How is your spouse adjusting to live here now?

[sereia 0]

.. and other aspects of living in America . Perhaps they even help each other learn how to work the system, divorce USC spouses, etc. - I don't know. When I get super-paranoid I could see how easliy G could leave me and make it on his own even if he were working at McD's. There are times when I wish I didn't live in a place with a large Nepali community.

He's going to be around a lot of other Nepalis who will tell him the ways of the world by being in NYC. That's no doubt. But look at it this way. If he really is out to use you for the GC, you'll probably know it pretty quickly.

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

I would say now, 3 years since sofyan came here, he is now "Adjusted"....holding a full time "real" job, enjoying life, building credit, starting a family, etc. The first two years were not easy.

[aj1 1]

My husband is adjusting much better than i thought he would. The hardest part honestly is the work because he wants to work so bad. Which takes time. He calls his family at least 1 time a week to see how they are doing. I am teaching how to drive now, and he is getting better with going in the stores alone, and talking to more people. When he first got here he was uncomfortable talking to anyone because of his English he thought no one could understand him but his English has improved alot. The key is to be very patient with them , and be prepared to answer tons of questions! Other than that he is doing just fine, and i love married life.

AJ1

[Nutty 2]

From a European point of view - not so sure anyone thinks the streets are paved with gold, but you quickly find out just how much Americans live-to-work versus work-to-live (as in enjoy life along the way). Just an observation.

From a European stand point, USA does not hold the same reputation as being "land of golden opportunities" as it does in third world countries.

I think both Europeans and people from the third world are greatly surprised by how many hours Americans put into just making ends meet. Work-to-live is an under statement!

[Nutty 2]

My husband and adjusting....

Let's say, I helped A LOT in the adjusting....We both searched for a job, but I was an intregal part of the process.

He's working now as a Chemical cargo inspector. On call 7 days a week/ 24 hours a day. He knows his way around ships and stuff...But explain a pay period, overtime, etc, etc....He gets stubborn and doesn't listen. Seems to think the company won't screw him out his pay.

When discussing company sponsored health insurance....that was a battle. My husband feels no need to see doctors and so could not understand getting covered in health insurance at a cost of $75.00 per month (medical, dental, vision). I said, "you may be healthy, but what prevents you from being hit by a drunk driver or having an accident. Going to the hospital will bankrupt us (then I had to explain bankruptcy)." Everyday, he conveniently "forgot" to submit is medical insurance enrollment forms.

At this point, I am ready to call his supervisor to get it done. If he does not get those papers in by TODAY!

Buying a car....My husband is all hot to trot on buying a car. However, explaining "it isn't just about paying for the car." Add insurance, registration, transfer of title.....

He just seems to think he knows better and ignores me.

It makes me frikking crazy!

And yes...he still has a BO problem!

[bhajishah 4]

cable and internet bill there $10, lights and gas bill there combined $12, water there free and what the heck is insurance???? ohhh soo many questions and answers to why we get paid ohhh soo much more here...lolzz First time in a grocery store, walmart, drive up windows...so many amusing things we look back on now and laugh..

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

unlike us they genuinely help others who are from their own country.

I disagree with that statement. Americans help each other out a helluva lot more than they do. They might share apartments in the US but that is because they do that back home anyway as rent is more expensive in the ME than it is in the west! You have to be wealthy to afford to live on your own in the ME so they get by by sharing a studio with 3-7 other people.

Here where a dump studio in Queens or brooklyn goes for a minimum of $1000-1200

People seem to mistakenly think that the ME is cheap because it is still developing. In reality it costs the same or MORE than the US when you factor in the cost of rent, paying more individually for things that taxes paid for back home and what you don't get in the way of social services, etc. What you quoted for a studio in NY is LESS than what you would pay in the ME. I'm paying $1600 for a studio flat with bad plumbing, substandard Indian appliances and it's situated next to a sewage treatment plant which lets off a lovely smell! And this is actually the affordable housing in the UAE!

immigrants pay $300/month to share apartments or even rooms with others from their own country until they can get out on their own, usually to marry. They also help each other with job leads(there is at least one agency strictly for Nepalis in Queens) and other aspects of living in America. Perhaps they even help each other learn how to work the system, divorce USC spouses, etc. -

They might band together in the states but I can guarantee you that they DO NOT help each other out back home. When living over here you encounter a whole new level of lying, cheating, backstabbing, clawing over others to get ahead, unfettered capitalist mafiosi greed like you will never encounter in northern Europe or North America. Working for and doing business over here is like dealing with the Mafia on a daily basis. I can't wait to get back to the states and pay my taxes and deal with more honest people than you will ever encounter here. You might have to live to work in the states but at least you get some payoff and benefits and can afford to live on your own. I'll never complain about life being hard over there after having to deal with this. No one helps each other out of the kindness of their heart over here. They expect cash payment for the smallest favor!

