Adjustment to the United States

[Islandwoman 0]

Men only do what you allow them to do... my mom would always say when the shoe get to tight you will take if off took me a while to figure out whats she was saying but when i did man i said enough is enough.

I agree with this, but want to change the word to people instead of men. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us be it our children, brother/sisters, parents, friends, etc....

[*JG* 2]

no my girl..mi no ave no problem..mi just a bring u"ll foolish acts to sight...

glad ur still with ur husband..so am I

WHERE DO YOU SEE THE FOOLISHNESS.....PLEASE EXPLAIN......I WOULD SAY UR WORDS OF WISDOM ARE TO BE IGNORED, CAUSE YOU ARE DOING NOTHING BUT PICKING APART PEOPLE'S STORIES... IT IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT WILL CAUSE OTHERS NOT TO SHARE CUASE OF YOUR CONTINOUS SO CALLED KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT A MARRIAGE SHOULD BE..........

WHEN DID I EVER STATE THAT I WAS GIVING ADVICE ON WHAT THE HECK MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSE TO BE !!

WHY IS THIS WHITE ISSUE STILL COMING UP..DIDN'T HE KNOW HE WAS GETTING INTO A WHITE FAMILY FROM JUMP!!

Please anyone can join in, but your responses must not be of an attack mod.

Just for the record i'm not attacking..ppl are getting defensive..for what..don't know !!

because apparently it is an adjustment for some. That is ok. My husband knows he married into a white family, but it will still be some adjusting when he gets here I am sure. Just as I knew I married into a Jamaican family, it is still different. Just simple things as even getting my hair braided, his sister was braiding it and had to adjust the way she braided because of the type of my hair.

I think that more than one person dealing with "this white issue" shows that it is a pattern and maybe some people could benefit from it

I dont think that means that it is so much a black/white issue as a cultural issue.

I have lived in both predominately white areas and predominately black areas. There was adjusting for me and I was even born in this country.

This is one issue we have not had a problem with.

[*JG* 2]

Screw this "White" stuff as excuse..IMO..this has nothing to do with it..IMO!!

We have never really dealt with the black/white issue as something that needs to be adjusted to (minus the hair, haha) but I can see why some people would have to.

us it as an excuse for what?

Excuse? Give me a break there. Reason for some.

[Islandwoman 0]

Roxie....i think if i had to to it again i would have seeked some councling services for us as a couple and for him. I think I might have also pushed him more to go to school to get his GED and not have waited. Because at least he could have been going there until he got his green card. Maybe also gotten a membership at the YMCA for another place for us to go or for him to go and work out or play b-ball. I really don't know if that would have changed anything.

So what I get from Nanny's post is to make sure they are not isolated in "our" world only.... help them find their own special spot.

I love the idea of the counseling - I remember when Wakey talked about a class that they took through their church before their wedding. I think that is a fabulous idea.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Screw this "White" stuff as excuse..IMO..this has nothing to do with it..IMO!!

We have never really dealt with the black/white issue as something that needs to be adjusted to (minus the hair, haha) but I can see why some people would have to.

us it as an excuse for what?

Excuse? Give me a break there. Reason for some.

if i understand correctly..ur saying black/white is an issue for some? ..then if they are not comfortable with white ppl..how did he get involved with a white woman...this shouldn't be an issue ifit is somethign is wrong !

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

[Islandwoman 0]

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

Totally agree...I wouldn't want it.

[Islandwoman 0]

Excuse? Give me a break there. Reason for some.

if i understand correctly..ur saying black/white is an issue for some? ..then if they are not comfortable with white ppl..how did he get involved with a white woman...this shouldn't be an issue ifit is somethign is wrong !

I don't think (and JG please clear if I'm wrong) that it is an issue within relationship, but the people surrounding the relationship.

But like I said yesterday, I just keep it moving. This is my choice and I stand tall within my choice. I'm the only one who walks in my shoes so I better be comfortable in my own shoes.

[nannygirl82 0]

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

At the time I wanted him to find his on way so to speak, and really didn't think I had to show him. Looking back I guess maybe I did.

About the marrying into a white family. When we first got together this was NEVER an issue, until he came here. Then it became an issue whenever we went to Church or just to visit my family. He said he felt "uncomfortable". I am not sure why this came out all of a sudden, and the best part was when he said I was racist. For him this became an issue, not sure why and never got a real answer.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

At the time I wanted him to find his on way so to speak, and really didn't think I had to show him. Looking back I guess maybe I did.

About the marrying into a white family. When we first got together this was NEVER an issue, until he came here. Then it became an issue whenever we went to Church or just to visit my family. He said he felt "uncomfortable". I am not sure why this came out all of a sudden, and the best part was when he said I was racist. For him this became an issue, not sure why and never got a real answer.

Hey Nanny;

May I ask, how did you show him or what did you show him, if anything.

[nannygirl82 0]

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

At the time I wanted him to find his on way so to speak, and really didn't think I had to show him. Looking back I guess maybe I did.

About the marrying into a white family. When we first got together this was NEVER an issue, until he came here. Then it became an issue whenever we went to Church or just to visit my family. He said he felt "uncomfortable". I am not sure why this came out all of a sudden, and the best part was when he said I was racist. For him this became an issue, not sure why and never got a real answer.

