Need clarification on something, regarding...PORK!

[morocco4ever 63]

I am surprised that these things weren't discussed in advance. Pork is forbidden, yes. I can't say I know for sure the exact reason, but pigs are viewed as very dirty animals in Islam. I knew this before I married my husband, and it made no difference because I had stopped eating pork before I met him. Not for the same reason, but because I think it tastes nasty. So this is not an issue for us. Even if I did eat pork this is one of those things that wouldn't be a big deal to me, so I would have given on this one.

As for swimming around men, well he has a lot to learn about America. So are you willing to give up swimming altogether? My husband didn't want this either, but he had to give in since he likes swimming. I wear a modest suit, but I would have anyway. We had a swimming pool put in this last summer, so all is even better. Now he doesn't have to stress about men looking (yeah right) and I don't have to prepare the day around going to the pool (the real reason I wanted it). But we still want to go to the water slides at times, so its just something that is going to happen whether he likes it or not.

What about holidays? This was the big issue for me. Are you willing to give up on Christmas if he expects you to?

You two had better spend some time reflecting on your expectations of each other now. He can't expect you to change, and he can't expect the culture to adjust to him. You two need to figure this out now so that when he comes there are less surprises for both of you. You both have things you can and cannot live with. There are some things I am willing to change, but there are other issues that I am not. This should have been discussed earlier, but since it wasn't, and you are already married, you owe it to yourselves and each other to work it out.

what about someone who had NO inclination at all about Islam before falling in love?

We all know the longer you are with someone the more you learn about them, their religion and culture

I can see how someone could fall in love before realizing what a religion entails, but marriage is a whole other beast. If you have fallen in love first, then it is still your responsibility for you to take the time to make sure that you have enough in common to make the marriage last. It is unwise to jump into marriage for love itself. I did that at 19 and learned a very hard lesson. With this one I took the time to find out everything I could think of in advance.

We have discussed all of this many times.....I really think the pork thing is an image in his mind (like I am eating it all day...everyday). I have substituted almost everything for Turkey .. i.e. turkey bacon, turkey ham, turkey sausage, etc... He has always known it was a major staple in our diet, due to my culture. Last night, he only asked, that is all.

The swimming part, he really is not budging on that one; he actually researched and found a public swimming pool that has swimming for women and children...and he also is wanting to put a pool in the back yard for me.

He is partaking in the holidays with me and the family.....as far as the family gathering. We have meshed everything together very well so far......We have gone through so many topics, determined which one of us will change, or alter, or accomadate the other - or do we just incorporate it into our marriage.

Thanks!

Yvette

I am surprised that these things weren't discussed in advance. Pork is forbidden, yes. I can't say I know for sure the exact reason, but pigs are viewed as very dirty animals in Islam. I knew this before I married my husband, and it made no difference because I had stopped eating pork before I met him. Not for the same reason, but because I think it tastes nasty. So this is not an issue for us. Even if I did eat pork this is one of those things that wouldn't be a big deal to me, so I would have given on this one.

As for swimming around men, well he has a lot to learn about America. So are you willing to give up swimming altogether? My husband didn't want this either, but he had to give in since he likes swimming. I wear a modest suit, but I would have anyway. We had a swimming pool put in this last summer, so all is even better. Now he doesn't have to stress about men looking (yeah right) and I don't have to prepare the day around going to the pool (the real reason I wanted it). But we still want to go to the water slides at times, so its just something that is going to happen whether he likes it or not.

What about holidays? This was the big issue for me. Are you willing to give up on Christmas if he expects you to?

You two had better spend some time reflecting on your expectations of each other now. He can't expect you to change, and he can't expect the culture to adjust to him. You two need to figure this out now so that when he comes there are less surprises for both of you. You both have things you can and cannot live with. There are some things I am willing to change, but there are other issues that I am not. This should have been discussed earlier, but since it wasn't, and you are already married, you owe it to yourselves and each other to work it out.

I was under the impression that you just found out. If you did know all along I apologize.

As far as the swimming goes, if he expects you to swim in a woman and child only pool is he going to swim in a mans only pool?

