Living as a newly wed couple:D

[sherry0201 0]

Hi, I am interested in hearing from people who live by themselves.

I am still living with my mother in law which is insanely not fun.

She is nice, but you know I want to have my privacy with my husband.

Now, I finally got my EAD and I am planning to work as soon as possible.

Once I get a job, we are planning to move to one bed room apartment.

I sometimes feel bad for my MIL because she is divorced and feels so lonely and wants to keep

living with my husband. Also she has a lot of financial trouble.

But, I need to start building my new life in the US with my husband.

How do you deal with in laws after marriage?

I really think that international marriage is hard to deal with since my spouse and his relatives are American.

[kaffy 2]

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time with your in laws. I get along really well with mine so I can't really offer any specific advice on how to deal. But I think moving out being together alone as newlyweds is the right thing to do. Set your boundaries but do include her in your lives also

[Gemmie 142]

It seems as though I'll be living with my in-laws too. We can't afford to move out yet.

I get on really well with my fiance's parents, but his mother has said that although I'm always welcome in her house, she doesn't think it's healthy to live together for a long time. And she's right... I love the nights when she and her husband go out for a soccer game and we're left alone to cook dinner, shower, watch TV... without inturruption. She too is very attached to her son, but she's slowly started to let go over the years. She let him travel to the UK to see me, even though she was terrified something bad would happen, she lets us go away together, she has accepted that we'll be moving out when we can.

It's a natural and healthy thing to want privacy with your husband, and also to feel guilty about leaving her. I think you should let her know that she can come and see you any time, and that she's not alone... her son will always be her son, and you care for her too. That way she doesn't feel completely alone when you move out together, as I understand it's hard for parents when it happens.

[Jeraly 4]

I don't know if I am lucky or not - part of me feels it is great to not have any real family ties here but the other part of me wishes we had a family network here as I have moved from a close family to just being with my husband and that is pretty much it. His mom lives just outside of Portland, OR and we are in SoCal. His brother and sister live with his mom and his dad died two years ago. The only family he really has here are his dad's kind of adopted parents which are like grandparents to Jeremy and his (crazy) aunt who is lovely but hard work.

Jeremy isn't too close to his family and he wants to move even further away from them because they are... nice but difficult if that makes sense. Sometimes cutting the apron strings just takes a move - his aunt calls us to ask for money and to take her to the store ( we live almost 40 miles away) and we just won't be able to do that if we move away. I think his family just need "encouragement" to be more independent - it is easy to ask for things when they aren't that far away.

I sound really horrible now

[paul. 0]

It's not great, I have to do the same in the USA when I finally get there (until I start my new job).

Until then I am a 28 year old living back with his Father in Somerset, England after 10 years in the Army. I moved away from home when I was 12, so this is a very weird situation, but luckily my Father is great and the in-laws are great too. When in the USA, I also live with my Grandma-in-law, as she is too old to live on her own and my in-law family look after her. These are interesting times, but it will all be worth it in the long run.

I guess we do what we need to to get by in life, some things are not great, others are great. My biggest problem right now is trying to keep a job, when I know I will be leaving for the USA in March 09 (estimated if all goes well). I just wish I could visit the US in the mean time, but I am scared that I will have to go through the FBI background check again, taking me back to square one. (any info on that, please PM).

Good luck with your situation, just remember your friends here at VJ, a lot of us are in the same boat and we'll keep each other smiling!

[*JG* 2]

It's just something everyone has to get used to. Sounds like a big change all the way around.

I would rather die then live with my MIL. End of that story. That pretty much goes for my own parent's, though, too. Been there, done that.

[Beautiful_years 0]

I think newly weds should have privacy, time to explore, do things together and get used to living together as a family without intrussion or interruption.

I believe in strong family ties because of my background in Nigeria but even with family ties.... newly weds should progress and be on their own.

So i do think it would be nice to get an apartment and share with your spouse, as for family...you can do frequent visiting to and fro.

[JelloShotGirl 0]

Hi, I am interested in hearing from people who live by themselves.

I am still living with my mother in law which is insanely not fun.

She is nice, but you know I want to have my privacy with my husband.

Now, I finally got my EAD and I am planning to work as soon as possible.

Once I get a job, we are planning to move to one bed room apartment.

I sometimes feel bad for my MIL because she is divorced and feels so lonely and wants to keep

living with my husband. Also she has a lot of financial trouble.

But, I need to start building my new life in the US with my husband.

How do you deal with in laws after marriage?

I really think that international marriage is hard to deal with since my spouse and his relatives are American.

My husband is from Asia and it it totally different there than here regarding in laws. I understand you must be frustrated, your mother in law sounds needy, in which I believe from your post you have already figured that out. I feel it is more healthy for you guys once you are ready to get your own place. Living on your own sometimes isnt easy however you will get enjoyment by you and ur husband being independent. I know it is like night and day difference family structure here. In fact my husband want to move back with our in laws he is used to living with a lot of family in one spot but I am like NO WAY! LOL cuz I cant get along with my mother. When you do move out, just be there foryour MIL, visit , help her etc. But I think it is best to be on ur own, good luck with everything and good luck with your marriage and your job!

[HappyDancer 7]

Looks like I will be living with the in-laws too when I first get there. My fiance has been recently divorced and is currently trying to gain financial leverage again. I don't have any problems with that though. I mean, it has never been an issue with my finace and me as he has always been a very private person. In fact, probably the only person who shares his private space is me. We will be building our own house somewhere pretty close to his mom and dad's but at least we would have our own little hideaway place when we have saved enough money.

But even if the case were that we were to live with his parents, I really would not have a problem. His folks are the nicest and the sweetest in the world and I love them to death.

Don't worry, you'll get by. You just hang in there and tell your MIL that you will always be around when she needs you. Take care and good luck.

[JelloShotGirl 0]

I also agree with moving out however moving close to your in laws.........a few minutes drive or maybe walk.........

[Lyuba 0]

I would kill myself if I had to live with my mother-in-law.

This lady is messy and irresponsible. God forbid that.