Stolen Papers

[mkg265 2]

Thankfully, in the United States we have something called small claims court. You don't need a lawyer, just common sense. I'd threaten him with that until the bills (he owes) are paid.

[JayJay 4]

Oh sweetie, I am sorry - he sounds like a mean guy You know, it's probably going to be better just to let him go - just let him go and do his thing, whatever that might be, and you'll be alright and feel back to normal eventually. It's just never easy getting divorced or breaking up with someone.

The other posters are right though - they are his papers. But now, I'd not worry about them. It'll be way too much heartache and mental stress to fight I think. He's already done you wrong and made you sad - let it be. I did - I signed that divorce decree when I got it, and gave my ex everything he wanted (including the house which he's now lost to foreclosure...hahaha..oh...sorry...was that a laugh there?). I ended up with peace, a simple life, and happiness. And a great guy with whom I am extremely happy and who treats me like a queen! You'll find all of that as well.

As for visa fraud...as an Englishwoman myself I can tell you that would be hiiiighly unlikely. The US, economically speaking at least (and this would make sense if it's all about the money) is a lot weaker than the UK, many trillions of dollars in debt and to all ends, if money were what he were after, sticking in England would have been a better idea. Had it not been for my ex, I wouldn't have thought about moving to the states at all. So don't feel used like that - I seriously doubt be used you to get a green card!

Anyway hugs to you (F) XX

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

I would tell him that he better pay all the bills through current, give him a date like a week max, otherwise your cancelling service. Then follow through and cancel the service. Let him see how much his cell will cost on a prepaid basis if he has no credit.

Seems he wants to get out of the relationship asap cause he has some girl lined up for marriage. I would be evil and prolong the divorce to tick him off. Seems he wasted your money on bills, you should waste his in time

[chispas 0]

I just saw this thread now, and wanted to say sorry that you went through that. I went through something similar, and at times I felt I was babbling to myself or that what I had witnessed didn't make sense to me. My SO lived in England from a number of years then went to another country before coming to the US. I was told over and over that the UK is better than the US so he didn't need me to get in the country. However, just being from the UK doesn't guarantee that a person isn't running away from something there to a different life here. I learned that my SO had run up bills there, owed money to many people, was arrested for drinking and driving several times, didn't pay child support for his children, didn't know where his children were, and had borrowed money from people that he never intended to pay back. Fast forward here, the same behavior continued along with the twist of immigration issues. He knew exactly what to do and when to do it to get what he wanted. I had "all" of the immigration papers taken from my files too, including any and everything we had together. All the wedding pictures etc were taken. Anything that could tie him to me was taken. My passport, id etc. were also taken. I filed a police report, but who cared about that. We bought a car together that I pay for and he took and issured then used it as proof of a relationship. There is a ton more,, but in the end he told me that he used me and laughed. So, just know that once they get here and we marry them our job is done. From that point forward immigration deals with them, they take our complaints, but the generally deal with the immigrant and most likely give them the benefit of the doubt. Mine just got his 10 green card without any signatures or help from me. Go figure.

[chispas 0]

I just saw this thread now, and wanted to say sorry that you went through that. I went through something similar, and at times I felt I was babbling to myself or that what I had witnessed didn't make sense to me. My SO lived in England from a number of years then went to another country before coming to the US. I was told over and over that the UK is better than the US so he didn't need me to get in the country. However, just being from the UK doesn't guarantee that a person isn't running away from something there to a different life here. I learned that my SO had run up bills there, owed money to many people, was arrested for drinking and driving several times, didn't pay child support for his children, didn't know where his children were, and had borrowed money from people that he never intended to pay back. Fast forward here, the same behavior continued along with the twist of immigration issues. He knew exactly what to do and when to do it to get what he wanted. I had "all" of the immigration papers taken from my files too, including any and everything we had together. All the wedding pictures etc were taken. Anything that could tie him to me was taken. My passport, id etc. were also taken. I filed a police report, but who cared about that. We bought a car together that I pay for and he took and issured then used it as proof of a relationship. There is a ton more,, but in the end he told me that he used me and laughed. So, just know that once they get here and we marry them our job is done. From that point forward immigration deals with them, they take our complaints, but the generally deal with the immigrant and most likely give them the benefit of the doubt. Mine just got his 10 green card without any signatures or help from me. Go figure.

