How is your spouse adjusting to live here now?

[NancyB 0]

Hello!

So the spouses are here and reality about the streets paved in gold is in front of them. Let's here the stories! Good, bad, funny, sad.

One guy told me after almost two years his wife is always threatening to go back to Africa. He offered to stay there with her but she wanted to come here, now she hates it here, misses her family. You might ask why doesn't she go back if she hates it so much. Her husband won't let her go just yet; because he warned her live being difficult here, and he made her promise to stay for 10 years.

It's funny to us, but some people really do think the streets are made from gold. LOL!

[Tilly 0]

My husband says he had no problems adjusting, but I would not agree. However, once we seperated, it was amazing how well he was able to support himself, buy a car, furnish a room and now is getting ready for his own apartment. He lied and manipulated me. He was, is, an excellent con man!

I know there are many people here with wnoderful stories so lets here them...

[Otto 83]

From a European point of view - not so sure anyone thinks the streets are paved with gold, but you quickly find out just how much Americans live-to-work versus work-to-live (as in enjoy life along the way). Just an observation.

[Jenn! 918]

From a European point of view - not so sure anyone thinks the streets are paved with gold, but you quickly find out just how much Americans live-to-work versus work-to-live (as in enjoy life along the way). Just an observation.

Amen!

[caybee 21]

My husband didn't expect streets of gold. He did expect starting salaries to be higher and didn't realize what a difference education makes here. His view of everything is more realistic now. Even though he still asks me questions about how things are done, he's become pretty independent. He'd still have some struggles, but he could get by on his own here if he really had to. It still amazes me how far he's come in a year and a half.

[doodlebugg 10]

My husband didn't expect streets of gold either. Not sure why people would think like that. So far his adjustment has been fantastic! He's working, getting along quite well with my family who now adores him and is buddies with my daughters. We're both very much in love and very very happy!

[Muh and me 18]

Kamal's adjustment took a bit longer, he has been here a year and i think he is still making adjustments. for instance, he still has no driver's license. He is working and working hard.

[sara535 15]

I'm pretty sure my husband HOPED for streets of gold. He had a fairly hard time adjusting, partially because we had some problems with his AOS and it was almost a year before he could work. It pretty much sent him over the edge, but we stuck it out and things are very good now

[sereia 0]

My husband had a very difficult time adjusting...and almost a year and a half later, still IS!

I think he felt like he would get a great job in his field right away. Apartment, car, savings, travel, toys, baby, boom, boom, boom. Uhhhhh not so much. Honestly I was never sure where he got those ideas from because I never told him it was easy here. I think he showed up to my house, all the things I have, noticed how many times I flew back and forth between Morocco and the US and figured it was easy to make money. I never ever told him it was, and DID in fact discuss it could take a long time before he felt successful. Oh well.

And adjusting to the cultural differences, missing his family and friends, missing everything about Morocco... it created a very difficult uphill battle. People think waiting for their love to get the visa to come here is the hard part...

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Edited November 11, 2008 by sereia

[Tilly 0]

Ditto to what Jen said! I told my husband that it is not easy here and that it would be hard. Even now, as I have no job and children to support on my own ( he wont help) he still thinks I have money. I would have much rather lived with him in Morocco.

[sereia 0]

Do we have the same husband? lol

[Imua 0]

My husband says he had no problems adjusting, but I would not agree. However, once we seperated, it was amazing how well he was able to support himself, buy a car, furnish a room and now is getting ready for his own apartment. He lied and manipulated me. He was, is, an excellent con man!

I know there are many people here with wnoderful stories so lets here them...

Was he hanging out with other Jamaicans and getting help from them? It seems at least in NY that is how immigrants often thrive, make enough to send home and even marry women from their own country even when working jobs that to us would not be enough to survive - unlike us they genuinely help others who are from their own country. Here where a dump studio in Queens or brooklyn goes for a minimum of $1000-1200 immigrants pay $300/month to share apartments or even rooms with others from their own country until they can get out on their own, usually to marry. They also help each other with job leads(there is at least one agency strictly for Nepalis in Queens) and other aspects of living in America. Perhaps they even help each other learn how to work the system, divorce USC spouses, etc. - I don't know. When I get super-paranoid I could see how easliy G could leave me and make it on his own even if he were working at McD's. There are times when I wish I didn't live in a place with a large Nepali community.

[Jenn! 918]

It seems at least in NY that is how immigrants often thrive, make enough to send home and even marry women from their own country even when working jobs that to us would not be enough to survive - unlike us they genuinely help others who are from their own country.

I wouldn't disagree about the sharing of expenses and whatnot among immigrant communities. I would hesitate to say the bolded part, however, because in our experience, that's only true if both parties stand to benefit, e.g. like you said by sharing an apartment. In other words, I wouldn't expect any favors out the kindness of a fellow countryman's heart.

[chaishai 1]

Its funny, my husband was here when I met him but he never expected streets of gold - he expected a place where he would be able to work his a$$ off and make good money. Maybe its cultural. They definately have the work to live vs. live to work ethic we have here. My husband has the personality that lives to work so he fits in well here. He had a number of hard working jobs before I met him and now has a very successful business. Thank G-d...

[chaishai 1]

My husband says he had no problems adjusting, but I would not agree. However, once we seperated, it was amazing how well he was able to support himself, buy a car, furnish a room and now is getting ready for his own apartment. He lied and manipulated me. He was, is, an excellent con man!

I know there are many people here with wnoderful stories so lets here them...

Was he hanging out with other Jamaicans and getting help from them? It seems at least in NY that is how immigrants often thrive, make enough to send home and even marry women from their own country even when working jobs that to us would not be enough to survive - unlike us they genuinely help others who are from their own country. Here where a dump studio in Queens or brooklyn goes for a minimum of $1000-1200 immigrants pay $300/month to share apartments or even rooms with others from their own country until they can get out on their own, usually to marry. They also help each other with job leads(there is at least one agency strictly for Nepalis in Queens) and other aspects of living in America. Perhaps they even help each other learn how to work the system, divorce USC spouses, etc. - I don't know. When I get super-paranoid I could see how easliy G could leave me and make it on his own even if he were working at McD's. There are times when I wish I didn't live in a place with a large Nepali community.

Wouldnt you rather know though? If a guy hung with you because he needed you financially but didnt really want to be with you that wouldnt be a good situation. I would rather know and be done with it.