wow I hoped I would never be here

[Cmehat 0]

The interview and the interviewer

[morocco4ever 63]

The interview and the interviewer

Are you a consular officer? Otherwise how do you know your facts?

[SaadBell 0]

So sorry to hear this, but like everyone said, just take it day by day, time is the best thing to let you see the truth. My husband does things that make me upset, he is not the normal MENA man, he tells me he wants me to be independent, he has property in Egypt and we went there last December to get married, but he works and lives in Kuwait. He had to fly out a day early and I was alone in Cairo, and he told me, you need to know how to get around, if something happens to me, you have to handle the business assets in Egypt. Personally I hate that, lol, if it wasn’t for my family and husband I would sit in the home all day. He doesn’t want any man to handle the properties or assets, only me, and I understand that if I don’t know what is going on they can easily rip me off. All men are different, so don’t rush into making any decisions, just see how it goes. Never been to Morocco, but it sounds like he loves you and only time will tell. So kick back and truly try to relax and if you ever need to talk to someone, just pm me and maybe I can get you to laugh. Just remember men can be big babies, lol, love them to death, but they can be extremely stubborn. Like I said if it wasn’t for my family, and husband, I would live in a freaking cave, just as long as I have great internet and TV. Hang in there girl, you are so beautiful, I know he is happy to have you love him.

[tammy2688 1]

After my husband had his bad interview he was very sad. Sad because he felt his interviewer saw him as a criminal out for a visa, and that she was prejudice against him because of his being muslim..but (he did not mention) he was sad because it meant we would not be together soon. I comforted him and reassured him (like a supportive wife) but I wondered why not being together soon did not weigh higher on the list. As we discussed our options it became clear that (though he had always said he wanted to be with me together no matter where even in space) he did not really desire to live with me in his country Morocco. He said he never actually thought it would come to that. He thought we would get the visa eventually for him to come to the USA. Eventually and another suprise for me was that the man who could not wait for me to come to morocco the first time...was now willing to wait as long as it takes if it means coming HERE. I am really confused about how to take this. He always says we share a true love but as ROMANTIC as that sounds...True love for me means we are together no matter where. And asap! I waited 16 mos so far and visited 2 times in his country but I want to be together!!!! Maybe I am wrong to be so impatient, but because I always believed him when he said we could be together ANYWHERE....to me that time is now. I felt we could live in morocco together until we can come together here to the USA and at least be together waiting. But he made it clear he felt It would be too difficult for us there. He said alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. He said I am too nice and they would know I am an american. He said I would get bored being alone while he worked and I would not find a good job there. He had alot of valid reasons it's just not what I was believeing from the start. Now I am second guessing alot of things he said we will do. Like stay together forever. Adopt a child if it becomes important to him to have one someday because I can not have more children? I am older than he is too so will that rise up to bite me? Is this a true love? I love his family. I believe they love me but it is he and I who are married. They are HIS family. They will accept whatever. They thing is he says we can try to go to the UK as an alternative but I asked on the uk forum and it looks like it will be really difficult at best so I don't feel hopeful. Alot of you here have said (which may be true) that we still have a chance to reverse the decision because we are a CR1 marriage visa and it just may take another year possibly less, but it is not so much that idea that makes me unwilling to wait as it is the question "what am I waiting for"? Possibly a husband that said alot of things just to please me and not have me believe that he pretty much wants a visa to come here. More than he wants me. I have tried to write him a dozen letters telling him how I feel but at the end of each one It becomes more clear to me that he wants to come here to leave his country and not to live with me anywhere necessary. I am disposable. I am not as important as I believed I was to him. I told him I never wanted another divorce (I was married before) but I feel like I have no choice. If he was honest and said I want to have a better life by leaving my country and going to the USA and I need to marry you to do it so we can tey to make a life together, but if that does not work, I will not want to stay married to you because I want that more than I want you. I would probably have passed. And I guess that is not much incentive to be honest is it. I now think that his interviewer could see more than me. I was jaded by what I wanted to believe. He will text me that he loves me always and I am his wife forever. But I don't believe those words because we are not together and can't have a marriage living seperately. Not a good one. I am sorry this is long. I just need to get it out so it is real to me .

Wow you guys this is going to be harder than I thought...I let myself really love him. Pray for me...I am strong but this is really hard.

