what's wrong with getting married during the first trip?

[doodlebugg 10]

I wish I was on a lower dose of meds so I could figure out what everyone's talking about in here. All I know is that I flew to Cairo, spent the night alone, got married to the most wonderful, handsome, caring, nurturing, loving, amazing man and I still sit here shellshocked sometimes wondering what I did to deserve all this deep joy and happiness that I feel each and every day! Listen to your heart and more importantly your gut, pray on it and then like the commercial, "just do it". Have a plan B in case things go terribly wrong and in the end if it doesn't happen at least you were able to see a new country.

[himher 634]

Assalam to you -

We got married on my first trip to see my wife, it was a year and a half ago and it is the best decision I have ever made. We didn't have to show anything special, as soon as I got back to the states I filed (K3 route) - she's been here nearly a year now and it's been great. Good luck to you. EVERYONE experiences culture shock and it can be a bit of a test sometimes, and stressful, but in our case the entire journey has been worth it.

Dear mena members,

salam alaykum everbody

i was surfing the mena forum to get well acqainted about how the whole process goes when i came across some people giving some kind of warning about the fact of getting married during the first trip.

well , as i stated in my previous post my woman and i know eachother for a year or so and we are intending to get married in december inshAllah .

we really don't think we are rushing it and further more she will not be filing the papers right away after she gets back to the states as she will still need to establish residency and get all financial stuff done.

is this really frowned upon by the consulate?

we will be very grateful if you could give us some clarifications regarding this tipoic.

salam to all.

[polarbear 0]

Assalam to you -

We got married on my first trip to see my wife, it was a year and a half ago and it is the best decision I have ever made. We didn't have to show anything special, as soon as I got back to the states I filed (K3 route) - she's been here nearly a year now and it's been great. Good luck to you. EVERYONE experiences culture shock and it can be a bit of a test sometimes, and stressful, but in our case the entire journey has been worth it.

I'm sorry to say, but its different for females from MENA countries.

Not to say that problems don't come up, but I've never seen it on this board. It's another ball game when it comes to being male from MENA trying to come to the US. Just the way it is

[nomadicspirit 0]

Olivia, I thank you for the comment you posted today. I want to take back what I said yesterday in regards to your situation. It was cruel! To be clear, I planned to marry and stay in Morocco for several months before heading back home. We are not in a rush to do anything. He felt that getting on this site will help us to know the procedures and the options at hand with the process. Did I make friends here? haahaa

Many opinions were shared, and you know what, I thank every one of you for taking the time to post your comments and experiences. I do see that we were recommended to different sites that were extremely helpful and personal experiences as well. I will take what I need and leave the rest... Ok, have a fabulous week everyone.

[SaadBell 0]

First off, no one can ever say that just knowing someone well will make the marriage strong, if that was the case than why is half of American marriages end in divorce, and we date each other in this country, most live together, which shows they have a even higher divorce rate than people who don't live with their spouse. So what you are doing is not shocking to me at all, but you will hear a lot of negative comments. I truly wish I knew what makes a good marriage, but don't let them fool you about you must date for years, than marry, that is BS, I always point out the divorce rate, and how many of these perfect couples, went nuts and killed their spouse, and never saw it coming. So do what you feel is right for you, have a good time and enjoy the ride.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

nomadicspirit I accept your apology and again I did not mean to offend you. Annie is right about the US stuff though. You can't display that sort of attitude to a Consulate when you're being petitioned to get into our country. Many of the girls here are correct and that I was speaking from personal experience trying to offer you something without knowing much of your situation. This process is stressful and long and enduring and painful waiting at times and you're just beginning, so I wouldn't stress out about being new here and making friends, that comes with time. Many of us have known each other for two years and by your definition that constitutes a long term relationship. We have many things in common. You're situation is unique in that you both are Muslims and she was born a Muslim so I look forward to reading about your case and following you along the way to learn more.

There are many questions you're going to want to ask along the way up until the point where we are quizzing you on interview questions the Consulate may ask you and your spouse. From what you have told us you have a good chance for a smoother process if the organazition of the petition is sound and all the facts are writen down to the best of your knowledge. We can help identify any red flags from a list for you to look at. I'll look for that thread now and bump it. I think it was one of Jenn!'s

Edited October 27, 2008 by Olivia*

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

First off, no one can ever say that just knowing someone well will make the marriage strong, if that was the case than why is half of American marriages end in divorce, and we date each other in this country, most live together, which shows they have a even higher divorce rate than people who don't live with their spouse. So what you are doing is not shocking to me at all, but you will hear a lot of negative comments. I truly wish I knew what makes a good marriage, but don't let them fool you about you must date for years, than marry, that is BS, I always point out the divorce rate, and how many of these perfect couples, went nuts and killed their spouse, and never saw it coming. So do what you feel is right for you, have a good time and enjoy the ride.

