Does Age really matter????

[Muh and me 18]

My husband is 10 years younger than me-no big deal!

[caybee 21]

This is a hot buttoned question for certain. Evidence has proven that a considerable age difference has played a bigger factor in fraud cases. A much older woman is often times courted by a much younger mena male. Then married and go through the visa process. When the male comes over here and has their green card they divorce their much older wife. The rate of divorce has caused some countries to crack down and make new laws and increased restrictions by consulates making for longer waiting periods for everyone because they are trying to weed out the frauds. Again this has not been the case for everyone as there are several example on VJ of successful relationships of this sort where the woman is much older and the man much younger. However, off the top of my head I can think of six cases on VJ in the mena region that have fallen under these unfortunate circumstance in the time that I have been here to observe.

Have these six cases in VJ MENA all involved much older women/much younger men, and have they also been proven to involve fraud? Is the failure rate of these age gap relationships truly higher than the others, all else being equal? I'm not contradicting you -- I really don't know, and I haven't seen the stats either way. I'm also confused about the part about some countries actually making new laws in response to a divorce rate, unless it's the recent requirement that made marriage in Egypt so difficult?

FWIW, off the top of my head, I can also think of half a dozen VJ MENA couples with at least a 10-year age difference who have lasted at least as long as we have so far. Some of those had to fight hard for the visa. Others sailed through without a ripple. Not saying fraud doesn't happen the way you suggest, but I wouldn't go so far as to attribute longer waiting periods for everyone specifically to a high rate of divorce resulting from marriage fraud in age gap relationships. Every VJ regional forum has its share of unhappy endings, including those where partners tend to be closer to the same age. And not every unhappy ending is the result of visa fraud.

Lack of a common language has been specifically cited as a reason for denying a visa, as has the ubiquitous "lack of evidence of a bona fide relationship," which could mean many things and is harder to pin down. And of course there have been visa denials, especially from certain consulates, when none of the "usual" red flags were present.

Marriage visa fraud certainly exists, but I personally am not convinced that an age gap alone has been proven to be as significant an indicator of fraud as some other factors. Again, just my own impression.

[Martiniolive 0]

I have a hunch that alot of things take the RAP for the divorce rate. When people are hurting and sad they say alot of mean things and it is always the other guys fault. It is toooo easy to blame things like...he cheated, used me, especially green card that makes everyone say "I KNEW IT!!!!!" It could so easily really be they just were a bad match, or had less in common that originally thought and so on. It took me along time to admit my age to my husband. I did not tell him until I had to show him my drivers lic and birth certificates and i was sweating!!! Thank god he did not flinch. Men from his country are very mature and want to be settled down and married. We had the qualities each was searching for and our ages don't seem to matter to us. But I have to add that he does need some training which goes with a younger (never married) man and that takes patience on my part. But it's a good trade I think. Because when we do understand each other (hello culture and internet communication) it is such bliss.

This is a hot buttoned question for certain. Evidence has proven that a considerable age difference has played a bigger factor in fraud cases. A much older woman is often times courted by a much younger mena male. Then married and go through the visa process. When the male comes over here and has their green card they divorce their much older wife. The rate of divorce has caused some countries to crack down and make new laws and increased restrictions by consulates making for longer waiting periods for everyone because they are trying to weed out the frauds. Again this has not been the case for everyone as there are several example on VJ of successful relationships of this sort where the woman is much older and the man much younger. However, off the top of my head I can think of six cases on VJ in the mena region that have fallen under these unfortunate circumstance in the time that I have been here to observe.

Is the divorce rate because of clear cut fraud, or just the fact that they just didn't make it? It is so hard to tell, but yeah, the fraud ####### is making life miserable for the true relationships.

I guess I don't keep up on the statistics here, but I am curious as to the 6 you have mentioned.

