Fiancee wants her family to come to America too....

[Jon&Lindsey 0]

I'm sorry, but it seems pretty suspicious to me that both she and her sister are engaged to USC's and want to move to the US. Of course you love your fiancee, but I think you should at least consider the possibility that she may be more keen on getting the GC and bringing her family over than just marrying you for you. I don't think people simply looking for love would go out of their way to find someone from another country so far away, where they would have to leave family behind for years. Sure Mom would be nice to you when you mean the chance for her daughter and family to move to the US and be financially supported. It seems more than a coincidence to me that both sisters have USC fiances. I am not saying this is necessarily true, but I think you should at least consider the possibility, especially when at AOS you will sign an agreement to financially support your fiancee for up to 10 years.

[ellieandwill2 0]

The obvious solution would be for you to move to Vietnam.

Then everybody is happy.

yeh u are right tell her u will move to her home then u can look after her family then u all be ok

[toma1 10]

You know... it's sad, but this was something that I was concerned about at one point (but not anymore). However, there are a few things people should know.

First of all, Asian men, especially from Thailand and Philippines, but also Vietnam, etc., that marry a local woman USUALLY help her family if they have the means to do so. You should not immediately suspect that you are being used just because your wife asks you to help her family. That is a normal part of marriage in this area of the world. OF COURSE scams exist, but requests for family support are not an accurate indicator. If you are considering marrying a Thai (and to a lesser extent, anyone from this area of the world) I'd recommend this book, which may help you to bridge the HUGE cultural gap that you are about to experience. http://thailandfever.com/

I can speak to this because I know it is true, but my fiancee DID NOT request me to bring her family over. Her parents are actually quite old (older than mine) and I asked, "if one of your parents dies, we should probably start the visa process ASAP for them in case we need to bring the other one over." But SHE said it wouldn't be necessary because other family members would step in. She's actually a professional, but like most Thai women, she helps to support her parents to the tune of about $300 per month. She wants to continue to do that, but it will take some time for her to be employed here, so I volunteered to pay this amount until she is able to take it over again herself.

By the way, Thailand still has dowries (male pays bride's family) at all levels of society and this is typically only waived if the woman is divorced or has a child. Being asked to pay a dowry is also NOT a bad sign in any way. I wrote the Thailand section about this in Wikipedia if anyone is interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price

[Boiler 45,535]

You know... it's sad, but this was something that I was concerned about at one point (but not anymore). However, there are a few things people should know.

First of all, Asian men, especially from Thailand and Philippines, but also Vietnam, etc., that marry a local woman USUALLY help her family if they have the means to do so. You should not immediately suspect that you are being used just because your wife asks you to help her family. That is a normal part of marriage in this area of the world. OF COURSE scams exist, but requests for family support are not an accurate indicator. If you are considering marrying a Thai (and to a lesser extent, anyone from this area of the world) I'd recommend this book, which may help you to bridge the HUGE cultural gap that you are about to experience. http://thailandfever.com/

I can speak to this because I know it is true, but my fiancee DID NOT request me to bring her family over. Her parents are actually quite old (older than mine) and I asked, "if one of your parents dies, we should probably start the visa process ASAP for them in case we need to bring the other one over." But SHE said it wouldn't be necessary because other family members would step in. She's actually a professional, but like most Thai women, she helps to support her parents to the tune of about $300 per month. She wants to continue to do that, but it will take some time for her to be employed here, so I volunteered to pay this amount until she is able to take it over again herself.

By the way, Thailand still has dowries (male pays bride's family) at all levels of society and this is typically only waived if the woman is divorced or has a child. Being asked to pay a dowry is also NOT a bad sign in any way. I wrote the Thailand section about this in Wikipedia if anyone is interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price

In Western Culture similar concepts abound, they may have weakened in recent years, but there is still a general perception that daughters have a greater responsibility for aged parents than son's.

I also considered the if one parent dies etc issue, but for most people the last place you could bring aged parents is to the USA, just not practical, no matter what the family situation locally. As a general comment it just sems a bad idea taking old people out of their zone, bad enough when it is the same country and they have familiarity with the genral concepts, worse when a completely different culture/language is involved.

With cross country marriages there are always two options, if one has much stronger family ties etc then that may well be the deciding factor as to who goes in which direction.

