Are Americans safe in Morocco?

[morocco4ever 63]

When I was there I never felt like it was unsafe, but my husband would make sure that I had someone with me where ever I wanted to go, which sucks because I hate being dependent on anyone. His point was that since it was obvious that I was American, even if I did agree to wear a Hijab, that I would be a target for thiefs. Perhaps he is right, I decided to honor his wishes since it is not my native country. One time he sent his 13 year old nephew with me. Like he could protect me???

As far as public affection, well yes it is frowned on. I remember my first visit, at the airport, when I was leaving, and it was Ramadan to make it worse. He grabbed me and hugged me so hard and long. We were eyed by some of the airport officials, but he didn't care. He said that he didn't care what they thought, I was his wife and he didn't know when he would see me again. So yes there are some that defy it, but it is not really accepted there.

As far as prejudices, well I am sure it is there. I had more curious stares than anything, but I could sense that some of them were a disapproval, but those where from women, not men. So does he view the women as being dangerious? I guess it is possible.

I know that my husband would like for us to eventually move back to Morocco. His idea is that we would hire a woman to cook, clean (can't say I mind that part ) and to escort me where ever I need to go (not so fond of that part ).

I did talk briefly last night with my husband about your situation. He said that he is correct in the fact that you would not have much of a future there. So for you to give up everything you have there to move to Morocco might not be the wisest thing to do, unless you are willing to lose your home, car, business, etc. I know that when we were denied I wasn't about to lose everything I have here unless there was absolutely no other option to be with him. This is why we hung in there and fought to get the visa.

[ginny20 0]

My fiance also tried to insist on me not going out on my own at first, but it turned into a terrible pattern of dependence that was difficult to break out of in the long run. I do not recommend it if you are living there permanently! It's better to just plunge in with both feet and get out there, to start speaking the language, interacting with people, etc. Moroccan women go out all the time by themselves to run errands, visit their friends, and just to window shop. Sometimes people do get mugged, but it's the same in the States. I think when you don't know what's going on, it's easy to feel threatened, but the chances that something would actually happen to you are very slim. I've never heard of Western women here getting raped or killed by unknown people or anything like that. People are scared to mess with Westerners, usually. Most people are very nice and helpful and extremely patient with language stuff. Be friendly, but stand your ground if they try to take advantage. There are lots of games going on, social relations are not nearly as straightforward as they are in the US.

Once people in a neighborhood know you belong there, they leave you alone. Living in Morocco requires a thick skin--it's easy to get into arguments with people when trying to get stuff done, but you just need to persist and learn the game of getting your way here. My Moroccan friends often tell me they leave the house ready for a fight, and I'm the same way now. It's fun, though, once you start to develop relationships with people over time and get to know and trust them (vedors, neighbors, even bureaucrats), it's amazing what you can get done!

Also, I know a lot of Americans who have been quite successful in Morocco in terms of career/business, but it all depends on what you want to do, how much capital you have, education, language, etc. Morocco is a very hot place to invest, especially now that they have a free trade agreement with the US, and you can make a lot of money in real estate, import/export, tourism--depending on where you live and who you know! Although with the current state of the global economy...?

[sereia 0]

Once people in a neighborhood know you belong there, they leave you alone. Living in Morocco requires a thick skin--it's easy to get into arguments with people when trying to get stuff done, but you just need to persist and learn the game of getting your way here. My Moroccan friends often tell me they leave the house ready for a fight, and I'm the same way now. It's fun, though, once you start to develop relationships with people over time and get to know and trust them (vedors, neighbors, even bureaucrats), it's amazing what you can get done!

LOL to this! So true!!! I can't tell you how many fights my husband or I have had or fights we have witnessed. Hot blooded Moroccans! hehe

[caybee 21]

Once people in a neighborhood know you belong there, they leave you alone. Living in Morocco requires a thick skin--it's easy to get into arguments with people when trying to get stuff done, but you just need to persist and learn the game of getting your way here. My Moroccan friends often tell me they leave the house ready for a fight, and I'm the same way now. It's fun, though, once you start to develop relationships with people over time and get to know and trust them (vedors, neighbors, even bureaucrats), it's amazing what you can get done!

