Adjustment to the United States

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

Have anyone heard of Jazmine Sullivan...love her voice...she has a song called Lion, Tigers, and Bears, and it kinda relates to what JG says about both people loving each but they're just not meant to be...here is the excerpt from her song...

Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom.

You say you care, and I know you do...

But this is from my experience

And my conclusion only makes sense.

Just cause I love you, and you love me

It doesn't mean that we're meant to be.

I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas

But the most frightening is you and me.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I AGREE that ppl love each other but can't stay together..but that's why they are not couples..couples who cannot even stand each other in the same room..does not need to be together..

[SupportOAFJF 0]

jgay..i like Jazmine's voice too..kind areminds me of Lauryn Hill

[*JG* 2]

LuvTrav,

To me, it sounds like you are battling staying with this man or not. Or either you are still in love with him, or you are too scared to leave, or something. Its just all very confusing , your story. Dont get me wrong, big ups for putting the story out there and being commited to the realtionship and all, but what move are you trying to make? In the course of your posts I hear you saying how you cant deal with Craig and what him gone, but you love him but dont love him anymore. That he is just not getting it, but majority of the times are good now. You also say that you never wanted to get married yet dont want to divorce someone you do not love and who does not love you? I am just so confused as to what you are still doing in this situation. I understand that you may not talk "bad" to your 15yr old about Craig, but like you said he is old enough to get it. He knows that Craig is not the most best of people. And he also knows that Craig still stays there in your home. Does this not make him uncomfortable, or send him a confusing signal? My concern is truly for your son who you say does not know his birth father, and his moms husband does not even sleep in the same bedroom as she. I just think it could be quite damaging for him to grow up in what is a dysfunctional family unit, only for the reason of you not wanting to get some paperwork done to dissolve your marriage. Once the marriage is done, wont it be easy to just kick Craig out? Why do you allow him to stay there still? Is there some sort of financial hold up? I am just really confused by your relationship. I think this is why people are not sure how to take your comments on Jamaicans and such. Your case seems very extreme, and not because he is Jamaican, but because of his personality and your personality just dont fit. Dont matter if you were German and he Italian.

You can love someone with out being able to live with them. And, you can love someone without really liking them.

yeah but if you didnt want to live with them and didnt like them..wouldnt you want to be separate from them?

Sometimes it's not so easy, Shrewdie. Lives get intertwined. And, no matter how much you HATE them at that moment, you want what is best for them. You are angry, not heartless. It can be just as long a process to finally make it to a divorce. Until you go through it, it is hard to understand.

[shrewdgal 0]

I AGREE that ppl love each other but can't stay together..but that's why they are not couples..couples who cannot even stand each other in the same room..does not need to be together..

yeah. I think so too Kimmy. so I cant imagine staying in a house/marriage like that. unless you loved them and were going to PURSUE reconciliation.

[*JG* 2]

Have anyone heard of Jazmine Sullivan...love her voice...she has a song called Lion, Tigers, and Bears, and it kinda relates to what JG says about both people loving each but they're just not meant to be...here is the excerpt from her song...

Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom.

You say you care, and I know you do...

But this is from my experience

And my conclusion only makes sense.

Just cause I love you, and you love me

It doesn't mean that we're meant to be.

I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas

But the most frightening is you and me.

