Third K1 Visa

[steve55 0]

Lastly, about the weight issue, yes, its both men and woman that are overwight, in fact, stats say 70%!!! I have nothing against overweight people, even I myself have the a little of the spare tire thing going on, LOL. But again, you people attacking toma 1 , please stop it with the liles and political correctness. In general, men are not attracted to overweight woman, PERIOD! Just google the scientific studies on the issue. Toma1 is just speaking the truth. It doesnt mean fat people are bad, or are being judged, its just a unpleasant fact that most men are not physically/sexually attracted to overweight woman and thus many guys do go overseas in order to find a attractive slim wife, well,and to also escape materialistic american woman. I read guys posts who marry foreign ladies(such as filipnas)and their wives arent demanding a new car, a big house, fancy vacations etc, that most American ladies come to expect or feel entitled to. Back to the weight issue, ....Woman on the other hand dont mind it so much if a man is overweight. They do tend to mind if he is shorter than her though. So, Im not going to call woman shallow for not dating shorter men just as woman shoudl not call men shallow for not dating overweight woman. If this country wasnt so obese, I think I would have found someone here in the US already. Every singles event I have been to for 27+ yr olds seems to consist of 90% woman who are overweight or large. Just not my taste. But when I go to the Philippines, wow, 90% are thin and sexy!! In fact, today's definition of a "HOT" woman in the USA simply requires the woman not be overweight. If she is not ovberweight, almost regardless of her looks, she will be labled as hot. Its gotten that bad and its sad. America is killing itself. I could go on about why we are so fat as country (we gouge ourselves , ever see foreign countries meal portions compared to our super size stuffing our face portions?). That would be a completely different thread however.

[Old Dominion 26]

Steve must be hanging around Wal-Mart too much.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

That said, I wish him good luck. He shouldn't need to defend his choice of women -- evaluating the probabilities and going ahead to find the spouse he wants. The probability for many is that a Filipina would be a perfect match -- the search entails locating the really honest ones who aren't in it for the green card and cash to send back home.

[steve55 0]

Steve must be hanging around Wal-Mart too much.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

That said, I wish him good luck. He shouldn't need to defend his choice of women -- evaluating the probabilities and going ahead to find the spouse he wants. The probability for many is that a Filipina would be a perfect match -- the search entails locating the really honest ones who aren't in it for the green card and cash to send back home.

Amen to that. This is the risk factor in doing what so many men like myself do. While many people here exclaim "I would never search out someone of a certain nationality, I just happened to fall in love with a foreigner",...well more power to you. Im happy for you. But many of us are in a particular bind when it comes to finding "QUALITY" choices in mates. Many men in the USA have no comparison what exists overseas so they never even think to look outside the USA. If I had never traveled overseas, I would probably be resigned to thinking my only options are in the USA and succumb to being single forever or compromising in marrying a materialistic or overweight woman. Traveling overseas and seeing such beautiful hearted HUMBLE, non materialistic woman really opened my eyes and my options.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Post containing solicitation for funds with an active paypal account link has been removed.

[toma1 10]

Steve must be hanging around Wal-Mart too much.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Love that link... reminds me of the Walmart nearby after 10PM.

That said, I wish him good luck. He shouldn't need to defend his choice of women -- evaluating the probabilities and going ahead to find the spouse he wants. The probability for many is that a Filipina would be a perfect match -- the search entails locating the really honest ones who aren't in it for the green card and cash to send back home.

Yes, I agree with this whole post. If you find an honest wife there, things can work out fantastically well. But you hit on the issue that many guys worry about:

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/147157/many-fi...-money-not-love

[steve55 0]

Yes, I agree with this whole post. If you find an honest wife there, things can work out fantastically well. But you hit on the issue that many guys worry about:

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/147157/many-fi...-money-not-love

How funny. The author is just assuming this is the case. LOL. Perhaps the author is correct, who knows. But the USCIS did its own study and found just the opposite to be true.

http://www.uscis.gov/files/article/MobRept_AppendixA.pdf

In this link, the USCIS study revealed :

" Why do foreign women want American husbands? Many sources suggest that these women are searching for a "better life" in terms of socio-economic factors--they do, for the most part, come from places in which jobs and educational opportunities for women are scarce and wages are low. However, when the women themselves are asked this question, the answer generally indicates an attraction to American men (they look like movie stars) and an aversion to native men. Americans, they say, make good husbands while Filipino (Thai/Indonesian/Russian/etc.) men do not. Americans are thought to be faithful to their wives, while the native men are cruel and run around with other women. True or not, this is the perception.