LOL to this! So true!!! I can't tell you how many fights my husband or I have had or fights we have witnessed. Hot blooded Moroccans! hehe

My first big shock came when we rode the bus. All those polite Moroccans milling around waiting suddenly became a stampede. If you didn't shove your way on, you weren't going.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I ask this because I have spent 5 weeks at a time in morocco and felt very safe and thought the local people were actually very kind and warm and I felt very safe. However my husband (from morocco) tells me that he does not want us to live in morocco (as a last resort) because he feels (altho visiting morocco is ok) alot of people are prejudiced against Americans because of the war and will be unkind to me. He feels living there would actually be dangerous for us both. He feels that if I knew the native languages fluently at least than I could defend myself if the say bad things to me but because he feels I do not understand and am too nice, I would just smile and somehow that would be worse. also we would be reprimanded if we show affection in public if we forget to control our actions. And that the government is very protective of americans and if anything happened to me he would be prosocuted and punished. WOW! He also said he would be so nervous to leave me alone that he would not be able to work like he would have to watch me all the time. I have not heard anyone else say this stuff. I mean he said he would love it if we could have a home there and visit but he just thinks it is not possible. What do you all think? Is this true? It seems crazy. He sounds like my parents before I went there the first time.

This is complete ####### martiniolive. I want to start by telling you, you are a beautiful woman. You are also very dedicated to your husband. True love does not abandon when you get a turn down from an embassy. It doesnt when you face crisis. Or death. Or tragedy . I think I have a right to talk about this. My suggestion? Return to Morocco. Go there and look in his eyes and listen to all the reasons he doesnt want you to be in Morocco,etc. Make sure you have money and resources for a hotel in another city. Better than this, go unannounced. My gut feeling? If he was saying anything else other than some bs Morocco is dangerous statement, I would say you are in clear water. I think its about papers. When love doesnt prevail over getting what someone wants and they are clearly disposable,that isnt love. Love is eternal and lasts past death, tragedy, barreness. It lasts as the ship is going on. There have been many people here whos marriages have survived ap but BOTH people have got to fight like hell for it. Some engagements have been kept in ap more than one year and they are finally getting their visa

Was my marriage legit? On my end. The death of my child showed me that it wasnt for him. At least you didnt have to endure what I had to. My husband was all about getting the best deal for him. The work was too hard, the sacrifice too great..and then trying to get support from someone who was just hedging his bets on the best place to plant his feet was harder.

For gods sake, divorce him. Go to Morocco first and talk to him before you file the papers and talk to him face to face about what he really wants. If you cant survive ap, how could you survive breast cancer, being in a wheelchair or death? Marriage is about commitment and sacrifice.

ITS ABOUT SURVIVING TOUGH TIMES. NOT ABOUT DUMPING YOU BECAUSE THE VISA DIDNT COME QUICK ENOUGH. Sugar coating this for you will not help you. Just thank god you havent had to go through what I endured... Love does exist. It is big enough. It is all encompassing . But when you have it with an immature self serving ####### who tells you things like morocco is not safe, you need to go to morocco to face your demons and say goodbye. Divorcing from back here with bullshit text messages will not give you closure. A trip to morocco will. Get on the plane. Face your demons. Say goodbye if you have to. If you have to text him back, IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULDNT DUMP ME WHEN THE VISA DIDNT COME FAST

I would be very curious to see why the interviewer turned him down. I would contact the embassy while you are there as well. You really really really need to go to Morocco. Stop smiling at people and figure out when you are going and get on a plane. I know I sound crazy but to say goodbye you need to see someone. Finding out what the real deal with him face to face is going to solve things

By the way, Meknes is a conservative town but getting screwed over for a greencard isnt Moroccan. It isnt just done to the old and fat. Young, vibrant and pretty women, old , small tall and fat ones can get taken as well. It doesn t matter. It very much sounds like you have been victimised. You can ALSO have him file for divorce in Morocco and find out what you need to do to finalise your divorce in Morocco. That way HE PAYS FOR IT. Ask him to file there and that you will come and sign everything for the final hearing. That way it becomes his problem and his mess and not yours to clean up.

Place a call to him and ask him to look into divorce in Morocco and that you will come for the final hearing. The situation sucks and unfortunately when he is so quick to dump you after an ap, fraud is all you have left ..Thats why I am telling you to try to go to morocco. At least he didnt get here and screw your life up beyond belief. TRUST ME AS BAD As YOU FEEL, it could be worse .. MUCH worse. Believe me. You were saved from years of screwing

love kat

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

When I was there I never felt like it was unsafe, but my husband would make sure that I had someone with me where ever I wanted to go, which sucks because I hate being dependent on anyone. His point was that since it was obvious that I was American, even if I did agree to wear a Hijab, that I would be a target for thiefs. Perhaps he is right, I decided to honor his wishes since it is not my native country. One time he sent his 13 year old nephew with me. Like he could protect me???

