Cultural Difference

[Niel&Femi 0]

What cultural differences did you have after your SO arrived in the states?

[Beautiful_years 0]

The most Outstanding il say is food, everything else seems normal as we both know as adults whats right and whats wrong....

But even in that...we meet halfway.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Two thoughts immediately comes to mind.

1) Food. Almost 3 years later, my husband is still not as open minded to trying certain foods. In addition, he is not a fan of eating out.

2) Feeling at ease in various settings. I travel a lot on business. Often times my interactions with customers are local. Thus this provides an opportunity for my husband to join me. Without him saying, "I don't feel comfortable", I can tell that he's out of his element. Nevertheless, I am happy to say that he has improved greatly, and is still a wonderful arm piece. Often times I am amazed at how well he 'holds his own'. You know what? Now that I've written this response, I don't think its cultural. I think it may be him. My husband is a pretty laid back type of guy. Oh well ... I would not trade him for the world!

[Zee Bee 61]

The one that comes to mind is food: My husband will eat pretty much anything I eat, but I tend to make dishes that are Ghanaian or close to Ghanaian. Its kind of hard to take him out to eat because I know that he will eat what he orders, but I'm not sure if its something that he will consider a meal. For example, I can eat a salad for dinner. He does not consider it dinner unless it is something heavy. A lot of times too things are either too salty or too sweet.

Role in the home: my goodness, it was WWIII in our house until he got a job. Well, it wasn't that bad, but every week we would have a discussion with him stating something along the lines that he does not feel like he is contributing. Biggest mistake "Luckily we do not need you to work so that we can pay the bills " When he got his job, all of a sudden everything was great. The thing is that, it was all about bringing in the money, not about him having something to do. I don't think he would have felt as satisfied going to school or volunteering.

Interactions with people: one of the things I saw right away was how he interacted with other people, especially how he spoke. Every time we went somewhere public and he had to talk to someone, I noticed that he lowered his voice, and then the person would ask himt o repeat himself. I figured that after the first couple of times he would get the point and start speaking up. Nope So, when we were going to open his bank account before we got out of the car I told him he needed to raise his voice when talking to the teller, like he was talking to me so that she could hear him. I know that he is uncomfortable talking so loudly with people he does not know because in Ghana its a sign of disrespect to talk loudly like that with those you don't know, or in an office setting but I had to push him. One thing that I noticed was that he was relying on me to step in (which I used to do because I just wanted to make it easier and go ) but I stepped aside and let him handle it by himself. Now he is getting better but I need to nudge him every now and then.

Besides that, there are several times I have told him "You are in the US now, not Ghana"

[ForeverAmen 0]

Biggest mistake "Luckily we do not need you to work so that we can pay the bills " When he got his job, all of a sudden everything was great. The thing is that, it was all about bringing in the money, not about him having something to do.

I also experienced the same reaction. I thought I was providing him with some relief that we are indeed OK financially whether he's working or not. But to him it was not taken as such.

One thing that I noticed was that he was relying on me to step in (which I used to do because I just wanted to make it easier and go ) but I stepped aside and let him handle it by himself. Now he is getting better but I need to nudge him every now and then.

Same here.

Edited November 7, 2008 by Boaz

[reeses16 8]

When I'm sick and feel feverish I want to drink cold things...water, 7 up with crushed ice- you know to break the fever. The first few times he saw me do this he was upset. In his culture you never give a sick person something cold to drink. We're good now. lol.

[LovinLiberia 0]

Zee, I completely agree about the WWII due to the fact that they are not "contributing". We went through hell and back on that issue. He recently got a job and it has made a world of difference in his outlook and attitude. He actually seems satisfied now. You are right that school and volunteering didn't stop him from feeling bad about himself for not being able to work. He just wanted to work, period. I have a lot to say about this, but I'm typing from my phone and my thumbs hurt. I'll add more later when I get to a real keyboard.

[Niel&Femi 0]

Zee, What type of job did he get?

The one that comes to mind is food: My husband will eat pretty much anything I eat, but I tend to make dishes that are Ghanaian or close to Ghanaian. Its kind of hard to take him out to eat because I know that he will eat what he orders, but I'm not sure if its something that he will consider a meal. For example, I can eat a salad for dinner. He does not consider it dinner unless it is something heavy. A lot of times too things are either too salty or too sweet.

Role in the home: my goodness, it was WWIII in our house until he got a job. Well, it wasn't that bad, but every week we would have a discussion with him stating something along the lines that he does not feel like he is contributing. Biggest mistake "Luckily we do not need you to work so that we can pay the bills " When he got his job, all of a sudden everything was great. The thing is that, it was all about bringing in the money, not about him having something to do. I don't think he would have felt as satisfied going to school or volunteering.

Interactions with people: one of the things I saw right away was how he interacted with other people, especially how he spoke. Every time we went somewhere public and he had to talk to someone, I noticed that he lowered his voice, and then the person would ask himt o repeat himself. I figured that after the first couple of times he would get the point and start speaking up. Nope So, when we were going to open his bank account before we got out of the car I told him he needed to raise his voice when talking to the teller, like he was talking to me so that she could hear him. I know that he is uncomfortable talking so loudly with people he does not know because in Ghana its a sign of disrespect to talk loudly like that with those you don't know, or in an office setting but I had to push him. One thing that I noticed was that he was relying on me to step in (which I used to do because I just wanted to make it easier and go ) but I stepped aside and let him handle it by himself. Now he is getting better but I need to nudge him every now and then.

Besides that, there are several times I have told him "You are in the US now, not Ghana"

[ladybee 0]

MONEY he always says he has to send money home. And none for me?

[Zee Bee 61]

He got a job with a marketing company selling products to clients. Its kind of complicated to explain because I am not too versed in the business world, but they put their employees on a business track and they can open and run their own office for the company in 3 years or less. Its pretty cool and my husband likes it.

Zee, What type of job did he get?

[Perseverance 1]

Food! We had a lot of fights about food. I think there is more underlying about food than meets the eye Sometimes fights about food are not REALLY about food, but that is all they feel they have control over, you are working and supporting them and that is not really conducive to the African Male and how he was brought up. Not only that, but chances are you are used to running your household and making decisions paying bills etc all on your own, most American women are VERY independent, not exactly what the African Male might be used to. With all of that said, they are VERY much out of their comfort zone and probably feeling a little "out of control" (if you know what I mean ), and sometimes may use an avenue that they have somewhat of a semblance of control over...FOOD. They do have 100% control of what they put into their mouths. OI The REDICULOUS fights we had about food!! I have been told..."I will never eat anything you cook for me again!" (SO NOT TRUE ) Very interesting how the fights about food became less when he became less dependant on me....

Also food has a different meaning to them than it does to us....it is nothing to us to cook or make something to eat for another person (at least me )....that has MUCHO MUCHO more meaning to them than it does to us. so watch "who" you cook for...."cooking" could be interpreted as another meaning....I had to learn the hard way All I did was make a sandwich SOOOOOO not what I got in trouble for!!!

Who knew that food had so many different interpretations