Are Americans safe in Morocco?

[rosalindaca 0]

i wish you a good life both of you

and take care of our body

and morocan men are good dont forgot that

Hanging in there:) thanks for your concern and sweet words. I really do appreciate your energy and passion. It is easy for me to misunderstand my husband from so far away especially when he sometimes uses the wrong english words to explain his thoughts. He did not mean Morocco was "dangerous" he meant "difficult or hard". He only wants the best life for me (with him) and does not see that happening in morocco. He is very protective of me and also I do not know much darija and I must become fluent in it before I can live there. He was not wanting to divorce me but I "assumed" that because he ignored my very harsh frustrated text messages and emails that he was accepting that possibility when it was my "assumtion" I should not have posted on the forums until more time had passed and I was calmed down. I was far too emotional! I learned a harsh lesson and am so sorry that my fears and assumptions have "pushed some bad buttons" and injured my husbands reputation and intentions. He is a good man I am not one to dawn rose colored glasses or I would not have vented in the first place. I am guilty of jumping to conclusions! And I appologise to my husband and anyone else. He loves me. He wants to keep me forever and will live in morocco with me if i promise to learn darija. But I no longer want to live in morocco after weighing all the pro's and con's of that idea. We will wait for his visa approval. I will not air our personal and private life on any forum ever again. We will not divorce ever!!!! We will grow old and wrinkly somewhere on this blasted planet married to each other and with any luck at all...we will become better people because of it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hanging in there:) thanks for your concern and sweet words. I really do appreciate your energy and passion. It is easy for me to misunderstand my husband from so far away especially when he sometimes uses the wrong english words to explain his thoughts. He did not mean Morocco was "dangerous" he meant "difficult or hard". He only wants the best life for me (with him) and does not see that happening in morocco. He is very protective of me and also I do not know much darija and I must become fluent in it before I can live there. He was not wanting to divorce me but I "assumed" that because he ignored my very harsh frustrated text messages and emails that he was accepting that possibility when it was my "assumtion" I should not have posted on the forums until more time had passed and I was calmed down. I was far too emotional! I learned a harsh lesson and am so sorry that my fears and assumptions have "pushed some bad buttons" and injured my husbands reputation and intentions. He is a good man I am not one to dawn rose colored glasses or I would not have vented in the first place. I am guilty of jumping to conclusions! And I appologise to my husband and anyone else. He loves me. He wants to keep me forever and will live in morocco with me if i promise to learn darija. But I no longer want to live in morocco after weighing all the pro's and con's of that idea. We will wait for his visa approval. I will not air our personal and private life on any forum ever again. We will not divorce ever!!!! We will grow old and wrinkly somewhere on this blasted planet married to each other and with any luck at all...we will become better people because of it.

If you are happy, thats all that matters. Thats not how I interpreted what you said in your original post. The love you discover when bad things happen either makes you or breaks you.

You are blaming yourself and I am sorry I dont see it that way. I still think what I originally thought and frankly I would go along with what he is saying but make sure you keep something whether it be a good support network and financial security and protection in the back of your mind.

We as Americans have a lot harder time stepping on our hearts to protect ourself. You need to realise that you need to protect yourself the best you can and pay attention to the flags that pop up even if you have to right them down. Then continue with the relationship.

As far as airing problems. You are AMONG FRIENDS HERE and more importantly other women who have been in and witnessed the pros and cons of mena marriages. This is not about failure or success. You shouldnt have ever had to talk about this stuff because personally I feel when he wasnt seeing a visa in his future ( anytime fast) he started his escape. I dont buy the rest of it based on all the other things you posted. I am not particularly concerned about him. But I do feel some concern because you may feel like you cant talk to others about it. I think it was an awful mistake you brought him to the forum and had him read the posts because this was your private outlet to get advice help and bounce ideas back in forth. You still havent lost the forum, but you have made it a little harder to run things you perceive as BS past others to test the validity of it.

That post I posted above I found in a moroccan berber forum 3 years ago and the audacity of that snotty little moroccan girl to post and laugh at americans pissed me off so much that I saved it in my email and its sat there since. Do not think that I dont seethe with anger when I see someone hurt someone else.. I do. Seethe..

But I know there are wonderful people out there... Just protect yourself and keep on with things but be very very aware..

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

thank you hanging in there... I am older as well as martini we are both attractive and neither fat. But I appreciate your help in trying to "open" my eyes. I could be making a terrible mistake, I could have chosen a terrible man who is using me and my family to gain entry to our wonderful country.... then he leaves me 2 yrs or so later? Ok then the way I look at it as terrible as it will be on me and my family in the end i will have helped someone and when it is time for me to answer to Allah I will have the good on my side where as my husband will have a lot of splainin to do.