As far as public affection, well yes it is frowned on. I remember my first visit, at the airport, when I was leaving, and it was Ramadan to make it worse. He grabbed me and hugged me so hard and long. We were eyed by some of the airport officials, but he didn't care. He said that he didn't care what they thought, I was his wife and he didn't know when he would see me again. So yes there are some that defy it, but it is not really accepted there.

As far as prejudices, well I am sure it is there. I had more curious stares than anything, but I could sense that some of them were a disapproval, but those where from women, not men. So does he view the women as being dangerious? I guess it is possible.

I know that my husband would like for us to eventually move back to Morocco. His idea is that we would hire a woman to cook, clean (can't say I mind that part ) and to escort me where ever I need to go (not so fond of that part ).

GO

I did talk briefly last night with my husband about your situation. He said that he is correct in the fact that you would not have much of a future there. So for you to give up everything you have there to move to Morocco might not be the wisest thing to do, unless you are willing to lose your home, car, business, etc. I know that when we were denied I wasn't about to lose everything I have here unless there was absolutely no other option to be with him. This is why we hung in there and fought to get the visa.

Difference is that you FOUGHT to get the visa. He is already dumping her. I disagree about living in Morocco. I know several couples that if the wife american wanted it, that the moroccan spouse would tell her to come. Second, love is more than convenience. I think clearly this was a marriage for papers on his end. I dont see any sacrifice on his end whatsover. Only bla bla i love you via text and Morocco is too dangerous and all this other #######. This guy is playing games clearly... hes not fighting through an ap period. He already wants to dump her. I know a k1 that survived over a year in approval out of morocco and another 7 months ap. I fail to see how this moron warrants her tears.

I think he only wanted her for papers and whats critical here is that she doesnt think this has anything to do with her or moroccans etc. Real love doesnt dump when adversity is faced. I dont quite understand whether this visa was denied or ap d. Either way, I feel sorry for her BUT I do think she needs to go to Morocco for closure either way . She needs to see him again and face whatever it is he is going to tell her. For all we know, he could have a girlfriend there.. there could be a litany of ####### going on that the consular officer is very aware of that some investigator on the ground uncovered and YES THERE ARE INVESTIGATORS on the ground and in Meknes, its very easy to turn up dirt and fast because it isnt a metropolis. They might very well know his intentions via other people.. You cant underestimate the embassy. Sometimes they guess. Sometimes they know stuff. All I know is that I do not want her to blame herself. But she does need to be realistic about how she approaches things from this period foward

[Sandrila 1]

I ask this because I have spent 5 weeks at a time in morocco and felt very safe and thought the local people were actually very kind and warm and I felt very safe. However my husband (from morocco) tells me that he does not want us to live in morocco (as a last resort) because he feels (altho visiting morocco is ok) alot of people are prejudiced against Americans because of the war and will be unkind to me. He feels living there would actually be dangerous for us both. He feels that if I knew the native languages fluently at least than I could defend myself if the say bad things to me but because he feels I do not understand and am too nice, I would just smile and somehow that would be worse. also we would be reprimanded if we show affection in public if we forget to control our actions. And that the government is very protective of americans and if anything happened to me he would be prosocuted and punished. WOW! He also said he would be so nervous to leave me alone that he would not be able to work like he would have to watch me all the time. I have not heard anyone else say this stuff. I mean he said he would love it if we could have a home there and visit but he just thinks it is not possible. What do you all think? Is this true? It seems crazy. He sounds like my parents before I went there the first time.

My husband reacts the same way everytime and I had been there during terrorists attacks in Casa and some other city.

I never felt fearful at all but now looking back I could have been more concerned but always felt with my big strong hubby with me, I'd be fine, however, there were environments and people he would intentionally shield me from, I didnt know it at that time. He is great like that and just doesnt want me to be in harms way or disrespected at all.

