Adjustment to the United States

[*JG* 2]

No, that is true. In fact, he did not like the first 3 barbers he tried in the city. But, the thing was, he SAID he needed to find a black barber.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Jomo, did you understand why that was important to him? Finding a Black barber.

[^KK^ 3]

what is IMO?

Speaking of barbers..my husband has a Jamaican barber..that is is 45 minutes away. He only goes every 3 or 4 months. His hair grows very slowly.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

No, that is true. In fact, he did not like the first 3 barbers he tried in the city. But, the thing was, he SAID he needed to find a black barber.

That's why I said "could have" in his case NOT..he just needed someone who he thought understood his hair needs...in reality there are white/black/hispanic barbers/hairdressers that can hook up a black hair..

what is IMO?

Speaking of barbers..my husband has a Jamaican barber..that is is 45 minutes away. He only goes every 3 or 4 months. His hair grows very slowly.

IN MY OPINION

[Marlita 0]

Marlita, what is the ROP program?

Oh my!! Yall are chatty chatty on this thread. I have to make sure I go back and read. Been so busy lately i dont know whats going on anymore.

Anyway. ROP is Regional Occupational Program. Its a job training program, that may be funded through the state or something. Many high schoolers take classes in it to give them onsite training or some specialized skill so that they can get a decent job after high school, especially if they are not planning on going to college. Not sure if all areas have ROP, but I've known of it since in high school. Check the web for your area. Its usually with Adult Ed and GED courses.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Marlita, what is the ROP program?

Oh my!! Yall are chatty chatty on this thread. I have to make sure I go back and read. Been so busy lately i dont know whats going on anymore.

Anyway. ROP is Regional Occupational Program. Its a job training program, that may be funded through the state or something. Many high schoolers take classes in it to give them onsite training or some specialized skill so that they can get a decent job after high school, especially if they are not planning on going to college. Not sure if all areas have ROP, but I've known of it since in high school. Check the web for your area. Its usually with Adult Ed and GED courses.

Hey Lita'

We have a program like that call "Life Stages"...they also have a "New Immigrant Program" or NIP in my area. They teach you just about everything about life in the US and what adjusting might mean to you and your family, so if you're willing to learn and it's FREE (well, kind of) I figure I'm paying for it through state taxes.

[^KK^ 3]

Kimmy...I like the idea..He spends the day at the barber...Chatting and catching up. Reminds me of how the African American barbers shops are. They trade...mix cds...and stuff.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

To a Black man a Barber Shop is not just a Hair Cut, it is a Social club. I feel that say way about my beauty salon, I treasure those Saturday morninig chats. Great networking too.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

So, yesterday we were on our way to pick up Tahlia from the sitter and Kimora from school...and I was talking to hubby about some of the adjustment stories we share..and we both said at the same time ..u know i'm glad we don't argue like we used, about foolishness..no joke we used to argue b/c he talked to kimora in a way i didn't like or he would listen to foolish advice from his mother..and he said to me..picking u up from the dentist the other day, my life flashed before my eyes..and i realized i need you in my life..can't imagine it now w/o u..lmao..he's crazy..b/c he realized that i might get sick one day where he had to take care of me and hold down things...

we took sometime to get back to this point after leaving JA..i'm happy now he we are finally in a happy place..love that man...

[Shemmy 4]

Kimmy...I like the idea..He spends the day at the barber...Chatting and catching up. Reminds me of how the African American barbers shops are. They trade...mix cds...and stuff.

I know, Damien's hairdresser (in a barber shop) sells blue movies

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Rox and KK i agree..except Kashi doesn't cut his hair..so..ummm don't enjoy that

Kimmy...I like the idea..He spends the day at the barber...Chatting and catching up. Reminds me of how the African American barbers shops are. They trade...mix cds...and stuff.

I know, Damien's hairdresser (in a barber shop) sells blue movies

instead we argue over me taking too long to do his hair..hehhee..mi tell him go pay $40+ fi go do it den..

Edited February 10, 2009 by Hotlegz

[luvtravlin 0]

There were to many that I wanted to respond to, so I'm going to try in one shot....and I wasn't going to...but...

First...there WAS loads of love in my relationship with Craig. He still loves the heck out of me, tells me all the time, tries his best to show me, but with all the things that have happened, just don't feel that I need to hurt again by it all.

Second....Shauna and I are the best of friends, we've been in each others company many maaaaany times during and after they've broken up. We all had the best of times and looking back, can't even begin to tell you why that Craig AND Mike acted the way they did (do) !!