I don't know if you know but I've been used before in a marriage and it was an American man! So in case you are wrong, and my husband may acutally love me, may actually want a future with me. All of the time and worry and money invested in brining him here will be greatly worth it! Is it a gamble?? perhaps stakes are high, he is not jumping on the next plane to be with me but going home to say good bye to his family and wishes me there when it is time.

I have many friends here with husbands from morocco, egypt, kuwait, pakistan, palistine they were sponsered and have been happily married (granted the adjustment for some difficult) some just 2 yrs some 10 and the husbands that were sponsered rever and respect the things their wives did for them, the fighting they did and the love they had for their wives full.

Do I worry my husband is using me?? Nope, cause if i did what kind of marriage would I be in? If he leaves, IF it doesn't work for whatever reason I will survive (as I did before). I am not sure if i am making sense but I think you so much for your help, my husband and i will purchase an appartment in casa so when we visit we have a home and we are planing when the kids are old enough to move to Spain perhaps in 5 yrs. No weird smelling here just love

Its not about being fat or ugly. Its alot of different things and you just need to be highly aware of the things people are doing around you. You can ignore what I am saying.. Thats fine. But to be honest with you , I feel that after all that I have seen over the last 7 years.. I can say pretty clearly that the standards of behavior as far as marriage being seen as something so precious are sometimes not there when people want out. A pretty girl becomes an easier to stomach greencard.. it doesnt protect you from the pain or the heartache. I think its harder for a very attractive woman to grasp that she may be nothing more than a ticket.. but it does happen.

I am not warning the average person against this. I am saying that when someone doesnt even want to wait out an ap period or is making this excuse and that excuse,,,it is not love, I am sorry. Love is black and white. Using is grey. And frankly I figured out a long time ago a woman in love will not listen to a damn thing,, including me.. I had alot more advice... I am considered pretty and this and that... and with all the things I knew, I refused to see flags waving. Smarter people have been hurt. Its not your situation rajaa but her initial post is very alarming to me.. It smells.. And I think he is playing her. Whether he isnt remains to be seen. The consulate I believe felt something and sometimes they do see things how they really are

[Imua 0]

I think just because Hanginginthere is upset that she was maybe used for a greencard doesn't mean she should then try to invoke fear in MartiniOlive and her husband's lives and let them live and love each other and figure this out. But dont try to assume that he is using her just because he doesn't want her there.

Don't worry Rajaa you wrote it and conveyed your feelings very well

Let's support MartiniOlive and not tell her he's using her!!!

First,

You need to read her posts and then take yourself out of the situation. There is a huge difference between conjecture and reality. She has a husband that due to the fact that he was not approved for a visa, is willing to throw in the towel. He then told her Morocco is not a safe place to live and then he messaged her things like I love you leaving her in an emotional lurch.

Lets start by looking at the big picture. Martiniolive is an absolutely gorgeous woman and deserves much better than what she is getting...

What with all the emphasis on looks??? So women who are less than say '8' deserve to be scammed??? So if my husband leaves me well it's just what I deserve because I would never even make runner-up n a beauty pageant... Sorry but this is really getting on my nerves - I AM GOING BLIND and have a very low tolerance for BS these days. Good luck Martini and thank God for every day you are healthy.

[Nutty 2]

Dear Martiniolive:

It was not wrong of you to post here on the board. I know you say that you were emotional and should've waited until things settled down. However, in that particular moment, you needed to vent your feelings. It is totally understandable. All of us have different opinions on the matter and we just tried to help the best way possible.

As for learning Darija, it would be good to learn just for the fact you are married to a Morrocan. It will help in understanding the culture better and getting closer to his family.

Secondly, Morroco is FULL OF TOURISTS. The three languages used are native (like Darija), French (because of the French controlled Morroco at one time) and English (for all those tourists).

I really don't think Morroco would be such a bad place to live.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Although there is a lot of fact in as much as there is so much abuse of women in order to get papers, I don't think it is wise to jump at the fact that he does not want her there. A decision of divorce can not, and should not be taken lightly.

