How long did your honeymoon phase last?

[Galateia 1]

Warning: Borderline livejournal-esque ramblings below.

I'm asking this here because you all are the only people who are in the same place, who know all the context instinctively, because you've been through it as well. Normal people have 'honeymoon' periods, but normal people do not have honeymoon periods years after their relationship starts.

Marriage visa filers have choppy relationship progressions, and while some people like to think that their long distance relationship compares, they aren't facing a shotgun wedding in order to live together. The stresses of the immigration process seemed to intensify everything, probably due to the pressure.

So my question is, now that my USC and I are shacked up after 2 years apart, how long will the honeymoon stage last? We've been reunited for 6 months now. Sometimes I feel like I love my partner too much, that my feelings intensify now that we are tackling dirty dishes in lieu of immigration paperwork. I'd like to settle down to a peaceful contentment instead of being emotionally knocked hiney-over-teakettle with the excessiveness of my feelings.

Ergh, that sounds stupid/cheesy/maudlin even to me. But hopefully someone knows what I am talking about. SO leaves for work in the early morning when I am still asleep, when I come home from work he is asleep. We do get to have dinner together and of course the weekends, and this schedule is temporary. But I race home during my 15 minutes breaks to steal a 5 minute snuggle before I race off again. I am constantly reminded of how soul-destroying the separation was during those two years. Sometimes I painfully miss him when he's right there on the couch next to me, knowing I have to leave to go back to work. It's stupid; I know I will see him again in a few hours. Sometimes I feel this way on the weekend, because come Monday we'll be separated again. WTH?

I think it's the reminder of a time when one of us leaving meant not seeing one another again for months that makes it so intense, but that's a guess?

I'm not a co-dependent person by nature. I don't think I am co-dependent now; I am happy to go off with new friends and encourage my SO to have nights out with his buddies. That doesn't bother me. I'd never even been in love before I met SO; I cared about people enough to have my heart broken now and then, but I never deluded myself into thinking I was in love. I think some people mistake the giddy feeling of a new relationship for love, but I never did, even when I hadn't yet experience actual love to be able to compare the two.

Maybe the best metaphor is having escaped a terrifyingly dark and hostile forest, and while you are now safely in a sunny meadow holding one another's hands, the miasma of the forest is still right behind you and you can still feel the chill on the back of your neck.

Does that make sense?

I figure the frightening moments of "I love this person too much, it's overwhelming" are going to fade once the honeymoon period is over? Is it because we were separated so often that I feel the urge to clutch him because my gut still doesn't trust that he's not going to be taken away again? If so, how long before I cease to be a nutcase?

Thanks for reading, if anyone got all the way through this.

[Sprailenes 47]

It's not stupid. I think many of us may suffer from a bit of separation anxiety due to our experiences with a long distance relationship.

I don't know when the honeymoon period ended, but I loved my husband too much for a long time, and I wanted to spend all of my free time by his side because I missed him when he wasn't there. This is the first time I have felt like this with anyone. I think it's because I was in a new country, he was the only person I have, and we spent so much time apart it was hard and I just wanted to make up for lost time. It's not exactly healthy but its how I dealt with the situation. I think we go through honeymoon phases now, or at least I do. I can't speak for him.

I think when you've been apart for so long, your honeymoon period lasts a little longer because you truly do appreciate each other... most of the time.

[Mephys 2]

I don't know how long but people do believe we are nuts for being so "dependant" of each other.

I remember when I was still at home Josh would come home for lunch every day to be with me. Now that I work the only day off at hom ethat I have is tuesday, and I used to meet him for lunch but sadly lately we have missed our tuesday because I was tired and needed to sleep or I had to clean the house...

Also I call him everyday during my lunch time and when I work later than him I call him on my way to work just for a few minutes.

We also had a few fight with his family because I have only saturday off during the week-end and every other week-end we have the kids, which leaves us only 2 saturday a month alone together And a few times his family wanted us to go to Michigan on those saturdays and we said no because we needed our time together and they were pissed saying we were childish ####### ever...