[TheZilla 0]

Thank you all for your advice.

I feel at the moment like I'm falling apart in a lot of ways. My ex still hasn't paid what he owes. I feel stupid because I've been trying to do the 'right' thing. I've only contacted him about the divorce papers and the bills and I've cooperated with him. I've only asked to keep me informed about when he'll be able to pay, etc. and he ignores me. He took weeks getting on top of the cell phone to the point I thought I would have to buy it out myself. A kind operator helped me out and knocked off charges, and stopped service to the phone so he couldn't use it anymore. All of a sudden he paid (at a discount) and then suddenly he got into contact with me asking me to release the number to him again and reinstate the service.

I told him I wouldn't until the bills he owes are paid and not until he sent the copies of the divorce papers he omitted. He sent the papers but has not gotten back to me about the bills. Meanwhile, I am pinching every penny I have because of the bill he owes, and my credit has been damaged pretty badly. I know where he is living now but I don't have a home phone for him (he listed his cell as his home phone) and he doesn't respond to emails. I also have no idea if he'll cooperate with the divorce, or if he will leave me hanging for weeks at his 'leisure'. I asked him to just please let me know what he intended to do, and I waited over a week for a response and nothing came.

I got so desperate I wrote an email to his parents and sent a copy to him, detailing what he's done (they support him financially). I regret it and feel foolish for doing it, I don't want to cause trouble but I feel so pushed and taken advantage of. I want to protect myself but I feel he knows my hands are tied because I have no money. I've contacted an attorney, and I have to use all the extra money I have to pay for just a consultation, I can't retain an attorney right now and I am literally just a few hundred dollars above the guidelines for legal aid. I'm currently still paying on his late bills.

I just feel sick. I know I made mistakes but I feel I was good to him. I don't want to play victim here, I've been trying to be strong and just move past all this. I want this divorce just over with. I didn't even keep much of anything save some DVDs and books, I even returned the crystal vases and things his family gave us as wedding gifts. I've been civil and cooperative. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I guess I just feel so drained and hurt right now. I know somewhere inside myself that all of this speaks to something that is deeply wrong inside HIM, that it's not me, but it still hurts anyway. I wasn't perfect by any means, I know I made mistakes, I just don't feel I did anything to warrant his disregard and bordering on cruel treatment of me. I can't understand it.

I want to close out the cell phone myself but that would mean stretching my money past the limits and going into more debt. I wish I could just write off the cable bill as a loss and I would if the financial situation wasn't so dire right now because of the hits my investments took. I've been busting my ### applying everywhere in town for a job, even tried to get this job selling Christmas trees hoping I could land something to get my head above water better right now. I just want this nightmare to be over.

[Beautiful_years 0]

Thank you all for your advice.

I feel at the moment like I'm falling apart in a lot of ways. My ex still hasn't paid what he owes. I feel stupid because I've been trying to do the 'right' thing. I've only contacted him about the divorce papers and the bills and I've cooperated with him. I've only asked to keep me informed about when he'll be able to pay, etc. and he ignores me. He took weeks getting on top of the cell phone to the point I thought I would have to buy it out myself. A kind operator helped me out and knocked off charges, and stopped service to the phone so he couldn't use it anymore. All of a sudden he paid (at a discount) and then suddenly he got into contact with me asking me to release the number to him again and reinstate the service.

I told him I wouldn't until the bills he owes are paid and not until he sent the copies of the divorce papers he omitted. He sent the papers but has not gotten back to me about the bills. Meanwhile, I am pinching every penny I have because of the bill he owes, and my credit has been damaged pretty badly. I know where he is living now but I don't have a home phone for him (he listed his cell as his home phone) and he doesn't respond to emails. I also have no idea if he'll cooperate with the divorce, or if he will leave me hanging for weeks at his 'leisure'. I asked him to just please let me know what he intended to do, and I waited over a week for a response and nothing came.

