what's wrong with getting married during the first trip?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

again it has worked for some, some it didnt. Switch the use of the computer for say a telephone hot line for singles, u talk, then you talk some more (both being in the same general region) and you keep talking for say a year, now u feel your in love (but you still have never met) now you decide lets get married how sensiable is that? but you have talked to the person, his friends, his family surely by now you know everything there is (not) or maybe its a pen pal you have written letters, plus talk phone do you know everything you need to marry (no) the computer is no different. I did make one trip, engagement party, second trip marry and i still learn everyday and you will too but at least u didnt just right into the fire. THere is no right or wrong, some people have arranged marriage and never meet until then, war brides met for a brief hour or so married and they went off to war to come back to someone they really didnt know. BUT casa is soooooooooo hard go into it knowing you did all you can to (please) them been there done that now back to do it again

[polarbear 0]

10 jello shots? Dang gurrrrl u messed up! I bet u won't remember these post until tomorrow.

Ok so back to the OP. The validity of your relationship is exactly what is going to be in question when you get married on the first trip. Just because I'm giving it to you here don't think you won't expect it every step of the way. This will help bone you up on what you're about to face. From your first taste stepping into the embassy you both will be questioned every step of the way and it doesn't matter if you're deeply in love or not. Their job is to weed out the frauds and that's exactly what they do. So why the rush? Why rob the bride of all she is entitled too? This should be a happy occasion celebrated with friends and family if this is what you truly want. There shouldn't be any grab and dash to the finish line. There is something to be said for order and traditions. You can never get that day back. You can never get the sanctimony of it again if it was both or one of you's first marriage. If she is coming there for the first time to her first predominantly Muslim country she is going to be having a major culture shock. On top of that if she is the same age as you and no one is there for her on her side of the wedding party and she's in a completely foreign culture where she can't read and write the language and know what she is signing on the marriage contract then she is going to be scared witless even if she is brave and goes through with it. There is fine line between brave and stupid. If you are insistent upon marrying her then do it the proper way and take her to the Ministry of Justice and advise her of her rights to have her own attorney who can translate what she is signing and put in any conditions of marriage she may have a right in the US to but not in MENA country to. It is her right and if you truly care for her you would advise her so of her right as a good person who is caring for her and not just pushing her into something because she is vulnerable and in love with you. You must take all proper measure with her to ensure her trust for the future if you are truly building a marriage here.

I don't know much more about the nature of your relationship if she is older and has kids or what level of education you are both having but all of this will come into consideration during the interview and of course the fact that you married on the first visit with be scrutinized. You are saying you have things in common but is she having any ties to your mother land other than that? Has she lived there for six months? Is she half Arab? Is she the same religion before you met? It's all going to be scrutinized and I'm only being blunt honest now because you would be blind not to recognize it otherwise. Over the course of the two years I've been going through this I've learned that all of this comes into question to the furthest extent. So I would advise to take your time. Enjoy yourselves. Get to know each other well. Make it something truly special for you and your family and friends. Document everything because it will all be proof of relationship later. Have an engagement party the first visit and romance her. The go for the K1. It is faster if you are looking for quick. If you are trying to avoid any military service with a quick marriage be aware this is a risk and they may still take you such as my Husband. Then it is an unbearable wait for your spouse and a delay in the visa process regardless. Make sure all your ducks are in a row before you take on the responsibility of marriage. Make sure you are doing right by the person you want to make your wife for life. She will remember the day you married forever. She will remember the day of engagement forever. It will all matter in the end. None of this is intended to offend.

I believe that documenting everything is what is the most important for the consulates. Pictures are not enough either, she needs to save her plane ticket stubs, copy her passport visa, tickets stubs from museum visits, ect... anything that can be construed as proof. Pictures with relatives and the engagement party seem to be scrutenized as well.

In all honesty, if you look at this as a legal process you have to go through to be with your love, you will be much better off. If you think of these things now it will help in the future.

Don't forget, these consulates seem to think that your guilty until proven innocent. That is their job. YOU have to prove the validity of your relationship, THEY will try to disprove it.

On a side note - I gave up an engagement party AND a wedding AND a honeymoon for practial reasons - we have both been regretting it since. She deserves all three.

If you will be spending the rest of your life together, what is another 7-9 month wait to do it right?

[nunyab 0]

No "we" didn't make it clear. Only one posted their opinion on the ligitimacy of our relationship. The rest were very supportive. Opinions from people is not based on our relationships and if it seems believable. You went waaaaaaaaaaaay on left field, lets try to stay center. An advice on the right paper process was the discussion not personal counseling for rejects who were obviously hurt in the past!!

Whatever. Come on a board and start attacking people who are trying to give advice to a post YOU started. I didn't read anywhere in the replies where ANYONE was trying to hurt you, but give honest opinions, and you want to call people "rejects who were obviously hurt in the past"?