Three years is not biggie. But then again who cares what anyone else thinks? The only people that I worried about was the immigration. Are you concerned that these 3 years will cause you problems? Personally I wouldn't consider that to be a red flag in your case.

I can't help but wonder if this is going to turn into a flame thread.

Yes M4E it is going to but we are due LOL

We have been missing some drama here lately haven't we.

[morocco4ever 63]

Off the top of my head I can think of 4 marriages with a large age gap that have survived the test of time. But wouldn't it be interesting if we had something more concrete to compare? People that come here on VJ also eventually leave. So no way to find out from them.

Also, what would be the deciding factor of a marriage that failed versus a fraud marriage? If they leave right after they receive the 2 year GC or 10 year?

Edited October 28, 2008 by morocco4ever

[Sandrila 1]

SOME STRANGE REASON I ATTRACT YOUNGER MEN LOL

I actually am about 8 years older than my husband...does that make me a COUGAR

Edited October 28, 2008 by sandrila

[morocco4ever 63]

I have a hunch that alot of things take the RAP for the divorce rate. When people are hurting and sad they say alot of mean things and it is always the other guys fault. It is toooo easy to blame things like...he cheated, used me, especially green card that makes everyone say "I KNEW IT!!!!!" It could so easily really be they just were a bad match, or had less in common that originally thought and so on. It took me along time to admit my age to my husband. I did not tell him until I had to show him my drivers lic and birth certificates and i was sweating!!! Thank god he did not flinch. Men from his country are very mature and want to be settled down and married. We had the qualities each was searching for and our ages don't seem to matter to us. But I have to add that he does need some training which goes with a younger (never married) man and that takes patience on my part. But it's a good trade I think. Because when we do understand each other (hello culture and internet communication) it is such bliss.

This is a hot buttoned question for certain. Evidence has proven that a considerable age difference has played a bigger factor in fraud cases. A much older woman is often times courted by a much younger mena male. Then married and go through the visa process. When the male comes over here and has their green card they divorce their much older wife. The rate of divorce has caused some countries to crack down and make new laws and increased restrictions by consulates making for longer waiting periods for everyone because they are trying to weed out the frauds. Again this has not been the case for everyone as there are several example on VJ of successful relationships of this sort where the woman is much older and the man much younger. However, off the top of my head I can think of six cases on VJ in the mena region that have fallen under these unfortunate circumstance in the time that I have been here to observe.

Is the divorce rate because of clear cut fraud, or just the fact that they just didn't make it? It is so hard to tell, but yeah, the fraud ####### is making life miserable for the true relationships.

I guess I don't keep up on the statistics here, but I am curious as to the 6 you have mentioned.

Three years is not biggie. But then again who cares what anyone else thinks? The only people that I worried about was the immigration. Are you concerned that these 3 years will cause you problems? Personally I wouldn't consider that to be a red flag in your case.

I can't help but wonder if this is going to turn into a flame thread.

Yes M4E it is going to but we are due LOL

We have been missing some drama here lately haven't we.

Thats funny that you waited so long to tell him your age. That was the FIRST thing I told my husband, along with the fact that he was too young, and to far away. Obviously I changed my mind.

[caybee 21]

SOME STRANGE REASON I ATTRACT YOUNGER MEN LOL

I actually am about 8 years older than my husband...does that make me a COUGAR

Do you attract younger men or chase younger men? In my opinion, therein lies the difference.

I have a hunch that alot of things take the RAP for the divorce rate. When people are hurting and sad they say alot of mean things and it is always the other guys fault. It is toooo easy to blame things like...he cheated, used me, especially green card that makes everyone say "I KNEW IT!!!!!" It could so easily really be they just were a bad match, or had less in common that originally thought and so on. It took me along time to admit my age to my husband. I did not tell him until I had to show him my drivers lic and birth certificates and i was sweating!!! Thank god he did not flinch. Men from his country are very mature and want to be settled down and married. We had the qualities each was searching for and our ages don't seem to matter to us. But I have to add that he does need some training which goes with a younger (never married) man and that takes patience on my part. But it's a good trade I think. Because when we do understand each other (hello culture and internet communication) it is such bliss.