Yes!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

LuvTrav,

To me, it sounds like you are battling staying with this man or not. Or either you are still in love with him, or you are too scared to leave, or something. Its just all very confusing , your story. Dont get me wrong, big ups for putting the story out there and being commited to the realtionship and all, but what move are you trying to make? In the course of your posts I hear you saying how you cant deal with Craig and what him gone, but you love him but dont love him anymore. That he is just not getting it, but majority of the times are good now. You also say that you never wanted to get married yet dont want to divorce someone you do not love and who does not love you? I am just so confused as to what you are still doing in this situation. I understand that you may not talk "bad" to your 15yr old about Craig, but like you said he is old enough to get it. He knows that Craig is not the most best of people. And he also knows that Craig still stays there in your home. Does this not make him uncomfortable, or send him a confusing signal? My concern is truly for your son who you say does not know his birth father, and his moms husband does not even sleep in the same bedroom as she. I just think it could be quite damaging for him to grow up in what is a dysfunctional family unit, only for the reason of you not wanting to get some paperwork done to dissolve your marriage. Once the marriage is done, wont it be easy to just kick Craig out? Why do you allow him to stay there still? Is there some sort of financial hold up? I am just really confused by your relationship. I think this is why people are not sure how to take your comments on Jamaicans and such. Your case seems very extreme, and not because he is Jamaican, but because of his personality and your personality just dont fit. Dont matter if you were German and he Italian.

You can love someone with out being able to live with them. And, you can love someone without really liking them.

yeah but if you didnt want to live with them and didnt like them..wouldnt you want to be separate from them?

Sometimes it's not so easy, Shrewdie. Lives get intertwined. And, no matter how much you HATE them at that moment, you want what is best for them. You are angry, not heartless. It can be just as long a process to finally make it to a divorce. Until you go through it, it is hard to understand.

wow...

there's is no way i would hang on to something hurtful and toxic...we have all seen bitter divorces and such..and don't they move past it...one person either leaves and finds another place to live or just gives up everything to not be bothered...the point is they do something about it...

[*JG* 2]

LuvTrav,

To me, it sounds like you are battling staying with this man or not. Or either you are still in love with him, or you are too scared to leave, or something. Its just all very confusing , your story. Dont get me wrong, big ups for putting the story out there and being commited to the realtionship and all, but what move are you trying to make? In the course of your posts I hear you saying how you cant deal with Craig and what him gone, but you love him but dont love him anymore. That he is just not getting it, but majority of the times are good now. You also say that you never wanted to get married yet dont want to divorce someone you do not love and who does not love you? I am just so confused as to what you are still doing in this situation. I understand that you may not talk "bad" to your 15yr old about Craig, but like you said he is old enough to get it. He knows that Craig is not the most best of people. And he also knows that Craig still stays there in your home. Does this not make him uncomfortable, or send him a confusing signal? My concern is truly for your son who you say does not know his birth father, and his moms husband does not even sleep in the same bedroom as she. I just think it could be quite damaging for him to grow up in what is a dysfunctional family unit, only for the reason of you not wanting to get some paperwork done to dissolve your marriage. Once the marriage is done, wont it be easy to just kick Craig out? Why do you allow him to stay there still? Is there some sort of financial hold up? I am just really confused by your relationship. I think this is why people are not sure how to take your comments on Jamaicans and such. Your case seems very extreme, and not because he is Jamaican, but because of his personality and your personality just dont fit. Dont matter if you were German and he Italian.

You can love someone with out being able to live with them. And, you can love someone without really liking them.

yeah but if you didnt want to live with them and didnt like them..wouldnt you want to be separate from them?

Sometimes it's not so easy, Shrewdie. Lives get intertwined. And, no matter how much you HATE them at that moment, you want what is best for them. You are angry, not heartless. It can be just as long a process to finally make it to a divorce. Until you go through it, it is hard to understand.

wow...

there's is no way i would hang on to something hurtful and toxic...we have all seen bitter divorces and such..and don't they move past it...one person either leaves and finds another place to live or just gives up everything to not be bothered...the point is they do something about it...

Eventually, of course. From experience, I am telling you it isnt' as easy as saying that's it and moving on sometimes.

