Homesick

[~Nini~ 2]

I'd have moved to Antartica to be with the love of my life Gene, and have never regretted my move.

If anyone heard that funny burbling noise in the background, that's the sound of my heart melting.

[trailmix 77]

I'd have moved to Antartica to be with the love of my life Gene, and have never regretted my move.

If anyone heard that funny burbling noise in the background, that's the sound of my heart melting.

Edited November 4, 2008 by trailmix

[~Nini~ 2]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

Hrm. I guess for me, I didn't expect my homesickness to be so severe - in my childhood, I'd lived in Hong Kong for five years - and while I didn't expect things to be the same, I felt at least like I would have a sense of control over my life. Well, as you know, this process doesn't really give that to us but at least I felt optimistic enough that I could take on all those challenges head-on and not feel daunted.

I've been here in PA for a year now, and it took us almost as long to realize that I was not adjusting well to the move. I didn't have a car and we live in the 'burbs, so I was basically stuck in the house all evening while my husband was at work; he was also missing a great deal of the way things were at our house due to his work schedule, and in huge denial about how hard it was for me to be living with his parents. AOS was giving us a hell of a ride, and I wasn't successful in landing a job that would facilitate us getting out of a difficult living situation. I was at the point where I wanted to pack my bags and go home; nothing was working like I'd expected or hoped it to, and I felt like my independence had been completely stripped from me.

As a visible minority (I'm a first-gen Canadian-born-Chinese) things have been interesting. I'm not saying that my neighbours have never seen an Asian before, but... let's just say I don't blend in around here Among other things, I get asked a lot about how I like the local Chinese food. Don't get me wrong, no one's being offensive, but I'm not used to people focusing so directly on my ethnicity; back in Vancouver, it wasn't a big deal, but here it's like I'm the local oddity. Then I tell folks that I'm Canadian, and it really makes them blink a little, because they assume from my fluent English that I'm native to the USA.

At least for me, I feel like I've been uprooted from two cultures and I'm starting to lose grip on my dual identities. We've found ways to compensate for that (shopping at the Asian supermarket, going to Chinatown in the city, trips back home to Vancouver) but it's not the same. I wouldn't have expected it to be, either, but it still stings a bit, because I feel like the things that made me, me, were left behind. I am just hoping that with this new job, I get into some semblance of my old routine back home that will make me gain back some of what I feel has been lost.

Ugh, I feel like I hopped on the pity wagon for a long ride too. Sorry about rambling. *hops off*

[Carlawarla 1]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

Hrm. I guess for me, I didn't expect my homesickness to be so severe - in my childhood, I'd lived in Hong Kong for five years - and while I didn't expect things to be the same, I felt at least like I would have a sense of control over my life. Well, as you know, this process doesn't really give that to us but at least I felt optimistic enough that I could take on all those challenges head-on and not feel daunted.

I've been here in PA for a year now, and it took us almost as long to realize that I was not adjusting well to the move. I didn't have a car and we live in the 'burbs, so I was basically stuck in the house all evening while my husband was at work; he was also missing a great deal of the way things were at our house due to his work schedule, and in huge denial about how hard it was for me to be living with his parents. AOS was giving us a hell of a ride, and I wasn't successful in landing a job that would facilitate us getting out of a difficult living situation. I was at the point where I wanted to pack my bags and go home; nothing was working like I'd expected or hoped it to, and I felt like my independence had been completely stripped from me.

As a visible minority (I'm a first-gen Canadian-born-Chinese) things have been interesting. I'm not saying that my neighbours have never seen an Asian before, but... let's just say I don't blend in around here Among other things, I get asked a lot about how I like the local Chinese food. Don't get me wrong, no one's being offensive, but I'm not used to people focusing so directly on my ethnicity; back in Vancouver, it wasn't a big deal, but here it's like I'm the local oddity. Then I tell folks that I'm Canadian, and it really makes them blink a little, because they assume from my fluent English that I'm native to the USA.

At least for me, I feel like I've been uprooted from two cultures and I'm starting to lose grip on my dual identities. We've found ways to compensate for that (shopping at the Asian supermarket, going to Chinatown in the city, trips back home to Vancouver) but it's not the same. I wouldn't have expected it to be, either, but it still stings a bit, because I feel like the things that made me, me, were left behind. I am just hoping that with this new job, I get into some semblance of my old routine back home that will make me gain back some of what I feel has been lost.

Ugh, I feel like I hopped on the pity wagon for a long ride too. Sorry about rambling. *hops off*

I'm sorry, I had to highlight that part. If you didn't laugh, you'd cry.

I did so enjoy the rest of your posting though Nini....very lovely and insightful.

