wow I hoped I would never be here

[Nita&Assaad 0]

Am sorry it has come to this Martini But you you know your marriage the best, follow your instincts.... Sometimes someone's true color come out in the most diffcult times and either you can get through the hard times and other times you can't... Everything is a test, if it's True Love it will Prevail!!

I wish you most luck and my thoughts are with you

Nita

Edited October 27, 2008 by Nita&Assaad

[Martiniolive 0]

thank you so much for all of your prayers nitaandassaad they were not wasted I am sure they are why I am still able to live thru this. Bless you. I am so happy for you two. I am realizing still that this is really happening to me. Wish I did not love him as much as I do. God will help me. I know . If my husband did really love me like people have said, he would want me no matter how or where. It is I that would be sacrificing everything I have here. That says alot for his intention. He just did not love me.

Am sorry it has come to this Martini But you you know your marriage the best, follow your instincts.... Sometimes someone's true color come out in the most diffcult times and either you can get through the hard times and other times you can't... Everything is a test, if it's True Love it will Prevail!!

I wish you most luck and my thoughts are with you

Nita

[Yaads 0]

Sorry to hear this I hope that you are able to make a decision that you are comfortable with. Stay strong.

[EZgoing378 0]

On one of your posts you said something about stopping the process. It seems from what I read, that your most recent setback is putting the process on hold for a long enough period that you don't have to worry about him getting approved before you have had a long enough time to really think this through. I am in no way judging or even advising your situation because it is complicated. What I am saying is that it seems there is no reason to stop the process right now. The situation may change. Remember how long this process is. One thing my fiancee and I said was that no matter how things are at any point in time, we will keep the process going forward because that is one decision you cannot go back on. It sounds like you are heading for this but I would suggest any official actions to be the last step and not the first one. Sometimes just the language differences can cause big misunderstandings.

What doesn't make sense to me is this: If he were just in this for entry into the US, why isn't he fighting you when you tell him you are giving up? It is confusing. My policy is never to make a final decision until I have to. At any point in time, I have a decision ready if for some reason it becomes 'due' but I try not to cross any bridges that will be burned until the last possible moment.

Good Luck and I hope you get some clarity about this very soon.

[Dakine 26]

It's VERY difficult to get to know someone very well from a couple visits and long range communication. Looks like you are getting closer to figuring what your hubby's true desires are.

CO may have called things corrrect and did you a favor.

They did for me the first time around as my fiancee was denied. I found out later she was a full scammer. My brains were in my pants at that time.

Never did get the chance to thank the CO.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

Martini.. Dont say he did not love you, he does, but perhaps he doesnt' love you ENOUGH...Or maybe he loves you too much and he doesn't want you to give up too much for him... When it comes to this long distance marriages, they can be VERY hard on us!! Testing our patience and Commitment. But each has to make Sacrifices for the other for this distance love to work! If you are willing to give it up everything here for a couple of months for him and your marriage, he should be too, but if he is not.. Then that is in GOD's hands...If it's met to be, then IT WILL BE!

Stay strong, you are a beautiful flower Martini....

Hugs

Nita

thank you so much for all of your prayers nitaandassaad they were not wasted I am sure they are why I am still able to live thru this. Bless you. I am so happy for you two. I am realizing still that this is really happening to me. Wish I did not love him as much as I do. God will help me. I know . If my husband did really love me like people have said, he would want me no matter how or where. It is I that would be sacrificing everything I have here. That says alot for his intention. He just did not love me.

Am sorry it has come to this Martini But you you know your marriage the best, follow your instincts.... Sometimes someone's true color come out in the most diffcult times and either you can get through the hard times and other times you can't... Everything is a test, if it's True Love it will Prevail!!

I wish you most luck and my thoughts are with you

Nita

[rika60607 215]

I really think you should go talk to him in person - if you can afford it, before making any decisions.

At least then you will know you are making the right decision by divorcing and you will never have regrets.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Once again, noone can really know another person's true intentions at this point, so it is difficult to advise you on what you should do in so far as the marriage is concerned. I am surprised that you are less inclined to consider that it might be possible that he is thinking of what is best for both of you. You say he gave up his job, in anticipation of getting a visa. Your proposal to move there while you are waiting would place an additional financial strain on the marriage, one that right now does not exist with you remaining in the USA to see what comes of the visa application. It's true that love knows no boundaries, but flying in the face of reason, is reckless love. Take it from someone old enough to know that love adapts to times and circumstances, and may be deeper than it appears.

thank you so much for all of your prayers nitaandassaad they were not wasted I am sure they are why I am still able to live thru this. Bless you. I am so happy for you two. I am realizing still that this is really happening to me. Wish I did not love him as much as I do. God will help me. I know . If my husband did really love me like people have said, he would want me no matter how or where. It is I that would be sacrificing everything I have here. That says alot for his intention. He just did not love me.

