Stolen Papers

[TheZilla 0]

Hello Everyone,

If you've read any of my posts, you probably know what is going on with me. Something new has come up and I feel absolutely sick.

I've gone over the details of my situation with people, and most everyone around me thinks my husband took me for a ride to get into the country. I keep trying to believe that he was honest, and that I just have to accept he left me and it just didn't work out. My friends have urged me to speak to someone about the details, even if just to consult with someone. I didn't think it was necessary because even though I was getting more suspicious, I didn't believe he took me for a ride.

I gave in and went to make an appointment through infopass on the USCIS website just to talk to someone. The appointment making form on the website asks for the A-Number. I had papers in my personal files (all the stuff from the beginning of the process to the end) and I went to retrieve one of the papers with the A-Number, and I just found that they are all gone. When he was taking his stuff to move out, I didn't seem him go anywhere near my desk. Sometime before he left, he had to have physically gone into my desk, retrieved the portfolio, and removed papers. I feel like I've just been punched upside the head.

I'm trying to remember what all those papers were, but I can't remember what they all were. I'm wondering if each one of those papers was something he needs to have to prove his status and that maybe he just knew he was going to leave and took them just to prove his identity. I don't know.

At this point, I just want to go over this situation with someone that might help me but I don't know what to do. I don't have any money for lawyers or anything. I don't want to accuse him if he didn't really do this to get in the country, right now I am so confused and freaked out. I don't know if I should just believe this was legitimate and just move on from the hurt of rejection and all that, or if this is a situation I shouldn't stay quiet about. Half the time I'm so sure he loved me and it didn't work out, and other times when I go over details, I feel like he may have used me, manipulated me, and taken me. He had another LDR American girlfriend before me, but she dumped him shortly before we met. I know for a fact he contacted her once when I was ready to leave him at one point. Just little things like that which get me feeling like I might have been a total fool for listening to his explanations.

Who can I contact just to talk about this? Like I said, I went to go through infopass but don't have the information they need anymore as he has taken it. He sent divorce papers but didn't send everything, he kept back a bunch of the papers and wants me to send my notarized originals so he can file it all himself. I told him I wouldn't and he got nasty to me.

I'm sorry I'm rambling on, I just don't know what to believe or do.

[rika60607 215]

Dear Zilla,

a man who did not love you could not have possibly lived with you for 1 year and 3 months (that's what I see in your siggy). Especially, since he speaks English and I don't assume he needed financial help from you. I don't know your story, so I am assuming here about financials. If he always planned on walking, he would have left sooner. Unless... did he just wait to receive conditional GC?

As far as paperwork goes - yeah, he took it to protect himself and he will need it to remove conditions, if he already has conditional GC. Put yourself in his place - would not you do the same? It does not mean he scammed you, and I don't think you can call it stealing - while you did the paperwork and prepared that folder - it is his paperwork as well. Did he steal anything apart from paperwork? Did he try to take advantage of you somehow (apart from GC)? If not, then I'd say take comfort in that he did love you. People who are after GC are also usually after money etc. They take all they can.

Good luck,

Rika

Edited October 27, 2008 by rika60607

[idocare 3]

Yes indeed it sounds like he used you to me!!! It sounds like he only needed you to

get him into the states. If I were you I would indeed fight back. By him taking the

file outta the file cabinet let's you know that he didn't want you to have any evidence

on him or paperwork concerning him.

I would start with writing a detailed letter to your local Govenor office and request a

investigation on him coming here and leaving you; follow that up with a immigration

appointment with the same detailed letter explaining to them what happened in your

relationship.

Many Aliens use marriage as a fast track to a GC our elected officials need to hear our

side of the story also. Aliens are quick to write and continue to lie on an American

citizen and we Americans tend to just go on about our lives/pain from bringing these

Aliens here, but it has to stop. With more knowledge our representatives will change

some of these laws so that the Alien can't just use us for benefits.

