MENA men and their family

[nunyab 0]

well that's how i thought too... i make my husband priority which goes back to my original question MENA men/ marriage and their family... I know there are alot of dynamics that i need to learn.

[sandinista! 1,816]

doesn't the fact that he's moving halfway across the world to be with you on a permanent basis mean he considers you his first priority? i fail to see how anyone could construe visiting family before moving to another country as not putting their spouse first. i don't understand why this is culturally significant either...but then maybe i'm just weird because i'm really close to my family and wouldn't dream of not spending a while visiting with them before i moved overseas. i think of it as just a human thing, not specific to a region or anything. yeah, i've spent time with my family all my life, but psychologically, visiting before leaving when you have your ticket booked, etc. can be pretty important for closure with all that yr leaving behind.

i know of one poster whose father in law died shortly after her husband arrived in the us. he was in seemingly good health, and not even that old. unexpected tragedies like that can and do happen, and not always just to other people.

[morocco4ever 63]

doesn't the fact that he's moving halfway across the world to be with you on a permanent basis mean he considers you his first priority? i fail to see how anyone could construe visiting family before moving to another country as not putting their spouse first. i don't understand why this is culturally significant either...but then maybe i'm just weird because i'm really close to my family and wouldn't dream of not spending a while visiting with them before i moved overseas. i think of it as just a human thing, not specific to a region or anything. yeah, i've spent time with my family all my life, but psychologically, visiting before leaving when you have your ticket booked, etc. can be pretty important for closure with all that yr leaving behind.

i know of one poster whose father in law died shortly after her husband arrived in the us. he was in seemingly good health, and not even that old. unexpected tragedies like that can and do happen, and not always just to other people.

[star_dragon 0]

doesn't the fact that he's moving halfway across the world to be with you on a permanent basis mean he considers you his first priority? i fail to see how anyone could construe visiting family before moving to another country as not putting their spouse first. i don't understand why this is culturally significant either...but then maybe i'm just weird because i'm really close to my family and wouldn't dream of not spending a while visiting with them before i moved overseas. i think of it as just a human thing, not specific to a region or anything. yeah, i've spent time with my family all my life, but psychologically, visiting before leaving when you have your ticket booked, etc. can be pretty important for closure with all that yr leaving behind.

i know of one poster whose father in law died shortly after her husband arrived in the us. he was in seemingly good health, and not even that old. unexpected tragedies like that can and do happen, and not always just to other people.

[star_dragon 0]

doesn't the fact that he's moving halfway across the world to be with you on a permanent basis mean he considers you his first priority? i fail to see how anyone could construe visiting family before moving to another country as not putting their spouse first. i don't understand why this is culturally significant either...but then maybe i'm just weird because i'm really close to my family and wouldn't dream of not spending a while visiting with them before i moved overseas. i think of it as just a human thing, not specific to a region or anything. yeah, i've spent time with my family all my life, but psychologically, visiting before leaving when you have your ticket booked, etc. can be pretty important for closure with all that yr leaving behind.

i know of one poster whose father in law died shortly after her husband arrived in the us. he was in seemingly good health, and not even that old. unexpected tragedies like that can and do happen, and not always just to other people.

I strongly agree with this too

Edited November 5, 2008 by star_dragon

[nunyab 0]

makes perfect sense to me... you're right

[nunyab 0]

Has anyone noticed if there's a difference with only son's or all MENA son's "the favorite" to the mom and dad?

[S and S 12]

Has anyone noticed if there's a difference with only son's or all MENA son's "the favorite" to the mom and dad?

I noticed this among many families though my husband's family has 5 sons and 2 daughters so it works out okay for the girls as there are plenty of boys and no need for favortism. His family seems like the more fair type anyway though I have been told they hope I have a boy first, lol.

[nunyab 0]

Has anyone noticed if there's a difference with only son's or all MENA son's "the favorite" to the mom and dad?

I noticed this among many families though my husband's family has 5 sons and 2 daughters so it works out okay for the girls as there are plenty of boys and no need for favortism. His family seems like the more fair type anyway though I have been told they hope I have a boy first, lol.

my MIL streight up said Reda is her favorite... i thought she was playing but Reda's sisters also confirmed .... he is the families' favorite ... i have kids i don't think i would ever say that...unless in jest

[S and S 12]

Has anyone noticed if there's a difference with only son's or all MENA son's "the favorite" to the mom and dad?

