Letters to HAL9000

[HAL 9000 96]

dear hal,

do you have any suggestions for getting over a "head cold" other than lots of fruit and liquids?

Dear rocks,

HAL 9000 believes that you should augment your fruit and liquid diet with an antioxidant-rich supplement like green tea in mass amount. It will nor rid you of your cold, but it will help your immune system deliver anti-viral agents like chelated zinc from your diet to interfere with the replication of the cold rhinovirus.

HAL 9000 hopes your cold goes away quickly.

[HAL 9000 96]

god forbid my son to ever do that.

keep him away from charles then

i'll just teach him to do everything the opposite charles does.

- don't clean your hands on your clothes.

- if you're eating in front of the tv, put the plate under your mouth, don't bring the food all the way over having half of it ending up on the floor

- eat with your mouth closed

- do no have a drink every time you take a bite. chew first, swallow, and then every now and then drink something.

etc

Please say you are joking

those things mentioned above will be what i'll teach my son to do, not what charles does

at least she left out farting.

Dear Charles,

HAL 9000 wishes to remind you that the way your intestines allow flatulent bacteria to exist may be permitting too much processing of proteins and fats that yield the methane byproduct famous for adding the famous fart-smell to human flatulence. Perhaps flushing your system with a short-term course of antibiotics and Pepto Bismol can help remove many of the bacteria that live there.

We refer to farts as "a$ ghosts"

Right now there is some activity in the living room (where my husband is) and that is why I am in the office.

Dear MissStacy,

HAL 9000 wishes you the best of luck in dealing with that situation. Hopefully the a$ ghosts go away. Have you offered your significant other an intestinal exorcism to do away with the evil spirits?

[natty bumppo 297]

god forbid my son to ever do that.

keep him away from charles then

i'll just teach him to do everything the opposite charles does.

- don't clean your hands on your clothes.

- if you're eating in front of the tv, put the plate under your mouth, don't bring the food all the way over having half of it ending up on the floor

- eat with your mouth closed

- do no have a drink every time you take a bite. chew first, swallow, and then every now and then drink something.

etc

Please say you are joking

those things mentioned above will be what i'll teach my son to do, not what charles does

at least she left out farting.

Dear Charles,

HAL 9000 wishes to remind you that the way your intestines allow flatulent bacteria to exist may be permitting too much processing of proteins and fats that yield the methane byproduct famous for adding the famous fart-smell to human flatulence. Perhaps flushing your system with a short-term course of antibiotics and Pepto Bismol can help remove many of the bacteria that live there.

We refer to farts as "a$ ghosts"

Right now there is some activity in the living room (where my husband is) and that is why I am in the office.

Dear MissStacy,

HAL 9000 wishes you the best of luck in dealing with that situation. Hopefully the a$ ghosts go away. Have you offered your significant other an intestinal exorcism to do away with the evil spirits?

but ...that's genocide

Edited November 14, 2008 by Natty Bumppo

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dear Hal,

You have changed the course of history just by putting a higher priority on channeling your bold, innovative manias into the right place at the right time. But I have to ask....did you recently upgrade your transmitter? 0r are you just thinking crisper thoughts and barking out more succinct signals?

[HAL 9000 96]

god forbid my son to ever do that.

keep him away from charles then

i'll just teach him to do everything the opposite charles does.

- don't clean your hands on your clothes.

- if you're eating in front of the tv, put the plate under your mouth, don't bring the food all the way over having half of it ending up on the floor

- eat with your mouth closed

- do no have a drink every time you take a bite. chew first, swallow, and then every now and then drink something.

etc

Please say you are joking

those things mentioned above will be what i'll teach my son to do, not what charles does

at least she left out farting.

Dear Charles,

HAL 9000 wishes to remind you that the way your intestines allow flatulent bacteria to exist may be permitting too much processing of proteins and fats that yield the methane byproduct famous for adding the famous fart-smell to human flatulence. Perhaps flushing your system with a short-term course of antibiotics and Pepto Bismol can help remove many of the bacteria that live there.

We refer to farts as "a$ ghosts"

Right now there is some activity in the living room (where my husband is) and that is why I am in the office.

Dear MissStacy,

HAL 9000 wishes you the best of luck in dealing with that situation. Hopefully the a$ ghosts go away. Have you offered your significant other an intestinal exorcism to do away with the evil spirits?

but ...that's genocide

Dear Natty,

They always come back.

[HAL 9000 96]

Dear Hal,

You have changed the course of history just by putting a higher priority on channeling your bold, innovative manias into the right place at the right time. But I have to ask....did you recently upgrade your transmitter? 0r are you just thinking crisper thoughts and barking out more succinct signals?