I got so desperate I wrote an email to his parents and sent a copy to him, detailing what he's done (they support him financially). I regret it and feel foolish for doing it, I don't want to cause trouble but I feel so pushed and taken advantage of. I want to protect myself but I feel he knows my hands are tied because I have no money. I've contacted an attorney, and I have to use all the extra money I have to pay for just a consultation, I can't retain an attorney right now and I am literally just a few hundred dollars above the guidelines for legal aid. I'm currently still paying on his late bills.

I just feel sick. I know I made mistakes but I feel I was good to him. I don't want to play victim here, I've been trying to be strong and just move past all this. I want this divorce just over with. I didn't even keep much of anything save some DVDs and books, I even returned the crystal vases and things his family gave us as wedding gifts. I've been civil and cooperative. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I guess I just feel so drained and hurt right now. I know somewhere inside myself that all of this speaks to something that is deeply wrong inside HIM, that it's not me, but it still hurts anyway. I wasn't perfect by any means, I know I made mistakes, I just don't feel I did anything to warrant his disregard and bordering on cruel treatment of me. I can't understand it.

I want to close out the cell phone myself but that would mean stretching my money past the limits and going into more debt. I wish I could just write off the cable bill as a loss and I would if the financial situation wasn't so dire right now because of the hits my investments took. I've been busting my ### applying everywhere in town for a job, even tried to get this job selling Christmas trees hoping I could land something to get my head above water better right now. I just want this nightmare to be over.

My heart goes out to you and so does my prayers, a part of me says teach him a lesson for being cruel to you. Its one thing for a relationship to go sour and then divorce but for him to treat you like you dont mean a thing is really unacceptable, like he forgot everything and cant remember any good about you being married at a point or being in love... now that said.. i must commend you, you are reasonable, not spiteful and nice, it makes it all the more difficult to accept that he took so much advantage of you, never once did you post and curse or be bounded in so much hatred, you see the good more than the bad and have been on the defence for him.

Dont worry you will heal, i am also glad you have not accepted some *spiteful* advice which would not only drain your emotions but also cost you more $$$ in the process.

Take this as a passing phase, reflect on the times, note the mistakes and red flags if any, if he doesnt pay off the bills the credit will still be on you.

Do what you can to sort things out and get your life back together, he might seem to be the one laughing now, but believe me, he will have cause to think back someday, you know what they say about who laughs last!

Let him go, hook up with his new catch or revive old ones, he is who he is and will get whats coming to him, "vengeance is mine" says the lord.

We all have one story or another, trust me, in the end you ll be glad he left when he did, and someone else who would appreciate you more than he would ever have done would come along.

I wish there was a way to reach out to you and give you a nice big bear hug! You deserve it, and i feel your pain, but you ll survive, even if you have scars or depressions in your heart that others cant see with the naked eye, you ll survive, those scars would be reminders of your close encounter with a life of unhappiness, a check point or reference for future mistakes!

Let it be, sort out the divorce thing together and leave him with a remark that would haunt him all his life.

Do you know this song..."I will survive"? you will survive! Yes you can!

I wish you goodluck and please keep us posted, i do want to hear how you eventually solved it and how you are coping.

Talk talk talk, vent if you must, cry too, its all in the healing process, we listen, we console, we care.

[TheZilla 0]

I've been trying to deal with this in the healthiest way possible, giving myself room to cry and get angry. I just can't wait until he's out of my life now, I don't care if he stays in the states. I just hate that he still lives around here. When the bank sent me all the warning notices about the overdrafts, it listed all the places charges were made and I saw that he was taking her everywhere that I took him. Places that were special for us, or at least, I thought they were. What kind of sick person does that? Any time I go anywhere now, I get anxious and sick hoping I don't run into the two of them.