[JBean 0]

You know... it's sad, but this was something that I was concerned about at one point (but not anymore). However, there are a few things people should know.

First of all, Asian men, especially from Thailand and Philippines, but also Vietnam, etc., that marry a local woman USUALLY help her family if they have the means to do so. You should not immediately suspect that you are being used just because your wife asks you to help her family. That is a normal part of marriage in this area of the world. OF COURSE scams exist, but requests for family support are not an accurate indicator. If you are considering marrying a Thai (and to a lesser extent, anyone from this area of the world) I'd recommend this book, which may help you to bridge the HUGE cultural gap that you are about to experience. http://thailandfever.com/

I can speak to this because I know it is true, but my fiancee DID NOT request me to bring her family over. Her parents are actually quite old (older than mine) and I asked, "if one of your parents dies, we should probably start the visa process ASAP for them in case we need to bring the other one over." But SHE said it wouldn't be necessary because other family members would step in. She's actually a professional, but like most Thai women, she helps to support her parents to the tune of about $300 per month. She wants to continue to do that, but it will take some time for her to be employed here, so I volunteered to pay this amount until she is able to take it over again herself.

By the way, Thailand still has dowries (male pays bride's family) at all levels of society and this is typically only waived if the woman is divorced or has a child. Being asked to pay a dowry is also NOT a bad sign in any way. I wrote the Thailand section about this in Wikipedia if anyone is interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price

I agree with Toma1. That the woman is concerned about her mother being left alone is NOT sufficient reason to start accusing her of agreeing to marry only for citizenship. Marrying someone from overseas is not an excuse to forget about and neglect your family and your obligations to them, and it does not reflect poorly upon her that she cares about the consequences of her actions on her family.

Of course it is a possibility that citizenship is a factor in the overseas fiance’s decision to marry, just as it is for every person on this forum. Frankly, this is no different than the risk, if we were engaged to Americans, that they would be marrying us simply because we’re beautiful or rich or good in the sack. All anyone can do is try to get to know their partner the best they can and be sure that their commitment is real and deep before the marriage. At any rate, we should not be making accusations about the sincerity of other people’s love when we have no acquaintance with them beyond a few lines in a forum posting.

[aaron2020 11,651]

You know... it's sad, but this was something that I was concerned about at one point (but not anymore). However, there are a few things people should know.

First of all, Asian men, especially from Thailand and Philippines, but also Vietnam, etc., that marry a local woman USUALLY help her family if they have the means to do so. You should not immediately suspect that you are being used just because your wife asks you to help her family. That is a normal part of marriage in this area of the world. OF COURSE scams exist, but requests for family support are not an accurate indicator. If you are considering marrying a Thai (and to a lesser extent, anyone from this area of the world) I'd recommend this book, which may help you to bridge the HUGE cultural gap that you are about to experience. http://thailandfever.com/

I can speak to this because I know it is true, but my fiancee DID NOT request me to bring her family over. Her parents are actually quite old (older than mine) and I asked, "if one of your parents dies, we should probably start the visa process ASAP for them in case we need to bring the other one over." But SHE said it wouldn't be necessary because other family members would step in. She's actually a professional, but like most Thai women, she helps to support her parents to the tune of about $300 per month. She wants to continue to do that, but it will take some time for her to be employed here, so I volunteered to pay this amount until she is able to take it over again herself.

By the way, Thailand still has dowries (male pays bride's family) at all levels of society and this is typically only waived if the woman is divorced or has a child. Being asked to pay a dowry is also NOT a bad sign in any way. I wrote the Thailand section about this in Wikipedia if anyone is interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price

I agree with Toma1. That the woman is concerned about her mother being left alone is NOT sufficient reason to start accusing her of agreeing to marry only for citizenship. Marrying someone from overseas is not an excuse to forget about and neglect your family and your obligations to them, and it does not reflect poorly upon her that she cares about the consequences of her actions on her family.

Of course it is a possibility that citizenship is a factor in the overseas fiance’s decision to marry, just as it is for every person on this forum. Frankly, this is no different than the risk, if we were engaged to Americans, that they would be marrying us simply because we’re beautiful or rich or good in the sack. All anyone can do is try to get to know their partner the best they can and be sure that their commitment is real and deep before the marriage. At any rate, we should not be making accusations about the sincerity of other people’s love when we have no acquaintance with them beyond a few lines in a forum posting.