The very fact that he stole those papers from your file cabinet indicates that he's doing

dirty stuff. Just as you filed all those papers to get him here ; if I were you I'd be just

as vigilant in exposing his fradulent behavior. Good luck to you.

Our goverment offices have a person that they pay to handle immigration issues; I

susgest you inquire and use them just as the Aliens do.

Our goverment offices have a person that they pay to handle immigration issues; I

susgest you inquire and use them just as the Aliens do.

[TheZilla 0]

Dear Zilla,

a man who did not love you could not have possibly lived with you for 1 year and 3 months (that's what I see in your siggy). Especially, since he speaks English and I don't assume he needed financial help from you. I don't know your story, so I am assuming here about financials. If he always planned on walking, he would have left sooner. Unless... did he just wait to receive conditional GC?

As far as paperwork goes - yeah, he took it to protect himself and he will need it to remove conditions, if he already has conditional GC. Put yourself in his place - would not you do the same? It does not mean he scammed you, and I don't think you can call it stealing - while you did the paperwork and prepared that folder - it is his paperwork as well. Did he steal anything apart from paperwork? Did he try to take advantage of you somehow (apart from GC)? If not, then I'd say take comfort in that he did love you. People who are after GC are also usually after money etc. They take all they can.

Good luck,

Rika

What you're saying does make sense to me. Most of the time I am sure he loved me and that I just have to work on healing my broken heart, accepting his choice, and being the bigger person even though he honestly has treated me cruelly since he left.

My friends are most suspicious about the fact that he legged it once he was completely set up. He paid for all of his stuff, and it was his money in the bank account the whole time (though it came from his parents). He paid for the car, the phone, and college tuition, etc. but he couldn't have attained these things without my assistance and credit rating. He was only in classes and working for three weeks when he came home and said he was leaving. He had been acting affectionate right up until the day he left.

Yesterday I was just talking about so many details, and my friend was just like 'Don't you see that he took you for a ride??? You have to talk to someone". I'm trying to keep my head, thinking about my relationship and thinking he couldn't have faked certain affectionate moments we shared. He took every single bit of mail that came from the government, all the approval notices and everything. The only things left in my portfolio are the copies of all the original fiance visa application paperwork and accompanying evidence.

Like I said, I just feel confused more than anything. In my head I recall things and think 'No, it was real, it just didn't work out, just work on moving on". Then I recall other things and I feel so torn. I've even defended him to my friends when they've pushed about it all sounding suspicious, I've explained certain things to actually prove it was real. I guess I just feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. That's why I just keep putting it all out on this website, I figure you guys have actually been there and seen experiences, and might be able to advise me better than anyone.

[TayRivers 4]

I am sorry that this has happened to you, But unless you have solid evidence that he used you to obtain immigration benefits, then there is nothing that you can do.

Going to USCIS and telling them your story is not going to get him deported or get his Greencard revoked. You signed the Affidavit of Support and that is binding regardless of any divorce. You may never know what his real intentions were so all you can do is move on with your life.

As for him stealing the Immigration file, It is actually his immigration applications and is his to take. You say he paid for everything well that is a good sign, at least he did not use all your money and then leave you with nothing. Believe me if he was really using you he could have cleaned you out and totally wrecked your credit rating and claimed all sorts of Government aid that you would have had to pay back. He could have claimed physical and mental abuse and got the police involved so he would have evidence to use to enable him to remove conditions on his own.

I know you are hurting and looking for anything that will give you answers, sometimes you just have to let go and try to get your life back on track. Your friends are just being friends and like you are looking for a reason to lay blame on him. Them encouraging you to do something about him, go to USCIS and tell them he used you, are all ways to make them and you feel better, because in your mind you can then say "well at least I did something" But as I said unless you have hard evidence that he has committed fraud then USCIS are just going to see your complaint as a way at getting back at him for walking out on you.

