Homesick

[Emancipation 2]

Like everyone else I have my good days and bad days. I have been fortunate that since I have moved here (end of July) I have had my Mom, sister, niece and best friend come for visits so I have been busy but I felt even more homesick after they left! The one thing I miss and I know will come in time is the confidence I had back home driving around and knowing how to get around. I went from living in a sub-division with my neighbours a rock throw away to living in the middle of nowhere (I am in CT now). I only know my husbands friends (but he hasn't even lived in CT that long so he only has a handful of friends) and I miss having friends around all the time and going out and socializing! I am hoping that once I start working I will be able to meet more people and get my socializing fix! I also think that the fact that we know we can't go home to visit makes it harder, I am hoping once I get my AP and go home I will be good for a little bit. Theres my vent for now!

Gal I hear ya!!! Let me know if you two wanna get together.. i'm not that far away YEAH!

[raphael7546 0]

And for BH45 who is without her daughter...I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like.

I do know exactly what your feeling BH45.

I had to leave my little girl, then 9 yrs. old behind cuz my ex decided that not letting her move would be the best way to hurt me.

I'm lucky though as she does get to move here next year. Custody agreement states that she can choose to move now that she is 12.

We talk on the phone & online and she visits 4 times a year (American T Giving is her next visit) but it's not the same. I can't tuck her in at night or take her trick or treating, or see her first recital.

It tears my heart out everyday and truth be told if I could turn back the clock I would never have moved and left her. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't tear up thinking about her.

It's hard for my hubby as well because he knows how hard it is for me. He loves my daughter to death and is an incredible father to her.

I just wish things were different. That I really felt like I belonged here, but I don't.

Edited November 3, 2008 by raphael7546

[thetreble 19]

That is heart breaking!!! You guys that have kids and are away from them are very special and strong people.

[Gypsyangel 11]

I agree with Amanda. It must be sooooo hard when you have kids.

Thanks for all your thoughtful responses. I'd like to also say, that homesickness is just a part of it. There are lots of other great parts. We're moving into our new nouse on Friday (moving = ; new house = ) I guess, for me, it's the little sneaky homesickness things that have surprised me.

I still feel excited about being here with my guy. I enjoy exploring, but I don't enjoy getting lost and not finding what I'm looking for. I enjoy meeting new people, but I miss the ones I know and love. I'm excited about beginning again work-wise ... and I'm a little nervous too.

All in all, the good far outweighs the bad. It's an interesting time of feeling "everything". And I've only been here 3 months!

[Reba 2]

No, I am not a "person of colour", I'm white with blue eyes, my hair colour varied according to my mood And yes, a lot of folks in this town discriminate against anyone who is "not from here", and particularly immigrants, tho I have been told "you're not as bad though, because you're from Canada", which quite frankly I find more than just a little insulting. Racism of any sort, whether directed at me or not, is insulting, and when someone stands in your own home or on your front porch to "welcome you to the neighbourhood" and they can't get away fast enough when they find out you're a foreigner, its insulting. When they stand there talking to you and ranting about all the stinkin immigrants in town taking jobs and blah blah blah blah...its insulting. And all I ever said to get to listen to those rants is "yeah, I'm from Canada"...and on and on and on it would go...my husband wants to sell our house to an extended family of Guatemalans or Mexicans, just to piss off the neighbours. And when they just won't get the hint that "no thank you, I don't attend church" and they stand there telling me how theirs is the best don't go to any other and blah blah blah...and then of course there's the whispers after they talk to my mother in law and she'd told them I'm not Christian...ugh

Outwardly the folks around here are at first extremely polite, but they're not particularly friendly right off. And even any native "from here" will tell you so. Heck, I've spoken to locals who've gone away from here for a few years, either for university or work or military or whatever, and they come back and even THEY get the cold shoulder! and feel uncomfortable with a lot of people "from here". Its not just me being spiteful or small minded or not giving folks a chance. Quite a lot of people who have moved from somewhere else to here feel the same way. Unless they come with their own built in circle of family and friends, which some do. Me, I came alone, and had no one for a long long long time. After a while, it drags on ya I gotta say.