Hey Nanny;

May I ask, how did you show him or what did you show him, if anything.

Sure ask away. The area that we lived in was seconds away from the city, bus routes anything you wanted right there. I showed him/printed out bus routes showed him where everything was and how he could get to different places. Showed him the park and how to get to the park, got him basketballs, soccer balls that he could take to these places, showed him where he could get JA food ect., showed him where and how to get to the mall, he joined a soccer club. I think personally I showed him a lot of places to go and do things.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Tre, excellent question.

I will make this statement, I would find it hard to live among an asian community, I enjoy my asian friends company, I love asian food, but could I could not adjust easy to living among them on a day to day basic. My answer would be that , I would need a hugh support system, to help me adjust. This is not saying it couldn't be done, but me as the person that I am, would need advise and support along the way to adjust.

Again Nannygirl is giving some good insight to her adjustment issues.

Nanny girl yopu showed him how to adjust to things not people. Did he ever share the hurt that he may have felt from people?

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Tre, excellent question.

I will make this statement, I would find it hard to live among an asian community, I enjoy my asian friends company, I love asian food, but could I could not adjust easy to living among them on a day to day basic. My answer would be that , I would need a hugh support system, to help me adjust. This is not saying it couldn't be done, but me as the person that I am, would need advise and support along the way to adjust.

Again Nannygirl is giving some good insight to her adjustment issues.

Nanny girl yopu showed him how to adjust to things not people. Did he ever share the hurt that he may have felt from people?

agree..this is what it's suppose to be

[*JG* 2]

Screw this "White" stuff as excuse..IMO..this has nothing to do with it..IMO!!

We have never really dealt with the black/white issue as something that needs to be adjusted to (minus the hair, haha) but I can see why some people would have to.

us it as an excuse for what?

Excuse? Give me a break there. Reason for some.

if i understand correctly..ur saying black/white is an issue for some? ..then if they are not comfortable with white ppl..how did he get involved with a white woman...this shouldn't be an issue ifit is somethign is wrong !

Here is the thing with this, Kimmy. Some are going from being surrounded by Jamaicans to be immersed in a purely white culture. When Andre first got here, we lived in a small hick town just outside the city limits. He had some issues with things like barbers and foods...not used to catering to Jamaicans, for one thing. We moved back into the city about a month later and he was much more comfortable. Even though everyone was kind and gentle out there, he was uncomfortable.

I don't think it's purely black/white, I really feel it's more culture wise. Growing up in completely different worlds really.

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

No, not isolate. But, it's not as easy as introduce him to things and think it's all going to be okay. He has to be willing to adapt and step outside his comfort level as well. You also can't isolate yourself by spending all your free time trying to entertain him.

Excuse? Give me a break there. Reason for some.

if i understand correctly..ur saying black/white is an issue for some? ..then if they are not comfortable with white ppl..how did he get involved with a white woman...this shouldn't be an issue ifit is somethign is wrong !

I don't think (and JG please clear if I'm wrong) that it is an issue within relationship, but the people surrounding the relationship.

But like I said yesterday, I just keep it moving. This is my choice and I stand tall within my choice. I'm the only one who walks in my shoes so I better be comfortable in my own shoes.

Exactly, Island.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Screw this "White" stuff as excuse..IMO..this has nothing to do with it..IMO!!

We have never really dealt with the black/white issue as something that needs to be adjusted to (minus the hair, haha) but I can see why some people would have to.

us it as an excuse for what?

Excuse? Give me a break there. Reason for some.

if i understand correctly..ur saying black/white is an issue for some? ..then if they are not comfortable with white ppl..how did he get involved with a white woman...this shouldn't be an issue ifit is somethign is wrong !

Here is the thing with this, Kimmy. Some are going from being surrounded by Jamaicans to be immersed in a purely white culture. When Andre first got here, we lived in a small hick town just outside the city limits. He had some issues with things like barbers and foods...not used to catering to Jamaicans, for one thing. We moved back into the city about a month later and he was much more comfortable. Even though everyone was kind and gentle out there, he was uncomfortable.

I don't think it's purely black/white, I really feel it's more culture wise. Growing up in completely different worlds really.

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

No, not isolate. But, it's not as easy as introduce him to things and think it's all going to be okay. He has to be willing to adapt and step outside his comfort level as well. You also can't isolate yourself by spending all your free time trying to entertain him.

Excuse? Give me a break there. Reason for some.

if i understand correctly..ur saying black/white is an issue for some? ..then if they are not comfortable with white ppl..how did he get involved with a white woman...this shouldn't be an issue ifit is somethign is wrong !

I don't think (and JG please clear if I'm wrong) that it is an issue within relationship, but the people surrounding the relationship.

But like I said yesterday, I just keep it moving. This is my choice and I stand tall within my choice. I'm the only one who walks in my shoes so I better be comfortable in my own shoes.

Exactly, Island.

JG..this is my point...this is adjustment..not the fact that he is always with a white family or people...this is what i'm saying..totally understand this..ans it could have been anywhere...he may not have liked the black american barber either..but it's all getting used to things...thnx for clarifying that for me..

IMO..thsi is what this thread is suppsoe to be