Adjustment to the United States

[shrewdgal 0]

JG, what was in his skin. I never heard of such a thing. It is definitly good to get your man to exfoliate. Even the ones that live here dont do it till a woman shows them how good it is for their body. Evan said he gets more blackheads here on his face an such. Its the colder weather and water I think. I get them on my thighs sometimes, but when in JA I dont have to exfoliate at all, and my legs are as smooth as buttermilk and no hair. I miss that.

when I was in Jamaican all summer the first time I came home and when I showered I remember thinking how dirty the water was like the first two times

weird...

i never noticed it again though

[shrewdgal 0]

so..all of yall that are "adjusting." heeh what is your favorite story?

better yet...what is the "arrival" story.... the first time he saw YOU in the US..the first time he drove interstate...first time he saw yoru house...etc., etc.,

[*JG* 2]

The day he called me and said they sent the Sheriff after him.......We lived a little out in the country when he first came here. He walked down our road with a machette in his hand. It was hot, so he rested under a tree right in front of one of my neighbor's house.

I had to laugh and then have a little talk with the neighbors and then him!

[luvtravlin 0]

I had a few minutes today, waiting for a computer tech to show up....to browse and I'm happy you guys posted this.

Me, personally, I've never really disappeared, I just don't have time and when I do jump on here and browse, I just can't believe some things that go on and when I have posted, lets just say it's not like it used to be.

If anyone really has time, go back and read the Yardie thread from day one, well maybe it was later because many of us were going through the process at the same time and we didn't have anything to compare to---at that time. We've talked about adjustments till the cows come home and then those that really tell it like it is, seem to get bashed, etc etc etc. I for one, am like Kelly, I'm not afraid to tell really tell it like it is, even if the truth may hurt.

Craig has been in the states for 2 1/2 years. We've been through absolutely everything you can imagine. We had been separated for the past 8 months ....and 2 weeks ago, we decided to really give this another shot....cause trust me, I was SOOO done! He seems to really "get it" now...just living on his own, paying his own bills (not that he had many), etc etc. Long story short, he was court ordered to go through 22 weeks of anger management classes through the domestic violence center. He learned ALOT from it, learned how to handle and react to certain situations, to talk calmly and it's also helped our relationship. He's also in a study through one of our local colleges for Alcohol and Drug abuse programs. We both were interviewed once a month, till the 9th month and then we'll have a final interview at the 1 yr mark (me over the phone and he had to go into their office). He tells me all the time that he's really liked the fact that he's able to talk to someone about issues he had growing up, life choices he's had, dealing with everything here, etc etc.

Our relationship seems to be ....now....after almost 4 years of being together and 2 yrs in the states, to be getting right on track. We were talking this past weekend about how strong our relationship is now and then last night...he comes clean and says that he really thinks he has a drinking problem (although I've known that all along). SO, yet another tough hurdle we'll have to go through.

There are many that I know of that don't come on here anymore, just because their relationships have broken up, or going through really tough times and may be "embarrassed" to post and then there's the other half that just don't have the time.

For anyone that is new out there and are going through this crazy-a&& process, please pleeeeease listen to the advice from us that have been there done that. I never sugar coat anything about our relationship and I'm always here for anyone that wants to chat about obstacles, advice, to listen to. In the 3 1/2 yrs that I've been on this thread, I've learned ALOT and I thank everyone that has stood by me through good, bad & the ugly. If it wasn't for this thread, shoot...I would have lost my mind a loooooooooooooooooooooooong, long time ago.

So THANK YOU MS SQUITTO for starting this yardie thread up when you did !

Kelly

First off, Marlita, I think sometimes people disappear because they find it really is harder to adjust then they thought it would be. They don't want to appear unhappy, so they just don't talk about it.

You know I really thought this might be the case JG, and I respect everyones decision in how they handle their OWN personal family and marriage. So that makes complete sense. I mean...I'm not one to come online and blast all my dirty laundry too, but I do from time to time talk about the obstacles that I may be facing do to this process, or just the relationship in general.

But for the most part, I did start to think that maybe some people went away because they were dealing with some hard adjusment issues and didnt think it best to discuss them on here...i respect that.

[sus 70]

Kelly, I am so happy to hear that things are turning around for you - I know that it has been a tough road.

Much respect to you for sticking it through - and for being honest with it all.

[Shemmy 4]

Kelly, I am so happy to hear that things are turning around for you - I know that it has been a tough road.

Much respect to you for sticking it through - and for being honest with it all.

Ditto...Good luck to you and Craig

How's your son doing?

[Yaads 0]

Hi Kelly

Glad you stopped by to share your story. Hope things continue to work out for you and Craig!

[luvtravlin 0]

I'll fill in our adjustments...

Where are the stories as to how adjustment for the SO is going?