Okay. I am not accusing anyone of anything. Given the limited information that the OP has provided and my experience, I suggested that he objectively examine all that has happened. Look at my posts, I never said the OP's fiancee was using him.

His fiancee has asked about bringing her entire immediate family over to the US during the fiancee visa process which implies she has certain expectations. As much as the West is ignorant of Asian customs, Vietnamese do not understand American customs. As a first generation Vietnamese-American, I financially support my parents. However, I have no expectations that my American born kids will do that. Furthermore, my experience is that Vietnamese immigrants have an unrealistic view of how hard it is to earn a buck here and how expensive healthcare and other costs of living are here. I know plenty of Vietnamese immigrants who have given up and moved back to Vietnam and expect their children in the US to send money to support them because they didn't want to work labor intensive jobs here as they lack the education and skills to do something more profitable. Has the OP considered what he would do if the mother and sister could not work as he is contractually obligated to support them for 10 years and possibly longer?

The underage sister is dating a different guy from the US. Most Vietnamese family will not let their daughters date until they are way past 18. Generally, a girl will be called a ####### if she is underage and dating a foreigner. This is something for OP to consider and it is his conclusion to make. Providing him with a word of caution and information is not the same as making an accusation that his fiancee and her family is using him.

[kiwiana 2]

Sorry, not sure where this question goes, but my fiancee is stressing about her mom and sister and asking me the options once she arrives here.

What are the options for bringing my soon to be wife's family here? Will they have to wait until she is a legal u.s. citizen? Do I have any power to sponser them? Would they be better off trying to get a tourist visa? What are the options, if any, for her mom and sister who is 17?

Right now, her sister is dating an American, who plans on marrying her when she turns 18 ... but while this will get sis here, we worry alot about mom. She will have no one and be all alone there. Her mom is the most darling woman on earth but I don't think we can find anyone from the u.s. who will marry mom! haha

Thanks

Jonas

As others have already mentioned...If it was possible maybe the option of you living there with your soon to be wife may be the best one. I would think that it could be quite an ordeal for an elderly person to uproot and leave behind their surroundings they have known all their life. And she would need medical insurance too when in US, which i understand could be costly.

If she was able to go to the US, maybe your fiancees sister and her soon to be USC husband could help out financially and otherwise in health insurance etc. if costs were high. As it is her mother too.

Anyway, whatever you decide. Good luck and best wishes!

[Jon&Lindsey 0]

I agree with aaron2020. From how I read it, no one has made accusations, just suggested that the OP should be aware of the *possibility* that it is not totally as it appears, and realize the possible financial implications of this marriage. This is a lot different from marrying another American who is only marrying you for your looks/money etc, as then there would be none of the financial obligations of the affidavit of support for the spouse and spouse's family. Finances are a common cause of difficulties in marriage, so it's only sensible to consider these issues before marriage.

[toma1 10]

he is contractually obligated to support them for 10 years and possibly longer?

Huh?

First, The form I have says three years for my fiancee.

Second, how is he contractually obligated since he cannot even sponsor them? Maybe his wife would be...

[Chuck and Grace 0]

I just read this whole thread from the begginning. It was kind of entertaining banter. Much more entertaining that our name-calling politicians and the daily banter between them.

I am not sure if there is really a "side" to take here, but it seems you have good advice for consideration from multiple angles - now you just have to decide how to best use it. Good luck.

[aaron2020 11,651]

he is contractually obligated to support them for 10 years and possibly longer?

Huh?

First, The form I have says three years for my fiancee.

Second, how is he contractually obligated since he cannot even sponsor them? Maybe his wife would be...

A K-1 visa is a non-immigrant visa for a fiancee. The I-134 Affidavit of Support is the one that obligates the petitioner to support the beneficiary for 3 years. That is what you filed.

Once you are married and your wife adjusts her status to a Legal Permanent Resident, you will need to file an I-864 Affidavit of Support. That obligation ends under these 4 conditions; 1) when the immigrant claims 40 quarters of work credit (the immigrant can claim quarters earned by a spouse), 2) the immigrant becomes a US citizen, 3) the immigrant loses LPR status, and 4) the death of either the sponser or immigrant. So the obligation can be over ten years.