When our petition was denied I was devistated, to say the least. I didn't think there was hope for our future here in the US. I had so many reasons why I couldn't leave from a sick father to my children. On the other hand I had this wonderful man that I had waited for my entire life to find. What should I do? With all of this going on, and a worry that he could never be here, I told him that he needed to divorce me and find someone else. Was this because I didn't love him? Quite the contrary, I did this BECAUSE I love him. How could I expect him to wait God knows how long for something I didn't think would ever happen. He, on the other hand, was thinking that he should let me go. Should I have thought that this is because he didn't love me? It wasn't that at all. He knew that we would never have a future there, and he couldn't bear the thought of what I would have to leave behind, and for what? Just to lose everything I had to be with him? We discussed how we both felt, we cried together because we didn't want to lose what we had found. I left the decision in his hands. Trust me, it didn't take him long to tell me that he just couldn't let me go, and that he was willing to fight whatever system he had to to bring us together. We never, after that day, discussed divorce as an option. It just wasn't one.

So is his intentions fraudulant? I can't say for sure. Only he knows. But one thing I can say is that I didn't take that small moment and decide to divorce over that. Because in the end we both were thinking of what would be best for the other person. Now I am in a strong marriage, and I am 100% sure of his love for me. Both back then, and now.

The worst thing we can do is to jump into decisions when we are in a crisis situation. We may not be thinking clearly.

This is all I have for all that you said:

[Y's_habibitk 2]

eta: I made 4 trips and never once felt a moment of fear.

made one trip... got my *ss grabbed in the market. All hell broke loose and I thought my husband was gonna go to jail for a moment for beating the h*ll outta that guy. I dont think that guy will be so grabby anymore

I never felt "afraid". I attempted to go to the store right across the street one morning. "habibi, Im gonna run accorss the street for some juice" My husband woke out of a dead sleep and sat up in bed.. "I'll go with you!"

hee hee I love him so much!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I think just because Hanginginthere is upset that she was maybe used for a greencard doesn't mean she should then try to invoke fear in MartiniOlive and her husband's lives and let them live and love each other and figure this out. But dont try to assume that he is using her just because he doesn't want her there.

Don't worry Rajaa you wrote it and conveyed your feelings very well

Let's support MartiniOlive and not tell her he's using her!!!

thats what she does.

I honestly wonder how much more harm than good is done on these boards when people come with a problem.

ok, its late and I need to just keep my mouth shut on this one.

Martino,

Its sounds like you guys have/are sorted things out and fixed the misunderstandings.

My prayers are with both of you guys.

Lisa

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think just because Hanginginthere is upset that she was maybe used for a greencard doesn't mean she should then try to invoke fear in MartiniOlive and her husband's lives and let them live and love each other and figure this out. But dont try to assume that he is using her just because he doesn't want her there.

Don't worry Rajaa you wrote it and conveyed your feelings very well

Let's support MartiniOlive and not tell her he's using her!!!

First,

You need to read her posts and then take yourself out of the situation. There is a huge difference between conjecture and reality. She has a husband that due to the fact that he was not approved for a visa, is willing to throw in the towel. He then told her Morocco is not a safe place to live and then he messaged her things like I love you leaving her in an emotional lurch.

Lets start by looking at the big picture. Martiniolive is an absolutely gorgeous woman and deserves much better than what she is getting...

What with all the emphasis on looks??? So women who are less than say '8' deserve to be scammed??? So if my husband leaves me well it's just what I deserve because I would never even make runner-up n a beauty pageant... Sorry but this is really getting on my nerves - I AM GOING BLIND and have a very low tolerance for BS these days. Good luck Martini and thank God for every day you are healthy.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think just because Hanginginthere is upset that she was maybe used for a greencard doesn't mean she should then try to invoke fear in MartiniOlive and her husband's lives and let them live and love each other and figure this out. But dont try to assume that he is using her just because he doesn't want her there.

Don't worry Rajaa you wrote it and conveyed your feelings very well

Let's support MartiniOlive and not tell her he's using her!!!

First,

You need to read her posts and then take yourself out of the situation. There is a huge difference between conjecture and reality. She has a husband that due to the fact that he was not approved for a visa, is willing to throw in the towel. He then told her Morocco is not a safe place to live and then he messaged her things like I love you leaving her in an emotional lurch.

Lets start by looking at the big picture. Martiniolive is an absolutely gorgeous woman and deserves much better than what she is getting...

What with all the emphasis on looks??? So women who are less than say '8' deserve to be scammed??? So if my husband leaves me well it's just what I deserve because I would never even make runner-up n a beauty pageant... Sorry but this is really getting on my nerves - I AM GOING BLIND and have a very low tolerance for BS these days. Good luck Martini and thank God for every day you are healthy.