[star_dragon 0]

You do know me Rajaa....I even got the "Habibi..this is not an order" ** deep penetrating gaze...total sincerity...basically the "you-will-only-break-my-heart-if-you-do" look**

Have you ever had a really good bowl of Green Chili? The kind that just gets better after being in the 'fridge a day or two...smothered over Rellenos....eggs....a burrito...just about anything??? UGGHH....this is tough!

Really?? He had to mention the I feel "far" from you?? Someone please take the knife out of my chest!!

Seriously need some details....then I can look at this subjectively not objectively (as she pushes her glasses up on her nose ~ quite librarian-like)

Oh, nooooo!!! A librarian stereotype!

We dont wear glasses...we are quite cool actually

We are muslim and do not eat pork in our home because of the Quran.

I will add that it hs been a game to everybody that knows my husband in how they can get him to eat pork or sneak it in his meal.

That's so mean!

[Muh and me 18]

When kamal first got here I had to get rid of all the pork in the house(not that there was much anyway), but now that I've turned Muslim, I don't even eat pork by my parents house anymore. I miss it, but I will survive.

Tasha, I know what u mean by your friends trying to trick him. I've been told to try the same. Which I would never do anyway. Some people are so mean!

[Tunisia216 2]

I don't know why that part made me giggle, but it just did You know I adore and support you Terrie!! It just made me giggle to see it said that way

When kamal first got here I had to get rid of all the pork in the house(not that there was much anyway), but now that I've turned Muslim, I don't even eat pork by my parents house anymore. I miss it, but I will survive.

Tasha, I know what u mean by your friends trying to trick him. I've been told to try the same. Which I would never do anyway. Some people are so mean!

Edited October 24, 2008 by Ash * Habibati

[SimoAndYvette 0]

I would NEVER even attempt to give him pork or pork by-products to try! My hubby has made it VERY clear....NO PORK!!!

This is all based on my decision....Pork YES or Pork NO

Sandrila and Yvette, just make sure your husband knows you are giving him pork to 'try', if you choose to do that. It is expressly forbidden in the Quran and I know my husband certainly believes that he cannot pick and choose what parts of the Quran he can adhere to and what parts he can ignore. He would be livid if I tried to get him to try pork as a surprise.

And just to clarify, my husband didnt 'make' me give up pork, I avoid it and keep it out of our home out of respect for him. My sister's husband is a Hindu vegetarian who, like pattu's husband, has never even had one bite of meat. They never have meat in their home or cook it although if my sister is free to order it out and often does (just as my husband would not care if I ordered ribs at a barbecue place if I wanted to). She's a great cook and enjoys finding and experimenting with vegetarian recipes, and together we often try to find ways to make vegetarian versions of some of our favorite family recipes. He's not forcing her to live this way any more than my husband is, its just a small part of making the marriage work and respecting each other.

as far as the swimming and stuff goes, of course its a good idea to discuss it ahead of time but it may be something that clears itself up after he gets here. As far as my husband goes, at first he used to always say he didnt want me to have any male friends. His reality at that time, living in morocco, was that at least within his family and social circle there was/is still a great deal of segregation between the genders - men socialize with men and women with women, unless its close family. He couldnt really imagine what my friendships might consist of because his experience with it was that the friendship really meant some kind of attraction or 'interest'. Once he got here and got settled in he saw that its a different social environment here and now he doesnt bat an eye at male friends. Just my experience and like I said, its always good to discuss in advance....

I would NEVER even attempt to give him pork or pork by-products to try! My hubby has made it VERY clear....NO PORK!!!

This is all based on my decision....Pork YES or Pork NO

Sandrila and Yvette, just make sure your husband knows you are giving him pork to 'try', if you choose to do that. It is expressly forbidden in the Quran and I know my husband certainly believes that he cannot pick and choose what parts of the Quran he can adhere to and what parts he can ignore. He would be livid if I tried to get him to try pork as a surprise.