Try to find a Lawyer who will give you 1st appointment free so that you can lay out your fears to someone who can look at just the facts. They can also give you advice as to where you go from this point.

Good Luck.

[Kiv 32]

Only the 2 persons involved in a love relationship know what happens in it.

You have good friends, they love you and they must be angry at him because he hurt you, maybe he is hurt too and they can't see it. I would have taken all the paperwork related to my status too, nothing to do with fraud or finishing an obscure plan. Just for common sense, especially if I knew that I had to revise my options latter.

Good luck.

[carpe diem 2]

Only the 2 persons involved in a love relationship know what happens in it.

You have good friends, they love you and they must be angry at him because he hurt you, maybe he is hurt too and they can't see it. I would have taken all the paperwork related to my status too, nothing to do with fraud or finishing an obscure plan. Just for common sense, especially if I knew that I had to revise my options latter.

Good luck.

Agreed. Even family members and very close friends never know the whole story of a couple's relationship. I have seen friends stay with someone who did horrible things to them and as an outsider have been absolutely dumbfounded. Similarly I have seen people walk out of a relationship that seemed to be working very well. I have decided not to judge friends for their relationship decisions and just to try to help them and to get along with their significant others no matter how I think of them. So, this is a long introduction to say, go with what you feel, not with how others analyze the situation.

You will probably never know what your husband's motivations were throughout the dating process and when entering into marriage. Moreover, most people (not just immigrants) are moved by a variety of considerations in these matters-- in addition to love, friendship, and perceived long-term compatibility, many are motivated by things like financial security, fear of staying alone, wish to start a family, social pressure, convenience, and yes, immigration status or the possibility to move to a more desirable country. Most individuals are complex and so are most relationships.

Of course, there are scammers who do anything, everything just to get a GC over the back of an unsuspecting USC. But from reading your account, this doesn't seem to be the case in your relationship. I would say, as hard as it is, try to focus on picking up the pieces and taking good care of yourself, not on making his life more difficult.

Best of luck! You will be very happy again one day.

[Aussielad 37]

just try to move on with your life, good luck and don't let other peoples opinions confuse you more than you are already confused.

[*JG* 2]

I am so sorry. I can feel your pain in your posts.

You need to move on. He's not worth another minute of your time. Regardless of what he did or didn't do along the way, he left. It's his mistake.

I hope you find your peace.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

The why, where, & how are irrelevant at this point. You need to focus on you from this point forward. If it was not him, it would have been someone else for something different just as unhealthy or healthy. You need to grow and learn from this experience. Do not think about what you could have done differently. Think about what you can do differently for yourself emotionally & spiritually to be stronger and prevent yourself from being in another unhealthy relationship. We are only as healthy as the people we keep in our lives.

Accept your experience as a blessing and opportunity on to bigger and better things. You are one amazing women to endure this process. Just think of other things you can accomplish and overcome now that you have been through this journey.

[English Muffin 59]

I have to agree with everything Tayrivers has said. The immigration papers were not stolen, they were his to take.

For your own sake you really do need to let him go and move on with your own life. My USC husband left me just 7 months after I arrived here on a K1 so I know how difficult it is having your marriage end so suddenly. Moving on is not easy and it will take time but you must start doing that now if you want to preserve your sanity.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this more privately - I kind of know what you're going through.

[TheZilla 0]

Thanks to all of you guys. I think I needed to hear stuff like this.

In the back of my mind I think I just know he truly loved me at one point but then things didn't work out how he'd imagined and he bailed. It's been confusing enough with the regular break up stuff (all the "Is he who I thought he was?" stuff, etc.) but it's doubly hard when so many people around me are so sure he took me for a ride. Like I said, I've told them all sorts of stuff to prove that it couldn't have been faked and I keep doing it.