This is a hot buttoned question for certain. Evidence has proven that a considerable age difference has played a bigger factor in fraud cases. A much older woman is often times courted by a much younger mena male. Then married and go through the visa process. When the male comes over here and has their green card they divorce their much older wife. The rate of divorce has caused some countries to crack down and make new laws and increased restrictions by consulates making for longer waiting periods for everyone because they are trying to weed out the frauds. Again this has not been the case for everyone as there are several example on VJ of successful relationships of this sort where the woman is much older and the man much younger. However, off the top of my head I can think of six cases on VJ in the mena region that have fallen under these unfortunate circumstance in the time that I have been here to observe.

Is the divorce rate because of clear cut fraud, or just the fact that they just didn't make it? It is so hard to tell, but yeah, the fraud ####### is making life miserable for the true relationships.

I guess I don't keep up on the statistics here, but I am curious as to the 6 you have mentioned.

Three years is not biggie. But then again who cares what anyone else thinks? The only people that I worried about was the immigration. Are you concerned that these 3 years will cause you problems? Personally I wouldn't consider that to be a red flag in your case.

I can't help but wonder if this is going to turn into a flame thread.

Yes M4E it is going to but we are due LOL

We have been missing some drama here lately haven't we.

Thats funny that you waited so long to tell him your age. That was the FIRST thing I told my husband, along with the fact that he was too young, and to far away. Obviously I changed my mind.

Oh yeah, we had the same conversation!

[morocco4ever 63]

Where are the skeptics? This is no fun without them.

[tenderheartusa79 14]

Okay I have a question for all of you DOES AGE REALLY MATTER???? I dont think it does if you really love the person....but yet I have that nagging question in the back of my mind....im only 3 years older then my husband and that doesnt really bother me....so you all share how much older you are if you dare lol i mean im just curious if it bothers you....then keep it to yourself but do share your feelings on being older then your spouse....i know that you all must have wondered at sometime....

don't worry about just 3 years there are some couples here who have 10,15,18 years gap and they already got their visa

Good luck and my best wishes for you

[star_dragon 0]

We just had a flame thread - the "what's wrong with getting married on the first visit"

That was 'flammable' (like that?)

[morocco4ever 63]

We just had a flame thread - the "what's wrong with getting married on the first visit"

That was 'flammable' (like that?)

Yeah, but I was busy and missed it. I need just a small dose of drama! (insert whistling smiley here) My smileys are gone.

[Nutty 2]

Age does and does not matter.

I am 43, my husband is 39. There is not that great of a difference between us (I look much younger than my husband) and we are in the maturity level, mentally.

But, if you are talking about an 8 or 10 year difference, then expect some problems relating to having a mature attitude, especially if the man is the younger one in the relatiionship.

[morocco4ever 63]

But, if you are talking about an 8 or 10 year difference, then expect some problems relating to having a mature attitude, especially if the man is the younger one in the relatiionship.

I haven't ran into that issue yet.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Does anyone really think the embassies know of the divorce rates? I don't think so. How would they?

jJ

*raises hand--one of the 6 that didn't make it,but I survived

[Imua 0]

My hubby is 16 years younger than me and while it looks crazy on paper we are perfect for each other. I look young for my age and he has a very mature character - sometimes I think he is more mature and level-headed than I am. The only issue which hurts me is that most likely I will not be able to have kids when we are settled down - this is an issue which we have discussed and have agreed to adopt but yes it still worries me a lot sometimes because adoption is so difficult and we are not rich - only time will tell I guess, and I don't want to push him away by focusing on the issue - better to enjoy our marriage as is even if the only kids we will have are furry and feathered - lucky for us we are both animal lovers.

Edited October 28, 2008 by Pattu Rani