Homesick

[Reba 2]

sounds like when I first got here Cat, except I only had a dog to talk to. My in-laws for whatever reason didn't want much to do with me, my neighbours were pretty much all over 70 years old, and we only had one vehicle, and my husband was working 70 to 80 hours every week. Plus, we didn't know it at time, but I was suffering severely from the effects of Graves' disease, which on top of the homesickness caused severe depression, mood swings, panic attacks, muscle degradation, extreme body heat, racing pulse etc etc etc...

I've been here 4 years, still don't like it much, I'm just used to it now I s'pose. But every now and again, something will happen at work, and I'll say "sheesh...that would NEVER happen at home!" or somebody will say something stupid about Canada and I feel the need to tell them off

[SpiritAlight 1]

So much sadness and disconnection to ...hmmm...to what exactly?

What you said Cat about your sweetie being/behaving "disengaged"...yes, and other things in all these posts I can relate to.

And for BH45 who is without her daughter...I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like.

What prices everyone has paid.

Is this it?

Is this life?

Yes, we have choice.

We always did.

And yes, as you said Cat, that we have our own bootstraps to find and pull ourselves up with.

The things we all imagined and planned and daydreamed that got us here to this point...well, what were they?

And why have they or some of them not transpired?

Of course leaving all known behind and coming to what we might have thought was the known...well, that is a big, nay, huge deal.

I speak to myself as much as I am speaking to you.

That is all I want to say...for now. Hee, hee.

May we each find peace in our hearts, and may we each keep pouring the love onto ourselves (first) and every body else we come into contact with (physically and virtually).

What we each do affects the other.

(F) (F)

[MrsCat 6]

Thanks Reba and Spirit! I feel better today - I decided that I would be productive today and see if that helped.

Cutting the grass has been fairly therapeutic I've learned.

Tomorrow, I start running. Nothing that I listed yesterday can stop me from doing that.

[MsZ 6]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

[Cassie 8]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

An adventure, a wonderful adventure with my new husband.

Which it has been.

I also expected to miss my family, my friends, my career, and places that are of particular importance to me.

Which also has happened.

What I didn't expect was the panic attacks, both of my parents being diagnosed with cancer within a year of each other, and the intensity of how much I would miss all things familiar and Canadian.

There are certain things you can plan for and imagine, and yet be wrong about it (either you overestimate or underestimate. And life has a funny way of working it all out.

[penn-kd 0]

As for myself I go thur phases of homesick. I am just so happy to finally be here with my hubby but at the same time I miss my family and my friends. I think with time it will get easier.

[Reba 2]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

I expected my husband to NOT be working 80 hour weeks when I first arrived. I expected my in-laws to at least give me a freakin chance. I expected maybe some of my husband's friends to drop by to maybe take me out and show me around, instead they'd call him and ask HIM if HE would bring me to them. Knowing of course that he was working 80 hour weeks and couldn't. They would never call me directly.

I didn't expect people here in town to be soooo suspicious of outsiders, nor so hateful of immigrants, I didn't expect to be living in a neighbourhood with NOBODY I had anything even remotely in common with.

I did however expect to be discriminated against because I am not Christian. In that, I was not disappointed

[Emancipation 2]

Hey gals.. just wanted to chime in here and say that I do hope that the settling only gets easier from here on in for all.. perhaps it's like grief - one never "gets over" it - you just in time learn to deal with it better?

I lived in SC before CT (in the late 90's), so this is a cakewalk. I'm blessed to be a 12 hr drive from home, and the people here I can understand and relate to better than in SC.

I miss the fact that my family & friends don't call anymore. I'm like the extension of the family that everyone forgot. It seems like I make all the effort and that is frustrating at times. *sigh.. anyway, that's my biggest frustration.. oh and that my BIL and family didn't go visit my inlaws on the weekend (it was MIL's birthday), and they live about 1.5 hrs away.. I was frustrated by that , because if WE lived 1.5 hrs from family.. we'd visit so often they'd be sick of us.. that's a luxury neither of us have right now

[Gemmie 142]

I think it's funny that everyone seems to believe that moving to the US from a country like Canada or England must be easy... the culture is similar, the language is the same, etc.

I've tried to explain how it's adjustment to another country where there ARE differences and you lose familiarity from back home... that's pretty damn hard, and it's not a holiday as some people seem to think it is.

I anticipate being homesick, and missing everything British. Truth be told, sometimes when on a long visit, I find myself resenting American things because it's not the same, and no one can see it.

[thetreble 19]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

I expected that just like my long distance relationship, it would be difficult. As a 22 year old girl when I moved, just out of university, I figured that I'd be going through major life changes all at once and would probably lose it.

And I did. I lost it and got pretty depressed when I look back at it. Being holed up in a 1 bedroom apartment for a year without work, friends, etc. was hard.

There are times when I wish I could drop by to my mums for tea and a quick chat. Phone calls are not the same.

