Third K1 Visa

[Nasturtium 500]

My husband says shape means a lot to him. He is on the thin-side (6'2" and keeps his weight around 165-175), and thin was important to him and I happened to fit the bill at 117lbs/5'4". But, that's not how our relationship started if you actually want to examine that. It started because we both were physical anthropologists. Had we not been doing bioarchaeology, we would not have ended up working together. If he hadn't been good, he wouldn't have been in charge of the workers and equipment part of the dig. If I wasn't good enough to be accepted into my program and on the dig, I would have never made it. What started our relationship was a working relationship, and thus we knew we had a basic mental threshhold that was being met. From there, the next step was personality/basic common sense/is this person an idiot. I don't care how hot someone is, if they ever open their mouth and speak and are a total idiot, I will never view them the same way ever again. Turns out he is the same way.

Finally, third, was physical attraction. Yes, it was integral and I won't deny you that, but it wasn't first. The fact that one and two happened first allows me to overlook things that maybe were not on my list of wants before.

The deal was sealed after we found out we had just about everything in common, including our ages. We'er also both people who prefer the same age... and although we're a year and 8 months apart (him older), it's within our general wishes of being the same age +/- 2 years. I just have never understood why someone would want someone older or younger by a significant ammount. We both find people in their lower 20s/teens to be repulsive. I mean, they are totally like children and even look like children. I still get mistaken for being in that age group a lot because I look like a kid, but come on. We like having things in common and being in the same generation. We were both in our upper 20s when we got married (27/29).

So in the end, what determined we would have a relationship was our "other stuff." By other stuff I mean morals, character, goals, etc.

I think it is completely reasonable to want a spouse who is interested in the same things as you are, including physical fitness/appearance. I also think it is completely unreasonable to just solely on any one thing, especially something mutable like appearance, a job, money, etc. What matters more than how beautiful someone is is that they try to be their best for their spouse. What matters more than someone's job is that they have a good work ethic. What matters more than how much money someone has is that they try to use the money they have in a productive way.

Also, as an aside, I don't know about how Der Bücherwurm's (or should that be "der Mann des Bücherwurm"...it seemed weird to type an English possessive onto your name) feels about photos of her online, but general MENA etiquette is that it is inapporpiate to have your photos out for others to see. I have occasionally sneaked ours on and off just because I am of the opinion that I don't care how someone looks, I just like to put faces to names and figured others do as well. So telling someone from MENA that they are afraid to post their photo can be totally inaccurate-- not that that is the reason, she may just not be interested in posting her photo. Her photo=her business, just like it is for anyone else.

I think judging someone based on looks is equally as bad as judging someone based upon income.

True but looks are everything in getting a relationship started. Don't kid yourself; I two are not attracted to each other (and I mean physically) then any other attraction may not be sufficient enough to make the relationship work.

And yes, physical attraction alone is also not enough to make a relationship work.

If you don't like overweight people, then you find non-overweight people. And if that means going beyond your borders, then you do it.

And if one has constant bad luck with relationships, then you yourself may be part of the "problem". Doesn't mean you are a bad person but you may not have good judgement on how to determine if a relationship will last (how to recognize the signs).

[toma1 10]

I think it is completely reasonable to want a spouse who is interested in the same things as you are, including physical fitness/appearance. I also think it is completely unreasonable to just solely on any one thing, especially something mutable like appearance, a job, money, etc. What matters more than how beautiful someone is is that they try to be their best for their spouse. What matters more than someone's job is that they have a good work ethic. What matters more than how much money someone has is that they try to use the money they have in a productive way.

Brilliant comment. Thanks!

[Nasturtium 500]

Its amazing how when my photo dropped off several days ago, people in this forum started assuming I am fat, bald, ugly , poor, a loser, LOL. The assumption quickly becomes that I cant land ladies in the US because of I must be all these things.

How funny. Heck, at 42, I feel fortunate to be only 167lbs , thin and have all my hair, Im not even receding hairline yet (knock on wood!). Man, those stereotypes about men who go overseas for wives is very predominant and shows how much ignorance is out there. The funny part is that just the opposite is true.