Having a bank account AND debit card. Still doesn't seem to get that entirely. Overdraws his bank account constantly. I've sat down with him and explained it till I'm blue in the face. He gave me his card last week so that I can help him get back on track and budget and this time, and now does not fight me about me having his card.

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered?

Loads, wouldn't even know where to begin, but happy to talk about it

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life?

Shaped my life? Made me even more patient than I was before, but that comes from being a single parent of a 14 yr old boy. Just lots and lots of communication...open communication!

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture?

For the 1st year 1/2 ...yes, he still thinks we have tooo many rules and we do and some are ridiculous. We just got back from Jamaica last week and he said he never wants to go back there and live.

Do they like the States?

He says he LOVES the states. Craig LOVES the food here. The only thing that he doesn't care for is broccoli. For the past 3 nights I've come home to a cooked meal and he's made 3 different chicken meals. He's a great cook, but loves my cooking more (he says).

Was it what they expected?

He expected it to be easier. His words..getting a car, making money, having a good job. He didn't realize that he needed to be educated to get a GOOD job. He wants to get into A/C work, but he needs to go to a tech school to learn about it.

How has climate affected them?

The cold doesn't affect him, but he kindof is used to it. I remember the 1st time when he "saw his breath", he literally ran back into the house freaking out. He would prefer the warm, over the cold....but deals with it.

Are they in school or working?

He's worked since the 3rd week of getting to Maryland. I have a client that works for immigration and got him his EAD card right away. He's worked for many temp agencies and done a TON of different jobs. He's been working for a water bottling company for the past year and loves it. Definitely wants to make more money, but he loves what he's doing and the people he works with, for now.

I guess this could be more of a question for many VJ'ers not just yardies. I am just more interested in the Jamaica culture to US culture experiences since that is the one I am in. However I think the experience from SO's in a developing nation to the US is always an interesting one.

I just find it odd that we dont hear more of these stories.

I know for myself I really had no idea of what the response my husband would initally have to moving here. What he would think? What he would like/dislike? What would make him comfortable? How long before he gets homesick?

So if you want to share any inital stories of your spouses adjustment please do...I think its good to know how everyone deals and what their first experiences are when settling into like in the US.

[morantbaygirl 0]

Luv It was so good to see a old face!!!! When I first started VJ U and Shemya SPOKE THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME. If not for the both of U my rose colored glasses would have been shattered. Not saying other people didn't tell the truth I just realized through U two it was not going to be as easy as I thought .

[luvtravlin 0]

Thank you...

Austin is doing good. He'll be 15 soon. He's a good boy and got pretty good grades on his report card yesterday (all B's), except for 1 grade because he failed the flippin county assessment. Still waiting on the teacher to respond to be about that one. Poor boy has severe test anxiety and knows the material but then gets in front of it, timed.... wham, brain goes blank!

Howze your daughter?

I'm bummed that I wasn't able to make JALove's baby shower and meet everyone. Austin's soccer game was re-scheduled for right smack dab in the middle of the party and his game was in Virginia.

Anytime ANYone is up for another meet and greet in the MD/VA/DC/PA/NY -and whoever else is close enough........let me know, cause ya know, 3 yrs has been long enough for us not to meet in person and we're only 40 minutes ? from each other !

Kelly, I am so happy to hear that things are turning around for you - I know that it has been a tough road.

Much respect to you for sticking it through - and for being honest with it all.

Ditto...Good luck to you and Craig

How's your son doing?

[morantbaygirl 0]

Where are the stories as to how adjustment for the SO is going? I still have adjustment issues daily

What types of accomplishments has the SO obtained? He recieved drivers lisence,he knows how to get around Atlanta on the bus, has a good job, knows how to cuss in English only knew how in Patois, has won several certificates in school.

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered? Learning how to dress , bless him he never cared what he wore in jamaica(any colors together would be fine). Learning that everyone that smiles at u in America is not friendly.

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life? I have learned patience and he has taught me to listen. I pray more and so does he!!!!

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture? Yes at first. He felt like anyones Yard was free to sit in. He also liked taking a chair and sitting it at the front door and drinking a Red Stripe( can u say police). He had to learn that we don't throw trash in the front YARD.

Do they like the States? Yes he says he has more oppertunity here.

Was it what they expected? He!! no the street aren't paved in gold and there are no money trees in the Yard. For some unknown reason he had the idea that we didn't work hard here. Time took care of that!!!!

How has climate affected them? He really loves the winter here says it fells like up in the ills.

Are they in school or working? both

Were there any obstacles here? People understanding him because his accent is very deep.