GG! I snagged your Obama 08' sticker! I like that one! You're criminal expertise and fascination with death scares me sometimes! Are you suggesting that we need to have consulates trained with criminal expertise and psychology to have knowlege of who is frauding who and who are criminal sociopaths because that just took it to a whole other frightening level! Ack! Yikes!

[SaadBell 0]

Olivia,

You got my Obama sig. It is cool, I voted today let's hope we get some new blood in the white house. I think I wrote around 100 pages this weekend, and should be doing something that involves work, but IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AM BURNED OUT, I have senior doctors on my butt, and tomorrow I get to see my old time favorite one Dr. Sansone, whom has some problems with his moods. I am telling ya girl, they are lucky I am not armed, they would have to call my husband and tell him, Mr. Saad, your wife had a run in with law enforcement, she was coming to the hospital with an AK-47. My hope is that an alien will come down and take me away to a cool place, where I never have to do anything.

[Imua 0]

First off, no one can ever say that just knowing someone well will make the marriage strong, if that was the case than why is half of American marriages end in divorce, and we date each other in this country, most live together, which shows they have a even higher divorce rate than people who don't live with their spouse. So what you are doing is not shocking to me at all, but you will hear a lot of negative comments. I truly wish I knew what makes a good marriage, but don't let them fool you about you must date for years, than marry, that is BS, I always point out the divorce rate, and how many of these perfect couples, went nuts and killed their spouse, and never saw it coming. So do what you feel is right for you, have a good time and enjoy the ride.

THANK YOU, GG!!! This is exactly the thought process I went through when deciding to marry my husband - ultimately face it, you are taking a chance whether you know each other for days or years before marriage so follow your heart and your instinct and enjoy your life if you think you found Mr. Right and you make each other happy - LIFE IS SHORT - EAT THE RAVIOLI(Kat knows what I'm talking about and if you are curious watch the old movie Summertime with Katherine Hepburn ). Of course this may not convince the CO but that is a whole other matter.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Oh I totally ate the raviolli going down that rabbit hole Dolma! Completely swallowed it hook line and sinker with only a rope tied around my waist to a Higher Power and we spoke online for 3 years before meeting and getting married.

And we got married on our first trip completely young and In Love oh my!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

We got married on my first and only trip there. I think its a pretty common thing among the vj'ers. I dont know about your consulate, but i know there are a lot of people who received their visa's with the same circumstances.

Another thing to consider is that you wont be able to spend any "alone" time with your fiance. Its not like living together for a few weeks is a good option for two unmarried people who are muslim. Im not saying get married so you can... Im just saying that alot of people wont get to spend that time together because they are in fact NOT married.

Whatever.. my point is.. if you know you want it and she's the girl for you..you know!

Good luck whatever you choose.

I do have to say that coming to a country with a negative attitude about said country will not help you in adjusting, or making friends and influencing people

Lisa

[SaadBell 0]

You know me and my sick fascination with serial killers, sad thing is I haven’t had a real chance to see any of them yet. Sucks big time, not saying that treating depression is a drag, but it is not my dream. But watch the show Snap, they always knew each other well, and ended up in some nasty business. It is a gamble, hell half the people don’t even really know their family, like the young women whose daughter is missing and the parents are standing by side her. Looks really bad for the women, since she didn’t report her daughter missing for 30 days, you can convince yourself of anything.

[Marilyn. 340]

sorry If I am stepping on any toes in here but I just wanted to comment on this subject...

before my hubby and I first met in person we decided that we would just meet as friends and see how things would progress from there but I knew the instant I saw him in the airport that I was going to be with him for the rest of my life... sometimes you just know...

[Y's_habibitk 2]

sorry If I am stepping on any toes in here but I just wanted to comment on this subject...

before my hubby and I first met in person we decided that we would just meet as friends and see how things would progress from there but I knew the instant I saw him in the airport that I was going to be with him for the rest of my life... sometimes you just know...

awww.

I was just telling my husband that the moment i saw him and then the hours following that, all of my "what ifs" fell away. And I just had an overwhelming feelin of "this is my husband and I will be with him forever"

[Nothing1234 2]

I believe many of us have beautiful and amazing stories Whether we have known our hubbies/wives for 1 year or 5 years.

I just don't appreciate people who insult those giving them advice. I never had an issue or comment about anyone getting married first out of the gate..sometimes ya just know. But insult my culture or country (or culture/country of those I love) and I get pizzed ... and I will not apologize for that.