Living in a poor country, it is going to be hard for you. He is true about the facts of you being bored at home, and you are not going to find a job. Also, the quality of life is different than in your country. Why you don't take a 6 months trip there (if you can afford that) and see how is life there. It is not the same go there and spend a couple of weeks than spending 6 months. Then you can take a decision. Don't rush your decision about your marriage.

This is the best advice. He is romantic and does love you but it is good that he is practical too. You will not have an easy time in Morrocco. But you are a wonderful person for wanting to be with your love wherever, and God sees this in your heart. He wants you both to be happy and he knows it will be easier at least on your side in the US. Also you relationship is valid, why are you even thinking of the possibility of not getting the visa? My husband and I had to wait 13 months on additional processing and I never thought of that possibility. You need to be more patient and unless you have a very concrete reason for thinking he is interested in the country more than you, then hear him out on his points, take trip there is you miss him very much, and keep in mind that everything is clearer in day light. Don't do anything impulsive, as you know our decisions costs us thousands of $$ and much pain. Take your time, he will get the visa soon, and everything will be all right. Ask God for help and you will recieve it. Talk to him when you are calmer, your situation can become better with communication and you asking yourself what you truly know about him and how you want to carry out your relationship.

[Beautiful_years 0]

I have to agree with you on this one, its you who would make the final decision after being there that you can't survive there.

If he does love you and want to be with you.... he wouldn't care what part of the world he would live in, what would be most important would be the both of you together as a family, he isnt your boyfriend anymore he is your husband!!!

I'm not saying move on but give love a try, dont just write it off or give in to your doubts, il say propose to go over and spend say 6months and in the course of your stay decide if he is real or wearing a mask.

Trust me you cant feign love for too long...there would be holes in it no matter how little, the only mistake we make is we dont see those holes cos we are blinded and engulfed by the size of our love.

Love does work!!!

Yes we can!

[DanielParul 50]

It would be a good idea to visit him in Morrocco and spend some time together and talk about how both of you feel. Its always better to talk about things that are affecting you so much, face to face. This way you will also get to spend time with him. All the best to both of you and I pray that you figure out whats best for you

[NYGirl 0]

Martini,

A friend of mine few years ago met a guy online from oversea ( can't remember which country though) and she was falling for him fast and booked her tickets to meet with him. Things went pretty fast for them and he was telling her how much he loves her and etc but she kept telling me that she's afraid he's after visa cause he kept talking about "coming to America is a dream" too oftern. I told her to check him by telling him that if she'll like the country he's in that maybe she'll want to stay there instead of moving to America. When she did say that, he told her " you can live here but I won't, I'll go to America". That's when she realized that all he cared was just the USA. She immediately canceled her trip and that was over between them. She thanks me all the time and greatful that I suggested her to check him and she didn't bring him here and let him use her like that.

You heart NEVER lies to you! Always listen to your instincts.

Good luck!

Edited November 5, 2008 by NYGirl

[sereia 0]

I told her to check him by telling him that if she'll like the country he's in that maybe she'll want to stay there instead of moving to America. When she did say that, he told her " you can live here but I won't, I'll go to America". That's when she realized that all he cared was just the USA. She immediately canceled her trip and that was over between them. She thanks me all the time and greatful that I suggested her to check him and she didn't bring him here and let him use her like that.

You heart NEVER lies to you! Always listen to your instincts.

Good luck!

I don't agree with this test that everyone seems to do. Its so EASY for them to say, "Oh yeah honey come on over to Morocco and we'll live here!" Because they KNOW you aren't likely coming. Its easy to say that to reassure your lover that you aren't using them because they know you aren't going to follow through.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I told her to check him by telling him that if she'll like the country he's in that maybe she'll want to stay there instead of moving to America. When she did say that, he told her " you can live here but I won't, I'll go to America". That's when she realized that all he cared was just the USA. She immediately canceled her trip and that was over between them. She thanks me all the time and greatful that I suggested her to check him and she didn't bring him here and let him use her like that.

You heart NEVER lies to you! Always listen to your instincts.

Good luck!