It feels so unfair. I know there is no reason he should have to leave because we broke up, I know that, I accept that. I still feel so used and taken advantage of anyway. He's all set up in America now, he's going to classes and he's living alone with the girl in her apartment. His parents are supporting him, he's got a car of his own, he's got it made. My rational side says that just because it seems perfect doesn't mean it is, but still, from where I'm standing, it feels so unfair. In a phone call a couple of months ago, I asked him how he can sleep at night. He said "I can sleep because I'm happy". When I asked him how he could just walk away and not think about how it has affected me, he said "What's done is done, feeling bad about it won't do me any good".

I just never would have thought he would do the things he's done, and I feel so foolish for not listening to a lot of my gut instincts when things got rough between us. Part of me does feel like it's better that this girl has to deal with him than me. I have a feeling he will be the same with her, this unbelievable sweetheart who seems to good to be true until things get 'serious' and aren't 'brand new' anymore. She had a boyfriend that she kicked out of her apartment so my ex could move in. They do deserve each other, they're a couple of selfish little children. That's what I think anyway.

It's like he has no conscience, or if he does, he is just really good at ignoring it, pushing it down, and pretending that it doesn't exist. He had nothing to say for himself, nothing at all. Like I said, I'm not perfect and I messed up stuff in our relationship, but at the end of the day, it was all stuff that had he confronted me about it at the time, I would have worked to change because I valued my relationship. I worked to change so much as it was. It's like that metaphor though, about a relationship being like a bridge that needs constant maintenance and if work is only being done on one side, the bridge will collapse. That's what it feels like. I just feel foolish for trying so hard to do so much. If anything, it was my inexperience, me not knowing better and not knowing how much was too much to take from him.

I want to take lessons from this, right now it's just hard to know which are the things I know I did wrong that I should change for myself so I don't repeat those mistakes in my next relationship (if it happens) and which are the things I am beating myself up for but are only the things HE had a problem with, that aren't bad about me at all. It can be so confusing. I am hoping beyond hope that it won't feel this confusing forever and that there will come a day that I'm past this enough to see things clearer. I just don't want to come out of this bitter and depressed and feeling bad about myself. I'm trying so hard to do the right things for myself right now, it just hurts so badly.

If you've read all this, I have to thank you for doing so. I have felt so voiceless sometimes, and I hate how it seems that just because he bought me some nice presents and just because he did some household chores in the house while he was here, he seems to use this as fodder for telling himself that he is a nice guy who was in a bad relationship. I feel that perhaps our relationship definitely was not going to work no matter what, I just feel there is no excuse for getting out of it the way he did and what he has done to me since. I feel that it's true you can't help it in life if a relationship isn't going to work out, but there are ways to reject someone with respect and consideration, ways to end a marriage tactfully even if there is no getting out of hurting someone, you know?

Again, if you've read all this, thank you for listening.

[Jon&Lindsey 0]

I'm so sorry to hear your story and what has happened. I can't imagine how hard that must be, and wish you all the best for getting him out of your life and the future.

[sus 70]

I am so sorry to hear what has happened and what you are going through - But I think you need to take proactive steps to protect yourself.

The first issue would be the stolen papers - Are they only related to his visa, or do the papers contain your personal information? If so, I would file a police report, and put a credit watch on your credit immediately.

As for turning his cell back on - sorry, no - he made his bed, let him lie in it. You need to distance yourself from him, and don't let him squeak by on your credit.

Are you waiting for him to file the divorce? I would take proactive steps to do it yourself - if you can't afford it, every state has pro bono help - contact the bar association and find out. You can file motions pendente lite (basically, before the divorce is final) in order to protect yourself against anymore debt - have the cell phone, etc... declared his - especially if you push fraud charges against him that he opened the accounts without your knowledge.

[English Muffin 59]

[TheZilla 0]

I am so sorry to hear what has happened and what you are going through - But I think you need to take proactive steps to protect yourself.

The first issue would be the stolen papers - Are they only related to his visa, or do the papers contain your personal information? If so, I would file a police report, and put a credit watch on your credit immediately.