I noticed this among many families though my husband's family has 5 sons and 2 daughters so it works out okay for the girls as there are plenty of boys and no need for favortism. His family seems like the more fair type anyway though I have been told they hope I have a boy first, lol.

my MIL streight up said Reda is her favorite... i thought she was playing but Reda's sisters also confirmed .... he is the families' favorite ... i have kids i don't think i would ever say that...unless in jest

I got really annoyed one time when a ME friend told me she wanted to show me the new pics of her brother's baby daughter. I think I saw one picture before she want on to show me gobs of pics of his 2 year old son. Then she coooed over him for the next five minutes forgeting all about the new baby girl. I was so annoyed. I am always commenting to her about how I think girls are more useful in the house than boys and will be better at taking care of their parents when they get old compared to boys. She never listens to that, lol, though she sends money to her mother all the time compared to her brother. One day she told me she was sure I would have a girl first because I prefer them. I laughed and said I doubt it as I would get a boy first just because I complain of them so much, lol. Personally, I will love all my children the same. I just feel the need to defend girls because they get the short stick in the ME.

[nunyab 0]

S and S i think you would defend anyone or anything that needed defending... am I wrong??

[S and S 12]

S and S i think you would defend anyone or anything that needed defending... am I wrong??

thanks, you are right, there are people at work that joke about that and so does my husband.

[merijan 0]

I know its hard, but my husband also took some time to work a little more and then when he did come he came to NY first and spent two weeks with his brother. He had not seen him in many years and wanted to see him and his family. I am glad he did this first it was not easy , but I was glad for him. If he could have he would have gone to Pakistan to see his family there first, he was in London, but it was too much expense to do that.

I think its best to let them see their family as its a long time before they will agian.

[Ihavequestions 419]

well that's how i thought too... i make my husband priority which goes back to my original question MENA men/ marriage and their family... I know there are alot of dynamics that i need to learn.

It's not that you aren't a priority, because, as his wife, you are. Don't ever doubt that.

However, to MENA men, family is HUGE. This is a culture with no welfare system and no social security if one is sick or retired. Instead, family takes care of each other. Parents take care of their children and children take care of their parents and that's just the way it is. The health care system is #######. True, it's "free" but the "free" system is garbage and someone can die while waiting for care, so families who have the means help each other pay for private care. Each other includes aunts and uncles and cousins because family is family. One only has to sit in a cafe and see the children selling packets of tissues or the old ladies putting their hands out for money to be reminded of how little of it there is to go around.

They also help each other solve problems. It's not unusual and there is no shame in turning to a father or brother or an uncle for help fixing a husband/wife situation. In fact, it's expected.

There is no such thing as a "nuclear family" in MENA. They are a tight knit bunch.

My advice would be to let it be what it is and take pride in the fact that he has the ability in his heart to care as much as he does. Do that knowing he cares for you in the exact same way.

[nunyab 0]

well that's how i thought too... i make my husband priority which goes back to my original question MENA men/ marriage and their family... I know there are alot of dynamics that i need to learn.

It's not that you aren't a priority, because, as his wife, you are. Don't ever doubt that.

However, to MENA men, family is HUGE. This is a culture with no welfare system and no social security if one is sick or retired. Instead, family takes care of each other. Parents take care of their children and children take care of their parents and that's just the way it is. The health care system is #######. True, it's "free" but the "free" system is garbage and someone can die while waiting for care, so families who have the means help each other pay for private care. Each other includes aunts and uncles and cousins because family is family. One only has to sit in a cafe and see the children selling packets of tissues or the old ladies putting their hands out for money to be reminded of how little of it there is to go around.

They also help each other solve problems. It's not unusual and there is no shame in turning to a father or brother or an uncle for help fixing a husband/wife situation. In fact, it's expected.

There is no such thing as a "nuclear family" in MENA. They are a tight knit bunch.

My advice would be to let it be what it is and take pride in the fact that he has the ability in his heart to care as much as he does. Do that knowing he cares for you in the exact same way.

Oh wow you touched me with what you just said. It truly was beautiful... thank you