I don't agree with this test that everyone seems to do. Its so EASY for them to say, "Oh yeah honey come on over to Morocco and we'll live here!" Because they KNOW you aren't likely coming. Its easy to say that to reassure your lover that you aren't using them because they know you aren't going to follow through.

the test is bogus, early on a guy fr morocco came on to talk, we talked few times, not friends just small talk i had told him about ahmed he also said try (the test) its very obvious it has been handed down fr guy to guy, they are on to this trick

[bhajishah 4]

as they say, idle minds is the devils playground. Thinking too much will cause paranoia. keep busy and stop ruminating . The goal is to get him here, that why the petition was for him to come here. thats a given seeing the economy et al is better here. You causing him stress im surprise he not upset. Keep fantasy away from reality. Soon inshallah you will have hard working hot hubby with you. Stop picking battles within.there is enough ####### outside that hits and knocks you down for awhile inthis life..

[Imua 0]

Martini,

A friend of mine few years ago met a guy online from oversea ( can't remember which country though) and she was falling for him fast and booked her tickets to meet with him. Things went pretty fast for them and he was telling her how much he loves her and etc but she kept telling me that she's afraid he's after visa cause he kept talking about "coming to America is a dream" too oftern. I told her to check him by telling him that if she'll like the country he's in that maybe she'll want to stay there instead of moving to America. When she did say that, he told her " you can live here but I won't, I'll go to America". That's when she realized that all he cared was just the USA. She immediately canceled her trip and that was over between them. She thanks me all the time and greatful that I suggested her to check him and she didn't bring him here and let him use her like that.

You heart NEVER lies to you! Always listen to your instincts.

Good luck!

LOL, that's what my scammer-wannabe Nepali ex said to me once too, that I could stay in Nepal and he would live in America.

[Imua 0]

as they say, idle minds is the devils playground. Thinking too much will cause paranoia. keep busy and stop ruminating . The goal is to get him here, that why the petition was for him to come here. thats a given seeing the economy et al is better here. You causing him stress im surprise he not upset. Keep fantasy away from reality. Soon inshallah you will have hard working hot hubby with you. Stop picking battles within.there is enough ####### outside that hits and knocks you down for awhile inthis life..

Too true - at this moment I am losing my sight gradually in my one good eye thanks to a cataract so visa journey is taking a temporary back seat. I have a disease common in premature babies(I was born 3 months early) that makes the retina very fragile and so cataract surgery is more risky than it would normally be. This is putting everything into prespective for me - I just wish my husband were here with me now, thinking I may never see his face clearly again if the surgery goes wrong scares the living ####### out of me... I have been calling doctors right and left and at the same time trying to move forward with NVC so if the surgery is successful and I have it next month as scheduled then he will have his interview in January and I will go to Nepal in the late spring. The prospect of him scamming me is the furthest thing from my mind at this point, I just want him here to give me strength and to be a shoulder to cry on. Be thankful for every day you are healthy, compared to that everything else is minor. So many people have lost their sight to this disease including Stevie Wonder and I lost my right eye to it so I thank God every day for the sight I have and pray I can keep it to see my husband's face again.

[Martiniolive 0]

Oh Pattu I hope so too. I hope your eyes will see forever and he will be with you so soon. God bless you!

as they say, idle minds is the devils playground. Thinking too much will cause paranoia. keep busy and stop ruminating . The goal is to get him here, that why the petition was for him to come here. thats a given seeing the economy et al is better here. You causing him stress im surprise he not upset. Keep fantasy away from reality. Soon inshallah you will have hard working hot hubby with you. Stop picking battles within.there is enough ####### outside that hits and knocks you down for awhile inthis life..

Too true - at this moment I am losing my sight gradually in my one good eye thanks to a cataract so visa journey is taking a temporary back seat. I have a disease common in premature babies(I was born 3 months early) that makes the retina very fragile and so cataract surgery is more risky than it would normally be. This is putting everything into prespective for me - I just wish my husband were here with me now, thinking I may never see his face clearly again if the surgery goes wrong scares the living ####### out of me... I have been calling doctors right and left and at the same time trying to move forward with NVC so if the surgery is successful and I have it next month as scheduled then he will have his interview in January and I will go to Nepal in the late spring. The prospect of him scamming me is the furthest thing from my mind at this point, I just want him here to give me strength and to be a shoulder to cry on. Be thankful for every day you are healthy, compared to that everything else is minor. So many people have lost their sight to this disease including Stevie Wonder and I lost my right eye to it so I thank God every day for the sight I have and pray I can keep it to see my husband's face again.