ROFL you link to nomarriage.com which says just about everything. That site is hilarious.

So... you're 42 and you were looking for barely-legal girls of 18 and 19?

[toma1 10]

So... you're 42 and you were looking for barely-legal girls of 18 and 19?

My wife is 32 and I am constantly asking her to wear makeup when we go out. She thought that it was because I wanted her to look better, but it is because without makeup she looks like a teenager and people give us nasty looks. She not only gets carded for drinks, when she shows an id, people accuse her of having a fake ID.

[baron555 934]

Also, as an aside, I don't know about how Der Bücherwurm's (or should that be "der Mann des Bücherwurm"...it seemed weird to type an English possessive onto your name) feels about photos of her online, but general MENA etiquette is that it is inapporpiate to have your photos out for others to see. I have occasionally sneaked ours on and off just because I am of the opinion that I don't care how someone looks, I just like to put faces to names and figured others do as well. So telling someone from MENA that they are afraid to post their photo can be totally inaccurate-- not that that is the reason, she may just not be interested in posting her photo. Her photo=her business, just like it is for anyone else.

I agree that's their business. I post our picture because we have met many similar couples from here on VJ and I am not afraid to show everyone what we look like. Nothing other meant by it.

I do think that Bucher's comments about my picture were inappropriate. I did not take any direct shots or downgrade anyone but this person chose to do that directly to me. Maybe those are that person's real feelings but if one doesn't have anything good to say, then keep it to yourself.

Especially if they are not going to play on an even field. And don't hide behind MENA, this is the USA.

Anyway, I really don't care about any of this and it does not affect me or my feelings. Buecher made their first impression on me and they will have to work hard to overcome that if they choose to.

[rebeccajo 14]

For the edification of anyone who cares, a few years ago a picture of a MENA Vj member was swiped from this site and used on a widely read sensationalist political blog in an article meant to inflame against immigrants from the Middle East.

[LaL 418]

For the edification of anyone who cares, a few years ago a picture of a MENA Vj member was swiped from this site and used on a widely read sensationalist political blog in an article meant to inflame against immigrants from the Middle East.

multiple pictures stolen from the MENA forum on VJ for this purpose.

[Nasturtium 500]

I totally agree that her comments were inappropriate, I was merely offering another perspective. Sorry, but it's not a matter of hiding behind MENA. People, even here in the USA, have differing values.

Also RJ and LaL are right-- photo theft from MENA happens and it's never a good thing.

Also, as an aside, I don't know about how Der Bücherwurm's (or should that be "der Mann des Bücherwurm"...it seemed weird to type an English possessive onto your name) feels about photos of her online, but general MENA etiquette is that it is inapporpiate to have your photos out for others to see. I have occasionally sneaked ours on and off just because I am of the opinion that I don't care how someone looks, I just like to put faces to names and figured others do as well. So telling someone from MENA that they are afraid to post their photo can be totally inaccurate-- not that that is the reason, she may just not be interested in posting her photo. Her photo=her business, just like it is for anyone else.

I agree that's their business. I post our picture because we have met many similar couples from here on VJ and I am not afraid to show everyone what we look like. Nothing other meant by it.

I do think that Bucher's comments about my picture were inappropriate. I did not take any direct shots or downgrade anyone but this person chose to do that directly to me. Maybe those are that person's real feelings but if one doesn't have anything good to say, then keep it to yourself.

Especially if they are not going to play on an even field. And don't hide behind MENA, this is the USA.

Anyway, I really don't care about any of this and it does not affect me or my feelings. Buecher made their first impression on me and they will have to work hard to overcome that if they choose to.

[morocco4ever 63]

Subject being this - slapping labels on people - whether it be about nationality, or weight, or gender - or whatever - makes the subject of the label feel defensive. It makes people feel bad.

Agreed. I don't think people should throw everyone into one category. Yes, there are over weight Americans, but not every American is over weight. There are over weight people in every country.

WHoaaa, come on now!!!!!!!! That's so misrepresentation. Yes, of course there are overwight people in every country, BUT, Western countries take the cake on overweightness. ABout 70% of America (probably britain and austrailians too??) are overweight. ABout 5-10% of other countries populations are. Asian and latin countries populations are 90% thin!!