Remember your title, "What's wrong with getting married during the first trip?" No where in the original post did you (or was it your fiance?) ask for advice other than if we think it is frowned upon or not.

There are guides on Visa Journey for the marriage visas on how to file and what to include in that file. Read the guides. There is also another sub-forum for marriage visas where you can ask away there.

Anyway welcome to VJ and thanks for the opening insults. You'll fit in nicely here...

unfortunately she will

[nunyab 0]

we had both ceremonies but small... and we had a trip to marakash as our hunnymoon. I am glad our family got to be with us and the important people...dont' take it from her I promise no matter what she says when she sees other people's wedding pictures and the grand scale and hers wasn't it will make her feel sad. That is why my family insisted a ceremony and party they wanted us to have something no matter the size.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

i think the best statement was guilty until prove different but not really it is YOUR FRAUD UNTIL PROVEN DIFFERENT and to do this they only take maybe 10 or 15 min at the most and read a few papers, the rest is their opinion.

[Staashi 371]

I would just like to interject my 2 cents here for what it's worth or not...I don't care which consulate you're going to - it could be London, Montreal, Manila, Buenos Aires or Casa...every single one is going to look at a marriage as being fraudulent if it happened during the first meeting. To a consular officer, every relationship - either engaged or married is suspect. Do not fool yourself. They have seen the game far too many times and honest to God, you cannot play the player so to speak. You will have to go in there with guns loaded prepared to do battle with all your documentation, every piece of proof of your relationship, also, she'll need to have all of her ducks in a row to show that she is financially capable of taking care of you on American soil.

My fiance/now husband and I spent two weeks together in Argentina. We decided that after my visit we would apply for a visa. Six months later he had the interview, and I knew that I would attend. I had collected everything when I went for my fiance's interview in Buenos Aires. After speaking with me and then my fiance, the CO didn't want to give my fiance a visa. She asked for my income tax returns, to which I replied, that they weren't on the list of necessary items. She said, "that she is allowed at any time to request that information even if it is not on the list." I said that they were in the US and that I didn't have access to them at the moment. She said, "awww that's too bad, and we're closed until next Monday." I said, "well if I can bring in my returns later today will you give us the visa?" She said, "if you're not here by 2pm I'll deny your case." Well, I started thinking how the hell was I going to get my returns, when I realized that Turbotax.com had all four previous years of returns...we found an internet cafe and I was able to print all of them off and bring them to the embassy. She gave us some more grief, asked to speak to me privately in a side office and was just very adamant that she didn't want to give him the visa, but since I complied, she gave us the visa. He got it that afternoon. We've been married almost 4 years now.

Brace yourself to have your relationship broken down into itty bitty pieces, and moreover, Cookie - prepare yourself, because this is just the freaking beginning. If you can't stand the heat that you'll get here at VJ - which really is nothing, you're in for one helluva a wicked surprise when you have to adjust your status, remove conditions or maybe even one day go for citizenship. No one said that this process was easy - and since your fiancee is a female, it is probably 2 or 3 times harder to bring a male to the US than it is for a female. That's just the way it is.

Good luck on your journey...and get over yourself. If you think that we're being harsh on you, you're in for quite a rude awakening when you go to CASA and beyond.

[Imua 0]

we had both ceremonies but small... and we had a trip to marakash as our hunnymoon. I am glad our family got to be with us and the important people...dont' take it from her I promise no matter what she says when she sees other people's wedding pictures and the grand scale and hers wasn't it will make her feel sad. That is why my family insisted a ceremony and party they wanted us to have something no matter the size.

We did everything very quickly, first marriage for both of us and didn't have much money but we did have an engagement party, proper Hindu temple wedding and honeymoon - everything was very intimate and family-oriented(except for the honeymoon, ) which was fine with us - I do wish we could have had a professional photographer but otherwise it was all beautiful and romantic and 'us' - we both come from simple backgrounds and wouldn't even have that many people to invite to a big party at the 5 star Yak & Yeti Hotel, say - we had a simple party at a small Sherpa restaurant that we went to all the time and had befriended the family who owned it. I live in NYC and go to the biggest Hindu temple in USA and see the excess of some of these weddings(MDs and IT ppl) and think it's crazy, don't feel sad at all, it's just not our style - if we have another ceremony here in the US it will be just as small but I will insist on only 2 things to make me, the bride happy - a professional photographer and TONS of jasmine flowers - the key to my heart.