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

My husband and adjusting....

Let's say, I helped A LOT in the adjusting....We both searched for a job, but I was an intregal part of the process.

He's working now as a Chemical cargo inspector. On call 7 days a week/ 24 hours a day. He knows his way around ships and stuff...But explain a pay period, overtime, etc, etc....He gets stubborn and doesn't listen. Seems to think the company won't screw him out his pay.

When discussing company sponsored health insurance....that was a battle. My husband feels no need to see doctors and so could not understand getting covered in health insurance at a cost of $75.00 per month (medical, dental, vision). I said, "you may be healthy, but what prevents you from being hit by a drunk driver or having an accident. Going to the hospital will bankrupt us (then I had to explain bankruptcy)." Everyday, he conveniently "forgot" to submit is medical insurance enrollment forms.

At this point, I am ready to call his supervisor to get it done. If he does not get those papers in by TODAY!

Buying a car....My husband is all hot to trot on buying a car. However, explaining "it isn't just about paying for the car." Add insurance, registration, transfer of title.....

He just seems to think he knows better and ignores me.

It makes me frikking crazy!

And yes...he still has a BO problem!

Same problem over the health insurance thing... except he got upset because I bought him a policy... I am self-employed so I can't "add him" to my insurance at work or anything.. So as soon as we got his SS# I went online and applied for a health ins. policy for him. He got really mad because I didn't get his permission to buy it and he didn't want me to spend $ on him...

I told him that in Oregon medical bills are the JOINT responsibility of husband and wife... and I can't afford a big fat hospital bill if he gets hit by the "Mac Truck".. He just didn't get it... and after I said that he said "OH so it's REALLY for YOU!!!!" Which made me PO'd... like I'm the one who's going to be sewn back together when HE GETS HIT!!!!

As for the BO Thank God he doesn't have it... but I can't get him to wear deodorant to save my life... claims it's too many chemicals.... and this from a man who smoked 2 packs a day for 30 years.... However THANK GOD he quit before he came and so far so good on that front... I'm not so sure how I'll deal with the no deodorant issue come summer... although he never smelled funky in Egypt... Oh I forgot I always visited in winter... Oh Dear...

Your hubby doesn't know how lucky he is to pay $75 a month for all that coverage... between the 2 of us I"m shelling out $525 a month and NO DENTAL and NO VISION...

Hubby keeps thinking he's going to buy antibiotics at any pharmacy we pass... I told him to stock up on meds before he came, but he didn't listen... and when he saw the price of an eye exam and glasses here he's now wishing he had listened to me when I told him to get new glasses before he came... I think it was something like $10 there... UGH...

LIFE AFTER ARRIVAL makes the Visa Process seem tame... I think waiting for the EAD is 100x's harder on him than waiting for the Visa... at least he was on his own turf and was busy with work... alternating between pacing and thumb twiddling is making us BOTH crazy...

And I would like to go on the record that I must have been TOTALLY INSANE when I agreed to the Arabic Channels on the TV.. That was down right desperate....

K

[caybee 21]

Same problem over the health insurance thing... except he got upset because I bought him a policy... I am self-employed so I can't "add him" to my insurance at work or anything.. So as soon as we got his SS# I went online and applied for a health ins. policy for him. He got really mad because I didn't get his permission to buy it and he didn't want me to spend $ on him...

I did this too! I also got him a travel policy when he moved here, but it wasn't valid for long. I didn't have health insurance of my own for a while, got turned down for a preexisting condition, but found a private policy for him for about $100 a month, much less than one for me would cost. With him playing soccer, learning to drive, doing grounds keeping and so forth, I just couldn't rest easy with him not having one. So I bought a temporary policy online, and when he found out, he immediately asked me to cancel it. It was like he didn't want one if I couldn't have one too. Fortunately, he got group insurance for both of us at his new job before the cancellation went through.

He has realized the value of the insurance though. We discussed the two choices through his work carefully, and he was finally onboard with the one with the higher premium and better coverage, as well as dental, which he is already using. He saw how my stress level dropped when I had coverage of my own again, and it really helped with his need to be the provider. Now he pushes me to use it.