I love you for that baby

[morocco4ever 63]

When I was there I never felt like it was unsafe, but my husband would make sure that I had someone with me where ever I wanted to go, which sucks because I hate being dependent on anyone. His point was that since it was obvious that I was American, even if I did agree to wear a Hijab, that I would be a target for thiefs. Perhaps he is right, I decided to honor his wishes since it is not my native country. One time he sent his 13 year old nephew with me. Like he could protect me???

As far as public affection, well yes it is frowned on. I remember my first visit, at the airport, when I was leaving, and it was Ramadan to make it worse. He grabbed me and hugged me so hard and long. We were eyed by some of the airport officials, but he didn't care. He said that he didn't care what they thought, I was his wife and he didn't know when he would see me again. So yes there are some that defy it, but it is not really accepted there.

As far as prejudices, well I am sure it is there. I had more curious stares than anything, but I could sense that some of them were a disapproval, but those where from women, not men. So does he view the women as being dangerious? I guess it is possible.

I know that my husband would like for us to eventually move back to Morocco. His idea is that we would hire a woman to cook, clean (can't say I mind that part ) and to escort me where ever I need to go (not so fond of that part ).

GO

I did talk briefly last night with my husband about your situation. He said that he is correct in the fact that you would not have much of a future there. So for you to give up everything you have there to move to Morocco might not be the wisest thing to do, unless you are willing to lose your home, car, business, etc. I know that when we were denied I wasn't about to lose everything I have here unless there was absolutely no other option to be with him. This is why we hung in there and fought to get the visa.

Difference is that you FOUGHT to get the visa. He is already dumping her. I disagree about living in Morocco. I know several couples that if the wife american wanted it, that the moroccan spouse would tell her to come. Second, love is more than convenience. I think clearly this was a marriage for papers on his end. I dont see any sacrifice on his end whatsover. Only bla bla i love you via text and Morocco is too dangerous and all this other #######. This guy is playing games clearly... hes not fighting through an ap period. He already wants to dump her. I know a k1 that survived over a year in approval out of morocco and another 7 months ap. I fail to see how this moron warrants her tears.

I think he only wanted her for papers and whats critical here is that she doesnt think this has anything to do with her or moroccans etc. Real love doesnt dump when adversity is faced. I dont quite understand whether this visa was denied or ap d. Either way, I feel sorry for her BUT I do think she needs to go to Morocco for closure either way . She needs to see him again and face whatever it is he is going to tell her. For all we know, he could have a girlfriend there.. there could be a litany of ####### going on that the consular officer is very aware of that some investigator on the ground uncovered and YES THERE ARE INVESTIGATORS on the ground and in Meknes, its very easy to turn up dirt and fast because it isnt a metropolis. They might very well know his intentions via other people.. You cant underestimate the embassy. Sometimes they guess. Sometimes they know stuff. All I know is that I do not want her to blame herself. But she does need to be realistic about how she approaches things from this period foward

Although there is a lot of fact in as much as there is so much abuse of women in order to get papers, I don't think it is wise to jump at the fact that he does not want her there. A decision of divorce can not, and should not be taken lightly.

When our petition was denied I was devistated, to say the least. I didn't think there was hope for our future here in the US. I had so many reasons why I couldn't leave from a sick father to my children. On the other hand I had this wonderful man that I had waited for my entire life to find. What should I do? With all of this going on, and a worry that he could never be here, I told him that he needed to divorce me and find someone else. Was this because I didn't love him? Quite the contrary, I did this BECAUSE I love him. How could I expect him to wait God knows how long for something I didn't think would ever happen. He, on the other hand, was thinking that he should let me go. Should I have thought that this is because he didn't love me? It wasn't that at all. He knew that we would never have a future there, and he couldn't bear the thought of what I would have to leave behind, and for what? Just to lose everything I had to be with him? We discussed how we both felt, we cried together because we didn't want to lose what we had found. I left the decision in his hands. Trust me, it didn't take him long to tell me that he just couldn't let me go, and that he was willing to fight whatever system he had to to bring us together. We never, after that day, discussed divorce as an option. It just wasn't one.

So is his intentions fraudulant? I can't say for sure. Only he knows. But one thing I can say is that I didn't take that small moment and decide to divorce over that. Because in the end we both were thinking of what would be best for the other person. Now I am in a strong marriage, and I am 100% sure of his love for me. Both back then, and now.

The worst thing we can do is to jump into decisions when we are in a crisis situation. We may not be thinking clearly.

