what's wrong with getting married during the first trip?

[polarbear 0]

I had known my husband (online) for almost a year when I flew out and married him. I had spent a lot of time online with him, and knew him pretty well. I knew that it would take some time to get the approval for marriage, which would give me a chance to see if he was the same person online as he was offline. It turns out that he was, and we have been married for 4 years now. So it worked for us. So can it work? Yes. Does it always work? No.

Now from an immigration stand point. I think it was PB that stated that you have to look at this as a legal matter. I have to agree. It ticks me off that it has to be viewed that way, but who are we to fight immigration? So it is best to play the game their way.

Just some background information. We met online in November of 2003. My first trip out there was when we married October of 04. He had his interview in August of 05. He was denied a visa, and the petition was sent back to the USCIS with the recommendation of a revokation of our petition. The USCIS sent us a Notice of Intent to Revoke stating the following reasons:

1-Had just met in person, and got married

2-Had a small ceremony

3-No relatives and friends were at the wedding (This one was untrue)

I don't believe that these are the real reasons that we were denied, but it gave them a valid reason to deny the visa.

The bottom line is this. Perhaps if you marry on the first trip you will get the visa easy. Perhaps you will be denied. It is up to you how to handle it. If you take your time and get engaged, then make a second trip for the marriage it will increase your chances of having the visa approved on the first interview. If you choose to get married the first trip then it will increase your chance for a denial.

The total time it took us to get the visa, from the initial petition, was 2 years, and this would have been considered quick for a denial.

You can do as you please, you don't owe it to any of us to do it one way or the other. But on the other hand if things don't go well at least we all know that we gave you the best advice that we could.

Wow, they actually used the fact that you had a small ceremony against you???? So everyone is supposed to blow a ton of money or if you don't have a lot of money to begin with (as in our case) then it's fraud????? Boyoboyoboy, I should have pulled the Bridezilla act then and demanded a huge reception at the Yak & Yeti not to mention a big diamond from my hubby - I only have a silver ring so he is only out for the GC...sheesh....

We have 2 out of 3 on your list - we technically met in '06, called and emailed a few times but don't have any evidence before marriage(were not thinking it would go so far) so it's going to look as if we married right after we met, and we had a small ceremony, though his family was there and we have photos. I am scared... we are at NVC now and getting our stuff together, will be paying the IV Fee bill on Thursday. I will be having cataract surgery soon(on my one good eye) and am telling myself I won't worry about this visa mess until I get through surgery - my appointment with my Optho to set the date is on Friday... I can only deal with one crisis at a time...

Well since you've been married you've gone to see him several times so I think that's going to help you guys.

I hope you're right, Olivia... I am thinking we should have his family write a letter documenting that they have known me since '06, maybe that would help to make up for the lack of evidence before marriage??

Have you kept evidence of your visits since? Those would be good for the interview - something my SO was asked about and seemed to be a deciding factor for the interviewer.

Send him photocopies from your passport and ticket stubs if you have them - include any pics (even if they aren't considered the best evidence).

A quick marriage is not always a reason for denial. If there is other substantial evidence of a strong relationship and no other red flags, it doesn't seem to factor as much. You just never know with the consulates.

Don't worry about it Pattu - its done, there is nothing you can do to change it or any other red flags. The only thing you can do is be prepared to address it if it comes up, just like any other part of the interview

Edited October 28, 2008 by polarbear

[morocco4ever 63]

I had known my husband (online) for almost a year when I flew out and married him. I had spent a lot of time online with him, and knew him pretty well. I knew that it would take some time to get the approval for marriage, which would give me a chance to see if he was the same person online as he was offline. It turns out that he was, and we have been married for 4 years now. So it worked for us. So can it work? Yes. Does it always work? No.

Now from an immigration stand point. I think it was PB that stated that you have to look at this as a legal matter. I have to agree. It ticks me off that it has to be viewed that way, but who are we to fight immigration? So it is best to play the game their way.