I was just so shocked to see the papers missing, because he must have taken them at least a few days before he left, and I got all paranoid. It's just hard sometimes because I think some of my friends think I'm just being complacent and doing wishful thinking when it comes to my relationship, and I guess sometimes they get me wondering if I am. It can be so confusing and hard. I think I'm wigging out sometimes because I'm not sleeping or eating enough and running around 24-7 looking for work and all that. It weakens the rationale sometimes.

It's really hard because when they bring it up, I do defend him even though I feel sort of stupid doing it at times. I think what he has done is horrible, just on the relationship front. He has messed up my credit and I need good credit now more than ever. I do defend him when they bring up the 'taking you for a ride' thing, it's just hard because I guess I feel in those moments like such a fool who chose so unwisely in a partner, all that.

I think maybe I will just ask them politely to drop it, tell them I've made up my mind and it won't do me any good to hear it anymore. Which, obviously it isn't.

[Old Dominion 26]

Hello Everyone,

If you've read any of my posts, you probably know what is going on with me. Something new has come up and I feel absolutely sick.

I've gone over the details of my situation with people, and most everyone around me thinks my husband took me for a ride to get into the country. I keep trying to believe that he was honest, and that I just have to accept he left me and it just didn't work out. My friends have urged me to speak to someone about the details, even if just to consult with someone. I didn't think it was necessary because even though I was getting more suspicious, I didn't believe he took me for a ride.

I gave in and went to make an appointment through infopass on the USCIS website just to talk to someone. The appointment making form on the website asks for the A-Number. I had papers in my personal files (all the stuff from the beginning of the process to the end) and I went to retrieve one of the papers with the A-Number, and I just found that they are all gone. When he was taking his stuff to move out, I didn't seem him go anywhere near my desk. Sometime before he left, he had to have physically gone into my desk, retrieved the portfolio, and removed papers. I feel like I've just been punched upside the head.

I'm trying to remember what all those papers were, but I can't remember what they all were. I'm wondering if each one of those papers was something he needs to have to prove his status and that maybe he just knew he was going to leave and took them just to prove his identity. I don't know.

At this point, I just want to go over this situation with someone that might help me but I don't know what to do. I don't have any money for lawyers or anything. I don't want to accuse him if he didn't really do this to get in the country, right now I am so confused and freaked out. I don't know if I should just believe this was legitimate and just move on from the hurt of rejection and all that, or if this is a situation I shouldn't stay quiet about. Half the time I'm so sure he loved me and it didn't work out, and other times when I go over details, I feel like he may have used me, manipulated me, and taken me. He had another LDR American girlfriend before me, but she dumped him shortly before we met. I know for a fact he contacted her once when I was ready to leave him at one point. Just little things like that which get me feeling like I might have been a total fool for listening to his explanations.

Who can I contact just to talk about this? Like I said, I went to go through infopass but don't have the information they need anymore as he has taken it. He sent divorce papers but didn't send everything, he kept back a bunch of the papers and wants me to send my notarized originals so he can file it all himself. I told him I wouldn't and he got nasty to me.

I'm sorry I'm rambling on, I just don't know what to believe or do.

Until you decide what to do next (USCIS won't be of any help, I'm sure), you need to be sure to protect your credit. Cancel any credit cards in joint names, etc. etc. Change your bank account so he can't invade it. Consult a lawyer on how to dissolve the marriage, if that's what you end up deciding.

[TheZilla 0]

Hello Everyone,

If you've read any of my posts, you probably know what is going on with me. Something new has come up and I feel absolutely sick.

I've gone over the details of my situation with people, and most everyone around me thinks my husband took me for a ride to get into the country. I keep trying to believe that he was honest, and that I just have to accept he left me and it just didn't work out. My friends have urged me to speak to someone about the details, even if just to consult with someone. I didn't think it was necessary because even though I was getting more suspicious, I didn't believe he took me for a ride.