How can you even think there is a comparison.

PS-Toma 1, I know you would like a link to the stats, LOL. Im too tired to dig it up right now.

LOL, Asking whether I need a link to stats that Americans are more overweight than Asians is like asking if I need a link to stats that the sun still rises every day. Anyone that has been to both places would not seriously contest the issue. You can't accept prima facie evidence for in every case, but certain things are so obvious as to be beyond dispute. Even morocco4ever and Len--the women that spent half a day attacking me personally over that very issue--didn't bother to dispute the fact that what I said was actually true.

You rang? I always think it is funny when a person posts negative comments on physical attributes when they themselves are lacking. Deal.

And for the record I do believe that we have every right to find someone who we are physically attracted too. But there is so much more to a person than that. When I was young I had a bf with a friend that was not so attractive, but had a great personality. I lined him up with a gf of mine that was a stunning beauty. At first she was pizzed at me because he wasn't handsome, but after she got to know him she saw him totally different. Year later they are married with children...go figure!

But I do admit that when I was approached by men I wasn't attracted to I pretty much brushed them off. On the other hand the ones that were more attractive, or with more financial attributes had to prove to me that there was more to them than their good looks, and/or money. In that category I found 1 of the many that had characteristics that were worth more than their money. So not every American woman is after a man for his money. I can make my own, and to settle for less than what I wanted was not an option for the mighty dollar or a prize piece on my arm. Too bad I see so many here on VJ that consider their wife or husband as eye candy and/or fat wallet.

As for a woman's size, I have seen both large and small in all cultures. I do believe there is a large population of American men and women both that struggle more with weight however. I have often wondered why that is, and I suspect it is the additives they put in the food here. But bottom line if a man can't find a woman here in the US that doesn't fit his physical or moral standards then I have to wonder either where where he meets women, or what is wrong with him. On the other hand, if the man is attracted to Asian/Middle Eastern/Latin/etc features then by all means go for it. But to blame not finding a woman in America because there is no one here that fits his physical and or moral standards is just plain asinine.

Especially if they are not going to play on an even field. And don't hide behind MENA, this is the USA.

Hiding behind MENA? Is that suggesting that a woman that marries am MENA man is so unattractive that they won't post their pics? Please tell me I read that wrong. I am not afraid to post my pic. I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, nor am I the least attractive either. If I choose to post my pic or not has nothing to do with what I actually look like, but rather a privacy thing. As others here have stated, some of these photos were used maliciously.

[Nasturtium 500]

Especially if they are not going to play on an even field. And don't hide behind MENA, this is the USA.

Hiding behind MENA? Is that suggesting that a woman that marries am MENA man is so unattractive that they won't post their pics? Please tell me I read that wrong. I am not afraid to post my pic. I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, nor am I the least attractive either. If I choose to post my pic or not has nothing to do with what I actually look like, but rather a privacy thing. As others here have stated, some of these photos were used maliciously.

No, I think he was telling me to not "hide" behind MENA cultural values, although that is irrelevant to me (I know Baron has actually seen me before whether he remembers it or not, and he didn't leave me a comment saying OMGWTF TAKE THAT DOWN BEFORE YOU BLIND ME so it couldn't have been too bad, although he may have just been being nice ). Your foreign spouse is foreign. They will hold certain values that are foreign. You may or may not share them, and that doesn't matter. The fact is you either hold the values or respect the values... or not. Still comes down to being your own business. Part of maturity is picking your battles and knowing who and what matters. Personally, I like gheerah and tznius (and despite what you get when you google, it's a cultural thing not a religious thing-- it predates that) and it lines up with my morals of tznius just fine. Respecting your spouse is something completely different for every relationship. For one couple it could mean giving that person the time and space they need to feel free. For another couple it could mean limiting contact with the opposite sex. For another couple it could mean having mutual time to go out with friends and let loose. Sometimes it's as simple as not freaking when that person doesn't put their contact solution on the counter and not in the cabinet. Whatever. It's personal.

[morocco4ever 63]

Especially if they are not going to play on an even field. And don't hide behind MENA, this is the USA.