Just some background information. We met online in November of 2003. My first trip out there was when we married October of 04. He had his interview in August of 05. He was denied a visa, and the petition was sent back to the USCIS with the recommendation of a revokation of our petition. The USCIS sent us a Notice of Intent to Revoke stating the following reasons:

1-Had just met in person, and got married

2-Had a small ceremony

3-No relatives and friends were at the wedding (This one was untrue)

I don't believe that these are the real reasons that we were denied, but it gave them a valid reason to deny the visa.

The bottom line is this. Perhaps if you marry on the first trip you will get the visa easy. Perhaps you will be denied. It is up to you how to handle it. If you take your time and get engaged, then make a second trip for the marriage it will increase your chances of having the visa approved on the first interview. If you choose to get married the first trip then it will increase your chance for a denial.

The total time it took us to get the visa, from the initial petition, was 2 years, and this would have been considered quick for a denial.

You can do as you please, you don't owe it to any of us to do it one way or the other. But on the other hand if things don't go well at least we all know that we gave you the best advice that we could.

Wow, they actually used the fact that you had a small ceremony against you???? So everyone is supposed to blow a ton of money or if you don't have a lot of money to begin with (as in our case) then it's fraud????? Boyoboyoboy, I should have pulled the Bridezilla act then and demanded a huge reception at the Yak & Yeti not to mention a big diamond from my hubby - I only have a silver ring so he is only out for the GC...sheesh....

We have 2 out of 3 on your list - we technically met in '06, called and emailed a few times but don't have any evidence before marriage(were not thinking it would go so far) so it's going to look as if we married right after we met, and we had a small ceremony, though his family was there and we have photos. I am scared... we are at NVC now and getting our stuff together, will be paying the IV Fee bill on Thursday. I will be having cataract surgery soon(on my one good eye) and am telling myself I won't worry about this visa mess until I get through surgery - my appointment with my Optho to set the date is on Friday... I can only deal with one crisis at a time...

I am sure that the small ceremony wasn't the reason, not were any of the other things they mentioned. But the real reasons could have been to easy for us to prove, and they doubted the sincerity of our relationship, so the stated reasons gave them enough to send it back. In my rebuttal I addressed all of the reasons they stated, as well as the suspected reasons. We won, but it was one he!! of an uphill battle. If I were to go back and do it again I would have done it very differently.

[Imua 0]

I had known my husband (online) for almost a year when I flew out and married him. I had spent a lot of time online with him, and knew him pretty well. I knew that it would take some time to get the approval for marriage, which would give me a chance to see if he was the same person online as he was offline. It turns out that he was, and we have been married for 4 years now. So it worked for us. So can it work? Yes. Does it always work? No.

Now from an immigration stand point. I think it was PB that stated that you have to look at this as a legal matter. I have to agree. It ticks me off that it has to be viewed that way, but who are we to fight immigration? So it is best to play the game their way.

Just some background information. We met online in November of 2003. My first trip out there was when we married October of 04. He had his interview in August of 05. He was denied a visa, and the petition was sent back to the USCIS with the recommendation of a revokation of our petition. The USCIS sent us a Notice of Intent to Revoke stating the following reasons:

1-Had just met in person, and got married

2-Had a small ceremony

3-No relatives and friends were at the wedding (This one was untrue)

I don't believe that these are the real reasons that we were denied, but it gave them a valid reason to deny the visa.

The bottom line is this. Perhaps if you marry on the first trip you will get the visa easy. Perhaps you will be denied. It is up to you how to handle it. If you take your time and get engaged, then make a second trip for the marriage it will increase your chances of having the visa approved on the first interview. If you choose to get married the first trip then it will increase your chance for a denial.

The total time it took us to get the visa, from the initial petition, was 2 years, and this would have been considered quick for a denial.

You can do as you please, you don't owe it to any of us to do it one way or the other. But on the other hand if things don't go well at least we all know that we gave you the best advice that we could.