No.But some people think looks and lots of other things are a safety check from ill will. Read her original post. He told her Morocco was dangerous. She was concerned about his lack of willingness to fight out an ap after his turndown. I am sorry but thats not a normal reaction from someone very very commited to a marriage. Second, if she does decide to stay with him, she needs a place to bounce stuff off of people. I resent women bringing spouses to this board. This is our board and a safe place. Not a place to whip up on your husband. She then negated all her doubts..then clammed up. Lets say that they do stay together. Where is she going to turn to when he throws his next string of bs? For the life of me, why any member here would bring their spouse to read our replies is beyond me. I dont want to be lied to. The advice I got here based on things I posted has been immeasurable. I certainly didnt need to be lied to. Please members, dont use the mena boards as a place to take some kind of 19 year old revenge on your spouse. These are our boards not theirs and if you havent come to a hard co

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think just because Hanginginthere is upset that she was maybe used for a greencard doesn't mean she should then try to invoke fear in MartiniOlive and her husband's lives and let them live and love each other and figure this out. But dont try to assume that he is using her just because he doesn't want her there.

Don't worry Rajaa you wrote it and conveyed your feelings very well

Let's support MartiniOlive and not tell her he's using her!!!

First,

You need to read her posts and then take yourself out of the situation. There is a huge difference between conjecture and reality. She has a husband that due to the fact that he was not approved for a visa, is willing to throw in the towel. He then told her Morocco is not a safe place to live and then he messaged her things like I love you leaving her in an emotional lurch.

Lets start by looking at the big picture. Martiniolive is an absolutely gorgeous woman and deserves much better than what she is getting...

What with all the emphasis on looks??? So women who are less than say '8' deserve to be scammed??? So if my husband leaves me well it's just what I deserve because I would never even make runner-up n a beauty pageant... Sorry but this is really getting on my nerves - I AM GOING BLIND and have a very low tolerance for BS these days. Good luck Martini and thank God for every day you are healthy.

No.But some people think looks and lots of other things are a safety check from ill will. Read her original post. He told her Morocco was dangerous. She was concerned about his lack of willingness to fight out an ap after his turndown. I am sorry but thats not a normal reaction from someone very very commited to a marriage. Second, if she does decide to stay with him, she needs a place to bounce stuff off of people. I resent women bringing spouses to this board. This is our board and a safe place. Not a place to whip up on your husband. She then negated all her doubts..then clammed up. Lets say that they do stay together. Where is she going to turn to when he throws his next string of bs? For the life of me, why any member here would bring their spouse to read our replies is beyond me. I dont want to be lied to. The advice I got here based on things I posted has been immeasurable. I certainly didnt need to be lied to. Please members, dont use the mena boards as a place to take some kind of 19 year old revenge on your spouse. These are our boards not theirs and if you havent come to a hard co

stop bringing spouses here. If they are members fine. If you want our opinions, dont do it. For the life of me how a grown woman would ask for advice then bring the spouse here is puzzling beyond belief..

I had a friend once who married a criminal. I told her to get a background check. She refused. He told her he needed to stop seeing all her girlfriends because they gave her shity advice, She did

Last spring he went to jail for sex with her 8 year old. Then she wanted to talk to all of us

THE TEN STUPID THINGS THAT WOMEN DO TO MESS UP THEIR LIVES Laura Schlessinger

read it

This ####### falls under STUPID DEVOTION. Dont be devoted unless the other party loves you to the same level you love

love you guys

I want advice thats truthful and to listen to all perspectives. Not just reassuring ones

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Dear Martiniolive:

It was not wrong of you to post here on the board. I know you say that you were emotional and should've waited until things settled down. However, in that particular moment, you needed to vent your feelings. It is totally understandable. All of us have different opinions on the matter and we just tried to help the best way possible.

As for learning Darija, it would be good to learn just for the fact you are married to a Morrocan. It will help in understanding the culture better and getting closer to his family.

Secondly, Morroco is FULL OF TOURISTS. The three languages used are native (like Darija), French (because of the French controlled Morroco at one time) and English (for all those tourists).

I really don't think Morroco would be such a bad place to live.

You remember my thoughts for you was very very different. All situations are different. Culture shock is a whole hell of alot different than opportunism. I treasure the advice from these boards. You gave me stern and amazing advice when I was in crisis and it wasnt to stay together or coddle him. It was divorce. I think she should give him a chance but pay attention. How someone acts in crisis or things not going their way is pretty indicative of everything else they will do

Experience a huge loss, death, lose all your money and you will figure out real fast where u rank... Leaving after a visa turndown? I am not buying it. I stand behind what I said and I doubt his intentions 200 percent

[sussemadel 16]

I think just because Hanginginthere is upset that she was maybe used for a greencard doesn't mean she should then try to invoke fear in MartiniOlive and her husband's lives and let them live and love each other and figure this out. But dont try to assume that he is using her just because he doesn't want her there.