I gave in and went to make an appointment through infopass on the USCIS website just to talk to someone. The appointment making form on the website asks for the A-Number. I had papers in my personal files (all the stuff from the beginning of the process to the end) and I went to retrieve one of the papers with the A-Number, and I just found that they are all gone. When he was taking his stuff to move out, I didn't seem him go anywhere near my desk. Sometime before he left, he had to have physically gone into my desk, retrieved the portfolio, and removed papers. I feel like I've just been punched upside the head.

I'm trying to remember what all those papers were, but I can't remember what they all were. I'm wondering if each one of those papers was something he needs to have to prove his status and that maybe he just knew he was going to leave and took them just to prove his identity. I don't know.

At this point, I just want to go over this situation with someone that might help me but I don't know what to do. I don't have any money for lawyers or anything. I don't want to accuse him if he didn't really do this to get in the country, right now I am so confused and freaked out. I don't know if I should just believe this was legitimate and just move on from the hurt of rejection and all that, or if this is a situation I shouldn't stay quiet about. Half the time I'm so sure he loved me and it didn't work out, and other times when I go over details, I feel like he may have used me, manipulated me, and taken me. He had another LDR American girlfriend before me, but she dumped him shortly before we met. I know for a fact he contacted her once when I was ready to leave him at one point. Just little things like that which get me feeling like I might have been a total fool for listening to his explanations.

Who can I contact just to talk about this? Like I said, I went to go through infopass but don't have the information they need anymore as he has taken it. He sent divorce papers but didn't send everything, he kept back a bunch of the papers and wants me to send my notarized originals so he can file it all himself. I told him I wouldn't and he got nasty to me.

I'm sorry I'm rambling on, I just don't know what to believe or do.

Until you decide what to do next (USCIS won't be of any help, I'm sure), you need to be sure to protect your credit. Cancel any credit cards in joint names, etc. etc. Change your bank account so he can't invade it. Consult a lawyer on how to dissolve the marriage, if that's what you end up deciding.

We didn't have any joint credit card accounts. We had a joint bank account and he ran up a ton of overdrafts and almost went over the limit. He took his time taking care of it. A friend checked my credit score for me through his job, and it had taken a hit. Now he's jerking me around with the cell phone. Took it out in my name but he paid the bills online and such. He failed to pay them and now I'm getting a bunch of past due notices. He said he'd take care of it but I don't know when. I would close it out myself but I do not have enough money to pay the bill or buy out the contract. We had high speed net/digital cable (in my Mom's name) which he had hooked up and paid for. He took off and we canceled it, but there were still charges for the last month he was here. My Mom and I can't pay it ourselves, our money is stretched to the max already so those bills are late. We hated that they had to be but we had no recourse, we had to use it for food and household stuff. We're waiting for him to send a check for what he owes.

I wanted to try reconciling but he wouldn't hear anything of it as he wanted to move in with this other girl. The only thing he's actually made sure to contact me about is letting me know he wants this divorce as soon as possible. So it's completely over. I'm just waiting on him to send me copies of all the divorce information he did not initially send. Basically, he did not send me his portion of the paperwork, but expected me to fill out and notarize mine, send it back to him, and HE'D file alone. I told him that was unacceptable. I said that I wanted copies of his portion, that I'd send him copies of my portions so that we both have everything, then we'd have to set a date to file all the originals together. I just don't trust him now, and don't want to send notarized original paperwork that he could alter, you know? I thought that was fair.

[rika60607 215]

He does act mean and irresponsible to you and you do need to protect yourself.

You need to cut every avenue he could use to hurt your credit further - cell phone including. Then tell him that he should take care of the bills he incurred immediately and that if he does not - you will procrastinate with giving him the divorce he wants.

That should work

As far as assembling the divorce application together - you are in the right. Under the circumstances, I don't think either of you should trust or expect to be trusted. When people break up they often act mean, even if they are the ones who chose to walk out. It does not mean he did not love you though. Years later when everything is ancient past - find him and ask him, only then he will be able to give you the honest answer.

And yes, just tell your friends to drop the subject, don't dwell on it, move on and think positive! What better revenge than to have a happy life