Wow, they actually used the fact that you had a small ceremony against you???? So everyone is supposed to blow a ton of money or if you don't have a lot of money to begin with (as in our case) then it's fraud????? Boyoboyoboy, I should have pulled the Bridezilla act then and demanded a huge reception at the Yak & Yeti not to mention a big diamond from my hubby - I only have a silver ring so he is only out for the GC...sheesh....

We have 2 out of 3 on your list - we technically met in '06, called and emailed a few times but don't have any evidence before marriage(were not thinking it would go so far) so it's going to look as if we married right after we met, and we had a small ceremony, though his family was there and we have photos. I am scared... we are at NVC now and getting our stuff together, will be paying the IV Fee bill on Thursday. I will be having cataract surgery soon(on my one good eye) and am telling myself I won't worry about this visa mess until I get through surgery - my appointment with my Optho to set the date is on Friday... I can only deal with one crisis at a time...

I am sure that the small ceremony wasn't the reason, not were any of the other things they mentioned. But the real reasons could have been to easy for us to prove, and they doubted the sincerity of our relationship, so the stated reasons gave them enough to send it back. In my rebuttal I addressed all of the reasons they stated, as well as the suspected reasons. We won, but it was one he!! of an uphill battle. If I were to go back and do it again I would have done it very differently.

I was being just a little sarcastic - I mean sheesh, they were really pulling at straws there, huh??? A small ceremony - come on!!! I'm glad you guys fought and won though and so happy for you that you are together now - as they say all's well that ends well.

[nunyab 0]

i haven't been back since we married in May.... planning a trip in Jan can't go back during the holidays cause of work....

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I haven't been back since we married in Dec. 06'. All unfortunately due to circumstances beyond our control. I was in college and later he was taken by the Egyptian military. I don't know how our chances must look to the consulates because we didn't have an engagement party, we got married the first visit three day after my arrival even though we talked online for three years, we didn't have a wedding just the signing of the marriage contract at the ministry of justice. There was nothing Islamic about it because I'm not a Muslim nor an Arab in anyway. It was my first visit ever to Muslim dominated country. I didn't meet his immediate family because his father, being the patriarch, was firmly against our marriage even though his mother said he could marry whom he chooses. It was very clandestine on his part. He wanted to marry me but knew the challanges he faced with his father against it so his thoughts were to win the family over with the supporting members such as the matriarch, Grandma, by introducing me to the extended family first. His brothers and sisters knew about me and were supportive of us long before the parents. But isn't that how it is with sibilings? My side and my family knew of our engagement nine months prior and they tried to talk me out of it for nine months since I formaly announced our engagement. It all could look very bad. Perhaps that's why the military choose to take him? I didn't have a lot of money to begin with so it wasn't about money. I had to work two full-time jobs for nine months day and night just to afford to travel over there and marry him. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't serious even though I was scared witless. People who have married after us from the same area I am from have gotten their spouse here already from the same area my spouse is from. I don't have anything to say to that except we are still waiting. If I had money I'd buy his way out of the military obligation, but neither of us have that, nor any influence so we just pay our time and endure the unbearable wait. I've cried many a nights over it and lost countless sleepless hours and we've had numerous fights in regards to communication issues. We are helpless to do anything during this time. As if our life isn't hard enough we have to go through all this on top of the visa process. In many ways I feel we got the short end of the stick. As if our number came up and everything possible that is bad that could happen ended up happening to us. There are only 30 weeks left to my graduation from the University, and 28 weeks left before he is formally discharged from his military obligation. Then we will be together for the first time in a long time and I have to confess it scares the ####### out of me. We will not have seen each other or been together for 2.5 years. We talk online now almost regularly so there is some familiarity there with my Husband and I but on the other hand you can't help but wonder what kind of people we've become today. Alot happens in 2.5 years. I mean we've become completely different people from the day we met and married. Most of our conversations now days consist of what our future will be like. We'll most likely cancel the K3 and move on to the IR-1 since we'll be married for two years by the time we see each other again. That means we have to start all over again but at least this time we'll be together. Being together and being married scares me a bit. I've never lived with a man before other than my brothers or father. I've never done the whole responsible wife bit either. He's never lived with a woman that isn't his wife. Then there is the whole factor of living together and getting to know each other for the first time in person. I'm going to be living with him in Egypt until the visa is approved so there is the whole culture shock I'm going to be going through as well. At the same time I don't know what is really going to happen after I graduate college. I'm also applying for internships, and fellowships, and to graduate schools. I'm trying to keep my options open for the future. He's said he is supportive if I get accepted to graduate school even though he doesn't like for me to leave again because he doesn't ever want to let me go again. While that is a sweet statement it's also scary. I can't explain it any further than that.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