Don't worry Rajaa you wrote it and conveyed your feelings very well

Let's support MartiniOlive and not tell her he's using her!!!

thats what she does.

I honestly wonder how much more harm than good is done on these boards when people come with a problem.

ok, its late and I need to just keep my mouth shut on this one.

Martino,

Its sounds like you guys have/are sorted things out and fixed the misunderstandings.

My prayers are with both of you guys.

Lisa

I know she's been through a hard time, I understand that. But I also know that misery loves company. Honestly, I would'nt be advising divorce so fast either unless I knew the WHOLE situation.

Believe me, been there done that...been used for a greencard myself. But when I found out I kicked his *&* out immediately. I didn't keep him in my house to continue to wreak emotional or possibly physical harm on me or my children. And I would hope after all of HanginginThere's advice to Martiniolive, that she is practicing what she preaches and has kicked her husband out. Her husband, in my opinion only, has done way more harm that Martiniolive's, to her AND her children.

I agree with you that sometimes more harm is done on these boards. ALot of people will be judgmental. Human nature. If some people are having problems, they're going to find comfort, so to speak, in others'.

I wish you a great life Hangininthere. I think it's best that we take what Martiniolive said in her last post to heart. She is a grown woman and intelligent. When she says they love each other, I respect that and then wish her the best and support her in the future.

[sereia 0]

Let's support MartiniOlive and not tell her he's using her!!!

Yes, we should support Martiniolive. But is that helping her by reassuring her he isn't using her? Do you even know if he is or not? How about just opening her eyes to the possibilities that maybe she didn't think of (or why would she be posting in various forums about it?) We shouldn't just cheer each other on and forget that a huge amount of people DO get used.

Hanginginthere has been hurt, yes. But it doesn't mean she says those things just because she has been hurt by her husband. She is trying to help in her own way. We all have different personalities. Hanginginthere has experienced a lot, spoken to a lot of people, traveled a lot in MENA, and I think she has a lot of valid things to say.

Look, only martiniolive knows what goes on in her relationship. We can all psychoanalyze it to death but do any of us really know how he said those things and what he meant by them? And if he loves her or if he's using her? Nope.

I think we should all point out possibilities and then tell her to trust her instincts .

[Martiniolive 0]

I am sorry "hanging in there" but you are taking things I said in my original post WAY OUT OF CONTEXT and I can't stop from pointinf that out before you go too far. I did not say my husband said he would not wait out the AP. He wants to wait out the AP, he never said anything about leaving me or divorcing me I thought I made that clear. I ASSUMED THOSE THINGS! In my original post I said repeatedly "I FEEL and I FELT" that is clearly my own feelings not his. Do not put words into his or my mouth and run with it because people will start to read only your posts and run with that idea. Not that it will matter because this is a message board and everyone is FREE to post here even my husband. It made me feel very good that he came here to post on my thread to support us. I think it is wonderful that both husbands and wifes are involved in the process. There are yahoo groups and other PRIVATE forums to vent privately. This is not a private forum it is a public one. I am not going to post here anylonger in this thread, I am finished with this topic now. It has been resolved between my husband and I and we do not need to discuss it further here. Thanks everyone for your help and answers about living in morocco (the original topic). God bless you all, Martiniolive and her husband

Dear Martiniolive:

It was not wrong of you to post here on the board. I know you say that you were emotional and should've waited until things settled down. However, in that particular moment, you needed to vent your feelings. It is totally understandable. All of us have different opinions on the matter and we just tried to help the best way possible.

As for learning Darija, it would be good to learn just for the fact you are married to a Morrocan. It will help in understanding the culture better and getting closer to his family.

Secondly, Morroco is FULL OF TOURISTS. The three languages used are native (like Darija), French (because of the French controlled Morroco at one time) and English (for all those tourists).

I really don't think Morroco would be such a bad place to live.

You remember my thoughts for you was very very different. All situations are different. Culture shock is a whole hell of alot different than opportunism. I treasure the advice from these boards. You gave me stern and amazing advice when I was in crisis and it wasnt to stay together or coddle him. It was divorce. I think she should give him a chance but pay attention. How someone acts in crisis or things not going their way is pretty indicative of everything else they will do

Experience a huge loss, death, lose all your money and you will figure out real fast where u rank... Leaving after a visa turndown? I am not buying it. I stand behind what I said and I doubt his intentions 200 percent