Third K1 Visa

[Brad and Vika 129]

What is always amusing about these threads is that Western men seem to believe they have escaped all the negative aspects/influence of the Western/American society they grew up in when they marry a woman from Asia. They (the man) are not materialistic, they have better family values. And of course their American mothers, sisters, nieces, cousins and daughters are not one of those women.

I lived in Asia and I agree they have better family values, generally speaking. But if American women are left wanting in this regards, well so quite frankly are American men. I kind of scratch my head on the materialism charge becuase there is a pretty big market for designer labels (in China anyway) and the girls over there lap them up. Where I worked, even the lowest paid secretary had a (genuine) Louis Vuitton handbag and Prada shoes.

My experience of China is also that Chinese women liked their careers and self-sufficiency too. And as businesswomen, they could run circles around any man, and can be very aggressive in negotiations (just like their mothers at the wet market). I have seen more than one Western man get their a$$ handed to them by one in a deal because he under-estimated them.

And if this thread won't die, I'm blaming Brad *shakes fist*

Blame away Please don't confuse an appreciation for more traditional family values for any sort of dislike of American women. As we have seen in many posts, most of us chalk up our choices to personal preference and circumstance. Plenty of awesome American women around IMHO (I am related to some of them). My appreciation for my wife and her culture do not prohibit appreciation for American women too. My preferences and choice are mine alone - and I make no sweeping generalizations or judgements about any one else's spouse or choice here.

I'm not confusing them, but there are many here that do as we have seen only a few posts up the thread.

That is true. While trying to be the voice of moderation here (no offense mods), I do acknowledge that there are posters on VJ (men and women) who have had terrible experiences for whatever reason at the hands of other Americans. This is no doubt true in any culture. Every one is entitled to their opinion, understanding that making offensive generalizations will draw fire. Also IMO, holding any large amount of anger, resentment, or bitterness towards another person hurts the holder more than the object of that emotion. I try to remember that none of these posters that are showing us so much negativity and hostility are hurting me, let alone an entire class of people. They are preventing themselves from staying open to some potentially good life experience, and that is a shame - for them.

[tulum 0]

I think it's kind of sad when people feel a need to "shop" for a spouse.

Applying for more than one K1, I don't have a problem with, coincidences and changes happen.

But *purposely* looking for a foreign wife and trying to get them to move to the US simply because you like that nationality? I don't understand why anyone could go through this process without genuinely loving someone for the PERSON they're with.

For me personally, I could never go through this horrific process if I hadn't accidentally fallen for an American and decided to be with him, no matter what.

I can agree with most of what you said. after having gone thru the k-1 process b4, i said i would never do it again and here i go falling in love with another foreign woman. i went for a while trying to decide if i wanted to put us thru the waiting and all [ again, for me] but when you find someone that makes your heart do things it hasnt done b4, you just gotta jump in with both feet and do it. it is a horrific process- the excruxiating waiting, the not knowing the outcome, the confusion if you filed the right forms properly. But it is all worth it for the right person. Personally i would rather wait for that person than settle for someone thats here and available. that fellow just happens to have a preference for asian women, filipina's in particular. after having traveled quite a bit myself, most foreign women have a bit more, " take care of my man" attitude than some american women[ i say most and some to not blanket generalize ] i personally like slim women with dark hair whatever there nationality- asian, indian, caribbean, whatever etc. if i choose to seek what i want outside of the USA, thats my own business as it is his. But it would be better if he met one and started the relationship, instead of "shopping" for one. Maybe he should go there on vacation, or work there awhile. Thats how i met my lady- i worked in that country for awhile, not intending to find love- it just happened. again, thats his business- just saying.

by the way- this is it for me. i truthfully say i will never go thru the k-1 process again. i plan to spend the rest of my life making the woman i love now happy. if for some reason we dont get approved, i will move for her or stay single the rest of my days=serious love!

[justashooter 430]

I can see where your coming from. To put it in a nice way, you want a more traditional 50's type wife. One that looks after her husband, likes to cook, clean...

I don't mind doin all that stuff but it's nicer to be a team & work together.

I hope you get the woman of your dreams. I also hope you are the man of her dreams and not some lazy, chauvinistic bore because she'll soon become tired of being your personal slave when she becomes "westernized".

I share some of the sentiments but would encourage you to consider that many traditional 50's type wives worked as a team with their husbands and found it very nice indeed and that she may or may not ever become "westernized" or want to. Some would even go so far as to opine that the "westernized" marriage represents a couple working more like individuals than like a team.

plus one hundred.

my wife has chinese female friends in penna that are trying to "have it all" and laughs at them. she likes having a 3-4 day a week job for spending money and lots of free time. she is also happy to be a "housewife" on a regular basis.

[justashooter 430]

What is always amusing about these threads is that Western men seem to believe they have escaped all the negative aspects/influence of the Western/American society they grew up in when they marry a woman from Asia. They (the man) are not materialistic, they have better family values. And of course their American mothers, sisters, nieces, cousins and daughters are not one of those women.