[toma1 10]

How funny. The author is just assuming this is the case. LOL. Perhaps the author is correct, who knows. But the USCIS did its own study and found just the opposite to be true.

http://www.uscis.gov/files/article/MobRept_AppendixA.pdf

That's an interesting, balanced article. However, I wouldn't say that it says the opposite, it actually says BOTH. See page 4 for example, "There is no question that many of the alien women who advertise for U.S. husbands are far more interested in gaining permanent residence alien status than in gaining a good marriage."

The big question in both articles, from my perspective is the word "many." Unfortunately it remains undefined in both cases.

Personally, I think your (and I'm using the third person "you" here.) odds are better when you stick to women that are well educated AND successful in their own right. I want to smack myself for saying that because it sounds so classist, but finding a life partner is a decision that you don't want to screw up. When you find a woman that would prefer NOT to leave her country, but will leave it to be with you, marry her. But I think it's playing with fire to marry someone who is desperately poor. You might get lucky, but then again, you might not. I've seen both cases, for sure. It IS just an odds thing, though. I know guys that have married poor girls from the upcountry that are blissfully happy.

See below for some interesting perspectives.

In this link, the USCIS study revealed :

" Why do foreign women want American husbands? Many sources suggest that these women are searching for a "better life" in terms of socio-economic factors--they do, for the most part, come from places in which jobs and educational opportunities for women are scarce and wages are low. However, when the women themselves are asked this question, the answer generally indicates an attraction to American men (they look like movie stars) and an aversion to native men. Americans, they say, make good husbands while Filipino (Thai/Indonesian/Russian/etc.) men do not. Americans are thought to be faithful to their wives, while the native men are cruel and run around with other women. True or not, this is the perception.

I am friends with A LOT of women (and men, but that doesn't apply here) in Asia and I have asked this question to almost every one of them (including the daughter of the governor of one of the provinces) and that is exactly what they say. In fact, I took my wife's friend to the airport yesterday, (another highly educated Thai and wonderful person), and got the same response:

"I don't date Thai men because they have mistresses. I won't even date a foreigner that has lived in Thailand too long, because they end up thinking they are god and have too many girlfriends."

She told me, "My father has a mistress that lives at our house. My mom just accepts it, but I don't want that."

I also talked with a Thai physician friend that I have (direct quote from email):

"Many of my female Thai patients met their husbands either while he was working there for a western corporation or through matchmaking services. These women are not your bar girls or the girls from Pattaya. The majority of them have a college education and at least one third of them have more advanced degrees. They got tired of being treated like second class citizens and were looking for western husbands who believed in monogamy. As you are aware, Thai culture is very liberal with the men in terms of mistresses and wives but the reverse does not hold true."

"In regards to Thai men. . . well it's hard to understand using western models of thinking. The first point you have to accept is that women are second class citizens in Thailand. . . even highly educated wealthy women from good families. I suppose the biggest difference between western and eastern cultures when it comes to relationships is that sex is not tied to the traditions of romantic love. Love in many cases means that as the man, you provide for the family. . . the primary wife and guarantee the future of the children by the primary wife. . . and then you are free to have whatever other relationships you choose. At least this is the way of upper middle to upper class society. In middle to lower middle class society, there is still some of the same thinking going on. . . the problem is that these men are not always able to meet the first condition (provide for the family) but it doesn't stop them from fooling around anyway.

Of course it's the old double standard. . . Caesar's wife must be above reproach. . . Girls are raised with an extremely strict hand regardless of what class you are from but the boys are allowed to run wild. As a result, you get this extreme dichotomy of men with the Peter Pan syndrome paired with the Wendys who are way too forgiving and tolerant.

I think that is why I see so many upper class Thai women with Westerners. There's been a sort of sexual revolution in the last 30 years resulting in a lost generation of educated independent professional women who are beginnng to demand a more equitable relationship with their partners and can only find it with Western men. I am afraid that no Thai man is going to put up with a female Thai physician who--in his eyes--has outclassed him at every level. On the other hand, every professional Thai man(attorneys, engineers , physicians, etc) will still see her as a female and therefore a second class citizen that can be taken for granted. The only option is to stay single or look outside your culture.

I guess you could say I'm in a very strange position. . .

I can see the entire canvas and even though I look like I belong in the painting, everyone else that is part of the painting feels uneasy with my presence there."

"I am often told by my extended family that it is very unfortunate that I am a girl. . . I should have been born a boy(LOL). I remember a relative saying to my brother(who is an architect in Manhattan) that it would have meant more to the family if he had been the physician. After all, I was just a girl. My brother thought it was a horrible thing to say but I thouhgt it was hysterically funny and so "THAI"

Personally, I don't have a problem dating either western or eastern men but I think most Asian men have a problem with me. When I meet or am introduced to Thai men, I can feel their hackles rising in competition or their complete dismissal of me. It is very odd how they can fully respect you as a physician but dismiss you cavalierly as a woman."