As for turning his cell back on - sorry, no - he made his bed, let him lie in it. You need to distance yourself from him, and don't let him squeak by on your credit.

Are you waiting for him to file the divorce? I would take proactive steps to do it yourself - if you can't afford it, every state has pro bono help - contact the bar association and find out. You can file motions pendente lite (basically, before the divorce is final) in order to protect yourself against anymore debt - have the cell phone, etc... declared his - especially if you push fraud charges against him that he opened the accounts without your knowledge.

The papers he took were all approval notices from the government, stretching back to the first notices for the 129-F. He already had a set of copies of the original 129-f paperwork, and yes, those have my social # on them and stuff. I don't think he would go so far as to open NEW accounts with my information, but at this point, I don't know what in the world to think.

The cell is in my name right now. There's no service going to it, but it's in my name. I want to buy out the account myself but I don't have the money at the moment, like I said, if I buy it out myself it will mean going into debt. I don't want to do that, but I might have to.

I made an appointment with an attorney just for a consultation. I have the divorce papers, he is the one who is supposed to file and pay for the filing fees which are 300+, I just wanted to go over things with someone and find out what my rights are. As it stands, he may have picked up the wrong set of papers in the first place. I have looked into legal aid but I am literally just a few hundred dollars above their guidelines in terms of qualifying income levels. It sucks because I'm not actually bringing in that much interest income anymore, it's just they base it on tax years. This tax year includes my interest income from the beginning of the year when things were OK on the stock market, now I am bringing in next to nothing but it doesn't 'count' until next year. I asked if they could refer me to any other bro-bono resources and they said they couldn't help me. That's why I made the appointment with the attorney, she's the cheapest in the area as far as consultations, though I probably cannot afford to retain her.

I have not heard anything from him at all, I only hear from him when he himself needs something. I am afraid that he will get his own lawyer because his parents could pay for it if they want to. The thing is, I have no idea what is happening on his side because no one tells me anything, and he's done so much damage already. I'm trying so hard to figure out what the best thing to do is. I don't want to make it messy with lawyers and see this thing get dragged out, but I have no idea what he's doing or what he is planning. This has already cost me so much and continues to cost me. I just can't believe what he has done, and I am afraid of what else he might do but it's hard to know how to protect myself when I have no money to spare. I'm stretching every penny I have as it is, we've canceled all the services to the house that we can, and we even shut the hot water heater off and use it only when we need it, stuff like that. It's certainly not his fault that my investments took such hits and the economy is so bad that I am having trouble finding work. The money he owes wouldn't fix EVERYTHING, it would just get debts off my back and my mother's back.

I am hoping the attorney can help me but I'll only have 45 minutes to talk to her. I'm making a list of all the things I want to know, I hope I can fit it all in. If I had more money, this all would be easier.

[TheZilla 0]

After I made my last post, it put me in mind to call and check the status of the phone.

He reactivated it, and he used my social security number to do it. He didn't take over the account fully, he just started racking up all new charges under my name. I closed the account immediately, and I had to use my credit card which means more debt for me. I put a security pass code on the account so he can't get into it himself from now on.

I don't know what this means now because the phone number he put down on the divorce papers was that number, which is now invalid. He can obtain an attorney if he wants to. He has copies of my financial records. Basically, I have assets and he does not. He is currently unemployed. I have no idea what he is planning to do and I am extremely worried now.

[sus 70]

Please, please take steps to protect yourself - I would immediately put a credit watch on your SSN - It's not that expensive, but worth it. Here are some links:

http://www.equifax.com/credit-watch-gold/

http://www.identityguard.com/

Consumer reports article on the best credit monitoring

I would also fight with the phone company and file fraud charges - because he used your SSN without your permission to re-open the account. Who knows what else will happen next.

Also, research the bar association where you live, and the court system - Many courts have do it yourself divorce guides on them - And many bar associations have legal consultation opportunities, where you pay a minimal amount to sit down with an attorney and get advice.