Am sorry it has come to this Martini But you you know your marriage the best, follow your instincts.... Sometimes someone's true color come out in the most diffcult times and either you can get through the hard times and other times you can't... Everything is a test, if it's True Love it will Prevail!!

I wish you most luck and my thoughts are with you

Nita

Edited October 27, 2008 by diadromous mermaid

[star_dragon 0]

After my husband had his bad interview he was very sad. Sad because he felt his interviewer saw him as a criminal out for a visa, and that she was prejudice against him because of his being muslim..but (he did not mention) he was sad because it meant we would not be together soon. I comforted him and reassured him (like a supportive wife) but I wondered why not being together soon did not weigh higher on the list. As we discussed our options it became clear that (though he had always said he wanted to be with me together no matter where even in space) he did not really desire to live with me in his country Morocco. He said he never actually thought it would come to that. He thought we would get the visa eventually for him to come to the USA. Eventually and another suprise for me was that the man who could not wait for me to come to morocco the first time...was now willing to wait as long as it takes if it means coming HERE. I am really confused about how to take this. He always says we share a true love but as ROMANTIC as that sounds...True love for me means we are together no matter where. And asap! I waited 16 mos so far and visited 2 times in his country but I want to be together!!!! Maybe I am wrong to be so impatient, but because I always believed him when he said we could be together ANYWHERE....to me that time is now. I felt we could live in morocco together until we can come together here to the USA and at least be together waiting. But he made it clear he felt It would be too difficult for us there. He said alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. He said I am too nice and they would know I am an american. He said I would get bored being alone while he worked and I would not find a good job there. He had alot of valid reasons it's just not what I was believeing from the start. Now I am second guessing alot of things he said we will do. Like stay together forever. Adopt a child if it becomes important to him to have one someday because I can not have more children? I am older than he is too so will that rise up to bite me? Is this a true love? I love his family. I believe they love me but it is he and I who are married. They are HIS family. They will accept whatever. They thing is he says we can try to go to the UK as an alternative but I asked on the uk forum and it looks like it will be really difficult at best so I don't feel hopeful. Alot of you here have said (which may be true) that we still have a chance to reverse the decision because we are a CR1 marriage visa and it just may take another year possibly less, but it is not so much that idea that makes me unwilling to wait as it is the question "what am I waiting for"? Possibly a husband that said alot of things just to please me and not have me believe that he pretty much wants a visa to come here. More than he wants me. I have tried to write him a dozen letters telling him how I feel but at the end of each one It becomes more clear to me that he wants to come here to leave his country and not to live with me anywhere necessary. I am disposable. I am not as important as I believed I was to him. I told him I never wanted another divorce (I was married before) but I feel like I have no choice. If he was honest and said I want to have a better life by leaving my country and going to the USA and I need to marry you to do it so we can tey to make a life together, but if that does not work, I will not want to stay married to you because I want that more than I want you. I would probably have passed. And I guess that is not much incentive to be honest is it. I now think that his interviewer could see more than me. I was jaded by what I wanted to believe. He will text me that he loves me always and I am his wife forever. But I don't believe those words because we are not together and can't have a marriage living seperately. Not a good one. I am sorry this is long. I just need to get it out so it is real to me .

Wow you guys this is going to be harder than I thought...I let myself really love him. Pray for me...I am strong but this is really hard.

hi ,

Am so sorry to read this , But if your man has a job in Morocco and doesnt want you to come that means he doesnt want you nor loves you , he just want to move and better his life . his saying :He said :alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. . tha is not true at all, Moroccans love americans, asians, jewish and all humain beings, the only creature we hate is a man with a double face just like your man. am so sorry but it is the reality gazing at herself in a Mirror.

I agree with rachbel... Although obviously I dont live in Morocco, from the several times I visited and spent there and just from knowing my fiance (who works for a foreigner), I never ever felt unsafe or an "anti-American" sentiment at all. At least not in Marrakech. There's tons of ex-pats living there (from everywhere, UK, America, etc) And you're a business owner. You could start something up there if you wanted to. Lots of foreigners make Morocco their homes and prosper. He should be happy that you'd be willing to go there. Even if you went to live for a less than a year and try DCF.

As others said, take your time before making a decision. Take the time to do some soul-searching and listen to your own instincts.

[Carol and Bruno 0]

I think if you are having doubts, you need to really sit down and listen to what that inner voice is telling you. Never doubt your own intuition.

I agree completely. Never turn a deaf ear to your inner voice. However, be careful of your heart as it will always want to lead you down the road to love whether that love is real or not.