As for TV, we first bought a free-to-air system to get Arabic channels, so no subscription after we bought the system, and that's all we used for months. Recently we got DirecTV's Spanish package installed so he could get GOL TV for his soccer fix. I'd heard so much Arabic for so many months that I was surprised I wasn't fluent yet. Now he switches back and forth between the two dishes.

[morocco4ever 63]

My husband and adjusting....

Let's say, I helped A LOT in the adjusting....We both searched for a job, but I was an intregal part of the process.

He's working now as a Chemical cargo inspector. On call 7 days a week/ 24 hours a day. He knows his way around ships and stuff...But explain a pay period, overtime, etc, etc....He gets stubborn and doesn't listen. Seems to think the company won't screw him out his pay.

When discussing company sponsored health insurance....that was a battle. My husband feels no need to see doctors and so could not understand getting covered in health insurance at a cost of $75.00 per month (medical, dental, vision). I said, "you may be healthy, but what prevents you from being hit by a drunk driver or having an accident. Going to the hospital will bankrupt us (then I had to explain bankruptcy)." Everyday, he conveniently "forgot" to submit is medical insurance enrollment forms.

At this point, I am ready to call his supervisor to get it done. If he does not get those papers in by TODAY!

Buying a car....My husband is all hot to trot on buying a car. However, explaining "it isn't just about paying for the car." Add insurance, registration, transfer of title.....

He just seems to think he knows better and ignores me.

It makes me frikking crazy!

And yes...he still has a BO problem!

Same problem over the health insurance thing... except he got upset because I bought him a policy... I am self-employed so I can't "add him" to my insurance at work or anything.. So as soon as we got his SS# I went online and applied for a health ins. policy for him. He got really mad because I didn't get his permission to buy it and he didn't want me to spend $ on him...

I told him that in Oregon medical bills are the JOINT responsibility of husband and wife... and I can't afford a big fat hospital bill if he gets hit by the "Mac Truck".. He just didn't get it... and after I said that he said "OH so it's REALLY for YOU!!!!" Which made me PO'd... like I'm the one who's going to be sewn back together when HE GETS HIT!!!!

As for the BO Thank God he doesn't have it... but I can't get him to wear deodorant to save my life... claims it's too many chemicals.... and this from a man who smoked 2 packs a day for 30 years.... However THANK GOD he quit before he came and so far so good on that front... I'm not so sure how I'll deal with the no deodorant issue come summer... although he never smelled funky in Egypt... Oh I forgot I always visited in winter... Oh Dear...

Your hubby doesn't know how lucky he is to pay $75 a month for all that coverage... between the 2 of us I"m shelling out $525 a month and NO DENTAL and NO VISION...

Hubby keeps thinking he's going to buy antibiotics at any pharmacy we pass... I told him to stock up on meds before he came, but he didn't listen... and when he saw the price of an eye exam and glasses here he's now wishing he had listened to me when I told him to get new glasses before he came... I think it was something like $10 there... UGH...

LIFE AFTER ARRIVAL makes the Visa Process seem tame... I think waiting for the EAD is 100x's harder on him than waiting for the Visa... at least he was on his own turf and was busy with work... alternating between pacing and thumb twiddling is making us BOTH crazy...

And I would like to go on the record that I must have been TOTALLY INSANE when I agreed to the Arabic Channels on the TV.. That was down right desperate....

K

As for the BO issue, I would certainly tell him that he will be extremely embarrassed when he gets pulled into the office at his work to inform him that there have been complaints as to his smell.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Life hasn't been all that easy to adjust for my husband in my opinion. He misses his family and friends and wonders when the next time he will get to go home. He misses the call for prayer and the celebration at Ramadan. He misses his independence and his job as an attorney. He still doesn't have his driver's license but is working on getting them. He still has no job after almost 7 months of being here. He has applied to hundreds of companies with little to no feedback. We just keep our chins up that something will come up for him. God has brought us this far we feel like we are just in a time to test our faith right now.

[Nutty 2]

Hey, I'm in Oregon too!

Yes, my husband thinks it is better to save the $75.00 bucks towards his big plans to purchase a car.

I don't know whether to trust my husband submitted the enrollment forms or not! I think I will tell him after a week or two, "dear, I need to know your member # for your health insurance. Because my insurance needs to verify you are insured. It's the law." (a lie of course).

As for the BO...my husband showers daily. But he avoids deodarant.

At this point, I am making a point of avoiding him if he is "not fresh" and being very cuddly when I smell deodorant.