Edited October 11, 2009 by toma1

[Donna A 4]

I just think it's sad that several replies seem to indicate fiances chosen based on their culture or country of origin.

I take this path for love, I certainly wouldn't do this for "fun". I know my fiance and I know what I'm getting into. Just. Wow.

YOu are right. It is sad.

I wish I didnt have to be forced to look overseas for a wife. I wish I could find a american woman who doesnt choose who she dates based on a man's income, and who is young enough to have kids and yet still willing to date a man my age(as American woman are age sensitive, most dont go more than 4 years older than them) ,and who doesnt have kids already(within the age whgo are willing to date someone my age) and who isnt overweight. The overweight part knocks out 70% of the candidates as I really have yet to find myself attracted to large or overweight woman. Plus, it is near impossible for me to meet woman unless I want to go to bars and clubs. I go to church singles maybe, but they lump me in the 38-40+ age group,...NO THANKS! I do want a few kids thank you. This country makes it hard to meet people cause we drive in cars and seclude ourselves, we dont even know our neighbors. Its n ot easy meeting other singles here.

Yes, it is sad indeed. Its sad that woman here are materialitisc, mostly overweight, and are age bias. So yes, I do have to look overseas in order to find woman. And you can indeed look in one country or culture , even the relationship experts say there is a match for all of us in every culture. It doesnt matter what culture you are looking in. Heck, if I happen to luck out and meet a woman here in the USA, then great, Ill be happy to go with it. But it aint likley for reasons already stated above.

uhhh, i would say your pinay wife IS looking for income. anything is better then what they are making there isnt it? $10k of an american income would make them wealthy there. if they had it so good in the philipines they wouldnt be looking for american men, expecially old fat ones. i think if u open ur eyes, pinays dont date old fat men in their own country either, now do they? unless they are rich old fat men.

[toma1 10]

uhhh, i would say your pinay wife IS looking for income. anything is better then what they are making there isnt it? $10k of an american income would make them wealthy there.

if they had it so good in the philipines they wouldnt be looking for american men, expecially old fat ones. i think if u open ur eyes, pinays dont date old fat men in their own country either, now do they? unless they are rich old fat men.

Some of the posters here display a touchiness reminiscent of hungover ferrets.

First, Steve used to have his photo posted here and he is neither old nor fat. I'd guess that he is approximately your age.

Second, do you know his fiancee, or do you just assume that she is poor? Do you think that Asians are so stupid as to believe that $10k of an income will make them wealthy when they get here? Perhaps it comes as a surprise to you, but most people in the world know MUCH more about America than Americans know about the world.

How do you explain successful Asian women marrying Western men that are older? (e.g., Wendi Deng, Yale MBA and director of the company that licenses MySpace and Rupert Murdoch [10 year anniversary this year]; Ziyi Zhang of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and financier Vivi Nevo; violinist Jennifer Chun and George Soros; Jay Lee president of By Design LLC and Gustave Lippman; there are many other examples... and see the comments from the female Thai physician above.) These women are certainly not poor, certainly not bimbos, and certainly didn't need the money.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

but I suppose because they are Chinese they are not "materialistic" for marrying a man with more money than they have, but if an American woman did the same they would be.

Most american women don't need a man for financial security either - they are no treated liked second class citizens in their own country (though I'm sure many here probably wish they were - too bad for them it isn't going to go to how it was)

Edited October 11, 2009 by Trompe le Monde

[toma1 10]

but I suppose because they are Chinese they are not "materialistic" for marrying a man with more money than they have, but if an American woman did the same they would be.

Most american women don't need a man for financial security either - they are no treated liked second class citizens in their own country (though I'm sure many here probably wish they were - too bad for them it isn't going to go to how it was)

It has nothing to do with them being ASIAN. (Chun and Lee are Korean; there is more than one country on that rather large continent.) They are all wealthy already. Lee in particular is substantially more wealthy than her husband. I don't think anyone accused Leona Helmsley of golddigging when she married Harry either, god rest her evil soul.

That said, I wasn't talking about, nor accusing anyone of golddigging. In fact, I said that I personally DID consider things like education and employment in my decision.

[toma1 10]

Steve must be hanging around Wal-Mart too much.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

That said, I wish him good luck. He shouldn't need to defend his choice of women -- evaluating the probabilities and going ahead to find the spouse he wants. The probability for many is that a Filipina would be a perfect match -- the search entails locating the really honest ones who aren't in it for the green card and cash to send back home.

Speaking of Walmart, did you know that they size everything THREE sizes too big?

I had to find a pair of shorts and a t-shirt when I was out of town a few weeks ago, and went into a nearby Walmart to see what they might have. I found a decent pair of shorts and grabbed my size--a 32. I tried it on and, I'm not kidding, they fell right to the floor. (And I have a big butt for a guy, too.) I know I'm an exact 32, because I was measured at my tailor in Bangkok two months before and I haven't lost weight since then.