[MrsCat 6]

My Sister might be moving to Oahu Cat - her Husband will be there for 3 weeks starting the end of this month (he is going to work for a drilling company and told them he wants a few weeks to see if he will like working there) then he will fly back to Nebbie just before Christmas.

My Sister wouldn't move until my Nephew finishes school for the year - May - you could hang out with her

- is she pictionary or scrabble people? I could really use one of those kinds of friends. Another cat lady friend would be nice too. Ah heck, beggars can't be choosers. I'll take anything at this point. Whatevs.

But seriously, that's an awesome opportunity to get to go to Oahu and see if you like it. Test the waters (actually and proverbially).

[trailmix 77]

My Sister might be moving to Oahu Cat - her Husband will be there for 3 weeks starting the end of this month (he is going to work for a drilling company and told them he wants a few weeks to see if he will like working there) then he will fly back to Nebbie just before Christmas.

My Sister wouldn't move until my Nephew finishes school for the year - May - you could hang out with her

- is she pictionary or scrabble people? I could really use one of those kinds of friends. Another cat lady friend would be nice too. Ah heck, beggars can't be choosers. I'll take anything at this point. Whatevs.

But seriously, that's an awesome opportunity to get to go to Oahu and see if you like it. Test the waters (actually and proverbially).

She LOVES all board games, including pictionary and scrabble. They have 2 border collies, but she did have a cat for a long time so she is 'cat people'.

[MrsCat 6]

My Sister might be moving to Oahu Cat - her Husband will be there for 3 weeks starting the end of this month (he is going to work for a drilling company and told them he wants a few weeks to see if he will like working there) then he will fly back to Nebbie just before Christmas.

My Sister wouldn't move until my Nephew finishes school for the year - May - you could hang out with her

- is she pictionary or scrabble people? I could really use one of those kinds of friends. Another cat lady friend would be nice too. Ah heck, beggars can't be choosers. I'll take anything at this point. Whatevs.

But seriously, that's an awesome opportunity to get to go to Oahu and see if you like it. Test the waters (actually and proverbially).

She LOVES all board games, including pictionary and scrabble. They have 2 border collies, but she did have a cat for a long time so she is 'cat people'.

Tell her husband he's taking the job. period. she has no choice but the move. Cat needs friends.

[thetreble 19]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

Hrm. I guess for me, I didn't expect my homesickness to be so severe - in my childhood, I'd lived in Hong Kong for five years - and while I didn't expect things to be the same, I felt at least like I would have a sense of control over my life. Well, as you know, this process doesn't really give that to us but at least I felt optimistic enough that I could take on all those challenges head-on and not feel daunted.

I've been here in PA for a year now, and it took us almost as long to realize that I was not adjusting well to the move. I didn't have a car and we live in the 'burbs, so I was basically stuck in the house all evening while my husband was at work; he was also missing a great deal of the way things were at our house due to his work schedule, and in huge denial about how hard it was for me to be living with his parents. AOS was giving us a hell of a ride, and I wasn't successful in landing a job that would facilitate us getting out of a difficult living situation. I was at the point where I wanted to pack my bags and go home; nothing was working like I'd expected or hoped it to, and I felt like my independence had been completely stripped from me.

As a visible minority (I'm a first-gen Canadian-born-Chinese) things have been interesting. I'm not saying that my neighbours have never seen an Asian before, but... let's just say I don't blend in around here Among other things, I get asked a lot about how I like the local Chinese food. Don't get me wrong, no one's being offensive, but I'm not used to people focusing so directly on my ethnicity; back in Vancouver, it wasn't a big deal, but here it's like I'm the local oddity. Then I tell folks that I'm Canadian, and it really makes them blink a little, because they assume from my fluent English that I'm native to the USA.

At least for me, I feel like I've been uprooted from two cultures and I'm starting to lose grip on my dual identities. We've found ways to compensate for that (shopping at the Asian supermarket, going to Chinatown in the city, trips back home to Vancouver) but it's not the same. I wouldn't have expected it to be, either, but it still stings a bit, because I feel like the things that made me, me, were left behind. I am just hoping that with this new job, I get into some semblance of my old routine back home that will make me gain back some of what I feel has been lost.

Ugh, I feel like I hopped on the pity wagon for a long ride too. Sorry about rambling. *hops off*

That pretty much sums up how I feel, except I'm not Asian I grew up in a very European household. My mum is from Naples and my dad from Glasgow. I grew up pretty Scottish though and pretty much lived off of good tea and cadbury chocolate. hehe Any ways, I have not met one English person here as a lot of New Jersey's population is 3rd of 4th generation Italian. (like my husband)

Any who, I know what you are saying about losing your identity. I defined myself as Canadian and British for the most part. I try to buy my tea online and british sweets when I can, but it's not the same as having my mum brew me a cuppa after dinner. Ya know? There is such a big British backing in Canada that no matter where you turn, you usually can find someone of British decent.