As for our own case I am nervous because we have next to no evidence that we met before marriage - the thing that i hope works in our favor is that I am Hindu and officially converted(with a certificate to show it) 2 years before meeting Govi so I knew what I was getting into (somewhat) religion-and culture-wise. I had also traveled to Nepal before meeting him. All our photos show me in salwar kameez and when we went to to Consulate to get the document that allowed us to have a court marriage in Nepal I was wearing a salwar kameez and bindi - the CO asked if I was Hindu and I assume has it on file somewhere. If we get denied I am going to ask my local temple priest to write a letter in our favor. So my point is that I wonder/hope that if a couple has religion in common maybe it counts against the 'negative' of a quick marriage. When two people come from the same religious tradition and have an arranged marriage as is common in both Islam and Hinduism there are a lot of behaviors, attitudes etc. in common that are religious based so no surprises there - Govi and I are both vegetarian and don't drink for example. If you are Muslim and can show evidence of that from before marriage I think that would count for something, likewise if you visited Morocco or even another Muslim country beforehand. Get an imam to write a letter in your favor maybe?

good luck with whatever you decide.

[Peikko 1,575]

You can always tell those who aren't really looking for information/advice but are simply asking for people to validate a decision they have already made.

[Staashi 371]

You can always tell those who aren't really looking for information/advice but are simply asking for people to validate a decision they have already made.

So true!

[sereia 0]

You can always tell those who aren't really looking for information/advice but are simply asking for people to validate a decision they have already made.

[nunyab 0]

You can always tell those who aren't really looking for information/advice but are simply asking for people to validate a decision they have already made.

[Leyla 0]

Consulates and politics aside my advice is to wait until they get here to the US before you get married. I don't know what I would do if I got married in Morocco the first time. Most likely The K3 Visa would still be pending. I know a lot of people that have waited years on a K3 visa. To me, I would want to be with my man as soon as possible and it seems as if the K-1 is the fastest way to do it.

I pray you are happy no matter what happens. Good Luck Morocco is BEAUTIFUL!

[Nothing1234 2]

No "we" didn't make it clear. Only one posted their opinion on the ligitimacy of our relationship. The rest were very supportive. Opinions from people is not based on our relationships and if it seems believable. You went waaaaaaaaaaaay on left field, lets try to stay center. An advice on the right paper process was the discussion not personal counseling for rejects who were obviously hurt in the past!!

Whatever. Come on a board and start attacking people who are trying to give advice to a post YOU started. I didn't read anywhere in the replies where ANYONE was trying to hurt you, but give honest opinions, and you want to call people "rejects who were obviously hurt in the past"?

Remember your title, "What's wrong with getting married during the first trip?" No where in the original post did you (or was it your fiance?) ask for advice other than if we think it is frowned upon or not.

There are guides on Visa Journey for the marriage visas on how to file and what to include in that file. Read the guides. There is also another sub-forum for marriage visas where you can ask away there.

Anyway welcome to VJ and thanks for the opening insults. You'll fit in nicely here...

[Nothing1234 2]

I would just like to interject my 2 cents here for what it's worth or not...I don't care which consulate you're going to - it could be London, Montreal, Manila, Buenos Aires or Casa...every single one is going to look at a marriage as being fraudulent if it happened during the first meeting. To a consular officer, every relationship - either engaged or married is suspect. Do not fool yourself. They have seen the game far too many times and honest to God, you cannot play the player so to speak. You will have to go in there with guns loaded prepared to do battle with all your documentation, every piece of proof of your relationship, also, she'll need to have all of her ducks in a row to show that she is financially capable of taking care of you on American soil.

My fiance/now husband and I spent two weeks together in Argentina. We decided that after my visit we would apply for a visa. Six months later he had the interview, and I knew that I would attend. I had collected everything when I went for my fiance's interview in Buenos Aires. After speaking with me and then my fiance, the CO didn't want to give my fiance a visa. She asked for my income tax returns, to which I replied, that they weren't on the list of necessary items. She said, "that she is allowed at any time to request that information even if it is not on the list." I said that they were in the US and that I didn't have access to them at the moment. She said, "awww that's too bad, and we're closed until next Monday." I said, "well if I can bring in my returns later today will you give us the visa?" She said, "if you're not here by 2pm I'll deny your case." Well, I started thinking how the hell was I going to get my returns, when I realized that Turbotax.com had all four previous years of returns...we found an internet cafe and I was able to print all of them off and bring them to the embassy. She gave us some more grief, asked to speak to me privately in a side office and was just very adamant that she didn't want to give him the visa, but since I complied, she gave us the visa. He got it that afternoon. We've been married almost 4 years now.

Brace yourself to have your relationship broken down into itty bitty pieces, and moreover, Cookie - prepare yourself, because this is just the freaking beginning. If you can't stand the heat that you'll get here at VJ - which really is nothing, you're in for one helluva a wicked surprise when you have to adjust your status, remove conditions or maybe even one day go for citizenship. No one said that this process was easy - and since your fiancee is a female, it is probably 2 or 3 times harder to bring a male to the US than it is for a female. That's just the way it is.

Good luck on your journey...and get over yourself. If you think that we're being harsh on you, you're in for quite a rude awakening when you go to CASA and beyond.

well said Staashiiii

[brnidokiegurl 0]

awww another nice peacefully quiet MENA Sunday...almost