[Beautiful_years 0]

I've been trying to deal with this in the healthiest way possible, giving myself room to cry and get angry. I just can't wait until he's out of my life now, I don't care if he stays in the states. I just hate that he still lives around here. When the bank sent me all the warning notices about the overdrafts, it listed all the places charges were made and I saw that he was taking her everywhere that I took him. Places that were special for us, or at least, I thought they were. What kind of sick person does that? Any time I go anywhere now, I get anxious and sick hoping I don't run into the two of them.

It feels so unfair. I know there is no reason he should have to leave because we broke up, I know that, I accept that. I still feel so used and taken advantage of anyway. He's all set up in America now, he's going to classes and he's living alone with the girl in her apartment. His parents are supporting him, he's got a car of his own, he's got it made. My rational side says that just because it seems perfect doesn't mean it is, but still, from where I'm standing, it feels so unfair. In a phone call a couple of months ago, I asked him how he can sleep at night. He said "I can sleep because I'm happy". When I asked him how he could just walk away and not think about how it has affected me, he said "What's done is done, feeling bad about it won't do me any good".

I just never would have thought he would do the things he's done, and I feel so foolish for not listening to a lot of my gut instincts when things got rough between us. Part of me does feel like it's better that this girl has to deal with him than me. I have a feeling he will be the same with her, this unbelievable sweetheart who seems to good to be true until things get 'serious' and aren't 'brand new' anymore. She had a boyfriend that she kicked out of her apartment so my ex could move in. They do deserve each other, they're a couple of selfish little children. That's what I think anyway.

It's like he has no conscience, or if he does, he is just really good at ignoring it, pushing it down, and pretending that it doesn't exist. He had nothing to say for himself, nothing at all. Like I said, I'm not perfect and I messed up stuff in our relationship, but at the end of the day, it was all stuff that had he confronted me about it at the time, I would have worked to change because I valued my relationship. I worked to change so much as it was. It's like that metaphor though, about a relationship being like a bridge that needs constant maintenance and if work is only being done on one side, the bridge will collapse. That's what it feels like. I just feel foolish for trying so hard to do so much. If anything, it was my inexperience, me not knowing better and not knowing how much was too much to take from him.

I want to take lessons from this, right now it's just hard to know which are the things I know I did wrong that I should change for myself so I don't repeat those mistakes in my next relationship (if it happens) and which are the things I am beating myself up for but are only the things HE had a problem with, that aren't bad about me at all. It can be so confusing. I am hoping beyond hope that it won't feel this confusing forever and that there will come a day that I'm past this enough to see things clearer. I just don't want to come out of this bitter and depressed and feeling bad about myself. I'm trying so hard to do the right things for myself right now, it just hurts so badly.

If you've read all this, I have to thank you for doing so. I have felt so voiceless sometimes, and I hate how it seems that just because he bought me some nice presents and just because he did some household chores in the house while he was here, he seems to use this as fodder for telling himself that he is a nice guy who was in a bad relationship. I feel that perhaps our relationship definitely was not going to work no matter what, I just feel there is no excuse for getting out of it the way he did and what he has done to me since. I feel that it's true you can't help it in life if a relationship isn't going to work out, but there are ways to reject someone with respect and consideration, ways to end a marriage tactfully even if there is no getting out of hurting someone, you know?

Again, if you've read all this, thank you for listening.

Of course i read it all and i'm glad you write cos the healing process starts when you can talk about it,like i said, its okay to cry, get angry and vent, do it here it you like, you will survive, we are all here for each other. meanwhile it might seem like he got it all going for him but be rest assured what you call perfect is relative, you have to be very cllose to see the cracks in the wall, now concentrate on getting your credit back and be you again so that if you ever meet the dumb ###, @###$%$ head idiot with his new girlfriend you ll be able to stand up tall, look them in the eye and laugh because he's the loooooooser!!! Not you!!!

Cant remember anymore but you have called uscis right? to withdraw the affidavit of support?

Think so.

Keep writting, you can be sure il read plus pray for you always.