Edited October 27, 2008 by Carol and Bruno

[Martiniolive 0]

You are so right! God is so big and powerful and great! He is bigger than anything could ever be on this earth. Nothing is too great for him. If it is his will for us to be together than nothing me or my husband can do will stop it. It just looks so unbelieveably lost to me at this time. And I am so beaten down that I can't even think of any clear decisions really. I just want to do what I feel is right. And I think I am trying to protect myself because I am so afraid of like EVERYTHING LOL. I don't want it to hurt more because I feel I can barely handle it now. I don't want to hear him tell me it is over because I think hearing it from him will kill me. I just want it to stop as pathetic as that sounds. Even if it means being alone. Do you ever just feel like you can't bare another thing???? I am there. I am finally there. I finally hit the wall. You guys...I am sorry i am doing this. But you are all so good to try to help. I am so fricking pathetic and noone in my life here even knows. I have to smile for everyone. They are all so happy for me...keep wanting to know when my husband will be here...I am so ashamed I wish I could disappear. I wish I could move. I could never tell them they would never understand and they would feel so bad for me and I could not bare it from them. God will help me

Martini.. Dont say he did not love you, he does, but perhaps he doesnt' love you ENOUGH...Or maybe he loves you too much and he doesn't want you to give up too much for him... When it comes to this long distance marriages, they can be VERY hard on us!! Testing our patience and Commitment. But each has to make Sacrifices for the other for this distance love to work! If you are willing to give it up everything here for a couple of months for him and your marriage, he should be too, but if he is not.. Then that is in GOD's hands...If it's met to be, then IT WILL BE!

Stay strong, you are a beautiful flower Martini....

Hugs

Nita

thank you so much for all of your prayers nitaandassaad they were not wasted I am sure they are why I am still able to live thru this. Bless you. I am so happy for you two. I am realizing still that this is really happening to me. Wish I did not love him as much as I do. God will help me. I know . If my husband did really love me like people have said, he would want me no matter how or where. It is I that would be sacrificing everything I have here. That says alot for his intention. He just did not love me.

Am sorry it has come to this Martini But you you know your marriage the best, follow your instincts.... Sometimes someone's true color come out in the most diffcult times and either you can get through the hard times and other times you can't... Everything is a test, if it's True Love it will Prevail!!

I wish you most luck and my thoughts are with you

Nita

[Martiniolive 0]

Ah yes i really did not see it from that angle. Maybe he is thinking of what is best. He just keeps it to himself so much maybe so I have no clue. He does seem like the kind to not share his feeelings. This would be a problem in these situations. How can one even know what one does not share. It's very lonely actually. I tell everything I feeel and assume everyone does too but thats true many people keep feelings private and he is really that kind. Too bad for me tho.

Once again, noone can really know another person's true intentions at this point, so it is difficult to advise you on what you should do in so far as the marriage is concerned. I am surprised that you are less inclined to consider that it might be possible that he is thinking of what is best for both of you. You say he gave up his job, in anticipation of getting a visa. Your proposal to move there while you are waiting would place an additional financial strain on the marriage, one that right now does not exist with you remaining in the USA to see what comes of the visa application. It's true that love knows no boundaries, but flying in the face of reason, is reckless love. Take it from someone old enough to know that love adapts to times and circumstances, and may be deeper than it appears.

thank you so much for all of your prayers nitaandassaad they were not wasted I am sure they are why I am still able to live thru this. Bless you. I am so happy for you two. I am realizing still that this is really happening to me. Wish I did not love him as much as I do. God will help me. I know . If my husband did really love me like people have said, he would want me no matter how or where. It is I that would be sacrificing everything I have here. That says alot for his intention. He just did not love me.

Am sorry it has come to this Martini But you you know your marriage the best, follow your instincts.... Sometimes someone's true color come out in the most diffcult times and either you can get through the hard times and other times you can't... Everything is a test, if it's True Love it will Prevail!!

I wish you most luck and my thoughts are with you

Nita

[brnidokiegurl 0]

again just step away for while and think, you know how the people feel there of americans so u know that part isnt true...in the pretend what if for us ahmed has always wished i would come there, its me that doesnt want to, he explained things would not be nicest for while but we would get by, so i dont know if hes looking out for you or him with that part...this is really hard on everyone. I did ask ahmed how long we would be married he did say forever so hopefully they ask him that at interview and if ours is returned? then what do we do? im more the one tired of all this more than him. Just think on it awhile

[Gemmie 142]

It's hard to say what his intentions are, as we don't know him.

You both entered the marriage with the mutual understanding that you want to be together and if he isn't willing for the move to be the other way round, I would personally question (openly, you need to communicate to each other) why he married you. If it was to move to America, then his intentions were misunderstood to you. If it was to be with *you*, then he needs to make a decision about how important that is to him, and adjust accordingly.

If I couldn't move to the US, I have no doubts that my fiance would move to the UK. We want to be together and give our relationship the chance it deserves.

[reeses16 8]

Listen to your intuition and try to look at things objectively. In your post you say that you think it was about the visa for him. Thats telling. I know you don't want to get another divorce, but don't continue with this marriage if you know it is not best for you. I'm sure you will make a good decision.