And just to clarify, my husband didnt 'make' me give up pork, I avoid it and keep it out of our home out of respect for him. My sister's husband is a Hindu vegetarian who, like pattu's husband, has never even had one bite of meat. They never have meat in their home or cook it although if my sister is free to order it out and often does (just as my husband would not care if I ordered ribs at a barbecue place if I wanted to). She's a great cook and enjoys finding and experimenting with vegetarian recipes, and together we often try to find ways to make vegetarian versions of some of our favorite family recipes. He's not forcing her to live this way any more than my husband is, its just a small part of making the marriage work and respecting each other.

as far as the swimming and stuff goes, of course its a good idea to discuss it ahead of time but it may be something that clears itself up after he gets here. As far as my husband goes, at first he used to always say he didnt want me to have any male friends. His reality at that time, living in morocco, was that at least within his family and social circle there was/is still a great deal of segregation between the genders - men socialize with men and women with women, unless its close family. He couldnt really imagine what my friendships might consist of because his experience with it was that the friendship really meant some kind of attraction or 'interest'. Once he got here and got settled in he saw that its a different social environment here and now he doesnt bat an eye at male friends. Just my experience and like I said, its always good to discuss in advance....

[SimoAndYvette 0]

He enjoys swimming...but not to the extent I do. He would only go if for instance: we had our own pool, or were on vacation...something like that. The swimming topic was because I like it sooo much! He said, if swimming is an option, like on vacation, we will come up with a solution together.

Gotta love it!

I am surprised that these things weren't discussed in advance. Pork is forbidden, yes. I can't say I know for sure the exact reason, but pigs are viewed as very dirty animals in Islam. I knew this before I married my husband, and it made no difference because I had stopped eating pork before I met him. Not for the same reason, but because I think it tastes nasty. So this is not an issue for us. Even if I did eat pork this is one of those things that wouldn't be a big deal to me, so I would have given on this one.

As for swimming around men, well he has a lot to learn about America. So are you willing to give up swimming altogether? My husband didn't want this either, but he had to give in since he likes swimming. I wear a modest suit, but I would have anyway. We had a swimming pool put in this last summer, so all is even better. Now he doesn't have to stress about men looking (yeah right) and I don't have to prepare the day around going to the pool (the real reason I wanted it). But we still want to go to the water slides at times, so its just something that is going to happen whether he likes it or not.

What about holidays? This was the big issue for me. Are you willing to give up on Christmas if he expects you to?

You two had better spend some time reflecting on your expectations of each other now. He can't expect you to change, and he can't expect the culture to adjust to him. You two need to figure this out now so that when he comes there are less surprises for both of you. You both have things you can and cannot live with. There are some things I am willing to change, but there are other issues that I am not. This should have been discussed earlier, but since it wasn't, and you are already married, you owe it to yourselves and each other to work it out.

what about someone who had NO inclination at all about Islam before falling in love?

We all know the longer you are with someone the more you learn about them, their religion and culture

I can see how someone could fall in love before realizing what a religion entails, but marriage is a whole other beast. If you have fallen in love first, then it is still your responsibility for you to take the time to make sure that you have enough in common to make the marriage last. It is unwise to jump into marriage for love itself. I did that at 19 and learned a very hard lesson. With this one I took the time to find out everything I could think of in advance.

We have discussed all of this many times.....I really think the pork thing is an image in his mind (like I am eating it all day...everyday). I have substituted almost everything for Turkey .. i.e. turkey bacon, turkey ham, turkey sausage, etc... He has always known it was a major staple in our diet, due to my culture. Last night, he only asked, that is all.

The swimming part, he really is not budging on that one; he actually researched and found a public swimming pool that has swimming for women and children...and he also is wanting to put a pool in the back yard for me.

He is partaking in the holidays with me and the family.....as far as the family gathering. We have meshed everything together very well so far......We have gone through so many topics, determined which one of us will change, or alter, or accomadate the other - or do we just incorporate it into our marriage.

Thanks!

Yvette

I am surprised that these things weren't discussed in advance. Pork is forbidden, yes. I can't say I know for sure the exact reason, but pigs are viewed as very dirty animals in Islam. I knew this before I married my husband, and it made no difference because I had stopped eating pork before I met him. Not for the same reason, but because I think it tastes nasty. So this is not an issue for us. Even if I did eat pork this is one of those things that wouldn't be a big deal to me, so I would have given on this one.