As to your second point. His wife as the US citizen petitioner would be the one contractually obligated to support her mother and sister. However, I jumped the gun and assumed that he would be the co-sponser on the Affidavit of Support. In most cases that I have observed, the immigrant spouse (now US citizen) does not have sufficient resources to satisfy the AoS requirements alone and generally the other spouse has to be a co-sponser.

[JonasMichaels 0]

I appreciate everyone's advice and anyone can say what they want, it rolls off my back ... I have heard this SHE IS USING YOU FOR A GREEN CARD thing for a long time now. In fact, the prejudice is really bad specifically for Vietnamese which is why I am surprised Aaron2020 is not on the side of his people. Viets can scam like anyone can scam but not ALL viets scam. I am also really surprised that on one hand Aaron2020 says that tradition to support family is outdated but tradition to not date a foreigner when you are young is right ... so, open mind or not here Aaron? Tradition in VN or not, Aaron? Too many rules for how vietnamese should live their life ...and you can read about it Asia section - be sure you have an engagement party, don't have tattoos, don't be too much younger than the foreigner fiance but don't be older either, make sure you are normal, average, boring and rigid. Those 4 words just would never come out of my mouth when describing vietnamese people. OF COURSE Phuong's sister wants to live in America as does my fiancee Phuong!! DUH. Neither of them would have put themselves on foreign matchmaking site ... so yes, that was a priority to them. Tell me something I don't know. BUT they still both looked for people they got along with and had chemistry with and didn't just take "whatever came along".

In the process I have learned a hard lesson about life and love - it is more important who YOU love and not who loves you. It is a risk that way, sure, but no man (or woman for that matter) is ever happy just being loved, they have to really feel the love for the other person first. I love Phuong. Sure, ideal scenario is we both love each other the same - but I am not going to miss out on this experience with her because I am worried she may not love me as much as I love her. I like how I feel around her, and I like it enough to risk that perhaps I will get burned in the end ... I can't control if she will leave me in the future or not, so I must live for the present, and at present, this is as close to true love as I have ever felt.

Jonas

Edited November 2, 2008 by JonasMichaels

[toma1 10]

In the process I have learned a hard lesson about life and love - it is more important who YOU love and not who loves you. It is a risk that way, sure, but no man (or woman for that matter) is ever happy just being loved, they have to really feel the love for the other person first. I love Phuong. Sure, ideal scenario is we both love each other the same - but I am not going to miss out on this experience with her because I am worried she may not love me as much as I love her. I like how I feel around her, and I like it enough to risk that perhaps I will get burned in the end ... I can't control if she will leave me in the future or not, so I must live for the present, and at present, this is as close to true love as I have ever felt.

Jonas

Wow... that's pretty profound... good for you!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

In the process I have learned a hard lesson about life and love - it is more important who YOU love and not who loves you. It is a risk that way, sure, but no man (or woman for that matter) is ever happy just being loved, they have to really feel the love for the other person first. I love Phuong. Sure, ideal scenario is we both love each other the same - but I am not going to miss out on this experience with her because I am worried she may not love me as much as I love her. I like how I feel around her, and I like it enough to risk that perhaps I will get burned in the end ... I can't control if she will leave me in the future or not, so I must live for the present, and at present, this is as close to true love as I have ever felt.

Jonas

Wow... that's pretty profound... good for you!

"You are what you love, not what loves you back" - Jenny Lewis

[toma1 10]

In the process I have learned a hard lesson about life and love - it is more important who YOU love and not who loves you. It is a risk that way, sure, but no man (or woman for that matter) is ever happy just being loved, they have to really feel the love for the other person first. I love Phuong. Sure, ideal scenario is we both love each other the same - but I am not going to miss out on this experience with her because I am worried she may not love me as much as I love her. I like how I feel around her, and I like it enough to risk that perhaps I will get burned in the end ... I can't control if she will leave me in the future or not, so I must live for the present, and at present, this is as close to true love as I have ever felt.

Jonas

Wow... that's pretty profound... good for you!

"You are what you love, not what loves you back" - Jenny Lewis

If everyone was that unselfish, people would have better relationships... in many cases, once you adopt that attitude, you will find that your spouse will love you more. Sometimes people pressure their loved ones to love them back. You'll never find real love like that.