My parents are VERY racist, always have been, but for me, I like/love a person (man/woman) for who they are, not because of the color of their flippin skin. My sons friends, and they are all black or asian/black, freak out because "I" listen to "their" music. I love Reggae and Jamaica more than Craig sometimes feels. My apartment is filled with Caribbean stuff and has been that way waaaaay before Craig came into the picture.

When Craig came here, I investigated Black barbers and razors things, Jamaican restaurants, music, etc etc. I took him on a Reggae Sail as a suprise for our wedding gift. Within the 1st week of him getting here I took him out to hang with my friends and see my friends Reggae band and they welcomed him with opened arms ....as ALL of my friends have/did.

Craig was never one to go out and party, still doesn't. He's never been to a club by himself in the 2 1/2 years living here, we go out together, but not as much.

Craig was never the jealous type until, for whatever reasons, he got here. I have maaaany male friends and he knows each and every one of them, but I also have a ton of male friends in Jamaica and he knows that to, because I've introduced him to them all.

Craig and I talk ALLL the time, that's one of the things that I love about our relationship is we communicate ALLLL the time, now....sometimes he'll hold things over my head....um, that's part of immaturity on his part.

Yes, Craig is younger than me....but when I met him I thought he was older, just the way he carried himself and from the people he surrounded himself with. Here..totally different story.

This entire process is a LEARNING process and Craig (and many others that "I" KNOW OF) still do not get it!! I tell Craig all the time that you should be learning from your mistakes and never make those mistakes again, but that just doesn't seem to flippin sink in !

I've sat down with him, showed him budget, money, bank, books, newspapers, resumes, broken out maps, showed bus routes, areas where he can go, places where he can visit...shoot he knows more about my area than I do and I'm from here. I helped him try to find jobs, dag...I've done it all as we all do, but when do you stop "teaching" and showing??? Comes a point, right ?

We live in an area that is ALL Asian/Muslim, never used to be that way, but has become that way....my son is the minority at the bus stop! We live in the richest county in the Nation, where racism is around us everyday!

Craig said to me this morning, that when he went to Philly & New York this weekend, he does not like it there. It's to busy for him, he likes the quiet...we're not out in the middle of east bum...but he has become self sufficient in getting himself around and doesn't complain about taking the bus anymore, but we had those battles for a long time!!

Like I've said....a thousand times, there are sooooooooooooooooooo many things that you (newbies) don't think of that they need to learn ....just like the breath that comes out of their mouths in the cold, thinking it's warm outside (in the winter) just because the sun is shining. Turning off lights, radio, etc etc....and leaving without thinking that's sucking up the electricity. Paying bills and on time. Groceries are way more expensive. Some of us don't have a JA grocery store us the street. For Craig, there's never ever been an issue with food. He loves American food all the same. Yes he misses JA food, but doesn't whine and cry about it! Now that we have a Golden Krust up the street...."I" love it and go there more than he does !!

Yes, Craig has been abusive, I guess you want to call that, never verbally... and he tried to lay a hand on me ONCE and I took action with that. I will never ever tolerate a "man" living in my house that's abusive. He received the help he needed and it helped ....and he learned from that. He tries to get loud, still.....but I'm the calm one.

So....question, if YOU (anyone) were to "go through what I've gone through"....do YOU pick up and move out of a place where YOU have lived for 11 yrs, move your child/children to a new school and new friends, move to a different soccer club and give up everything YOU have had and known.......NO, the man should leave !!!! and that's the thing Craig won't do and I have no way of "getting him to"!! Oh, I could let him beat me up, call the cops and go that route...

I told him today, cause he's been reading everything that has been going on and said.....he said that HE has changed since coming here. He knows that...now fix it and get it back to the way it was...with or without me !!!

SOME of these guys are very much influenced by their "friends" and "cousins" as I've said a million times before. It's a battle that's constantly going on. Craig has to learn wrong...himself, part of "growing up" and it SUCKS that as a "man" ...he's starting fresh, so to speak.

I've been friends with many of the women on this site for 4-5 years now and the ones that I'm close with, we have ALL gone through the major BS that maybe SOME of you haven't....and that's awesome. Trust me, I would HATE to have anyone go through this. The veterans that don't come on here anymore, don't because it's just like how it used to be 4-5 yrs ago. We used to share, cry and embrace each other ...good, bad or ugly, not nowadays, it's like a piece of meat being thrown into a cage !!!

God has a plan for everyone................for whatever reason, we (me and Craig) are still on a path..... to ???

[sus 70]

Marlita, what is the ROP program?

Oh my!! Yall are chatty chatty on this thread. I have to make sure I go back and read. Been so busy lately i dont know whats going on anymore.