[Sandrila 1]

Once people in a neighborhood know you belong there, they leave you alone. Living in Morocco requires a thick skin--it's easy to get into arguments with people when trying to get stuff done, but you just need to persist and learn the game of getting your way here. My Moroccan friends often tell me they leave the house ready for a fight, and I'm the same way now. It's fun, though, once you start to develop relationships with people over time and get to know and trust them (vedors, neighbors, even bureaucrats), it's amazing what you can get done!

LOL to this! So true!!! I can't tell you how many fights my husband or I have had or fights we have witnessed. Hot blooded Moroccans! hehe

I agree about the THICK SKIN comment

My husband is not at all happy with the QUALITY of people from his country.

It is harsh livin there and most, not all, are cut throat

no where near as generous, concerned, caring and giving as we are here

The government could just careless about the people and they are completely oppressed

unless you are born into wealthy family or have gotten an education and gotten out, you rarely stand a chance

AND even those who have achieved degrees are slapped in the face once they get out into the working world there

there is not much opportunity or respect going on...people would gladly like to see your happiness, prosperity or good fortune ripped away from you..so this is what I have seen and heard

[Sandrila 1]

I've lived in Morocco for the last 2.5 years and have felt very safe-much safer than I do living in Chicago. I have felt very little judgement or harassment about being American-most people are sympathetic to the fact that although the government is bad, the American people are not necessarily responsible. Morocco is not a democracy and the idea that people are responsible for government isn't common. I get hassled more in France for being American than I do here.

The most judgement I have felt is from upper class people, but I feel like there is an envy that runs deep in the upper class here (especially in Fez where I live), and isn't necessarily due to politics. Envy is a big problem in Morocco in general, but I've only felt it directed towards me with the upper class. People in the supposedly 'dangerous' working class neighborhoods and countryside where I have worked have been extremely kind and open-minded in terms of talking about politics--even, for example, when Sadam Hussein was hanged on the Eid lKbeer and the video was replayed over and over again on Al Jazeera. I find Moroccans to be very flexible, in general, and not terribly ideological. Depends on the person, though, of course.

I feel completely safe doing things on my own, walking by myself, etc., in most of the major cities except sometimes at night. The most harassed I have felt on the street is in major tourist areas (old city of Fes, Essouaria, etc.), but if you dress and act appropriately it's fine.

It is true that PDAs are completely unacceptable here, although holding hands seems to be fine. I think after you spend a few months here, though, you adapt to this and it feels odd to engage in that kind of behavior. A lot of people seem to have that idea that if something happens to a Westerner, the person in charge could be severely punished, but I've never actually heard of this happening. My fiance certainly is not concerned about this. I think there was a case of a member on this forum whose American wife died in Morocco and nothing happened to him. It seems to me to be more of an urban myth.

This is not to say that living in Morocco is easy--especially if you don't speak the language. I was unhappy for the first 9 months I was here, but as my language and connection to people improved, so did my experience. I also have major career goals that my experience here will help me to attain, which was highly motivating. Struggling with the difficulties in doing day-to-day things is very taxing, though. Life also feels a lot more boring here--there isn't much of a public culture and people tend to stay home a lot. Even in Casablanca, it feels like there isn't much to do coming from a big American or European city. It's been an amazing and intense experience here, but I am happy to be returning soon to the States.

I just wanted to put my two sense in and say I agreed with the statments I highlighted

I wish I could live there, but along with Rajaa I have joint custody of my children here PLUS the fact that there is NO way we would have any support as far as living there nor would there be near as much opportunity, comforts, freedoms and sweet way of life as there is here in GOOD OL' USA

Edited October 30, 2008 by sandrila

[Sandrila 1]

Hand holding was fine.

Out alone at all, never!

At night, exert caution Definitely...men checkin you out yes, but if my husband saw it or heard it, a rumble could be on their horizon, and quick!

Prices for a tourist...just total RIP off, hubby is good for driving a hard bargain

both my husband and his brother have been jumped by men with machetes(?)...i mean the big decapitating knives

the crime rate has gone up in his neighborhood and i am so naive just walking around feeling safe and unassuming

there is with knives here in Philly it is guns....I fear for my husband daily

I just think that people are so desperate and poor they feel they have nothing to lose

Also, the police there would not hesitate to lock you up for any stupid reason and once you are in there, i doubt you'd be getting out especially if you dont any financial resources

i am starting to see it is a nice place to visit but when I talk about us living there he really feels I dont know "his life there" like he does...and I think, he is right

[~Jackie~ 30]

Chicago last weekend....3 killed from one family. SIX additional killings and beatings

You are not safe anywhere so live your life to the fullest.

eta: I made 4 trips and never once felt a moment of fear.