[luvtravlin 0]

Luv It was so good to see a old face!!!! When I first started VJ U and Shemya SPOKE THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME. If not for the both of U my rose colored glasses would have been shattered. Not saying other people didn't tell the truth I just realized through U two it was not going to be as easy as I thought .

Thank you.

I wish more would have been more outspoken, not just behind PMs and emails, back 3 yrs ago, but since most of us were going through the process at the same time, I think some were just not comfortable in talking publicly about our relationships and experiences. I've always been one to chat 'bout it, because I know that me personally helps to read and talk about it to help deal. I'm a HUGE self help reader, Dr Phil, Oprah, Divorce Court, Decision House and whatever else shows are out there. Craig and I watch those together all the time and it's opened his eyes more than I think he really realizes.

The best thing about the counseling is that he was able to see that there were men (cause it was a mens group) out there that were far worse than he was.....anger-wise. Now that counseling is over, he says he sometimes misses being able to talk freely (although he knows he can do that with me), but it's different. He truly knows how to get a grip on the anger and we have civilized talks instead of yelling and screaming....he does the yelling and I calmly talk -which then took him to a different level.

Seriously......lets keep this conversation open and for anyone that's out there reading this for any culture, please post your adjustment stories. Please don't be afraid to be open and honest, because this type of forum (being positive and not bashing) really does help and gives us sanity when there is noone else to turn to. As we ALL know, our "american" friends in "american" relationships can never relate!!!

[shrewdgal 0]

Thank you...

Austin is doing good. He'll be 15 soon. He's a good boy and got pretty good grades on his report card yesterday (all B's), except for 1 grade because he failed the flippin county assessment. Still waiting on the teacher to respond to be about that one. Poor boy has severe test anxiety and knows the material but then gets in front of it, timed.... wham, brain goes blank!

Howze your daughter?

I'm bummed that I wasn't able to make JALove's baby shower and meet everyone. Austin's soccer game was re-scheduled for right smack dab in the middle of the party and his game was in Virginia.

Anytime ANYone is up for another meet and greet in the MD/VA/DC/PA/NY -and whoever else is close enough........let me know, cause ya know, 3 yrs has been long enough for us not to meet in person and we're only 40 minutes ? from each other !

Kelly, I am so happy to hear that things are turning around for you - I know that it has been a tough road.

Much respect to you for sticking it through - and for being honest with it all.

Ditto...Good luck to you and Craig

How's your son doing?

Hey- we were just talking about that! but more of the Va-NC-TN-DC area

either way.. It seems we have more people that way than I realized!

[Yaads 0]

If anyone really has time, go back and read the Yardie thread from day one, well maybe it was later because many of us were going through the process at the same time and we didn't have anything to compare to---at that time. We've talked about adjustments till the cows come home and then those that really tell it like it is, seem to get bashed, etc etc etc. I for one, am like Kelly, I'm not afraid to tell really tell it like it is, even if the truth may hurt.

Anyone who knows me knows that A and I have been through hell and back many times. We have gone through more than I ever could have imagined. My glasses were very rose colored before he arrived and my expectations and his expectations of what marriage really consisted of was so far off point it was embarrassing – can we say fantasy land? They will also know that I have been very open, honest and forthcoming with our struggles in the past. They were around to let me cry on their shoulder and read through my posts that went on for pages about the struggles and the trials and times of heartbreak. They talked me back off the ledge and gave me insight and resources that saved me many times.

In my opinion VJ and the Yardie thread was a whole different ballgame back then. We were a family and we were all wonderful friends. We were one big support system, a place you could go to with any question – serious or crazy and get the help you sought. Things aren’t like that now. People are defensive and bash others at the slightest thing. They get mad when truth is spoken and don’t want their little fantasy bubble full of roses and warm and fuzzies to be popped or disrupted. How dare someone have the audacity to tell the negative sides of their relationship and this journey and how dare they think that someone else could possibly experience the same thing and benefit from hearing a similar tale. Someone can’t say their opinion here without being ripped apart by others because they don’t happen to have the same viewpoint.

So while I do think that it is a wonderful thing to talk about and that it can help people out so much to know what could happen to them and has happened to others – I personally choose not to share publicly anymore. I happily share with others behind the scenes via email, phone, IM/PM and my story is out there in the old yardie threads somewhere but I choose not to share personal details on the Yardie thread or in this message board anymore. It just isn’t worth it to me to be treated horribly for sharing. So I will let the Yardie thread continue to be what others want it to be – a place of chit chat and small talk. Anyone is free to contact me anytime and I will be more than happy to share my adjustment experience and our ups and downs but I will not be putting it out there as fodder to the masses. If you choose to that is your decision and I respect that…please respect my choice as well.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

RIGHT AND SOMETHIngs are meant to be kept between husband and wife..like I've said before you cam share ur adjustment but it doesn't have to get personal..JUST MY OPINION