Anyway. ROP is Regional Occupational Program. Its a job training program, that may be funded through the state or something. Many high schoolers take classes in it to give them onsite training or some specialized skill so that they can get a decent job after high school, especially if they are not planning on going to college. Not sure if all areas have ROP, but I've known of it since in high school. Check the web for your area. Its usually with Adult Ed and GED courses.

Okay, I know what you mean now - we have that type of program here, too - never heard it called ROP before.

One thing I learned about going back to school was through my friend from South Africa - She went from being a straight A student in SA to getting Ds and Fs on papers here - she asked me for help on her papers - What was happening was her writing style - she wrote like she talked, and wrote like she had in SA - even though it was English, her phrasing was different - I helped her with reworking a few papers and she started getting As again - the teachers here weren't being accomodating of the cultural difference, or even pointing it out to her - when she saw the changes I suggested, it helped her to rework her writing style.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

There were to many that I wanted to respond to, so I'm going to try in one shot....and I wasn't going to...but...

First...there WAS loads of love in my relationship with Craig. He still loves the heck out of me, tells me all the time, tries his best to show me, but with all the things that have happened, just don't feel that I need to hurt again by it all.

Second....Shauna and I are the best of friends, we've been in each others company many maaaaany times during and after they've broken up. We all had the best of times and looking back, can't even begin to tell you why that Craig AND Mike acted the way they did (do) !!

My parents are VERY racist, always have been, but for me, I like/love a person (man/woman) for who they are, not because of the color of their flippin skin. My sons friends, and they are all black or asian/black, freak out because "I" listen to "their" music. I love Reggae and Jamaica more than Craig sometimes feels. My apartment is filled with Caribbean stuff and has been that way waaaaay before Craig came into the picture.

When Craig came here, I investigated Black barbers and razors things, Jamaican restaurants, music, etc etc. I took him on a Reggae Sail as a suprise for our wedding gift. Within the 1st week of him getting here I took him out to hang with my friends and see my friends Reggae band and they welcomed him with opened arms ....as ALL of my friends have/did.

Craig was never one to go out and party, still doesn't. He's never been to a club by himself in the 2 1/2 years living here, we go out together, but not as much.

Craig was never the jealous type until, for whatever reasons, he got here. I have maaaany male friends and he knows each and every one of them, but I also have a ton of male friends in Jamaica and he knows that to, because I've introduced him to them all.

Craig and I talk ALLL the time, that's one of the things that I love about our relationship is we communicate ALLLL the time, now....sometimes he'll hold things over my head....um, that's part of immaturity on his part.

Yes, Craig is younger than me....but when I met him I thought he was older, just the way he carried himself and from the people he surrounded himself with. Here..totally different story.

This entire process is a LEARNING process and Craig (and many others that "I" KNOW OF) still do not get it!! I tell Craig all the time that you should be learning from your mistakes and never make those mistakes again, but that just doesn't seem to flippin sink in !

I've sat down with him, showed him budget, money, bank, books, newspapers, resumes, broken out maps, showed bus routes, areas where he can go, places where he can visit...shoot he knows more about my area than I do and I'm from here. I helped him try to find jobs, dag...I've done it all as we all do, but when do you stop "teaching" and showing??? Comes a point, right ?

We live in an area that is ALL Asian/Muslim, never used to be that way, but has become that way....my son is the minority at the bus stop! We live in the richest county in the Nation, where racism is around us everyday!

Craig said to me this morning, that when he went to Philly & New York this weekend, he does not like it there. It's to busy for him, he likes the quiet...we're not out in the middle of east bum...but he has become self sufficient in getting himself around and doesn't complain about taking the bus anymore, but we had those battles for a long time!!

Like I've said....a thousand times, there are sooooooooooooooooooo many things that you (newbies) don't think of that they need to learn ....just like the breath that comes out of their mouths in the cold, thinking it's warm outside (in the winter) just because the sun is shining. Turning off lights, radio, etc etc....and leaving without thinking that's sucking up the electricity. Paying bills and on time. Groceries are way more expensive. Some of us don't have a JA grocery store us the street. For Craig, there's never ever been an issue with food. He loves American food all the same. Yes he misses JA food, but doesn't whine and cry about it! Now that we have a Golden Krust up the street...."I" love it and go there more than he does !!

Yes, Craig has been abusive, I guess you want to call that, never verbally... and he tried to lay a hand on me ONCE and I took action with that. I will never ever tolerate a "man" living in my house that's abusive. He received the help he needed and it helped ....and he learned from that. He tries to get loud, still.....but I'm the calm one.

So....question, if YOU (anyone) were to "go through what I've gone through"....do YOU pick up and move out of a place where YOU have lived for 11 yrs, move your child/children to a new school and new friends, move to a different soccer club and give up everything YOU have had and known.......NO, the man should leave !!!! and that's the thing Craig won't do and I have no way of "getting him to"!! Oh, I could let him beat me up, call the cops and go that route...