Edited October 30, 2008 by just_Jackie

[Sandrila 1]

When I was there I never felt like it was unsafe, but my husband would make sure that I had someone with me where ever I wanted to go, which sucks because I hate being dependent on anyone. His point was that since it was obvious that I was American, even if I did agree to wear a Hijab, that I would be a target for thiefs. Perhaps he is right, I decided to honor his wishes since it is not my native country. One time he sent his 13 year old nephew with me. Like he could protect me???

As far as public affection, well yes it is frowned on. I remember my first visit, at the airport, when I was leaving, and it was Ramadan to make it worse. He grabbed me and hugged me so hard and long. We were eyed by some of the airport officials, but he didn't care. He said that he didn't care what they thought, I was his wife and he didn't know when he would see me again. So yes there are some that defy it, but it is not really accepted there.

As far as prejudices, well I am sure it is there. I had more curious stares than anything, but I could sense that some of them were a disapproval, but those where from women, not men. So does he view the women as being dangerious? I guess it is possible.

I know that my husband would like for us to eventually move back to Morocco. His idea is that we would hire a woman to cook, clean (can't say I mind that part ) and to escort me where ever I need to go (not so fond of that part ).

I did talk briefly last night with my husband about your situation. He said that he is correct in the fact that you would not have much of a future there. So for you to give up everything you have there to move to Morocco might not be the wisest thing to do, unless you are willing to lose your home, car, business, etc. I know that when we were denied I wasn't about to lose everything I have here unless there was absolutely no other option to be with him. This is why we hung in there and fought to get the visa.

experiencing ramadan the first time i met him and leaving him with NO KISS GOODBYE was disheartening and frustrating

just wondering at what time I have to say "baby, there is NO other option, I am coming there, regardless" however he knows that once I come, I have pretty much burned my bridges here, as I am supporting myself alone and live alone I would throw away all I worked hard for, for me and for him

[Sandrila 1]

When I was there I never felt like it was unsafe, but my husband would make sure that I had someone with me where ever I wanted to go, which sucks because I hate being dependent on anyone. His point was that since it was obvious that I was American, even if I did agree to wear a Hijab, that I would be a target for thiefs. Perhaps he is right, I decided to honor his wishes since it is not my native country. One time he sent his 13 year old nephew with me. Like he could protect me???

As far as public affection, well yes it is frowned on. I remember my first visit, at the airport, when I was leaving, and it was Ramadan to make it worse. He grabbed me and hugged me so hard and long. We were eyed by some of the airport officials, but he didn't care. He said that he didn't care what they thought, I was his wife and he didn't know when he would see me again. So yes there are some that defy it, but it is not really accepted there.

As far as prejudices, well I am sure it is there. I had more curious stares than anything, but I could sense that some of them were a disapproval, but those where from women, not men. So does he view the women as being dangerious? I guess it is possible.

I know that my husband would like for us to eventually move back to Morocco. His idea is that we would hire a woman to cook, clean (can't say I mind that part ) and to escort me where ever I need to go (not so fond of that part ).

GO

I did talk briefly last night with my husband about your situation. He said that he is correct in the fact that you would not have much of a future there. So for you to give up everything you have there to move to Morocco might not be the wisest thing to do, unless you are willing to lose your home, car, business, etc. I know that when we were denied I wasn't about to lose everything I have here unless there was absolutely no other option to be with him. This is why we hung in there and fought to get the visa.

Difference is that you FOUGHT to get the visa. He is already dumping her. I disagree about living in Morocco. I know several couples that if the wife american wanted it, that the moroccan spouse would tell her to come. Second, love is more than convenience. I think clearly this was a marriage for papers on his end. I dont see any sacrifice on his end whatsover. Only bla bla i love you via text and Morocco is too dangerous and all this other #######. This guy is playing games clearly... hes not fighting through an ap period. He already wants to dump her. I know a k1 that survived over a year in approval out of morocco and another 7 months ap. I fail to see how this moron warrants her tears.

