....and you all (as always) took it a totally different level.

Thanks to those that have PM'd me, I appreciate it....I'll keep in touch !

One love !

Kelly

I'm speechless because it's the same things she said in 2007 and before that....sad situation.