So you want to know what's wrong with getting married on the first visit? Well there is a right way and there is a wrong way and obviously we did it the wrong way even though we were too dumb, and too young, and too in love at the time to realize it.

[bratikicks 0]

hi,

Nothing wrong with getting married during ur first trip.....

because we did it....

finally i got my visa now....infact he only visited me once and we got married,he stayed in the phils 1 1/2months then went back to states to file our cr1....

consul aked me about it but aslong as ur confident with ur answer and ur relatioship well u have nothing to worry.....

tip memorized all memorable dates................

bRat...

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I had known my husband (online) for almost a year when I flew out and married him. I had spent a lot of time online with him, and knew him pretty well. I knew that it would take some time to get the approval for marriage, which would give me a chance to see if he was the same person online as he was offline. It turns out that he was, and we have been married for 4 years now. So it worked for us. So can it work? Yes. Does it always work? No.

Now from an immigration stand point. I think it was PB that stated that you have to look at this as a legal matter. I have to agree. It ticks me off that it has to be viewed that way, but who are we to fight immigration? So it is best to play the game their way.

Just some background information. We met online in November of 2003. My first trip out there was when we married October of 04. He had his interview in August of 05. He was denied a visa, and the petition was sent back to the USCIS with the recommendation of a revokation of our petition. The USCIS sent us a Notice of Intent to Revoke stating the following reasons:

1-Had just met in person, and got married

2-Had a small ceremony

3-No relatives and friends were at the wedding (This one was untrue)

I don't believe that these are the real reasons that we were denied, but it gave them a valid reason to deny the visa.

The bottom line is this. Perhaps if you marry on the first trip you will get the visa easy. Perhaps you will be denied. It is up to you how to handle it. If you take your time and get engaged, then make a second trip for the marriage it will increase your chances of having the visa approved on the first interview. If you choose to get married the first trip then it will increase your chance for a denial.

The total time it took us to get the visa, from the initial petition, was 2 years, and this would have been considered quick for a denial.

You can do as you please, you don't owe it to any of us to do it one way or the other. But on the other hand if things don't go well at least we all know that we gave you the best advice that we could.

Wow, they actually used the fact that you had a small ceremony against you???? So everyone is supposed to blow a ton of money or if you don't have a lot of money to begin with (as in our case) then it's fraud????? Boyoboyoboy, I should have pulled the Bridezilla act then and demanded a huge reception at the Yak & Yeti not to mention a big diamond from my hubby - I only have a silver ring so he is only out for the GC...sheesh....

We have 2 out of 3 on your list - we technically met in '06, called and emailed a few times but don't have any evidence before marriage(were not thinking it would go so far) so it's going to look as if we married right after we met, and we had a small ceremony, though his family was there and we have photos. I am scared... we are at NVC now and getting our stuff together, will be paying the IV Fee bill on Thursday. I will be having cataract surgery soon(on my one good eye) and am telling myself I won't worry about this visa mess until I get through surgery - my appointment with my Optho to set the date is on Friday... I can only deal with one crisis at a time...

Well since you've been married you've gone to see him several times so I think that's going to help you guys.

I hope you're right, Olivia... I am thinking we should have his family write a letter documenting that they have known me since '06, maybe that would help to make up for the lack of evidence before marriage??