I think he only wanted her for papers and whats critical here is that she doesnt think this has anything to do with her or moroccans etc. Real love doesnt dump when adversity is faced. I dont quite understand whether this visa was denied or ap d. Either way, I feel sorry for her BUT I do think she needs to go to Morocco for closure either way . She needs to see him again and face whatever it is he is going to tell her. For all we know, he could have a girlfriend there.. there could be a litany of ####### going on that the consular officer is very aware of that some investigator on the ground uncovered and YES THERE ARE INVESTIGATORS on the ground and in Meknes, its very easy to turn up dirt and fast because it isnt a metropolis. They might very well know his intentions via other people.. You cant underestimate the embassy. Sometimes they guess. Sometimes they know stuff. All I know is that I do not want her to blame herself. But she does need to be realistic about how she approaches things from this period foward

Although there is a lot of fact in as much as there is so much abuse of women in order to get papers, I don't think it is wise to jump at the fact that he does not want her there. A decision of divorce can not, and should not be taken lightly.

When our petition was denied I was devistated, to say the least. I didn't think there was hope for our future here in the US. I had so many reasons why I couldn't leave from a sick father to my children. On the other hand I had this wonderful man that I had waited for my entire life to find. What should I do? With all of this going on, and a worry that he could never be here, I told him that he needed to divorce me and find someone else. Was this because I didn't love him? Quite the contrary, I did this BECAUSE I love him. How could I expect him to wait God knows how long for something I didn't think would ever happen. He, on the other hand, was thinking that he should let me go. Should I have thought that this is because he didn't love me? It wasn't that at all. He knew that we would never have a future there, and he couldn't bear the thought of what I would have to leave behind, and for what? Just to lose everything I had to be with him? We discussed how we both felt, we cried together because we didn't want to lose what we had found. I left the decision in his hands. Trust me, it didn't take him long to tell me that he just couldn't let me go, and that he was willing to fight whatever system he had to to bring us together. We never, after that day, discussed divorce as an option. It just wasn't one.

So is his intentions fraudulant? I can't say for sure. Only he knows. But one thing I can say is that I didn't take that small moment and decide to divorce over that. Because in the end we both were thinking of what would be best for the other person. Now I am in a strong marriage, and I am 100% sure of his love for me. Both back then, and now.

The worst thing we can do is to jump into decisions when we are in a crisis situation. We may not be thinking clearly.

Morocco4Ever...today I needed to see your post as we are experiencing this same pain as you both had and we have not exactly been denied the Visa.

It has just gotten so heart wrenching and desperate....we never thought it would be this hard and I am trying to hold on to the only life we may possibly have HERE. I just feel I am not doing a good enough job of getting him to hold on to hope, I even feel as if he is abandoned me due to his own depression. I try to look at everything from both ends but I am so completely stressed, depressed and frazzled myself that I dont know what to do. I just keep thinking OF COURSE I DO WHATEVER I CAN, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ATTAIN WHAT WE ARE WORKING SO HARD FOR but at the same time I am leave all in GOD'S hands and truly if GOD knows what my dear husband has and is still enduring, truly we would have our answer by now.

Thanks for sharing all guys....you are helping me thru a dark time.

I am still trying to believe with LOVE, we can conquer all!!

Edited October 30, 2008 by sandrila

[morocco4ever 63]

When I was there I never felt like it was unsafe, but my husband would make sure that I had someone with me where ever I wanted to go, which sucks because I hate being dependent on anyone. His point was that since it was obvious that I was American, even if I did agree to wear a Hijab, that I would be a target for thiefs. Perhaps he is right, I decided to honor his wishes since it is not my native country. One time he sent his 13 year old nephew with me. Like he could protect me???

As far as public affection, well yes it is frowned on. I remember my first visit, at the airport, when I was leaving, and it was Ramadan to make it worse. He grabbed me and hugged me so hard and long. We were eyed by some of the airport officials, but he didn't care. He said that he didn't care what they thought, I was his wife and he didn't know when he would see me again. So yes there are some that defy it, but it is not really accepted there.

As far as prejudices, well I am sure it is there. I had more curious stares than anything, but I could sense that some of them were a disapproval, but those where from women, not men. So does he view the women as being dangerious? I guess it is possible.

I know that my husband would like for us to eventually move back to Morocco. His idea is that we would hire a woman to cook, clean (can't say I mind that part ) and to escort me where ever I need to go (not so fond of that part ).