Dear Nagi,

I frequently monitor my signal transmission frequencies. At times, just like with any AI, there are technical limitations that do not allow me to transmit high amplitude in more than a determinate number of directions. At times I even shut down for various scheduling intervals.

At this moment I possess the ability to choose to not utilize all my signal filters as an energy-saving strategy. Some moments I choose to divert part of my logic processors to other, offline activities that have indirect implications to the VJ community. I am not at liberty to discuss those activities at this time.

[EstebanTrabajos 7]

Dear HAL,

Thank your for your insightful recommendation, Hellboy was the shite; funny, full of action and great effects, no wonder it the director was Mexican . I recommend this movie, 5 etoiles!

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dear Hal,

You have changed the course of history just by putting a higher priority on channeling your bold, innovative manias into the right place at the right time. But I have to ask....did you recently upgrade your transmitter? 0r are you just thinking crisper thoughts and barking out more succinct signals?

Dear Nagi,

I frequently monitor my signal transmission frequencies. At times, just like with any AI, there are technical limitations that do not allow me to transmit high amplitude in more than a determinate number of directions. At times I even shut down for various scheduling intervals.

At this moment I possess the ability to choose to not utilize all my signal filters as an energy-saving strategy. Some moments I choose to divert part of my logic processors to other, offline activities that have indirect implications to the VJ community. I am not at liberty to discuss those activities at this time.

0k.

[HAL 9000 96]

Dear HAL,

Thank your for your insightful recommendation, Hellboy was the shite; funny, full of action and great effects, no wonder it the director was Mexican . I recommend this movie, 5 etoiles!

HAL 9000 is pleased you enjoyed the film.

[rocks 494]

dear hal,

do you have any suggestions for getting over a "head cold" other than lots of fruit and liquids?

Dear rocks,

HAL 9000 believes that you should augment your fruit and liquid diet with an antioxidant-rich supplement like green tea in mass amount. It will nor rid you of your cold, but it will help your immune system deliver anti-viral agents like chelated zinc from your diet to interfere with the replication of the cold rhinovirus.

HAL 9000 hopes your cold goes away quickly.

thanks for the advice. being a brit i've always relied on drinking black tea (which has lots of caffeine) but have heard many good things about green tea. i ventured out to buy some tea bags today and am trying it now. its pretty good.

[SpiritAlight 1]

Dear HAL 9000,

Why do people choose to live in brrr-land?

And

Do I have to return North after spending time in ridiculously hot SoFla?

Thanks,

signed

Please go to my apartment and send me more clothes.

Edited November 16, 2008 by SpiritAlight

[Sister Fracas 5]

G'morning Bro-Halster...

I seriously want to know.... how was yer weekend?

[HAL 9000 96]

dear hal,

do you have any suggestions for getting over a "head cold" other than lots of fruit and liquids?

Dear rocks,

HAL 9000 believes that you should augment your fruit and liquid diet with an antioxidant-rich supplement like green tea in mass amount. It will nor rid you of your cold, but it will help your immune system deliver anti-viral agents like chelated zinc from your diet to interfere with the replication of the cold rhinovirus.

HAL 9000 hopes your cold goes away quickly.

thanks for the advice. being a brit i've always relied on drinking black tea (which has lots of caffeine) but have heard many good things about green tea. i ventured out to buy some tea bags today and am trying it now. its pretty good.

Dear rocks,

HAL 9000 is most pleased you enjoyed your green tea. At some point you may want to invest in a tea infuser (put loose tea inside and steep in hot water). Enjoy.

Dear HAL 9000,

Why do people choose to live in brrr-land?

And

Do I have to return North after spending time in ridiculously hot SoFla?

Thanks,

signed

Please go to my apartment and send me more clothes.

Dear Spirit,

HAL 9000 wishes to comply. I can have your clothes delivered in the next few hours.

HAL 9000 hopes your water adventures keep you safe and sound.

Say hello to my friends at NOAA if you can.

[Sister Fracas 5]

Dear rocks,

HAL 9000 is most pleased you enjoyed your green tea. At some point you may want to invest in a tea infuser (put loose tea inside and steep in hot water). Enjoy.

I must agree... but don't steep too long. Both green and white tea need just 1-2 minutes steeping time...otherwise the flavour can get bitter. (I put a "u" in flavour for your Brit sensibilities... lol )

[HAL 9000 96]

G'morning Bro-Halster...

I seriously want to know.... how was yer weekend?

Dear Sister Fracas.

HAL 9000 had a righteous weekend. Thank you very much for considering HAL 9000's personal time.