[Beautiful_years 0]

as they say, idle minds is the devils playground. Thinking too much will cause paranoia. keep busy and stop ruminating . The goal is to get him here, that why the petition was for him to come here. thats a given seeing the economy et al is better here. You causing him stress im surprise he not upset. Keep fantasy away from reality. Soon inshallah you will have hard working hot hubby with you. Stop picking battles within.there is enough ####### outside that hits and knocks you down for awhile inthis life..

Too true - at this moment I am losing my sight gradually in my one good eye thanks to a cataract so visa journey is taking a temporary back seat. I have a disease common in premature babies(I was born 3 months early) that makes the retina very fragile and so cataract surgery is more risky than it would normally be. This is putting everything into prespective for me - I just wish my husband were here with me now, thinking I may never see his face clearly again if the surgery goes wrong scares the living ####### out of me... I have been calling doctors right and left and at the same time trying to move forward with NVC so if the surgery is successful and I have it next month as scheduled then he will have his interview in January and I will go to Nepal in the late spring. The prospect of him scamming me is the furthest thing from my mind at this point, I just want him here to give me strength and to be a shoulder to cry on. Be thankful for every day you are healthy, compared to that everything else is minor. So many people have lost their sight to this disease including Stevie Wonder and I lost my right eye to it so I thank God every day for the sight I have and pray I can keep it to see my husband's face again.

Pattu Rani ... my prayers and heart goes out to you. I hope he comes here soon enough and that the surgery goes well and successful.

God be with you

[wifetobe 2]

After my husband had his bad interview he was very sad. Sad because he felt his interviewer saw him as a criminal out for a visa, and that she was prejudice against him because of his being muslim..but (he did not mention) he was sad because it meant we would not be together soon. I comforted him and reassured him (like a supportive wife) but I wondered why not being together soon did not weigh higher on the list. As we discussed our options it became clear that (though he had always said he wanted to be with me together no matter where even in space) he did not really desire to live with me in his country Morocco. He said he never actually thought it would come to that. He thought we would get the visa eventually for him to come to the USA. Eventually and another suprise for me was that the man who could not wait for me to come to morocco the first time...was now willing to wait as long as it takes if it means coming HERE. I am really confused about how to take this. He always says we share a true love but as ROMANTIC as that sounds...True love for me means we are together no matter where. And asap! I waited 16 mos so far and visited 2 times in his country but I want to be together!!!! Maybe I am wrong to be so impatient, but because I always believed him when he said we could be together ANYWHERE....to me that time is now. I felt we could live in morocco together until we can come together here to the USA and at least be together waiting. But he made it clear he felt It would be too difficult for us there. He said alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. He said I am too nice and they would know I am an american. He said I would get bored being alone while he worked and I would not find a good job there. He had alot of valid reasons it's just not what I was believeing from the start. Now I am second guessing alot of things he said we will do. Like stay together forever. Adopt a child if it becomes important to him to have one someday because I can not have more children? I am older than he is too so will that rise up to bite me? Is this a true love? I love his family. I believe they love me but it is he and I who are married. They are HIS family. They will accept whatever. They thing is he says we can try to go to the UK as an alternative but I asked on the uk forum and it looks like it will be really difficult at best so I don't feel hopeful. Alot of you here have said (which may be true) that we still have a chance to reverse the decision because we are a CR1 marriage visa and it just may take another year possibly less, but it is not so much that idea that makes me unwilling to wait as it is the question "what am I waiting for"? Possibly a husband that said alot of things just to please me and not have me believe that he pretty much wants a visa to come here. More than he wants me. I have tried to write him a dozen letters telling him how I feel but at the end of each one It becomes more clear to me that he wants to come here to leave his country and not to live with me anywhere necessary. I am disposable. I am not as important as I believed I was to him. I told him I never wanted another divorce (I was married before) but I feel like I have no choice. If he was honest and said I want to have a better life by leaving my country and going to the USA and I need to marry you to do it so we can tey to make a life together, but if that does not work, I will not want to stay married to you because I want that more than I want you. I would probably have passed. And I guess that is not much incentive to be honest is it. I now think that his interviewer could see more than me. I was jaded by what I wanted to believe. He will text me that he loves me always and I am his wife forever. But I don't believe those words because we are not together and can't have a marriage living seperately. Not a good one. I am sorry this is long. I just need to get it out so it is real to me .

Wow you guys this is going to be harder than I thought...I let myself really love him. Pray for me...I am strong but this is really hard.

You have answered your own question. It's not the where but the now. I wish you the best of luck in making that life changing decision hon!!