Women Who've Had Babies! When Did You Need the Most Help?

[Team J and B 2]

Hi everyone -

Question to all those who have had babies and had their own mothers by their side to help out:

When was the best time for your mother to come? Please give your reason why.

I had wanted mom to come a week beforehand but now I can't think of a good reason why. My friend said for her, they wanted to bond as a new family for the first two weeks before having any help. Plus, she said the baby just eats and sleeps the first two weeks and she was too tired all the time to feel like she needed to "entertain" anyone during those first two weeks.

Thank you!

J of Team J and B

Edited November 7, 2008 by Team J and B

[Donna A 4]

your friend is right. ur too tired to have to entertain anyone the first few weeks. unfortunetly thats when everyone wants to come and see the new baby. anyway there isnt much mom can do cuz u will want to do it all. i would say give it a few weeks like ur friend said.

[*julez* 124]

In the middle of the night, the second week home!! You're good and exhausted by then!

Seriously, though, you'll always need a bit of help, but the first week you're usually on a total high (I was anyway), so maybe after that, once the reality of it all sets in, it would be good to have your Mom.

I found in the first week so many people popping in was really overwhelming. I know they all meant well, but I just wanted a bit of peace.

If it were me, I'd have my Mom sometime within the first week as there isn't really anything to do in the week before you have the baby.

At the end of the day, though, you must do what is best for you! Good luck!!!

[chri'stina 190]

Right after coming home from the hospital...I had a c-section. My family was there to make/bring us food, clean around the house, and take turns holding Kavi. But not to be entertained, they were there to help. I used to think I wouldn't want people around right away, but I changed my tune after the c-section when I felt helpless for a few days. The first week home was the hardest for me, if not for my mom and other family members I don't know what we would have eaten. And our dishes would have piled up, bottles too.

Edited November 7, 2008 by Parivar CSK

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

I would say a week or two after you get home from hospital. That gives you time to have some alone time with the new baby, get used to being a family in private and get settled in back home, and then jsut as the sleepless nights get really bad, you get help from mom. We had my mom come over 10 days after the twins were born- 5 days after I came home from hospital- and I found that ideal.

[LoriLawless 0]

Right after you come home, you'll still be weak and need all the help you can get.

At least that's how I was.

[Sinergy 3]

Its been 13 years with Shonna....there was help avaliable?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

My son stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks longer after I was released. So, my middle of the night waking was much delayed. heh

but I'd say a couple weeks after he came home I was ready for a good nights sleep. I didnt have any help though lol My mom was still in cali at that time. I got my help when my son was 1 1/2, when she and my stepdad moved here. heh heh

Anyway, I think after about a week is the best time, unless its a c section. Then you cant hardly walk for the first few days, so any help is much appreciated

[rebeccajo 14]

Right after coming home from the hospital...I had a c-section. My family was there to make/bring us food, clean around the house, and take turns holding Kavi. But not to be entertained, they were there to help. I used to think I wouldn't want people around right away, but I changed my tune after the c-section when I felt helpless for a few days. The first week home was the hardest for me, if not for my mom and other family members I don't know what we would have eaten. And our dishes would have piled up, bottles too.

Same for me.

I never had a vaginal delivery so I can't say which is more draining on the body. Common sense tells me a c-section would be harder. I really needed help for a few days.

[bora bora 1]

This is helpful since I'm going to be a first-time aunt in a few months!! Yea...

My sister said it'd be helpful to have family there once the baby is born.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I wanted it immediately after up till about 6 weeks after the birth. However, I was sick after giving birth and could not care for my daughter myself. YMMV. It also has to be the right kind of help. I was glad my mother was 4000 miles away. I vastly preferred the help of my MIL, as odd as that sounds.

[chri'stina 190]

No one ever helped us with night feedings though!

[Team J and B 2]

We've decided to have my mom come help with the baby after it's born. We'd like to spend a week to ten days as a new family first so we can establish our own routine and expectations of each other. I feel if my mom is there before the birth or on the day of the birth, she will be too opinionated and will tell me what I should and shouldn't do and I already know that will be stressful!

So I will book mom's flight when our baby is born and that will allow our own little family some intimate time. My husband is taking time off from work to experience this first few days of co-parenting with me till my mom comes.

[ruby_mtl 0]

for me it's a week after we come home. my reasons are quite superficial, but after a week, all the food i cooked and froze is DONE!

so i REALLY appreciate my mom's help with the cooking and cleaning. i was lucky to have my mom before, during, and after the birth of both of my children and although her presence was and is much appreciated, i feel i needed it the most a week or so after the births

OH AND CONGRATS ON THE BABY!!!!

Edited November 11, 2008 by ruby_mtl

[Amby 490]

ewwww...babies

good luck