I told him today, cause he's been reading everything that has been going on and said.....he said that HE has changed since coming here. He knows that...now fix it and get it back to the way it was...with or without me !!!

SOME of these guys are very much influenced by their "friends" and "cousins" as I've said a million times before. It's a battle that's constantly going on. Craig has to learn wrong...himself, part of "growing up" and it SUCKS that as a "man" ...he's starting fresh, so to speak.

I've been friends with many of the women on this site for 4-5 years now and the ones that I'm close with, we have ALL gone through the major BS that maybe SOME of you haven't....and that's awesome. Trust me, I would HATE to have anyone go through this. The veterans that don't come on here anymore, don't because it's just like how it used to be 4-5 yrs ago. We used to share, cry and embrace each other ...good, bad or ugly, not nowadays, it's like a piece of meat being thrown into a cage !!!

God has a plan for everyone................for whatever reason, we (me and Craig) are still on a path..... to ???

Luvtrav, I have to reply to you, there is nothing that you have stated her, that I have not hear from girlfriends whom have dated and married the man next door. These issues are not uncommon, no they are not right. But many a woman, white/black/yellow married to their man from their back yard have experienced this. What I am getting from this is that Craig is not ready for marriage, he thought he was, but he still have to grow. And you are looking for someone who has gone thru these stages, you are tired of teaching. This doesn't make either one of you a bad person, it just says you'll are not ready to be a couple. You want more and he doesn't know how to give that more.

Edited February 10, 2009 by RoxcieJoe

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

No, that is true. In fact, he did not like the first 3 barbers he tried in the city. But, the thing was, he SAID he needed to find a black barber.

That's why I said "could have" in his case NOT..he just needed someone who he thought understood his hair needs...in reality there are white/black/hispanic barbers/hairdressers that can hook up a black hair..

what is IMO?

Speaking of barbers..my husband has a Jamaican barber..that is is 45 minutes away. He only goes every 3 or 4 months. His hair grows very slowly.

IN MY OPINION

Where i live is predominately a jamaican area...there is like a jamaican food, hair, record store, and clothing store on every block...my hubby went to a jamaican barber and did not like how he cut his hair so then i told him to go to this other barber that my brothers go to and where i take my son and they are puerto ricans and he loves how they cut his hair and is staying with them...he was complaining that they were playing spanish music and they speak in their language all the time but he rather have a good hair cut then just being comfortable around his own kind...

IMO about the whole adjustment period...I understand our husbands or wives are coming from a different country...a third world country at that...and especially if your husband/wife lived in the country is another whole new ball game...they are coming into a fast paced environment where you need money in your pocket and you can't do half the things you were able to do back in JA...BUT after a while when the issues are discussed and some issues happened and you talk to them about it and help them realize why you shouldn't do that and whatever if they are still doing it then that is on them and I'm not going to deal with it anymore...My husband is not a baby and I'm not going to treat him like a baby and make the notion that he came from another country so i should give him oblige...I've talked to you once, twice, there is no third time cause it seems i'm just wasting my breath...to me that just shows them being selfish and only out to live for themselves not for their family...

Yes i know we are married and you should work hard for your marriage BUT i love myself much, much, MUCH more than to let some man come into my life and bring me down and not show half the commitment i made in this relationship...

My husband adjustment issue is not being able to go down the road and hang out over his friend Nanko's shop and drink some soup and talk about football with his brethren on the road side...he is soo bored being stuck in the house...he goes to the library twice a week to learn computers and to help with his reading skills so that breaks up some time to be outside...I haven't been able to really take him places cause money is really tight and can't seem to get around to doing it...He is also upset that he doesn't have a job yet but hopefully that will come soon...and i told him when he starts working he is going to help out with the household bills...whatever is left you do what you want...if he is putting buying clothes, shoes, whatever b4 bills then get the hell out cause i'm not busting my butt for you to live like a king and me like a pauper...

I love my husband dearly but we both know that if he was living in the states already we wouldn't have gotten married...we both don't really believe in the whole marriage thing but did it so we could be together cause i knew i wasn't moving to ja and i wasn't going to travel to JA so often again and he wouldn't have gotten a visitor visa and we discussed this way b4 we decided to get married...I always tell him too to just be upfront with everything with me and that don't feel that you owe me anything cause i filed for you cause you don't...if he feels like he wants to be with someone else or he doesn't want to be with me anymore just let me know...Yes i believe you should try your hardest to make your marriage work and last "til death do us part" but you should kill yourself doing it...IMO