[BH45 0]

And for BH45 who is without her daughter...I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like.

I do know exactly what your feeling BH45.

I had to leave my little girl, then 9 yrs. old behind cuz my ex decided that not letting her move would be the best way to hurt me.

I'm lucky though as she does get to move here next year. Custody agreement states that she can choose to move now that she is 12.

We talk on the phone & online and she visits 4 times a year (American T Giving is her next visit) but it's not the same. I can't tuck her in at night or take her trick or treating, or see her first recital.

It tears my heart out everyday and truth be told if I could turn back the clock I would never have moved and left her. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't tear up thinking about her.

It's hard for my hubby as well because he knows how hard it is for me. He loves my daughter to death and is an incredible father to her.

I just wish things were different. That I really felt like I belonged here, but I don't.

I hope that's true for you. When I was in Mtl for my interview, we told that the child had to be 16 to make that choice.

[Emancipation 2]

No, I am not a "person of colour", I'm white with blue eyes, my hair colour varied according to my mood And yes, a lot of folks in this town discriminate against anyone who is "not from here", and particularly immigrants, tho I have been told "you're not as bad though, because you're from Canada", which quite frankly I find more than just a little insulting. Racism of any sort, whether directed at me or not, is insulting, and when someone stands in your own home or on your front porch to "welcome you to the neighbourhood" and they can't get away fast enough when they find out you're a foreigner, its insulting. When they stand there talking to you and ranting about all the stinkin immigrants in town taking jobs and blah blah blah blah...its insulting. And all I ever said to get to listen to those rants is "yeah, I'm from Canada"...and on and on and on it would go...my husband wants to sell our house to an extended family of Guatemalans or Mexicans, just to piss off the neighbours. And when they just won't get the hint that "no thank you, I don't attend church" and they stand there telling me how theirs is the best don't go to any other and blah blah blah...and then of course there's the whispers after they talk to my mother in law and she'd told them I'm not Christian...ugh

Outwardly the folks around here are at first extremely polite, but they're not particularly friendly right off. And even any native "from here" will tell you so. Heck, I've spoken to locals who've gone away from here for a few years, either for university or work or military or whatever, and they come back and even THEY get the cold shoulder! and feel uncomfortable with a lot of people "from here". Its not just me being spiteful or small minded or not giving folks a chance. Quite a lot of people who have moved from somewhere else to here feel the same way. Unless they come with their own built in circle of family and friends, which some do. Me, I came alone, and had no one for a long long long time. After a while, it drags on ya I gotta say.

mmmm i hear ya Reba.. I felt that way in SC.. so many many times... I didn't go along with the party line that was in the area I was part of - southern belles, pro gun, pro segregation.. and I just didn't belong.. It was the worst 4 months of my life. I felt like I was being strangled slowly... I left.. both my abusive husband and the State at the same time..

[Reba 2]

well, try 4 years of it

[Emancipation 2]

well, try 4 years of it

You deserve a medal my friend... honestly.. i don't know how you did it.

[Gemmie 142]

I guess I don't know why you would resent America because things are different, Gemmie. Why shouldn't they be different? They're American, not Canadian. You wouldn't move to most any other place on the planet and expect things to be the same, would you?

Oh, I know it's not logical or fair.

I haven't even moved yet but whenever I go to the US on visits and think about how I'm going to be leaving my "roots" behind and living there, I suddenly see many faults with everything around me. I miss British things and I miss my loved ones. I know that doesn't seem logical either seeing as I haven't moved yet, but I think it's my way of preparing myself for the change. To tell myself that I'm not going to see them for quite a while, and this is the reality of how it's going to be, and instantly I find fault. It's a way of holding onto my identity.