Yes I read that in the guides you can get these kinds of letter from friends and family stating they've known it was a bonifided relationship since whatever date and have it notarized.

Then there are those of us who sailed through the interview, got the visa with no ap and the husband was commiting marriage fraud.. I am one of them , My husband got no trouble whatsover and was full of ####

[SaadBell 0]

Is he paying for your trip, that way you are not out money if it falls apart, I know that sounds mean but when my husband ask me to marry him he also footed the entire bill. He may be a really honest man and you will have no problems.

[morocco4ever 63]

Is he paying for your trip, that way you are not out money if it falls apart, I know that sounds mean but when my husband ask me to marry him he also footed the entire bill. He may be a really honest man and you will have no problems.

I don't know, it seems to me the price of a ticket there isn't any comparision to the price my heart would pay if he wasn't sincere. I would prefer to make sure it is valid before I fly there, not have the idea of "Oh well it didn't work out, at least I am not out any money".

I paid for my own tickets, I also paid for the entire visa process. I even paid for his ticket here. He didn't have a job, and I already was 100% sure that he was not using me before the marriage. He had a debit card for almost the entire time we were waiting for the visa, he rarely used it, but I had peace of mind that if an emergency came up he would be taken care of.

Now he is here, and he works and contributes every dime to our bills. So what some may view as stupidity on my part, I view as what a husband and wife do for each other for love. It was merely an investment into our future, and now he has the opportunity to invest in it as well.

I stand firm on making sure of his intentions are before the marriage, but after what I have seen I believe that you should take into consideration the visa process on what you decide. It is a hit and miss thing, so if I were to do it again I would have made more trips out there in the hopes of avoiding a denial.

[SaadBell 0]

I have nothing against anyone that pays for their own way, it was just one of my of my pet peeves, since I had been ripped off before my husband. Plus my husband has more money than I do. It is a risk in any relationship, if knowing someone worked than you would not see half of the marriages in America end in divorce. I think no matter who you marry there will always be questions, it is human nature. If you love him and he loves you, than go for it, and don't worry what other people say, you may end up with a wonderful marriage. No one can predict the future, unless you are that lady on lifetime, but I think she just talks to the dead, not sure if she can predict the future. lol I wonder when she is chatting with the dead if they can give incite to the future? No matter what you do or who you marry someone will always tell you that what you did was a mistake, let the people talk and just enjoy your life and your new husband.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

We married quickly on my first trip after 3 years of online and phone chat, and had a very smooth trip through immigration. They seemed intent on approving us, even though I'm 21 years older than hubby is. At his interview, they didn't look at a single piece of evidence and asked only a few questions. He got his visa the next day. That's our story; every case is different. Insha'allah, all goes well for you both!

How was the wedding? Was it Islamic? Had you been born a Muslim or a Muslim for several years before marrying your Husband? Aren't you half Arab or whole Arab? I suspect there are other factors they looked at that increased your chances of getting the visa.

I'm sorry for the late reply, Olivia. I haven't been back since I posted that before now.

We had no wedding at all. We got our approval from the judge after the courthouse was already closed, then rushed it to the adoul, who had us sign the contract in front of two witnesses we didn't even know. No family or friends were present; no photos taken. We returned to his family home about 9 pm, ate dates, drank milk and got a few hours sleep before leaving at 2 am to board taxi and a train to get to the airport in Casa in time to catch my early morning flight back to the US. All that wasn't in our favor, but no one at immigration knew about it.

I am a born Muslim from an immigrant Palestinian family. I speak Arabic (despite rumors to the contrary) and French, and spent a lot of my childhood in Agadir, where I own a home. My deceased husband was Lebanese, so I had been thru the visa process before. But, USCIS, the NVC, nor the consulate never asked how we married, if we had photographs from a wedding or who attended. They didn't ask about my faith, my familiarity with the country or our shared languages. They asked nothing that we hadn't already told them, and what they didn't ask and we didn't tell.

