MENA men and their family

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I think it is totally human to feel that way Rajaa. And yes, he has had them his whole life, but as so many others said, he wont see them for god knows how long. I think it is perfectly understandable for him to want to say his "goodbyes".

We all want our men with us yesterday, but imagine feeling that you wouldnt see your family for say..2 years. You would want at least a couple weeks with them right? (depends on the family huh? lol)

Try to fight the urge to fight him on it. Thats my advise

You have held it together this long....

Lisa

[caybee 21]

We also waited about two months after my husband got the visa before he joined me here. It was difficult waiting when there was no longer anything stopping us from being together, but the time helped him a great deal with his adjustment. It was one thing to be around his family every day when nothing was likely to change, but once he was leaving for sure, maybe for years, even distant relatives wanted to see him, as did many friends who may not even live there when he returns. He made the best of his time, and we both hung in there through those last few weeks. The the second I saw him in the airport, those extra weeks were immediately forgotten, and he was able to start his new life here with no regrets.

[nunyab 0]

ohhh Caybee you make a good point as do all of you. Thank you, I know it will all work out it just didn't feel so good. I am over it now lol, great part of having ADD I think... on to the next . Saving money for the things he'll need....

Didn't think about that Jenn!! He'll need a car and we'll want to go places once he's here... I will meet up with him in Morocco help him say goodbye and take the long flight back to start our new life together insha'allah

huggs to you all

[Nutty 2]

Family is a big deal, more important in some ways than marriage (in my opinion).

My husband also wanted to "settle his affairs" in Iran before coming. This entailed a month or two (he stopped working by that point) of just hanging around, having relatives pay social calls, making social visits....Seeing all the places he grew up in.

I couldn't understand it either, since I was "pining away" for my hubby.

He's homesick now and wants to go back for a visit.

Strangely, when I lived with my husband in Iran, I noticed he wasn't the most sociable type. He's quiet and does his own thing most of the time. I think it has to do with the "communal living" that he misses. All the people in the house...the noise, the chatter, that he misses.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

My husband is doing the same and I haven't seen him for almost 2 years.. I can understand where he is coming from, he has to spend this time with his family and friends, just in case he can't go back for a few years. Also he has a lot of things to Settle before he comes to a new country.

Rajaa be patient soon he will be with you!!

Nita

Just wondering... I know it is different between cultures and family is typically a big deal to all and most cultures. But can someone enlighten me about our MENA men and thier fathers/Mothers grandparents??

ie.. mine wants after he gets his visa, insha'allah to go back to his families home and spend a few weeks with them before coming here. To me I would be on the first flight I could to be with my husband.... it just kind of shocked me a little that he was going to delay our reunion another "few weeks." I know Islamically Family is important... I guess I don't know what i am asking

Edited November 3, 2008 by Nita&Assaad

[*JG* 2]

I understand but it doesn't feel good... i guess i am being selfish... thanks ladies

All I think of when I read something like that is hasn't he spent the last ## of years doing the same thing. Yes, it is a long time before he can go back sometimes; but..........

[Nita&Assaad 0]

Rosalinda... I feel you and Rajja.. I miss my huaband too too much!! I haven't seen him since 1/19/07 this is a very long time! Soon we will be together 21 days...INSHALLAH.... But I can understand him wanting to spend more time in his country enjoying the last moments before he moves to a big NEW country away from family and Friends. My husbands doesn't live with his family, so these last days make him Happy which in Turn makes me Happy. See it from this view, what if it was you moving away to his country? Wouldn't you want the time as well Just my thoughts

Nita

rajja.... just my opinion so please do not take this to heart.

i have to say i think everyone is familiar with my situation and for those that are not.. we're on AP since dec 2007..

i am trying really hard to understand the other side of this and maybe i am being selfish Lord knows i can be. but the whole visa process hes been with his family hes had time to say and do... My turn lol .. . i miss him so much if i could blink in the next instant he would be beside me or me there... if it were only that easy.....

i dont mean to offend anyone but let me know what u think?

rosalinda

[morocco4ever 63]

I understand but it doesn't feel good... i guess i am being selfish... thanks ladies

All I think of when I read something like that is hasn't he spent the last ## of years doing the same thing. Yes, it is a long time before he can go back sometimes; but..........

True, but what is a couple of weeks to sacrifice when we will have the rest of our lives together. I regretted being hard on my husband when his mom asked him to stay for Eid because every Eid since then has never had the same feeling since he came. In our case it would have been equivilent to him asking me to miss the last Christmas with my family when he was aware it might be several more before I would spend another Christmas with them. But this is with our situation.

[Nutty 2]

MENA ladies can all testify....I was fuming and very upset when my husband said he wanted to take a "few months" to "wrap things up" after he got the visa.

[nunyab 0]

lol.... wow so it isn't just me I know Nita remember the "patience" thing i am needing to learn???? uughhh.... but i think when i do go to him and come back home it will be very difficult.. I think i'll cry more than him saying good-bye to family...FYI he is living in Spain and hasn't seen his family (which he is very close too) in 4 months and it is difficult. So I just have to relax kick back and make arrangements to go get my habibi

[morocco4ever 63]

Your husband has a very valid reason, so yes, be patient. You will have forever with him.

[Nothing1234 2]

Your husband has a very valid reason, so yes, be patient. You will have forever with him.

I agree.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

Yes it's hard this "PATIENCE" Believe me I had NONE and my husband had DOUBLE NONE!!! But it can be done and in the End it will pay off when you are finally together!! If you need help in this department I be happy to assist -

He will love you more for understanding his need to spend time with his family before he comes to you Rajaa

Nita

lol.... wow so it isn't just me I know Nita remember the "patience" thing i am needing to learn???? uughhh.... but i think when i do go to him and come back home it will be very difficult.. I think i'll cry more than him saying good-bye to family...FYI he is living in Spain and hasn't seen his family (which he is very close too) in 4 months and it is difficult. So I just have to relax kick back and make arrangements to go get my habibi

[UmmSqueakster 54]

My husband got his visa mid august 2005. He came October 3, 2005. I didn't begrudge him for one second. He'd lived in Egypt 28 years (minus a year in Saudia), so how could I expect him to wrap up his entire life and hop on a plane quickly, especially when we were playing the AP/AR waiting game and had no clue when he'd get the visa? He had an apartment to close up, debts to settle, documents to gather, and time to spend with his mother and friends. He hasn't been back to see his family and friends since he came. I've had him 24/7/365 that entire time.

Nope, it was definately the right decision to make.

[DanielParul 50]

Family is a big deal, more important in some ways than marriage (in my opinion).

He's been with his family all his life and will see them again, if not now then in a few years. Anyways, after marriage, isn't your wife/husband your family and priority over everything else. Maybe I'm thinking too selfish...