I lived in Asia and I agree they have better family values, generally speaking. But if American women are left wanting in this regards, well so quite frankly are American men. I kind of scratch my head on the materialism charge becuase there is a pretty big market for designer labels (in China anyway) and the girls over there lap them up. Where I worked, even the lowest paid secretary had a (genuine) Louis Vuitton handbag and Prada shoes.

My experience of China is also that Chinese women liked their careers and self-sufficiency too. And as businesswomen, they could run circles around any man, and can be very aggressive in negotiations (just like their mothers at the wet market). I have seen more than one Western man get their a$$ handed to them by one in a deal because he under-estimated them.

And if this thread won't die, I'm blaming Brad *shakes fist*

my experience in china is that men in second tier cities just don't want to deal with women in business. of course, this is heavy industry, and in a less westernised culture. in first tier cities, women are seen in business, but do not have the power of men from similar backgrounds, unless they have bigga bigga guanxi. that's just the way it is in china.

and BTW, the vitton stuff is all bootleg. you can get it in the streetmarket dirt cheap. looks like the real thing, cause it's made in a "clone factory" right down the street from the liscensed factory, and under the same management.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

If they can negotiate a multi-million dollar contract, as I have seen many women do, they will achieve power, especially if they work for a Western company. And if they do that they will care a lot less what men who find their masculinity so easily threatened will think of them. That's just the way it is when you earn your own dough.

And if you buy Vuitton in the Vuitton shop it's real, even in China. Although the quality of the fakes is top-notch you gotta wonder why people do. But some like the status of buying direct.

Edited April 28, 2009 by rkl57

[Fullboat 0]

Do you really believe a Filipina doesn't care about the money you make?? Even if you are a poor USC their life might turn out to be better in the US than in their home country. And I think you run a higher risk of meeting these girls by looking at dating agencies that fall under IMBRA. It's a different story most of the times though, if you would go there on vacation and fall in love...Also I am sure there is a lot of filipino women who are in their early 30ies, have accomplished something in life and earn their own good money. But those probably won't even be interested in a man who seems to not being able to dal with grown-up women that are independent and not submissive. Or why do you look at 19year olds?

And why just a Filipina, any woman will care how much money her SO makes. American women are like any other women in any other country in the world - The are women!

Trying to get a wife from a third world country and that too someone who is your daughter's age who has no idea about life here is like burying your head in the sand for the time being. She will grow up and start thinking like a woman eventually and then if she doesn't want to continue with this arrangement, it can be termed fraud.

Yes, I really do believe that there are REAL differences between American and Filipinas. Sure, woman are woman, but Western woman are known to have big expectations in the $$ department. Asian ladies tend to view marriage as a "team effort" in terms of supporting a living. If there isnt enough income, they will help out. Many western woman will just divorce you. Plain and simple. I have been to the Philippines 5 times, and feel I have come to know filipinas quite well to see the difference.

On important decisions:

Westernized Woman: “You idiot. Why didn’t you do it my way?”

Filipina: “Up to you….” (This does not mean “up to you”. It means please tell me why you are doing this and then I will tell you how I feel.)

After receiving a gift:

Westernized Woman: Says “thanks” while instantly comparing it to the version owned by her most ostentatious friend.

Filipina: “Thanks, but you really didn’t need to do this.”

On Wednesday Night Sex:

Westernized Woman: “Touch me and I am calling the cops.”

Filipina: “Sure, why not.”

On Shopping:

Westernized Woman: “I just have to have that Vuitton purse/Tiffany bracelet/etc..”

Filipina: “I wonder if I can find a first-class copy.”

On Financial Setbacks:

Westernized Woman: “So what are you going to do about it.”

Filipina: “Maybe I can get some overtime to help out.”

On Exploded Home Appliance:

Westernized Woman: “I told you not to buy that cheap thing.”

Filipina: “………” Dead silence. The Filipina is hiding.

On Infidelity:

Westernized Woman: “I’ll find the nastiest divorce lawyer in Beverly Hills.”

Filipina: “The best way to keep a man away from other women is to be sure he is satisfied at home.”

Me: “I can’t cheat on her (if she is a Filipina). That woman is so good to me……..”

I am with steve55 on this logic except the country of his choice would not be mine..Anywhere in South America would work for me Latinas Rule.!!

[Brad and Vika 129]

[Ban Hammer 13,344]

move over

[Brad and Vika 129]

move over

Plenty of room in the peanut gallery

[Chica Yeyé 41]

move over

Plenty of room in the peanut gallery

I shall stay just because y'all have popcorn.... not that I like VJ drama or anyting like that....

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Waffles! Lot's of Waffles!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

plus one hundred.

my wife has chinese female friends in penna that are trying to "have it all" and laughs at them. she likes having a 3-4 day a week job for spending money and lots of free time. she is also happy to be a "housewife" on a regular basis.