We realized lately that we got distant and it makes us sad. We are both tired, we've been sick from a bad cold or allergies, lacking sleep, busy with stuff for the kids, etc, etc, and sadly when we got to bed at night we just crash because we are too tired, instead of spending time together....anyways. I wish we were still in our honeymoon phase a 100%...

[MsZ 6]

It does sound like insecurity. If you think of everything you've gone through to be together including leaving home and moving to another country, to have the relationship fail would be an absolutely devistating.

But I'm sure everything will right itself and you'll reach a level of "normal" for you.

Try not to worry.

So long as you're not being clingy, it sure is nice to see someone who appreciates their spouse.

[Emancipation 2]

Hmmm interesting topic... I have issues with insecurity and codependency but they are from a previous relationship and me thinking that what happened in my 1st marriage will happen again. Even when hubby has proved over and over and over again that He is NOTHING like my ex, and that he has loved me unconditionally since the day we met, I just don't "get it" sometimes. I frustrate myself sometimes that I just can't "get a grip" but hubby also loves that I want to spend time with him. I did indeed move countries and give up daily interactions with family & friends for this.. it wouldn't make sense to me to have given all that up for just a "mediocre" hum drum relationship.. sometimes I fear it might turn into that when money pressures and life get in the way, but we always center back to the first things, things that brought us together, things that keep us together, common goals, and shared victories.. and we end up falling more deeply in love than before..

I think this long distance /cross border relationship made things Better for us in the long run.. as I settle I realize more and more what a gift my hubby is and how delightfully surprising and good this whole relationship has been!

[Necrotica 0]

Our honeymoon period ended before he even got the visa. I still struggle with it.

[MsZ 6]

That's a shame, Necrotica. Are you OK?

[Necrotica 0]

That's a shame, Necrotica. Are you OK?

Hey, sorry for the long delay. I don't get over to these forums very often anymore.

I don't really know if I'm ok or not. I'm doing much better than I used to, but things haven't been that wonderful, either.

[xtinab 0]

So weird, that this comes up today. Just the other day, after a trivial argument was resolved, we came to the conclusion that indeed, Our Honeymoon phase either is ending or has ended, and we're okay with it. And we haven't even decided which visa were going to try for yet! It hasn't even been a year yet! BUT! We've been together so much, both here and in Toronto, we've had the opportunity to slip into a normal, healthy pattern, and are growing and changing along with the relationship. I think this is how I know that he and I are very good together. Ive never had somebody so willing to talk things out and discuss how the argument started or what provoked it, hes just soo kind and understanding and open to all possibilities. Healthiest relationship Ive ever had BY FAR. He surprises me every day with how awesome he is

(Hmm reading all this, it completely sounds like I am still in the Honeymoon phase!)

[CDAgirlMI 51]

First, I don't think there is a set "time" for when the honeymoon stage ends. It entirely depends on each individual, or couple.

Missing someone when you know you're going to see them in a couple hours/days is not stupid at all. You care & love them. Going overboard with irrational actions when you/they are gone might be a bit much though.

I'm sure everyone on here will agree with: our relationships we have is not normal. I think this might've been covered in another post....

But, ya, all of us are "long distance"....some of us need a plane to get to our gf/bf/fiance/wife/husband(unless you like to drive really far)...some of us need a few days or more to make the drive, spend time & drive back home, some of us are gratuful to live near the border of CAN/US, but still can't live together till paperwork, interview, blah blah...

Everyone develops at a certain rate. There can be no "time" for anything like this.

Enjoy each other(I'm sure you do), and let life do its thing and don't worry on when things will end, look forward to things that are beginning.

[thetreble 19]

Enjoy each other(I'm sure you do), and let life do its thing and don't worry on when things will end

Best advice I have heard in awhile. People need to stop worrying about things and just enjoy eachother's company.

[MsZ 6]

Necrotica, if you want to talk... I hope whatever is wrong doesn't involve abuse of any sort.