[Nutty 2]

My husband and adjusting....

Let's say, I helped A LOT in the adjusting....We both searched for a job, but I was an intregal part of the process.

He's working now as a Chemical cargo inspector. On call 7 days a week/ 24 hours a day. He knows his way around ships and stuff...But explain a pay period, overtime, etc, etc....He gets stubborn and doesn't listen. Seems to think the company won't screw him out his pay.

When discussing company sponsored health insurance....that was a battle. My husband feels no need to see doctors and so could not understand getting covered in health insurance at a cost of $75.00 per month (medical, dental, vision). I said, "you may be healthy, but what prevents you from being hit by a drunk driver or having an accident. Going to the hospital will bankrupt us (then I had to explain bankruptcy)." Everyday, he conveniently "forgot" to submit is medical insurance enrollment forms.

At this point, I am ready to call his supervisor to get it done. If he does not get those papers in by TODAY!

Buying a car....My husband is all hot to trot on buying a car. However, explaining "it isn't just about paying for the car." Add insurance, registration, transfer of title.....

He just seems to think he knows better and ignores me.

It makes me frikking crazy!

And yes...he still has a BO problem!

Same problem over the health insurance thing... except he got upset because I bought him a policy... I am self-employed so I can't "add him" to my insurance at work or anything.. So as soon as we got his SS# I went online and applied for a health ins. policy for him. He got really mad because I didn't get his permission to buy it and he didn't want me to spend $ on him...

I told him that in Oregon medical bills are the JOINT responsibility of husband and wife... and I can't afford a big fat hospital bill if he gets hit by the "Mac Truck".. He just didn't get it... and after I said that he said "OH so it's REALLY for YOU!!!!" Which made me PO'd... like I'm the one who's going to be sewn back together when HE GETS HIT!!!!

As for the BO Thank God he doesn't have it... but I can't get him to wear deodorant to save my life... claims it's too many chemicals.... and this from a man who smoked 2 packs a day for 30 years.... However THANK GOD he quit before he came and so far so good on that front... I'm not so sure how I'll deal with the no deodorant issue come summer... although he never smelled funky in Egypt... Oh I forgot I always visited in winter... Oh Dear...

Your hubby doesn't know how lucky he is to pay $75 a month for all that coverage... between the 2 of us I"m shelling out $525 a month and NO DENTAL and NO VISION...

Hubby keeps thinking he's going to buy antibiotics at any pharmacy we pass... I told him to stock up on meds before he came, but he didn't listen... and when he saw the price of an eye exam and glasses here he's now wishing he had listened to me when I told him to get new glasses before he came... I think it was something like $10 there... UGH...

LIFE AFTER ARRIVAL makes the Visa Process seem tame... I think waiting for the EAD is 100x's harder on him than waiting for the Visa... at least he was on his own turf and was busy with work... alternating between pacing and thumb twiddling is making us BOTH crazy...

And I would like to go on the record that I must have been TOTALLY INSANE when I agreed to the Arabic Channels on the TV.. That was down right desperate....

K

As for the BO issue, I would certainly tell him that he will be extremely embarrassed when he gets pulled into the office at his work to inform him that there have been complaints as to his smell.

My husband works as a chemical cargo inspector. So he is on big container ships working around bad smelling chemicals (not in an office). There is no office and given the nature of the work, he wouldn't get a reprimand.

[doodlebugg 10]

Won't your husband be embarassed if he knows you're telling everyone about his bad BO?

[caybee 21]

Hey, I'm in Oregon too!

Yes, my husband thinks it is better to save the $75.00 bucks towards his big plans to purchase a car.

I don't know whether to trust my husband submitted the enrollment forms or not! I think I will tell him after a week or two, "dear, I need to know your member # for your health insurance. Because my insurance needs to verify you are insured. It's the law." (a lie of course).

As for the BO...my husband showers daily. But he avoids deodarant.

At this point, I am making a point of avoiding him if he is "not fresh" and being very cuddly when I smell deodorant.

Positive reinforcement is good. Definitely lay on the compliments whenever he smells nice. Has he ever tended to overdo it on the cologne and bypass the antiperspirant/deodorant? If so, and if the deodorant doesn't have much of a scent, maybe he just isn't convinced it does much good. Maybe you could get him a really yummy-smelling deodorant and talk him into using it instead of cologne. My husband has found a couple of Axe flavors he likes. He buys them in sets with the deodorant and the spray together, and that does the job.