GO

I did talk briefly last night with my husband about your situation. He said that he is correct in the fact that you would not have much of a future there. So for you to give up everything you have there to move to Morocco might not be the wisest thing to do, unless you are willing to lose your home, car, business, etc. I know that when we were denied I wasn't about to lose everything I have here unless there was absolutely no other option to be with him. This is why we hung in there and fought to get the visa.

Difference is that you FOUGHT to get the visa. He is already dumping her. I disagree about living in Morocco. I know several couples that if the wife american wanted it, that the moroccan spouse would tell her to come. Second, love is more than convenience. I think clearly this was a marriage for papers on his end. I dont see any sacrifice on his end whatsover. Only bla bla i love you via text and Morocco is too dangerous and all this other #######. This guy is playing games clearly... hes not fighting through an ap period. He already wants to dump her. I know a k1 that survived over a year in approval out of morocco and another 7 months ap. I fail to see how this moron warrants her tears.

I think he only wanted her for papers and whats critical here is that she doesnt think this has anything to do with her or moroccans etc. Real love doesnt dump when adversity is faced. I dont quite understand whether this visa was denied or ap d. Either way, I feel sorry for her BUT I do think she needs to go to Morocco for closure either way . She needs to see him again and face whatever it is he is going to tell her. For all we know, he could have a girlfriend there.. there could be a litany of ####### going on that the consular officer is very aware of that some investigator on the ground uncovered and YES THERE ARE INVESTIGATORS on the ground and in Meknes, its very easy to turn up dirt and fast because it isnt a metropolis. They might very well know his intentions via other people.. You cant underestimate the embassy. Sometimes they guess. Sometimes they know stuff. All I know is that I do not want her to blame herself. But she does need to be realistic about how she approaches things from this period foward

Although there is a lot of fact in as much as there is so much abuse of women in order to get papers, I don't think it is wise to jump at the fact that he does not want her there. A decision of divorce can not, and should not be taken lightly.

When our petition was denied I was devistated, to say the least. I didn't think there was hope for our future here in the US. I had so many reasons why I couldn't leave from a sick father to my children. On the other hand I had this wonderful man that I had waited for my entire life to find. What should I do? With all of this going on, and a worry that he could never be here, I told him that he needed to divorce me and find someone else. Was this because I didn't love him? Quite the contrary, I did this BECAUSE I love him. How could I expect him to wait God knows how long for something I didn't think would ever happen. He, on the other hand, was thinking that he should let me go. Should I have thought that this is because he didn't love me? It wasn't that at all. He knew that we would never have a future there, and he couldn't bear the thought of what I would have to leave behind, and for what? Just to lose everything I had to be with him? We discussed how we both felt, we cried together because we didn't want to lose what we had found. I left the decision in his hands. Trust me, it didn't take him long to tell me that he just couldn't let me go, and that he was willing to fight whatever system he had to to bring us together. We never, after that day, discussed divorce as an option. It just wasn't one.

So is his intentions fraudulant? I can't say for sure. Only he knows. But one thing I can say is that I didn't take that small moment and decide to divorce over that. Because in the end we both were thinking of what would be best for the other person. Now I am in a strong marriage, and I am 100% sure of his love for me. Both back then, and now.

The worst thing we can do is to jump into decisions when we are in a crisis situation. We may not be thinking clearly.

Morocco4Ever...today I needed to see your post as we are experiencing this same pain as you both had and we have not exactly been denied the Visa.

It has just gotten so heart wrenching and desperate....we never thought it would be this hard and I am trying to hold on to the only life we may possibly have HERE. I just feel I am not doing a good enough job of getting him to hold on to hope, I even feel as if he is abandoned me due to his own depression. I try to look at everything from both ends but I am so completely stressed, depressed and frazzled myself that I dont know what to do. I just keep thinking OF COURSE I DO WHATEVER I CAN, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ATTAIN WHAT WE ARE WORKING SO HARD FOR but at the same time I am leave all in GOD'S hands and truly if GOD knows what my dear husband has and is still enduring, truly we would have our answer by now.

Thanks for sharing all guys....you are helping me thru a dark time.

I am still trying to believe with LOVE, we can conquer all!!

I hope I can help anyone that is in need. Divorce is a big step, you should never go into it on a whim. On the other hand neither should a marriage. I think with my head more than with my heart, I think that is what helped me to find true love, and I think that is what has helped us get through this.