Hiding behind MENA? Is that suggesting that a woman that marries am MENA man is so unattractive that they won't post their pics? Please tell me I read that wrong. I am not afraid to post my pic. I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, nor am I the least attractive either. If I choose to post my pic or not has nothing to do with what I actually look like, but rather a privacy thing. As others here have stated, some of these photos were used maliciously.

No, I think he was telling me to not "hide" behind MENA cultural values, although that is irrelevant to me (I know Baron has actually seen me before whether he remembers it or not, and he didn't leave me a comment saying OMGWTF TAKE THAT DOWN BEFORE YOU BLIND ME so it couldn't have been too bad, although he may have just been being nice ). Your foreign spouse is foreign. They will hold certain values that are foreign. You may or may not share them, and that doesn't matter. The fact is you either hold the values or respect the values... or not. Still comes down to being your own business. Part of maturity is picking your battles and knowing who and what matters. Personally, I like gheerah and tznius (and despite what you get when you google, it's a cultural thing not a religious thing-- it predates that) and it lines up with my morals of tznius just fine. Respecting your spouse is something completely different for every relationship. For one couple it could mean giving that person the time and space they need to feel free. For another couple it could mean limiting contact with the opposite sex. For another couple it could mean having mutual time to go out with friends and let loose. Sometimes it's as simple as not freaking when that person doesn't put their contact solution on the counter and not in the cabinet. Whatever. It's personal.

Thanks for clearing that up Julianna. And for the record you are one HAWT MENA wife.

It is quite amazingly true that respecting ones spouse is vastly different from one relationship to the other. Sometimes I shake my head on what a man or woman does for their spouse, but I need to learn to keep an open mind on this. I am sure I will revert however.

[Nasturtium 500]

Thanks for clearing that up Julianna. And for the record you are one HAWT MENA wife.

It is quite amazingly true that respecting ones spouse is vastly different from one relationship to the other. Sometimes I shake my head on what a man or woman does for their spouse, but I need to learn to keep an open mind on this. I am sure I will revert however.

Well, where I have the problems is where it is not a mutual deal and is a weird domination thing... where one person dissappears for the other. I think that's strange. i'm just as much me with Ammar as I am without him. He's not the factor that determines who I am or what I do, think, or believe. At the same time, we're inextricably linked and we both find it difficult to seperate ourselves from the other in a strange way. If he weren't here though, I'd still be into my plants, science, and whatever else I like. At the same time, despite his dislike of such things, I still love amphibians, worms, reptiles, rodents, pasta, cheddar, and tabi socks.

Back at you!

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Gawd, is this thread STILL going on?

Some men like tits, some men dont. Some men like hips, some men dont, some men like blue eyes, some prefer brown Some men like em smart, some men like to remain unchallenged. . . . . .

Personal preference is the key here as it is important to most of us that on some level we find our spouses physically attractive, even if it was my husbands goofy personality I first fell in love with.

[baron555 934]

I totally agree that her comments were inappropriate, I was merely offering another perspective. Sorry, but it's not a matter of hiding behind MENA. People, even here in the USA, have differing values.

Also RJ and LaL are right-- photo theft from MENA happens and it's never a good thing.

Oh, I do understand about cultural values. I was not aware of the photo thing.

I don't think photo theft is limited to only MENA folk. I do understand that info posted on the Internet can stay there forever; that's why no one will ever see some of the other photos I have of my hot RW.

[Donna A 4]

Gawd, is this thread STILL going on?

Some men like tits, some men dont. Some men like hips, some men dont, some men like blue eyes, some prefer brown Some men like em smart, some men like to remain unchallenged. . . . . .

Personal preference is the key here as it is important to most of us that on some level we find our spouses physically attractive, even if it was my husbands goofy personality I first fell in love with.

this is still going on because some guys just cant say...hey this is what i like. they have to go making negative remarks about american woman. they feel the need to degrade the woman in america to make their choice in a foreign wife make feel better about going out of the country for a wife.

if a third world country woman want to come to america to upgrade their life its ok but if an american woman wants a rich man to upgrade hers, she is materialistic. its all the same but american woman are degraded for it.