As for swimming around men, well he has a lot to learn about America. So are you willing to give up swimming altogether? My husband didn't want this either, but he had to give in since he likes swimming. I wear a modest suit, but I would have anyway. We had a swimming pool put in this last summer, so all is even better. Now he doesn't have to stress about men looking (yeah right) and I don't have to prepare the day around going to the pool (the real reason I wanted it). But we still want to go to the water slides at times, so its just something that is going to happen whether he likes it or not.

What about holidays? This was the big issue for me. Are you willing to give up on Christmas if he expects you to?

You two had better spend some time reflecting on your expectations of each other now. He can't expect you to change, and he can't expect the culture to adjust to him. You two need to figure this out now so that when he comes there are less surprises for both of you. You both have things you can and cannot live with. There are some things I am willing to change, but there are other issues that I am not. This should have been discussed earlier, but since it wasn't, and you are already married, you owe it to yourselves and each other to work it out.

I was under the impression that you just found out. If you did know all along I apologize.

As far as the swimming goes, if he expects you to swim in a woman and child only pool is he going to swim in a mans only pool?

[UmmSqueakster 54]

For swimming, how about a more modest swimsuit? I have one that covers everything but the hands, face and feet, but I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't hold the muslim definition of awrah (body to be covered) to wear that much. There's a whole range of modest swimsuits out there, from the tankini to something with complete coverage.

http://www.modestclothes.com/modest-swimsu...t-swimwear.html

[LaL 418]

[Nothing1234 2]

Me too But I love your avatar more! Too cute LaL

[Muh and me 18]

My dog would love your squirrel LAL!!!

[LaL 418]

Me too But I love your avatar more! Too cute LaL

I have all seasonal South Park LaL's!

My dog would love your squirrel LAL!!!

Oh no u didn't! NO eatings my squirrel.

[Imua 0]

You do know me Rajaa....I even got the "Habibi..this is not an order" ** deep penetrating gaze...total sincerity...basically the "you-will-only-break-my-heart-if-you-do" look**

Have you ever had a really good bowl of Green Chili? The kind that just gets better after being in the 'fridge a day or two...smothered over Rellenos....eggs....a burrito...just about anything??? UGGHH....this is tough!

Really?? He had to mention the I feel "far" from you?? Someone please take the knife out of my chest!!

Seriously need some details....then I can look at this subjectively not objectively (as she pushes her glasses up on her nose ~ quite librarian-like)

Oh, nooooo!!! A librarian stereotype!

We dont wear glasses...we are quite cool actually

We are muslim and do not eat pork in our home because of the Quran.

I will add that it hs been a game to everybody that knows my husband in how they can get him to eat pork or sneak it in his meal.

That's so mean!

Yeah, we hate the stereotype - there's even a Belly Dancing Librarian website that's been around a while...

Librarians rule!!!!!

[Imua 0]

I agree - no surprises. My husband would have been mortified if I slipped him some pork and said "see you do like it!" It has nothing to do with liking it or not liking it.

That's just wrong and disrespectful... I could see playing a joke the other way though - in NYC there are a few Chinese vegetarian restaurants that serve pretty convincing imitation meats made of soy, tempeh etc. - one time I ate a piece of fake 'beef' and it actually was difficult for me to digest as if it were real beef - they also serve things like sweet-sour 'pork', maybe give something like that to hubby and see his reaction, then tell him no worries, it is fake....

[Imua 0]

For swimming, how about a more modest swimsuit? I have one that covers everything but the hands, face and feet, but I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't hold the muslim definition of awrah (body to be covered) to wear that much. There's a whole range of modest swimsuits out there, from the tankini to something with complete coverage.

http://www.modestclothes.com/modest-swimsu...t-swimwear.html

There's always the Burqini:

http://www.ahiida.com/index.php?a=subcats&cat=20

[star_dragon 0]

Yeah, we hate the stereotype - there's even a Belly Dancing Librarian website that's been around a while...

Librarians rule!!!!!

There is??!?!?!

*running to google to go find it*

I've heard of Lipstick librarian and Tattooed Librarian (that site is gone sadly, just when I was finally able to join it )