[shrewdgal 0]

LuvTrav,

To me, it sounds like you are battling staying with this man or not. Or either you are still in love with him, or you are too scared to leave, or something. Its just all very confusing , your story. Dont get me wrong, big ups for putting the story out there and being commited to the realtionship and all, but what move are you trying to make? In the course of your posts I hear you saying how you cant deal with Craig and what him gone, but you love him but dont love him anymore. That he is just not getting it, but majority of the times are good now. You also say that you never wanted to get married yet dont want to divorce someone you do not love and who does not love you? I am just so confused as to what you are still doing in this situation. I understand that you may not talk "bad" to your 15yr old about Craig, but like you said he is old enough to get it. He knows that Craig is not the most best of people. And he also knows that Craig still stays there in your home. Does this not make him uncomfortable, or send him a confusing signal? My concern is truly for your son who you say does not know his birth father, and his moms husband does not even sleep in the same bedroom as she. I just think it could be quite damaging for him to grow up in what is a dysfunctional family unit, only for the reason of you not wanting to get some paperwork done to dissolve your marriage. Once the marriage is done, wont it be easy to just kick Craig out? Why do you allow him to stay there still? Is there some sort of financial hold up? I am just really confused by your relationship. I think this is why people are not sure how to take your comments on Jamaicans and such. Your case seems very extreme, and not because he is Jamaican, but because of his personality and your personality just dont fit. Dont matter if you were German and he Italian.

You can love someone with out being able to live with them. And, you can love someone without really liking them.

yeah but if you didnt want to live with them and didnt like them..wouldnt you want to be separate from them?

Sometimes it's not so easy, Shrewdie. Lives get intertwined. And, no matter how much you HATE them at that moment, you want what is best for them. You are angry, not heartless. It can be just as long a process to finally make it to a divorce. Until you go through it, it is hard to understand.

I can understand that it would be hard, VERY hard! And I am nto saying that I advocate leaving a marriage, because I dont, but LuvTrav seemed sure that she was finished. I guess I am the kind of person that if I decide I am finished or decide anything for that matter (not to say it doesnt take me a long time to get TO that decision) that once I have made that decision.. I act.

Sometimes that gets me in trouble..but mostly not since it takes me so long to make a decision int he first place.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Shrewds ...once u make up ur mind it is usually clear...people will suck from u as much as u allow to suck..Of course it's hard...but i guess we can only speak for ourselves and our own experiences huh..

Edited February 11, 2009 by Hotlegz

[Marlita 0]

LuvTrav,

To me, it sounds like you are battling staying with this man or not. Or either you are still in love with him, or you are too scared to leave, or something. Its just all very confusing , your story. Dont get me wrong, big ups for putting the story out there and being commited to the realtionship and all, but what move are you trying to make? In the course of your posts I hear you saying how you cant deal with Craig and what him gone, but you love him but dont love him anymore. That he is just not getting it, but majority of the times are good now. You also say that you never wanted to get married yet dont want to divorce someone you do not love and who does not love you? I am just so confused as to what you are still doing in this situation. I understand that you may not talk "bad" to your 15yr old about Craig, but like you said he is old enough to get it. He knows that Craig is not the most best of people. And he also knows that Craig still stays there in your home. Does this not make him uncomfortable, or send him a confusing signal? My concern is truly for your son who you say does not know his birth father, and his moms husband does not even sleep in the same bedroom as she. I just think it could be quite damaging for him to grow up in what is a dysfunctional family unit, only for the reason of you not wanting to get some paperwork done to dissolve your marriage. Once the marriage is done, wont it be easy to just kick Craig out? Why do you allow him to stay there still? Is there some sort of financial hold up? I am just really confused by your relationship. I think this is why people are not sure how to take your comments on Jamaicans and such. Your case seems very extreme, and not because he is Jamaican, but because of his personality and your personality just dont fit. Dont matter if you were German and he Italian.

You can love someone with out being able to live with them. And, you can love someone without really liking them.

yeah but if you didnt want to live with them and didnt like them..wouldnt you want to be separate from them?

This is what I am saying. Cause this is what Luv has been stating. She does not love him, cares for him, wants him out of her house, doesnt live in a marital union, cant deal with him anymore, but doesnt want to file the paperwork to end it all?