I said to my mum last night that I feel content right now. That while I miss them and my brothers dearly, I'm happy with the place that I am in. Felt pretty good to say it actually since I had been so miserable until the middle of summer really.

I'm cool now though. Really.

[BH45 0]

So much sadness and disconnection to ...hmmm...to what exactly?

What you said Cat about your sweetie being/behaving "disengaged"...yes, and other things in all these posts I can relate to.

And for BH45 who is without her daughter...I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like.

What prices everyone has paid.

Is this it?

Is this life?

Yes, we have choice.

We always did.

And yes, as you said Cat, that we have our own bootstraps to find and pull ourselves up with.

The things we all imagined and planned and daydreamed that got us here to this point...well, what were they?

And why have they or some of them not transpired?

Of course leaving all known behind and coming to what we might have thought was the known...well, that is a big, nay, huge deal.

I speak to myself as much as I am speaking to you.

That is all I want to say...for now. Hee, hee.

May we each find peace in our hearts, and may we each keep pouring the love onto ourselves (first) and every body else we come into contact with (physically and virtually).

What we each do affects the other.

(F) (F)

I talk to my daughter daily on the phone and as Amanda said - "It's not the same." but it is contact. My daughter is trying diligently to convince me to stay longer when we go for Christmas. I have considered it seeing as I'm not working but have yet to discuss it with my hubby. I'm torn as it will be winter and I'm not sure I want him driving back alone or me. I'll just have to have faith that what is to be will happen.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Today is a homesick day.

As many others, it comes and goes.

Nothing in particular set it off...I just want to see my parents house, pet my cats and go for a drive in my mom's car.

I miss home.

I'm sorry everyone here is having a hard time too. Life is funny and strange.....I'm extremely sad today.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I'm wondering what all of you expected things to be like.

I expected a wonderful life with my husband...not that he isn't wonderful, I love him sooo much and we are happy in our relationship completely it's just...we've had bumps in the road but hell who hasn't.

It just sucks here and is not what I thought it would be. Everything takes so much longer in Jersey. I can't do a damn thing. No SSN for almost 3 months now, stuck in this apartment...Nick out of a job now, can't seem to motivate him either most days....let alone motivate myself.

I miss home so bad it hurts.

At the same time, I know that going back home won't solve anything really either. I do have friends here, and Nick's family so I think part of me would miss it too...

I'm totally in between.

[anxiouslywaiting 0]

Like everyone else I have my good days and bad days. I have been fortunate that since I have moved here (end of July) I have had my Mom, sister, niece and best friend come for visits so I have been busy but I felt even more homesick after they left! The one thing I miss and I know will come in time is the confidence I had back home driving around and knowing how to get around. I went from living in a sub-division with my neighbours a rock throw away to living in the middle of nowhere (I am in CT now). I only know my husbands friends (but he hasn't even lived in CT that long so he only has a handful of friends) and I miss having friends around all the time and going out and socializing! I am hoping that once I start working I will be able to meet more people and get my socializing fix! I also think that the fact that we know we can't go home to visit makes it harder, I am hoping once I get my AP and go home I will be good for a little bit. Theres my vent for now!

[MsZ 6]

Reba,

Did you have a car? What did you do to try to help yourself?

I totally agree about your husband's work schedule. I can't imagine asking someone to leave everything behind for me and then not being available for them when they arrive. I probably would have turned around and gone home until he got his priorities straight.

Are you a person of color? I've never talked to an American who was distrustful of Canadian immigrants. Most Americans think of Canadians as being just like Americans. My experience with NC comes from family who moved from the NE down there but they've met excellent people and have excellent friends. We send my daughters down there a couple times per year because they have such a good time.

---

I guess I don't know why you would resent America because things are different, Gemmie. Why shouldn't they be different? They're American, not Canadian. You wouldn't move to most any other place on the planet and expect things to be the same, would you?

---

Canada has some things that are better than the US. The US has some things that are better than Canada. We're constantly taking things back and forth to family and friends. But isn't it amazing that we can? That we're free to travel and to experience the best of what both counties have to offer?

I can understand missing friends and family. Being lonely is a huge problem.

---

How many of you were working during your transition (or are now working and are currently in transition)? I can imagine that if you are working it is somewhat easier because your day is filled with (ha ha) meaningful labor. If you're stuck at home and your spouse works, it is going to be a lot more difficult.

Still, there are a lot of activities during the day -- yoga classes, volunteer organizations, take classes, etc. to get involved with. I miss being a stay-at-home mom because of the things I can't do during the day now that I'm back at work full-time.

You know, a few short years ago I got a divorce, sold my house, moved from the Lehigh Valley in PA to Orange County NY, took a full-time job, put my girls in day-care, had no local contacts, bought a new house, etc. etc. etc. While it isn't the same as not being able to get Coke that tastes like the Coke I prefer, it is still a helluva change. So believe me, I understand what it is like to pick up and move away from your friends and support systems.