She's not a "housewife" if she has to work "3-4 days a week for spending money". She is a working wife who also has to keep up with the house....like almost every other American woman

Being a housewife is a good gig people and Im sure there are PLENTY of women who would love to be at home cooking cleaning and caring for kids, but unfortunately and fortunatly there was a shift with feminism/economy and women were thrust into the workforce and now it's hard to raise a family on one income. So women of today are supposed to keep up with the "50's wife" AND hold a job and bring home the bacon! thats a hefty load to carry. Raise the kids, clean the house, work part or full time. What has changed for the husbands since the 50's? The expectations are not much different really for the husband since then. However US women get bad name with certain guys because they arent jumping up and down at the fact that they have to work AND keep the house immaculate, raise the kids and worship their husbands.

Im babbling, but my point is that if you want a "traditional and "50's" type wife, then you should make enough so that she can stay at home. Not have her "work for spending money".

[Imua 0]

plus one hundred.

my wife has chinese female friends in penna that are trying to "have it all" and laughs at them. she likes having a 3-4 day a week job for spending money and lots of free time. she is also happy to be a "housewife" on a regular basis.

She's not a "housewife" if she has to work "3-4 days a week for spending money". She is a working wife who also has to keep up with the house....like almost every other American woman

Being a housewife is a good gig people and Im sure there are PLENTY of women who would love to be at home cooking cleaning and caring for kids, but unfortunately and fortunatly there was a shift with feminism/economy and women were thrust into the workforce and now it's hard to raise a family on one income. So women of today are supposed to keep up with the "50's wife" AND hold a job and bring home the bacon! thats a hefty load to carry. Raise the kids, clean the house, work part or full time. What has changed for the husbands since the 50's? The expectations are not much different really for the husband since then. However US women get bad name with certain guys because they arent jumping up and down at the fact that they have to work AND keep the house immaculate, raise the kids and worship their husbands.

Im babbling, but my point is that if you want a "traditional and "50's" type wife, then you should make enough so that she can stay at home. Not have her "work for spending money".

Great points - if you think I love getting up at 4:30 every morning, dealing with a 1.5 hour commute both ways, getting home dog tired and wouldn't rather be at home taking care of my husband and (theoretical) kids and house and maybe having a little at-home biz then you are nuts. Just because a woman works doesn't make her a hardened Hillary-wannabe 'career woman' - it is simply a necessity especially if you live in a place with a high COL. Also, in the '50s expectations were much lower - there were 'starter houses' which would be considered tiny nowadays, most of those neighborhoods have been razed to build McMansions - in some places either you live in the ghetto/trailer park or only have expensive housing available - there is no in-between. If you had a TV in the '50s you were considered well-off. 2 cars, cell phones, computers, flat screen TVs(try finding a cheap CRT TV in most stores nowadays) - these are the expectations nowadays of a 'middle class' family and that is not including childrearing costs - look at all the sports teams, trips, activities, etc. which all require additional money beyond the basics that would have been sufficient for a kid growing up in the '50s or even in the '70s.

[anka 1]

If people want to limit their options by looking for something highly specific, who cares? Perhaps it's best for the single American/"Westernized" ladies that these guys self-select out of the U.S. dating pool.

My thoughts exactly, although I'm not single!

(btw, I'm an American woman, sorry)

Edited May 4, 2009 by anka

[anka 1]

Are you joking?!? No wonder you're having all types of 'marriage woes' - not only in USA but apparently Philippines as well.

Maybe if you quit generalizing all women and stop trying to put each of us into little specific boxes with labeled judgements, you might actually have a chance.

Good luck nevertheless!

On important decisions:

Westernized Woman: "You idiot. Why didn't you do it my way?"

Filipina: "Up to you…." (This does not mean "up to you". It means please tell me why you are doing this and then I will tell you how I feel.)

After receiving a gift:

Westernized Woman: Says "thanks" while instantly comparing it to the version owned by her most ostentatious friend.

Filipina: "Thanks, but you really didn't need to do this."

On Wednesday Night Sex:

Westernized Woman: "Touch me and I am calling the cops."

Filipina: "Sure, why not."

On Shopping:

Westernized Woman: "I just have to have that Vuitton purse/Tiffany bracelet/etc.."

Filipina: "I wonder if I can find a first-class copy."

On Financial Setbacks:

Westernized Woman: "So what are you going to do about it."

Filipina: "Maybe I can get some overtime to help out."

On Exploded Home Appliance:

Westernized Woman: "I told you not to buy that cheap thing."

Filipina: "………" Dead silence. The Filipina is hiding.

On Infidelity:

Westernized Woman: "I'll find the nastiest divorce lawyer in Beverly Hills."

Filipina: "The best way to keep a man away from other women is to be sure he is satisfied at home."

Me: "I can't cheat on her (if she is a Filipina). That woman is so good to me…….."