I know that once we go through with this, I'll start building my own life there. I'm worried that I won't find friends and he doesn't have any either so I can't share his. I'm worried that I won't be able to drive for a very long time as I need to take tests and get a car; that I'll just find myself craving British food and TV, and not be able to find it; that I'll long to see my family and friends; that I'll lose touch with myself.

I do want to move of course, I'm just looking at the negatives here because I know we're talking about Homesickness and I know what's to come. Like gypsyangel, I look forward to getting our own place, starting a family, making new friends.. I'm just nervous of the change.

[Carlawarla 1]

I've been here what will be two years in January 2009. The worst time for me was the first few months after our marriage. Before that, it seemed like a long vacation again. That's when things sunk in. We had new routines...well, actually I was trying to find mine. I miss all my friends and family back in Canada,but we stay in touch pretty good with the phone and the internet.

I've had some rough times, particularly with being so far from my kids, however they're young adults now, and were on their own before I left Canada. I did a lot of crying for awhile. I see though, that they've moved on, as have I, and they've visited a few times, and when they're here, we have a blast.

I too have been back a few times now to Canada, and I can honestly say things are different. I think I packed in too many things into the short time I was there, so I actually did miss "home" here with Gene.

I rarely feel homesick anymore, but that's me I guess. I'm not negating others feelings at all. St. Louis is a wonderful city and has been most welcoming. Everyone I've met here as been welcoming as well, interested in how I came to be here, generally interested in Canada, and a lot have visited there and loved it. That makes me feel good...and proud.

I'd have moved to Antartica to be with the love of my life Gene, and have never regretted my move.

[thetreble 19]

You know, it appears that some states are easier to adjust into than others. New Jersey has been so tough because depending on where you live, it can be so incredibly urban. I have lived in Ottawa and spent a lot of time in Toronto, but living in urban suburbs is a totally different culture.

New Jersey is a fast paced society where people are considerably rude and not very welcoming. I have put this down to too many people living in a small space. My town comprises of 25,000 people in 2.2 square miles. You do the math

I have heard that some other states, like SC, are hard to adjust to as well. It all depends on where you originate from I guess and what you are used to.

[trailmix 77]

Ok so this thread made me reflect on my life here and feel really really sad and lonely for the first time since I left over a month ago. My life has never been about one person. I've always had lots of family, friends and coworkers around. I'm down to one person and he's been so disengaged the past few weeks. And maybe he's just responding to my lack of energy and vitality.

He works rotating shifts between days and nights, so we're rarely on the same sleep schedule. And when we are he's catching up on sleep from the past 7 days. His truck is broken down and we're waiting for a part to arrive, so he's using my car in the mean time. Meaning no wheels to go anywhere most days until he gets home. We live in a subdivision with mostly Japanese retirees who live here 6 months of the year so there really aren't any neighbors to get to know either.

My days are filled with meaningless baby talk to my cat ThomasJ.

I'm lonely. I miss home. I want this to work like I had planned in my mind.

Jesus H Christ - what the hell Cat?! Time to get off the sympathy wagon and onto the action wagon and make this what I want it to be.

My Sister might be moving to Oahu Cat - her Husband will be there for 3 weeks starting the end of this month (he is going to work for a drilling company and told them he wants a few weeks to see if he will like working there) then he will fly back to Nebbie just before Christmas.

My Sister wouldn't move until my Nephew finishes school for the year - May - you could hang out with her

Edited November 4, 2008 by trailmix

[Emancipation 2]

I'd have moved to Antartica to be with the love of my life Gene, and have never regretted my move.

[Emancipation 2]

I have heard that some other states, like SC, are hard to adjust to as well. It all depends on where you originate from I guess and what you are used to.

THat's my experience.. I HATED SC, and we did consider moving further south at one point, but I don't think my little blue heart could take it.. I dunno.. CT is hard to get to know people - New England not really known for loads of warm hospitality, but it's growing on us, and we are starting to put down roots.. ever so carefully.