I don't know why we skated thru so easily, but I don't think both of us being culturally Arab and Muslim was a factor in our success.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You know me and my sick fascination with serial killers, sad thing is I haven’t had a real chance to see any of them yet. Sucks big time, not saying that treating depression is a drag, but it is not my dream. But watch the show Snap, they always knew each other well, and ended up in some nasty business. It is a gamble, hell half the people don’t even really know their family, like the young women whose daughter is missing and the parents are standing by side her. Looks really bad for the women, since she didn’t report her daughter missing for 30 days, you can convince yourself of anything.

This, oddly enough, is something we have in common, to my husband's dismay. I tivo Snapped, City Confidential, Wicked Attraction, Forensic Files, read true crime books, hooked on pretty much anything that has anything to do with murder. I'm fascinated by the kind of mind that not only commits such a crime, but thinks that it's perfectly entitled to do so. Have you read "The Psychopath Next Door" yet?

[morocco4ever 63]

We married quickly on my first trip after 3 years of online and phone chat, and had a very smooth trip through immigration. They seemed intent on approving us, even though I'm 21 years older than hubby is. At his interview, they didn't look at a single piece of evidence and asked only a few questions. He got his visa the next day. That's our story; every case is different. Insha'allah, all goes well for you both!

How was the wedding? Was it Islamic? Had you been born a Muslim or a Muslim for several years before marrying your Husband? Aren't you half Arab or whole Arab? I suspect there are other factors they looked at that increased your chances of getting the visa.

I'm sorry for the late reply, Olivia. I haven't been back since I posted that before now.

We had no wedding at all. We got our approval from the judge after the courthouse was already closed, then rushed it to the adoul, who had us sign the contract in front of two witnesses we didn't even know. No family or friends were present; no photos taken. We returned to his family home about 9 pm, ate dates, drank milk and got a few hours sleep before leaving at 2 am to board taxi and a train to get to the airport in Casa in time to catch my early morning flight back to the US. All that wasn't in our favor, but no one at immigration knew about it.

I am a born Muslim from an immigrant Palestinian family. I speak Arabic (despite rumors to the contrary) and French, and spent a lot of my childhood in Agadir, where I own a home. My deceased husband was Lebanese, so I had been thru the visa process before. But, USCIS, the NVC, nor the consulate never asked how we married, if we had photographs from a wedding or who attended. They didn't ask about my faith, my familiarity with the country or our shared languages. They asked nothing that we hadn't already told them, and what they didn't ask and we didn't tell.

I don't know why we skated thru so easily, but I don't think both of us being culturally Arab and Muslim was a factor in our success.

You actually had more red flags than we did if you base the denial on what was stated on the NOID. They stated:

1 Married right after meeting (the same for both of us)

2 Small wedding (ours was small, but yours was smaller)

3 No family or friends at the wedding (You really didn't, we did, they never asked who was there at the wedding)

But we were denied and you weren't...weird. But yes I am sure it was the sister issue here in the states.

I wonder if it is because you hung in there for so long for the IR1? Or because you knew each other for 3 years prior? I knew my husband for almost a year, but I think you did for 3, correct?

I also wonder if they had their hands slapped because they had such a large amount of baseless denials prior? I guess we could guess until we are blue in the face, but the bottom line is that it is a hit and miss thing.

[SaadBell 0]

The Psychopath Next Door

Awesome book, I love that kind of stuff, that is why I chose psychiatry, but yet I haven't had a chance to see an adult Sociopath, seen teenagers whom in my opinion were sociopath, but we diagnosis that as conduct disorder. Now I am doing rotation and I feel more like a lawyer than a shrink, so many things about policy confidentiality, I just want to see some real live sociopaths. Ok now that you are a fan you have to read about Katherine Mary Knight, talk about a real live one, she is in Australia, I would give my left butt check to get a interview with her. She says she remembers nothing, you go and read this story and tell me if you believe her BS. She is a good one, of course I followed the Leonard Lake and Charles Ng, I have thought of writing Ng, but he is a very dangerous man.