I realize it is never going to be the same, but I have also come to terms with that. Also, being married is something many people eventually do and when it comes time for all my friends to be married they will be off on their own little adventures any way! I figure, I just started mine early I do think I'd be in the UK though if I had never met my husband. I like it there too much.

[~Nini~ 2]

Any who, I know what you are saying about losing your identity. I defined myself as Canadian and British for the most part. I try to buy my tea online and british sweets when I can, but it's not the same as having my mum brew me a cuppa after dinner. Ya know? There is such a big British backing in Canada that no matter where you turn, you usually can find someone of British decent.

I think the worst part about moving away from home was my mother's home-cooked Chinese meals. You know, mini versions of the Wedding Banquet. I truly miss that so much. I even miss being around my own crazy family because they reflect a culture that I can barely find out here, and that's saying a lot!

[Marilyn. 340]

oh yeah I really miss my mom's home cooking ....

[MsZ 6]

Nini, I think people are just trying to make conversation. It isn't much different than the stupid things people say about Canada when they learn you're from Canada... that is, if they can get over that you're an Asian Canadian. People just say a lot of stupid things when they can't think of some other common ground. I'm glad you realize they're not being rude. They're just inept. ;-)

Philly's a nice town. And at least there's some mass transit. Are you near any of the lines? Do you have a car now?

Maybe that's something we can do for people who are just making the move -- come up with things they didn't think of. And I think so many people put "being together" well ahead of a lot of very practical things like being able to work, being able to actually spend time together when you actually live together, being able to get around, etc. that they get totally blind-sided when reality hits them.

My husband has always maintained that he'd do anything, give up anything, but I've never believed that to be completely true. Everyone has limits. Trying to prevent as many limits from being reached as possible seems to be prudent. Marriage is hard enough without these other complications. For one thing, it puts a lot of stress on the USC because they have to try to make up for what's missing and for another, it makes the foreign spouse suffer too much during the transition.

We're lucky because we're older and established. Any youngsters who take this on are probably taking on a lot more than they realized. Money actually counts here. "All you need is love" is a great song title but probably not reflective of reality.

[MsZ 6]

Gemmie : "I know that once we go through with this, I'll start building my own life there. I'm worried that I won't find friends and he doesn't have any either so I can't share his. I'm worried that I won't be able to drive for a very long time as I need to take tests and get a car; that I'll just find myself craving British food and TV, and not be able to find it; that I'll long to see my family and friends; that I'll lose touch with myself."

You'll find food you enjoy and you'll pass your driving test. Don't worry. And of course you'll make friends. It'll take some time but you'll be able to do it. Though I am curious about why you feel you could lose touch with yourself. What's in Canada isn't you. Those are things and people that are important to you, but they aren't you. So do you mean that by being away from them that you'll focus on your spouse so much that you'll lose your own identity? I'd say that could be a hazard. It is like the thread on "honeymoon period" where you focus on the only real tie you have too much.

So do some research. Find some local things you want to do or join -- a gym or a local club -- and learn about it so when you go you have something already in mind that you want to do. Nothing like joining a club with people you know you already have something in common with to ease making friends.

Thetreble -- you're right about where you move being a potential issue. I'm *from* NJ but if I moved near Newark I'd have trouble adjusting. I'm from Southern NJ and that's just a whole lot different than the more urban areas. I'm from the land of Italians and farms. But heck, even moving to Easton, PA was an adjustment. And as soon as I got adjusted there I moved to NY. But I'm closer to the boonies in NY than I was in PA. I found that very amusing. My husband is always telling people that no, he's not moving to the city. He's moving next to the "Hill Williams." (He lives in Kanata.) His parents were pleasantly surprised when they came down for a looksee -- lovely mountains and trees.

All I want is a freaking Wegmans. Sigh...

[Reba 2]

Any who, I know what you are saying about losing your identity. I defined myself as Canadian and British for the most part. I try to buy my tea online and british sweets when I can, but it's not the same as having my mum brew me a cuppa after dinner. Ya know? There is such a big British backing in Canada that no matter where you turn, you usually can find someone of British decent.

I totally get that! A good cuppa just isn't good enough unless somebody else makes it for you! Or you steal theirs. James thinks I'm a freak because I drink tea hot Personally, I think *he's* the freak for drinking it cold and so dang sweet!

speaking of which...I think I'll put kettle on. Anybody for tea? I've got a nice big pot, and no one to share it with

[Marilyn. 340]

me me!!...

I like my tea hot and I also like ice tea but I don't like it too sweet....

[~Nini~ 2]

A cup for me please!

(We're the only folks that drink hot piping tea in the entire county, I swear...)