[Marlita 0]

wow...

there's is no way i would hang on to something hurtful and toxic...we have all seen bitter divorces and such..and don't they move past it...one person either leaves and finds another place to live or just gives up everything to not be bothered...the point is they do something about it...

This is what I mean. Otherwise its called dysfunction! I mean how many people we know are getting abused physically or mentally by their mate, but still claim they love the person? Yes it happens all the time, but that dont mean its right! It means there is a problem. Either make the moves to adjust and fix it, or get rid of it. DO NOT live in it! Cause you will wake up 5, 10, 15 years later and think "why didnt i end this a long time ago".

[dillon 6]

LuvTrav,

To me, it sounds like you are battling staying with this man or not. Or either you are still in love with him, or you are too scared to leave, or something. Its just all very confusing , your story. Dont get me wrong, big ups for putting the story out there and being commited to the realtionship and all, but what move are you trying to make? In the course of your posts I hear you saying how you cant deal with Craig and what him gone, but you love him but dont love him anymore. That he is just not getting it, but majority of the times are good now. You also say that you never wanted to get married yet dont want to divorce someone you do not love and who does not love you? I am just so confused as to what you are still doing in this situation. I understand that you may not talk "bad" to your 15yr old about Craig, but like you said he is old enough to get it. He knows that Craig is not the most best of people. And he also knows that Craig still stays there in your home. Does this not make him uncomfortable, or send him a confusing signal? My concern is truly for your son who you say does not know his birth father, and his moms husband does not even sleep in the same bedroom as she. I just think it could be quite damaging for him to grow up in what is a dysfunctional family unit, only for the reason of you not wanting to get some paperwork done to dissolve your marriage. Once the marriage is done, wont it be easy to just kick Craig out? Why do you allow him to stay there still? Is there some sort of financial hold up? I am just really confused by your relationship. I think this is why people are not sure how to take your comments on Jamaicans and such. Your case seems very extreme, and not because he is Jamaican, but because of his personality and your personality just dont fit. Dont matter if you were German and he Italian.

You can love someone with out being able to live with them. And, you can love someone without really liking them.

yeah but if you didnt want to live with them and didnt like them..wouldnt you want to be separate from them?

Sometimes it's not so easy, Shrewdie. Lives get intertwined. And, no matter how much you HATE them at that moment, you want what is best for them. You are angry, not heartless. It can be just as long a process to finally make it to a divorce. Until you go through it, it is hard to understand.

wow...

there's is no way i would hang on to something hurtful and toxic...we have all seen bitter divorces and such..and don't they move past it...one person either leaves and finds another place to live or just gives up everything to not be bothered...the point is they do something about it...

Eventually, of course. From experience, I am telling you it isnt' as easy as saying that's it and moving on sometimes.

I have been there as well. With my ex he would not leave either. I did put up with it to an extent because I didn't have anywhere else to go. The lease was in my name and I wasn't going to move out and let him stay there so he could not pay the rent. I would have to end up paying it anyways. But as soon as that lease was up I was out!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I have been there as well. With my ex he would not leave either. I did put up with it to an extent because I didn't have anywhere else to go. The lease was in my name and I wasn't going to move out and let him stay there so he could not pay the rent. I would have to end up paying it anyways. But as soon as that lease was up I was out!

exactly....there has to be some kind of ending point..when this happens I will do this..i'm not gonna sit around and maybe hope that things will change..nope, nope

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

wow...

there's is no way i would hang on to something hurtful and toxic...we have all seen bitter divorces and such..and don't they move past it...one person either leaves and finds another place to live or just gives up everything to not be bothered...the point is they do something about it...

This is what I mean. Otherwise its called dysfunction! I mean how many people we know are getting abused physically or mentally by their mate, but still claim they love the person? Yes it happens all the time, but that dont mean its right! It means there is a problem. Either make the moves to adjust and fix it, or get rid of it. DO NOT live in it! Cause you will wake up 5, 10, 15 years later and think "why didnt i end this a long time ago".

AMEN!