I took the shorts out and asked the fitting room attendant to measure them. Sure enough the diameter was 17.5 inches--they were a 35. I grabbed another pair. Also 35. I went back and grabbed a 30, which fit loosely and ended up buying that. It turns out that the vanity size 30 (which is really a 33) is the smallest size they carry. I asked the clerk if all of the sizes ran that big and she said she got a lot of complaints from customers that they ran too SMALL!!! I told her that next time someone complains she should pull out that tape measure and show them the results.

My wife told me that she's seen Westerners in Bangkok complaining about the sizes being WAY too small and being surprised when the Asian storekeeper pulls out a tape measure and shows them that the sizes are EXACTLY CORRECT. The person that thought that they were a 36 was shocked to learn that he/she was actually a 40.

Certain Americans have become so fat and delusional that manufacturers can't even put the correct size on their clothes. And when something knocks them out of their dream world, they lash out in aggressive defense of their fantasy self-image.

Edited October 11, 2009 by toma1

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

but I suppose because they are Chinese they are not "materialistic" for marrying a man with more money than they have, but if an American woman did the same they would be.

Most american women don't need a man for financial security either - they are no treated liked second class citizens in their own country (though I'm sure many here probably wish they were - too bad for them it isn't going to go to how it was)

It has nothing to do with them being ASIAN. (Chun and Lee are Korean; there is more than one country on that rather large continent.) They are all wealthy already. Lee in particular is substantially more wealthy than her husband. I don't think anyone accused Leona Helmsley of golddigging when she married Harry either, god rest her evil soul.

That said, I wasn't talking about, nor accusing anyone of golddigging. In fact, I said that I personally DID consider things like education and employment in my decision.

I'm aware of it although you were the one that made the leap from the Philippines to China and Korea (apparently). I wasn't familiar with Chun and Lee so forgive me for not bothering to look it up on Wikipedia. Wendy Deng is an American citizen by the way. All the women you mention are very accomplished and didn't marry "down"...it seems, based on many of the posts here (not necessarily yours so don't get too defensive), that when American women do the same thing they are "materialistic" and "money obsessed"

Certain Americans have become so fat and delusional that manufacturers can't even put the correct size on their clothes. And when something knocks them out of their dream world, they lash out in aggressive defense of their fantasy self-image.

I read an interesting statistic recently that even though the number of Americans (men and women) who are clinically obese has increased threefold since the late 80s, the number who thought they were fat declined 5%

Edited October 12, 2009 by Trompe le Monde

[toma1 10]

I'm aware of it although you were the one that made the leap from the Philippines to China and Korea (apparently). I wasn't familiar with Chun and Lee so forgive me for not bothering to look it up on Wikipedia. Wendy Deng is an American citizen by the way. All the women you mention are very accomplished and didn't marry "down"...it seems, based on many of the posts here (not necessarily yours so don't get too defensive), that when American women do the same thing they are "materialistic" and "money obsessed"

I didn't expect you to know them, however when referring to Asians as a racial or geographic group, especially when you are not sure of nationality, "Asian" is greatly preferred to "Chinese", which will be considered an insult to some groups if you get it wrong, especially South Koreans. Fortunately, Asians--as a whole--seem to be the most forgiving group of such mistakes that I have encountered, and are the least likely to bring it to your attention. (Which doesn't mean they aren't offended; it just means that they won't risk embarrassing you.)

Deng is a Chinese born and raised, naturalized US citizen. She didn't naturalize (by marriage) until she was 23, so it's fair to assume that her values are more Chinese than American.

They didn't marry down, but they didn't marry up either--with the exception of Deng (a millionaire who married a billionaire, so it barely counts). Anyway, yeah, I've got no problem with "success" (financial or otherwise) as one criteria for selecting a mate. Hopefully it is not the SOLE criteria, though (a la Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall). But surely Marshall knew the score, right? I mean 63-year age difference? If he knew what the deal was, then who am I to judge how he spent his money. He could have done worse... I suppose.

I read an interesting statistic recently that even though the number of Americans (men and women) who are clinically obese has increased threefold since the late 80s, the number who thought they were fat declined 5%

That's hilarious! And not surprising...

Edited October 12, 2009 by toma1

[toma1 10]

All the women you mention are very accomplished and didn't marry "down"...it seems, based on many of the posts here (not necessarily yours so don't get too defensive), that when American women do the same thing they are "materialistic" and "money obsessed"

Also, keep in mind that I didn't post that to demonstrate marrying up or down. I was posting it to illustrate that certain groups of Asian women are more likely than other groups to marry someone that is substantially older than them regardless of financial need.

Edited October 12, 2009 by toma1